Psychologist names the number one predictor of divorce: 'It is 93.6 per cent accurate every time'

Daily Mail​

23-04-2025

A leading psychologist has revealed the four toxic behaviours that can destroy a relationship - and one small facial expression that could be a clear predictor of divorce.
Dr John Gottman, a marriage and family counsellor and founder of the Gottman Institute, conducted one of the largest long-term studies on relationships ever undertaken.
Through his extensive research, he identified criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling as the key conversation patterns that consistently ruin romantic relationships - calling them the 'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.'
His research became the centre of a conversation on the popular Unplanned Podcast, where body language expert Vanessa Van Edwards told hosts Matt and Abbey Howard that Gottman could predict divorce with an astonishing 93.6 per cent accuracy, just by watching a silent video of a couple.
'Dr John Gottman is a marriage and family counsellor, and he did the largest marriage experiment ever done,' she explained.
'He brought couples into his lab, and if one member of the couple shows a one-sided mouth raise towards the other, he can tell you if they're going to get divorced - because he's looking for contempt.'
According to Van Edwards, contempt is the most dangerous of the four behaviours because it lingers.
'Fear comes in a burst, and then you calm down. Happiness comes, and then you go back to normal. Anger comes, and then you calm down,' she said.
'But not contempt. If you feel scorn or disdain for someone else, and if it is not addressed, it festers and it grows.
'That is why at the end of a marriage you have two people who can't even look at each other.'
She urged listeners to be on alert for signs of contempt and recommended a direct approach to diffusing it before it takes hold.
'Ask, "What's going on? Are you okay? What are you feeling? I want to be here for it." Because then you're giving air to whatever that contempt is so that it can be addressed,' she said.
'And then you can either fix it or become the enemy against it.'
Van Edwards also shared her belief that all couples have the same three arguments, and learning to identify them can defuse tension before it escalates.
'You have to sit with your partner and figure out what are your basic root-level three arguments.
'That way when you're in an argument, even if you feel like you still disagree, you can say 'this is argument number 2 - we're in a stalemate on this one',' she said.
In a 2019 article, Dr David M. Schneer of The Merrill Institute echoed Gottman's warnings, stating: 'Disgust and contempt are to a relationship what gasoline and matches are to a fire.'
Dr Schneer outlined the subtle but unmistakable signs of contempt, from eye-rolling to mouth crimping.
The professional also called attention to the 'Lint Picker' - someone who fidgets with their clothes or cleans their fingers while you're speaking, silently signalling disdain.
He offered several strategies for de-escalating contempt, including: changing the topic to something more pleasurable, seeking common ground, using humour to lighten the mood.
Dr Schneer also suggested disengaging entirely if the situation turns toxic.
While love may be built on trust and communication, experts agree that it can be quietly undone by the creeping presence of contempt, often visible long before a single word is spoken.