What Sleep Training A Baby Can Teach Parents About Adult Sleep

Forbes

6 days ago

Learn how to sleep like a baby
As a single working mom-to-be, I decided that the key to my future maternal happiness was to learn everything I could about baby sleep while I was still pregnant. I was determined to have a great little sleeper and – thanks to a little luck and a lot of research – I succeeded.
What began as a baby-centered project soon revealed a surprising truth: I was the one who needed sleep training. While my two-month-old newborn peacefully slept through the night, I was up at 3 AM, tossing and turning, wondering if could learn to sleep like a baby. I had always had some sleep struggles; it generally took me a long time to fall asleep and I would wake frequently throughout the night. I had half-heartedly tried some standard sleep advice then quickly abandoned the techniques. But, after seeing the success in helping my daughter develop good sleep habits, I realized that with more consistency, those same methods might work on me, too.
The CDC recommends at least 7 hours each day for adults, yet over one-third of American adults get less than the recommended seven hours per night. While sleep depervation is usually expected during the newborn period, research published in the journal Sleep showed that parents did not fully recover sleep satisfaction and duration for up to six years after the birth of their first child. But, just because sleep can be more challenging with young children, for some parents, the sleep science they learn for their babies can actually help them become better sleepers during this period.
Creating A Consistent Sleep Schedule
According to Andrew Colsky, the founder of National Sleep Center, 'it turns out that adults can learn a lot by observing what helps their baby sleep.' He explains in an email interview, 'Because sleep is a behavioral routine, establishing a consistent sleep/wake time can really help to improve your sleep.'
When babies go to bed and wake up at roughly the same time each day, that consistency helps them fall asleep and stay asleep more easily. One blessing in disguise of having children on a regular sleep schedule is that parents no longer sleep in on weekends and have a more consistent sleep schedule themselves. A review in Frontiers in Psychology found that consistent bedtime routines in adults improved sleep onset, quality and duration. And a landmark study published in Sleep Health found that consistent sleep and wake times were more predictive of cognitive functioning and mood than total sleep duration.
Babies Aren't The Only Ones Who Need Sleep Cues
One of the first principles of sleep training is creating sleep associations—those cues that signal to a baby that it's time to wind down. A bath. A book. A lullaby. Dimming the lights. It's no accident that these rituals are repetitive and sensory-rich; they calm the nervous system and set the stage for rest. Adults tend to forgo these entirely, treating sleep as an abrupt off-switch instead of a transition. We finish emails in bed, fall asleep to true crime and ask our overstimulated brains to simply shut off. But our bodies benefit from signals, too. Just as we condition babies to associate bedtime with soothing rituals, adults benefit from pre-sleep routines that cue the brain for rest.
Lynelle Schneeberg, PsyD, a sleep psychologist and fellow at the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, shared in an email interview, 'Whatever a person needs to get to sleep, they need this same thing to get back to sleep. This is known as a sleep onset association.' For children, this may mean being rocked to sleep, but the same idea also applies to adults. 'If you need to have the TV on or need to scroll social media to get to sleep, you may need to turn the TV back on or scroll again to get back to sleep after waking.' A 2023 Sleep Foundation survey found that 71% of adults use their phones in bed and over half of them say it disrupts their ability to fall asleep. A digital boundary such as 'no screens 30 minutes before bed' isn't punitive, it's protective.
Awake Cues Are Important Too
Dr. Natalie Barnett, VP of Clinical Research at Nanit explained in an email interview, 'For parents, fragmented sleep can be just as harmful as short sleep. When you are having those interrupted nights, getting out in the sunshine early in the morning can help improve your alertness and mood during the day and help reset your circadian rhythm.'
Direct sun exposure helps to reset our circadian rhythms, those internal clocks that govern our sleep-wake cycles. Newborns are born without a fully established circadian rhythm, which typically matures over the first couple of months. Exposure to ample daylight and consistent nighttime darkness plays a crucial role in this development. By making this a daily ritual for babies, parents can reap the benefits as well.
