27 One-Night Stand Stories
"I met this bartender on vacation. He asked me to meet him at a hotel the next night. He had a whole shaving kit and asked if he could completely shave me down there. The worst part is, I said yes! Strangest foreplay ever!"
"I met a guy at a bar who was visiting friends from England and ended up going back to his friend's apartment. We were just starting to fool around when the bedroom door flew open, and his friends started flipping out. Turned out they were all studying to be Anglican priests, and the apartment was actually in a house connected to the church, and the priest lived on the first floor. I quickly dressed and tried to leave but you couldn't open the gate without a fob, so I was forced to walk back in to get them to let me out."
"I hooked up with a woman in a bar, and we made out on the dance floor and in the car. She took me home, but her mother was there. It was a one-bedroom apartment. Her mom was in the bedroom, and when we sat on the sofa bed, her mom came out in her nightgown and reminded her that she still hadn't paid for her birth control prescription. She told me I reminded her of the sports guy on a local newscast and asked me if I had an older brother. She asked me if I was 'squeamish' about her being in the next room while I had sex with her daughter. I suddenly 'remembered' I had to get home to feed the cat and GTFO."
"As we got going in the act, I felt a funny feeling in my belly, and then I proceeded to shart on the bed. I grabbed my clothes and ran like hell out the door, and never contacted him again."
"I asked him to get some lube and he rummaged around in the bathroom and came back with NAIL POLISH REMOVER. I laughed so hard I nearly threw up and told him to go home."
"I was picked up at a bar in Germany by a hot blonde German woman. I went home with her, and my buddy went home with her friend. They dropped us off at my woman's place. After an exhausting night of doing everything we could think of, I left her bedroom to take a shower, and lining her hallway were pictures of her American husband and three kids! Oops!"
"I went back to my hotel room with a woman I had just met at the bar. We were having sex, and she told me she wanted to have my baby. I pretended to finish and went to sleep."
"I was introduced to a nice lady by some friends. We had a nice evening out, and I ended up staying at her place for the night. I was woken up by her son, who I wasn't aware existed, and he proceeded to ask if I was his new daddy. I left as fast as I could."
"When I was in the professional baseball minor league, traveling to an away town, I met a pretty lady outside in a motel hallway who invited me to her room. She had a horse saddle on the bed which she wanted to have sex on! We had a great time. Early next morning, there was a loud commotion in the hallway; it was the police and the FBI arresting the pretty lady as a multi-state bank robber!"
"I met a woman in a bar one night, and we immediately went back to her best friend's place and started hooking up. The following day, as I'm saying goodbye, her best friend asked, 'Did she tell you that her husband is a minister?' I almost crapped myself. Then I said, 'Oh my god! I'm going to hell.''
"I was in college and met a woman while I was studying at a coffee shop. It was the middle of the day on a weekday. We talked a bit, and she invited me to follow her to her place. I had never done anything like this before, but she was cute, so I agreed. I followed her to McMansion, and when we got inside, she immediately started things. Just as it was time to get to it, she begged me not to wear protection or pull out. I just said no, and she stopped it. As I was leaving, her wife walked out and told me that they just needed my sperm."
"I met a woman at a coworker's party. She lived a few doors down from them and asked me to walk her home. She invited me in. Her big house was totally empty of furniture, which I thought was weird. I should have left, but I went with it. We were mid-coitus when a 2 or 3-year-old kid walked in with a full, smelly diaper. Found out from a co-worker that she was in the middle of a terrible divorce and that she must have left the kid home alone for the hour or so she was at the party."
"I was about 35 and was on a business trip in New York. One night after my conference, I went to a local bar, and it was pretty empty, so I sat at the bar. Not long after that, this really attractive 65ish year old woman sits at the other end of the bar. She bought me a drink, so I returned the favor and sat by her and bought her one. After a few drinks and conversation, she asked if I'd ever done a Sportsman Double. I told her no, and she explained it was a mother/daughter threesome. I was intrigued and buzzed. I figured she was hot, and her daughter was probably too, so I took her up on her offer. We got back to her place and told me to wait in the living room. She walked down the hall and knocked on a bedroom door, opened it, and yelled MOM I GOT ONE!!"
