11 Things Emotionally Supportive Grandparents Never Say to Their Grandkids, According to a Psychologist

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11 Things Emotionally Supportive Grandparents Never Say to Their Grandkids, According to a Psychologist originally appeared on Parade.
In any emotionally supportive relationship, it all comes down to how you treat and speak to the other person. This particular relational factor is not limited to connections such as between a parent with their child, or between two people in a marriage or friendship. It also applies to workplaces, extended families and more.So, this is something that continues to be true in a relationship between a grandparent and grandchild. Ahead, discover the things that emotionally supportive grandparents never say to their grandkids, according to a mental health professional. A psychologist reveals the phrases that these emotionally intelligent grandmothers and grandfathers avoid, and why they're harmful for grandchildren to hear. Plus, why it's important to be emotionally supportive of granddaughters and grandsons.Related: 10 Things Every Kid Needs To Hear From Their Parents and Grandparents, Child Psychologists Say
Why Is It Important To Be Emotionally Supportive of Grandchildren?
Gina Radice-Vella, Psy.D., Clinical Psychologist and Chief Psychologist at Jersey Shore University Medical Center, says that it's important for grandparents to be emotionally supportive of their grandchildren for a variety of reasons. 'Primarily, children need many sources of emotional support,' she explains. 'While we often think of parents as the primary source of support for children, parents are not the only source of support. Other important people in a child's life, such as grandparents, can have a profound impact on their development. In fact, grandparents can play a vital role in reinforcing many of the values, attitudes and beliefs shaped by a child's parents. Children often look to outside sources for validation, comfort and support, and grandparents can be the primary source they look to.' Related: 9 Habits of Grandparents Who Stay Emotionally Close to Their Grandkids—Even From Far Away
11 Phrases Emotionally Supportive Grandparents Avoid, According to a Psychologist
1. 'Don't tell your Mom/Dad.'
Dr. Radice-Vella says that asking a child to withhold something from their parents is wrong for many reasons. She explains, 'First, it teaches children that secrets are okay to hide the truth. Secondly, it can create a lot of pressure for children to feel as if they must harbor a secret because Grandma or Grandpa told them not to tell. This can lead to feelings of shame or guilt, and ultimately may lead to acting-out behavior.' She adds that an emotionally supportive grandparent would not say this because they would want to promote an open, trusting environment and teach effective communication skills.
2. 'Big boys/girls don't cry.'
Children should never hear this phrase from an adult, 'because it tells the child that it is not okay to cry and that their maturity is contingent on holding their emotions in,' Dr. Radice-Vella notes. She says that an emotionally supportive grandparent would not say this because it does not teach a child anything nor does it offer a loving, supportive space for the child to express emotions. Related:
3. 'Don't be sad.'
'This statement invalidates a child's emotional experience,' Dr. Radice-Vella explains. 'It teaches them it is not okay to be sad, even though that is what they are experiencing at the moment. It can cause them to second guess their internal experience, without good evidence for doing so. Labeling emotions and internal experiences is crucial for healthy psychological functioning.' Instead, emotionally supportive grandparents would help a child label their feelings and validate the emotional process.
4. 'Stop crying.'
Dr. Radice-Vella says that this phrase 'puts pressure on a child to put a stop to their feelings,' which is rarely possible to do. 'An emotionally supportive grandparent would not say this because they would want to create a safe space for the child to express their emotions, without shame or embarrassment,' she explains. 'An emotionally supportive grandparent would model what healthy emotional expression looks like and teach the child healthy, adaptive coping skills they could use in the moment.' Related:
5. 'It's not a big deal.'
This statement could cause a child to question their emotional reaction to an event. 'If something upsets the child, telling them that it's not a big deal causes them to second guess their response to the situation,' Dr. Radice-Vella says. 'Over time, this can lead to a pattern of self-doubt, self-deprecation and insecurity.'On the flip side, an emotionally supportive grandparent would reassure the child that it is okay to be upset and ask how they can help them in that moment.
6. 'You're overreacting.'
'This statement implies that how a child is reacting is wrong or improper,' Dr. Radice-Vella says. 'It can cause a child to question their response to certain situations, which may lead to insecurities and poor boundaries later in life.' Related:
7. 'You're bad.'
Dr. Radice-Vella says that 'You're bad' or any phrase that implies something negative about a child's inherent worth should be avoided. 'When a child makes a mistake or does something wrong, it is okay to name the behavior as 'bad' or 'wrong',' she says. 'However, we must be careful not to label the child as such. To avoid it completely, emotionally supportive grandparents may focus on labeling a positive behavior instead.' Related: 6 Ways Kids Benefit From Spending Time With Grandparents, a Child Psychologist Reveals
8. 'Grow up.'
According to Dr. Radice-Vella, this statement creates pressure for a child to respond in a way that is beyond their control. She adds, 'An emotionally supportive grandparent would not say this because they would want the child to feel comfortable expressing themselves as they are, without the pressure to be older or more mature than they may be ready to be.' Related:
9. 'You're making me mad.'
These words aren't emotionally supportive because 'it signals to a child that they are responsible for another person's feelings, which is not the case,' Dr. Radice-Vella says.She goes on to explain, 'Every person is entitled to feel how they feel, but one must take accountability for that feeling rather than blaming it on someone else. As a child, to hear the message that they are responsible for someone feeling a certain way, particularly a negative emotion, can lead to feelings of guilt or sadness. This statement does not model adaptive coping and essentially shifts the focus away from the person to the child.'
10. 'Hurry up.'
Dr. Radice-Vella says that hurrying children can create anxiety. 'Children are naturally curious—from their eyes, the world is full of new and exciting things," she continues. "They see things in ways adults don't. When we try to hurry them through life, even small day-to-day activities, we are stifling their curiosity, imposing a false sense of urgency and reinforcing a societal message that we must constantly rush through life to get to the next thing.'
11. 'You're stupid.'
It's simple: any negative comment or insult about a child is not emotionally supportive. 'Grandparents want to send messages of love, acceptance and unconditional worth that make children feel good about themselves,' Dr. Radice-Vella says. 'Critical statements or insults, especially from loved ones, can really affect how a child views themselves. The younger the child, the more impressionable they are, meaning those messages are going to become part of their internal view.'
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Gina Radice-Vella, Psy.D., Clinical Psychologist and Chief Psychologist at Jersey Shore University Medical Center.
11 Things Emotionally Supportive Grandparents Never Say to Their Grandkids, According to a Psychologist first appeared on Parade on Jul 30, 2025
This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 30, 2025, where it first appeared.
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