Understanding the Mechanics of Sleep Pressure
For some parents, the end of a long day often means unwinding on the sofa in a semi-conscious state. Some time later, they might find themselves wide awake and restless once they finally go to bed. Sleep pressure is the accumulating drive for sleep that builds during our waking hours, ultimately facilitating the onset of sleep. A brief car nap, for instance, could significantly diminish a young child's sleep pressure, making it nearly impossible to settle them for a proper nap at home. For parents, an evening veg-out session could have a similar effect, dissipating sleep pressure.
Barnett offers, 'We talk a lot about sleep pressure in infants—the buildup of the drive to sleep the longer we're awake—and we play careful attention to infant sleep cues to optimize the timing of naps and bedtime. Sleep pressure also applies to adults, but many adults override natural sleep pressure with coffee and screens.'
Self-Soothing Isn't Just For Babies
A major goal of formal sleep training is helping babies learn to self-soothe—to fall asleep without constant parental intervention. It's a skill that fosters independence and resilience, though it often comes with some protest at first.
Many adults have lost the art of self-soothing. We outsource comfort to external stimuli: the endless scroll, the background hum of sitcoms, the dopamine hits of online shopping. These behaviors don't calm us, they distract us. Worse, they often delay sleep or reduce its quality.
Relearning how to self-soothe means reconnecting with your own body's capacity to downshift. This might look like breathwork, progressive muscle relaxation, journaling or meditating. A 2022 study in JMIR Mental Health found that adults who practiced mindfulness-based self-soothing techniques, like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation, fell asleep faster and reported better sleep quality over eight weeks.
Creating A Serene Sleep Environment
Colsky shares that all of us, no matter the age, sleep best in a quiet, dark environment. 'Whether it's hot or cold outside, a sleeping temperature of around 65 to 70°F is optimal. If your room is not dark during bedtime, opt for room darkening window treatments and cover any light sources that are causing light pollution. We all have those electronic devices that display a little LED light to let us know there is power coming to the device. Remove them from your room or cover the light with black tape to recapture a dark sleeping environment.' In addition, he offers, 'Weighted blankets for adults are like swaddling for a baby. The pressure activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps to reduce anxiety and promote a deeper sleep.'
One recommendation from most experts, including Schneeberg, is white noise. 'A sound machine can be helpful both to cue sleep and to mask noises that could trigger a night waking. If a sound machine is used, it's best to leave it on all night rather than using one that turns off after a period of time. This is because the sound machine will eventually become a cue for sleep and the brain may expect to hear it again after a night waking.'
Differences Between Adult Sleep And Baby Sleep
Schneeberg advises, 'Most babies need 12-17 hours of sleep a day (depending on age) and most adults sleep needs vary from 5-9 hours a night, with most people requiring 6-8 hours.' Colsky adds, 'Newborns sleep for 45 to 50 minute cycles whereas adults average 90 to 110 minute cycles. Babies spend about 50% of their sleep time in REM sleep whereas adults will spend 20 to 25%.'
He expands that there are differences between individual adults, too. 'Some people consider themselves to be early risers or 'larks' whereas others are more comfortable in the evening, otherwise known as 'night owls.' These are simple differences guided by genetics and if a lark tries to live a night owl schedule, or vice versa, they may find it very difficult because their body is not naturally tuned that way. Think about a right-handed person trying to use their left hand! Another variation would be the depth of a person's sleep. Some people are simply naturally lighter sleepers, while other people sleep much more heavily.'
Consistency, Not Perfection
Sleep is a skill that can be learned, protected and cherished at any age. Adults often expect instant fixes: a new mattress, a melatonin gummy, a podcast that promises deep REM cycles in 12 minutes. But sustainable sleep doesn't come from hacks, it comes from rhythm. Consistency doesn't mean perfection. It means prioritizing sleep most of the time and allowing the benefits to compound.