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Penis envy? Relax, sexual health doctor says (Plus, tips for the well-endowed)
This is the advice a sexual health doctor, or andrologist, has for Filipino men who are concerned about the size of their manhood.
According to Dr. Deano Reyes, the medical director of pioneering holistic gender and sexual health clinic Hara Clinic, the average length of an erect Filipino penis is 4.27 inches or about 10.85 centimeters. He should know: Reyes estimates he sees about 20 penises a day in his practice.
He adds the average Filipino size is below the global average of five to 5.5 inches or about 13 to 14 centimeters. It may be a blow to Filipino pride, but that's OK because "the average vaginal canal length is also only about seven to ten centimeters, or mga three to four inches lang din siya. So even a 4.27-inch Filipino, you're gonna do the job fine."
He adds "the female G-spot is around two centimeters from the opening. Even the prostate if it's [anal sex], the male anal sex G-spot," reassuring men that size is really more about aesthetics.
When bigger doesn't necessarily mean better
Despite the supposed desirability of bigger penises, Reyes has seen well-endowed patients who have issues related to their size. They may have performance anxiety and feel pressured to perform like a 'sex god.'
But being big doesn't necessarily equate to being better in bed. Reyes observes that erectile dysfunction occurs more among men with bigger penises. That's because they need more blood to sustain the full length of their erections. They aren't stiff enough to engage in penetration.
On the physical side, there are rare instances where penile fractures occur among men with larger packages.
'Lalo na 'yung mga large penises that are a bit bent or may baliko, kung mali 'yung upo ng partner nila… the sudden trauma… can really rupture the tunica albuginea—meaning 'yung parang muscular part nung the penis, leading to a penile fracture,' Reyes says.
('Especially for large penises that are a bit bent or crooked, if their partner sits on it wrong, the sudden trauma can really rupture the tunica albuginea—meaning the muscular part of the penis, leading to a penile fracture.'
The doctor assures patients that this isn't a big deal. They'll be out of commission for a while, but no surgery or splinting is needed. They just have to give their penises a rest and they will heal by themselves. Anti-inflammatories and pain management are also prescribed.
'With great power comes great responsibility'
Meanwhile, men bestowed with bigger instruments should know they can cause discomfort or pain, especially when used without care.
Women having vaginal sex can experience tearing, while those on the receiving side of anal sex ('bottoms') can suffer from 'fissures, tears, and lacerations.' (Besides, there are heterosexual couples who engage in anal sex, too.)
Larger girths can also trigger the partners' gag reflex ('naduduwal').
'With great power comes great responsibility,' Reyes emphasizes. So his advice? Slow down.
'You're wielding a bigger weapon so you don't want to ram it in. You've got to give your partner's body the time to adjust. Whether it's vaginal or anal, foreplay is not optional for you. It is mandatory,' he says.
Second, 'stock up on lube like it's a pandemic essential,' says Reyes.
Bigger penises create more friction during penetration, and too much friction can cause pain. Lubricants can help make the slide more slippery. Note that the vagina has its own lubricating mechanism (assuming that the woman is aroused), while the anus does not. This means lubricant is a must-have for anal sex.
Silicone-based lubricant is better for anal sex and longer sexual encounters because it doesn't dry up as quickly as water-based lubricant. Therefore there is no need to reapply often.
Well-endowed men should also learn their angles and best positions, says Reyes. They should communicate with their partners 'like a king'. Ask what feels right for them and what hurts. Check in with them constantly.
Preparing for D(ick)-day
You have to know that some men with big dicks have a hard time performing because they are burdened by expectations set by their size. As such, their partners become disappointed because the "big dick energy" they had come to expect is absent. Thus, their size actually makes them insecure.
'And some men really do feel objectified by [their size]. They may feel reduced to their physical attributes, body image issues get correlated,' Reyes says.
In many of these cases, the way to address them is through psychology. Helping them have a healthier outlook on sex, changing their mindset, and talking them through their concerns and issues, says Reyes. The goal is for them to approach their sex lives with more confidence.
Secondly, preparing for sex with a well-endowed man doesn't happen on the day itself. It can occur even weeks ahead. For one, condoms can be hard to find, as those designed for smaller penises can cause tightness and discomfort in the man. They may even break, therefore compromising the protection they afford against unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections. Some of Reyes' patients buy their condoms abroad, or order them online.
As the sexual encounter begins, the 'insertee' should be relaxed. Foreplay is a must, and this ranges from kissing to oral sex to using fingers and even toys. This is because when the body is tensed up, it will be difficult to accommodate the penis. Don't forget to breathe.
Once lubricant has been applied, find the right position. 'Doggy-style or legs-wide missionary go deeper anatomically, so be careful there for your partner,' Reyes says.
Again, communication is vital.
''Wag kang mahiya,' Reyes tells the 'insertee'. 'A lot of girls and a lot of bottoms will just keep quiet kasi ayaw nila to wreck the mood. Pero masasaktan ka talaga if you just keep quiet. So it's okay to say what feels good and what doesn't kasi it will really help both of you enjoy in the long run. Kaysa when you start bleeding because of an injury, then na-stop na talaga 'yung sex. Nobody wants that.'
('Don't be shy about it. A lot of girls and a lot of bottoms will just keep quiet because they don't want to wreck the mood. But you will really get hurt if you just keep quiet. So it's okay to say what feels good and what doesn't because it will really help both of you enjoy in the long run. That's better than if you start bleeding because of an injury and you stop having sex altogether. Nobody wants that.')
Another practical tip is to start small and build up to the man's size. Insert a finger, then a toy, until the body has adjusted and can take the real thing.
But it doesn't end with an orgasm. Aftercare is a key component to a good sexual encounter, says Reyes.
It's normal for the partner to feel sore. They can hydrate and apply a warm compress on the area. Women should also urinate after sex to flush out the bacteria.
The star of the show
A final word from the doctor to well-endowed men (which can also apply to men of all sizes): 'Remember that your dick is not you. It is just a tool. [The] star of the show is actually [you]. And it's not all about the penetration…. Don't forget that there are other parts of the body that can create pleasure. Your hands, your mouth, even just close contact. And yeah, practice makes perfect. Learn to control yourself. Listen to your partner, listen to yourself, and that should be all you need to know.' — LA, GMA Integrated News
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