'Best I've seen Scotland play in five years'
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Daily Mail
an hour ago
- Daily Mail
TOM UTLEY: I like an honest pint, the Isle of Wight and Tim Henman. Am I next for a Lifetime Achievement Award in Dullness?
Raise a glass with me today to the great Peter Hansen, 85, the worthy winner of the inaugural Lifetime Achievement Award presented by The Dull Man's Podcast for that most admirable and underrated of qualities, dullness. I confess I had never heard of him until the other day, but then I suppose this was only to be expected of the winner of such an award. It turns out that he is the inventor of the unpleasant, sulphurous smell they add to otherwise odourless natural gas so as to alert us to leaks – a dullish invention, I grant you, but one that must surely have saved countless lives. As it happens, I may well owe my own life to Mr Hansen, although I didn't know this at the time of an unfortunate incident in our kitchen many years ago. I had hired a monoglot Slovakian painter and decorator, Marek, who in the course of his work hammered a nail into a gas pipe behind the skirting board. We might have known nothing about it if it hadn't been for Mr Hansen's revolting smell, which quicky filled the room. As I rushed around, frantically throwing open all the windows before searching in the cluttered cupboard under the stairs for the valve to turn off the gas at the main, Marek just stood there, squinting at his Slovak-English phrasebook and repeating over and over again: 'Vorterpitter, vorterpitter.' When at last I'd located and closed the valve, I asked him to show me his phrasebook, so that I could work out what on earth he'd been trying to say. He jabbed a paint-stained finger at the words: 'What a pity!' But back to Mr Hansen and that award, which he accepted with great good humour, self-deprecation and courtesy – three laudable attributes that, in my experience, often go hand-in-hand with dullness. 'I couldn't be more proud,' he said. Comparing the smell of his gas-additive to that of 'bad eggs' and 'flatulence', he said: 'I had to look for the nastiest smell I could think of. That was the choice. I can't describe the smell. It's just horrible.' He had made hardly any money out of his invention, he explained, because he was in his 30s at the time and 'I wasn't very business wise'. 'But I had the kudos that I delivered the smell and that was enough for me.' Before I go an inch further, I must warn any readers who suspect I may have my tongue in my cheek when I write in praise of dullness that they couldn't be more wrong. Indeed, I agree heartily with Albert Einstein when he declared: 'A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness.' I will merely observe that this world might be a degree or two safer today if only Albert and his fellow physicists had embraced dullness to the full, instead of devoting their lives to developing exciting new theories about nuclear fission. As for myself, I like to think I've been the very embodiment of dullness since my early teens. At school, I was never one of the cool kids who worshipped Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan and the Stones. Though I wouldn't have dared tell my classmates, I much preferred Cliff Richard, Dusty Springfield and Val Doonican. While the in-crowd bought their casual clothes in Carnaby Street, mine came from Marks and Sparks. These days, I've graduated to John Lewis for most of them. At my posh school and university, the cool brigade also liked (or at least professed to like) the beat poet Allen Ginsberg, artists such as Mondrian and Kandinsky and the novels of James Joyce and Jean-Paul Sartre. I infinitely preferred John Betjeman, Gainsborough and Millais, PG Wodehouse and good old Jane Austen, whose books I have read again and again ever since, with never diminishing pleasure. As for my other tastes, you can keep your fancy cocktails, your haute cuisine and exotic foreign holidays on faraway islands I've never heard of. Give me an honest pint, a steak and chips – and, for choice, a holiday cottage in the British Isles. This year, we're off to the good old, dull old Isle of Wight. In the world of work, meanwhile, I flatter myself that I've devoted almost 50 years to expressing heroically dull opinions in print – dull and desperately old-fashioned, anyway, in the view of many of my sons' generation. You should see how my boys roll their eyes, for example, when I write that it's simply absurd for any individual to insist on being referred to by the plural pronouns 'they' and 'them'. They yawn when I express my fear that today's teachers and university lecturers brainwash their students with a crassly distorted, Left-wing view of our islands' history, which paints almost everything about our past as pure evil. Does it never occur to them that Britain has damn sight more to be proud of than almost any other country on the planet? Why else do they think the UK is the number one destination of choice for so many migrants fleeing the world's hell-holes (far too many for our own welfare and social cohesion, in my dull, old-fashioned view)? As for celebrating dullness for its own sake, I've written columns in praise of Britain's suburbs as the ideal places to live. I've described, ad nauseam, my love of crossword puzzles and afternoon telly, and my dislike of fashionable phrases such as 'reaching out', 'can I get?' and 'going forward' when it's used to mean 'in future'. I've confessed in print how I've begun to irritate even the patient Mrs U, by scowling 'don't mention it' every single time another driver fails to thank me for pulling over to let him pass on a narrow road. Once, I even wrote a piece extolling Tim Henman! Enough said. True, dullness on its own isn't always a desirable quality. For instance, you have only to think of John Major, Theresa May and our present walking disaster, Keir Starmer, to realise that a Prime Minister needs something rather more. A functioning brain, for starters, and perhaps the guts to stand up for common sense against those who would bankrupt us all. But I must stop now, before I bore you all to tears. I have an appointment with my regular crew of old codgers at the pub, where we'll swap ancient jokes we've all heard a million times before, and tell each other how much better life was in the old days, before the entire world went mad. Never let it be said that we don't dare to be dull! Oh, but before I go, I suddenly remember that in the course of almost 50 years of rambling in print, I've told that story about Marek the decorator on more than one occasion. Is it too much to hope that this will boost my chances of a future award for dullness?
