TV review: Why Prime Video's The Assassin is the perfect hate-watch
The Assassin (Prime Video) feels like it should fit the bill.
Keeley Hawes plays Julie, a hit-woman who has retired to a Greek island.
The opening sequence, a flashback to a hit in Bulgaria, is full of brutish villains and cartoon violence, a parody of Jason Bourne films, which were parodies of themselves, so this should be fun.
But it isn't. It's like they've invented a new genre, a comedy caper that isn't funny, where they run with the first draft of the script because that's just the kind of people they are.
The result is a story-line with holes big enough for a fleet of trucks, fleshed out with pancake-flat dialogue.
Julie is given one final job, to kill a woman called Kayla on a yacht. She decides not to at the last minute, for no reason, but it's just as well because the next day her dweeb of a son, Edward, arrives and announces that Kayla is his fiancée.
There is an inevitable Greek wedding attended by everyone in the village, where less predictably, most of them are shot.
Julie and Edward flee to Kayla's yacht, and they all go to Albania for reasons which aren't clear.
Keeley Hawes attends a photocall for the Assassin at the Soho Hotel, in central London.Picture date: Thursday July 3, 2025. PA Photo.
Kayla, a rich heiress, doesn't seem to mind that her future mother-in-law kills people for money, maybe because she didn't kill her.
Meanwhile there is a Dutch IT nerd in a Libyan prison (keep up!) who is trying to blackmail an angry Australian businessman who lives in huge house in France.
There is very little humour and way too much chopping off limbs. At no point do I believe any of this. And still, I'm five episodes in and still watching.
The new genre they've invented is a kind of immersive hate-watch, where you stay glued to the action because you don't want to miss a giant plot-hole.
My wife and I have really enjoyed pointing out why something doesn't make sense.
The show looks great, with sweeping views of Greek islands and Albanian coast-line. And here is the odd funny scene, probably by accident.
But mainly I've stayed watching because they've put just enough intrigue into the plot to keep me hanging on.
What does the angry Australian businessman keep in his safe? Is Julie's estranged husband behind all of this? What could Kayla possibly see in dweeby Edward?
If you're stuck for something to watch, give The Assassin a go. It beats cutting the grass.
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