What a viral TikTok teaches us about ghosting

USA Today

19-07-2025

You match with that perfect-on-paper person on a dating app. You chat back and forth for a few days, butterflies fluttering in your stomach. A fantastic first date begets a second. You check in about a third date, and then – crickets. Nada. Zilch. What gives?
You've been ghosted, an all-too-common phenomenon in the digital age where your date loses interest and cuts off communication. Gut-wrenching for you, yes, but is it just as awful for your loved ones?
A recent viral TikTok with 1.6 million views offered a crucial, confounding statement: "When you ghost me, just know you're not punishing me. You're punishing my best friend. You're punishing the group chat. Because I will be talking about you and all the scenarios that led up to you ghosting me 150,000 times, and they're going to have to hear it."
As silly as the TikTok is, mental health experts caution the framing of expressing your feelings to loved ones as punishment, and discourage letting the "ghoster" hold power over you.
"It's important to remember that the ghoster's behavior is ultimately a reflection of their own emotional handicap and impaired value system," says Cecille Ahrens, a licensed clinical social worker. "They often are wounded themselves, and lack the proper relationship and communication tools to navigate more complex emotions."
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'Ghosting prevents development of these important relationship skills'
Date around long enough, and you've likely been ghosted and/or have done the ghosting yourself. Hit a "mute" button on your phone, block a number, ignore that notification bubble – all easy. But actions have consequences.
"Ghosting in my clinical opinion is a form of emotional neglect, as well as a form of conflict avoidance," Ahrens says. "In extreme cases, it can be part of a larger pattern of emotional abuse on the part of the ghoster."
Sometimes ghosting, even if impolite, is understandable. "If you're going through a depressive episode or you're so burned out that you can't get your thoughts together, it makes sense that you'd have trouble communicating," says Kimberly Vered Shashoua, a licensed clinical social worker. "The ideal thing to do is let people know you're struggling and that responses will be delayed."
In healthy, safe relationships, upfront, honest communication remains the best course of action. "Learning how to confront a difficult situation or have a challenging conversation is an emotional skill that is necessary for healthy relationships," adds Laura Petiford, a licensed marriage and family therapist. "Engaging in ghosting prevents development of these important relationship skills."
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How the person ghosted reacts depends on their own trauma. "In my experience, if the person being ghosted has a particular history of abandonment, abuse or rejection, they tend to suffer greatly, often internalizing and personalizing the ghoster's behaviors," Ahrens adds.
It's no wonder, then, that people will reach out to loved ones to lick their wounds. But don't let this viral (albeit unserious) TikTok cloud your thinking: "In no way is having to hear about a friend's grief and loss over an attachment injury somehow worse than being injured in that way yourself," says Sheila Addison, a family and marriage therapist.
If you find yourself ghosted again and again, though, there's nothing wrong with seeking professional help, especially "if one finds themselves excessively preoccupied and significantly distressed by the act of ghosting," Ahrens says.
The next time you're waiting for that text back, wait. Take a deep breath. They'll text you back or they won't. And that's OK.