Reuters
an hour ago
- Reuters
Spain thrash grieving Portugal 5-0 in Women's Euro clash
BERN, Switzerland, July 3 (Reuters) - Spain striker Esther Gonzalez scored twice in the first half as her side powered to a 5-0 win over Portugal at the Women's Euros that was overshadowed by the deaths of Portugal international Diogo Jota and his brother Andre Silva in a car accident earlier on Thursday. On an emotional night that began with a minute's silence for the brothers, Portugal went behind almost immediately, Olga Carmona putting the ball over the top for Gonzalez to run on to and score in the second minute. Mariona Caldentey did superbly to pull the ball across the box for Vicky Lopez to score the second goal five minutes later. The Portuguese managed to steady the ship but they were rocked again four minutes before the break when Alexia Putellas took down another great pass from Caldentey on her chest before calmly cutting inside and firing home. "I highlight our mindset, how we came out to play," Putellas said. "We were really eager to get started but it's only the first match." There was more misery to come for Portugal before halftime as Gonzalez netted her second goal two minutes later, scoring from close range after Claudia Pina's cross came back off the far post. The world champions were delighted to be able to bring in Aitana Bonmati from the bench following her recent brush with viral meningitis, and the playmaker wasted no time getting into the thick of things, setting up a chance for Cristina Martin-Prieto. "Aitana is a very important player for us. We are delighted that she is back and has overcome her illness. It is a joy," Putellas said. Portugal showed more composure in the second half but they were no match for Spain's power, precision and technique and, though they held Spain at bay for most of the second half, Martin-Prieto scored with a superb late header to complete the rout. "We conceded early goals and the team became anxious and unsettled," said Portugal forward Diana Silva. "We couldn't get hold of the ball and then it's harder to chase the result. We were much better in the second half, more united. We didn't allow Spain so much space to get in. "We believe until the end, our goal is to earn points until the end and everything is still up for grabs." Silva and her teammates remained on the pitch after the final whistle, posing in front of their fans with a huge black banner in memory of Jota. Spain's victory was their biggest in a European Championship, surpassing their 4-1 win over Finland in 2022, and was the ideal start for what the tournament favourites hope will be their first Women's Euro title. With Italy having defeated Belgium 1-0 earlier in the evening, Spain top the group with the Italians second. Spain take on the Belgians in their next game, while Portugal face Italy.
Reuters
an hour ago
- Reuters
Ramsey joins Mexico's Pumas UNAM after Cardiff City exit
MEXICO CITY, July 3 (Reuters) - Wales captain Aaron Ramsey has joined Mexican side Pumas UNAM as a free agent, following a two-year stint at his boyhood club Cardiff City, the Liga MX team announced on Thursday. The former Arsenal and Juventus midfielder signed a one-year contract with Pumas after briefly stepping in as Cardiff interim manager before the club's relegation to League One in April. "I'm very excited, at a good point in my career to move forward. I know what the expectations are for this club and I'm here to do my part and help in any way I can," the 34-year-old Ramsey said at his presentation. "I'm excited about this new challenge and surrounded by good players." Ramsey, who shares an agent with Pumas head coach Efrain Juarez, has made it clear he wants to continue competing at the top level and is eyeing a leading role with Wales at the 2026 World Cup. "I have had a lot of experience in my career and that obviously puts me in a good position," Ramsey added. "I want to contribute in my role and achieve the objectives we have set for this season. There are things to be excited about and I am looking forward to this challenge." Pumas will play a friendly match against Spanish side Leganes on Sunday before kicking off their Apertura campaign on July 12 when they visit Santos Laguna. Ramsey is also expected to feature in the team's upcoming CONCACAF Champions Cup campaign.