"Back in '94, on a second date after fooling around a little, I declined going further, citing my period. The next thing I knew, he turned in his seat, faced away from me with his feet on the ground. Then he pulled his jacket kinda up around his hunched-over position. First, I had zero clue what he was doing. Is he cold? Gonna puke? Next, he is bobbing his head into his lap. The freaking dude was going down on himself."
"A friend of mine told me a girl projectile vomited during the act while in doggie position."
"I was maybe 21, and my friends wanted to have a fun girls' night, so we went to this bar. I saw this man who is maybe 30ish years old, and he made eye contact with me. I walked up to him in my sort of drunk state and started to flirt. Flash forward, we were in the bathroom hooking up when his WIFE walks in looking for him. They had gone to the bar for their 5-year anniversary."
"On Halloween, I went home with a guy, and ended up going down on him in his back seat. I woke up with him in my bed the next morning, got up, and went to work and ghosted him. About a week later, I went to an event for my parents' company; it turned out that the guy was my parents' coworker's son."
"I once went to a guy's place, and his choice of background ambiance was an episode of Hoarders. I tried my best not to get distracted or disgusted by what was being shown on the TV, including multiple dead cats in a freezer, while we were doing stuff. About halfway through, I noticed small bloodstains on the sheets. He apologized and explained they were from the guy he had over the night before. Back acne. I couldn't get out of there fast enough."
"I met someone on a dating app and after we finished hooking up, she asked if I needed to poop. I told her I didn't and asked her why she said that, and she said it was because she really wanted to wipe my butt. I couldn't have gotten out of there any faster."
"I had a friend who went to a bar and met a woman. They were both drunk and ended up in bed together at her home, and after hooking up, she passed out, and he needed to use the restroom #2. He didn't know where the bathroom was, and being extremely drunk, he found the kitchen trash can, did his 'business,' wiped with a dish towel, got dressed, and left."
"I hooked up with a guy on campus when I was 19 and in college. We had spent a couple of evenings hanging out before he came to my dorm room. There, we ended up hooking up after watching a movie. After we finished, the man CRIED. Like, literally bawling his eyes out. I couldn't believe it. So I told him to get up and move on."
"One time, this guy and I went to a hotel room to hook up. After we did, he started crying about how he missed his best friend and the dude she's dating is a major red flag and not right for her."
"I was incredibly drunk, of course. Right in the middle of it, he kisses me, and I begin puking in his mouth. I finished losing my drink over the side of his mom's bed. That's not all, I was so polite I rolled back over and asked if he wanted to finish."
"I met this woman at a bar and went home with her. We got busy, and I found myself behind her doing it doggie style. She then ripped the biggest fart ever. The stench immediately hit me in the throat. I laughed so hard I got dressed and left. Totally gross!!!"
"I was going down on a guy who had just graduated from the Naval Academy, and was quite drunk from celebrating. After what felt like eternity, he finished, and I sneezed at the same time. ALL of it, combined, came out of my nose onto his groin."
"At a beach party, I met a dark, beautiful, very drunk woman, and we hit it off just great. She remarked that there are no real men there; let's go back to her place. On the car ride, she was going down on me. When we got to her place, she opened the front door, and there was a guy sleeping on her couch. It's her 17-year-old son. She wakes him up, and he goes to his room. I noped outta there so fast."
And finally, "I went out with a friend, her husband, and a bunch of his friends. I ended up taking one of the guys home with me. A few of the people in our group got into a fight, and a bike cop pepper-sprayed them. I didn't realize the guy I brought home had gotten mildly sprayed on his face, which he also touched with his hands. He wasn't involved in the fight but was trying to pull people from our group out of the tussle. Needless to say, I ended up sitting him in my bathtub in cold water, and after I dropped him off back on the base the next morning, we never spoke again."
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