‘Loved it all': Aussie man's last act before ending own life

News.com.au

a day ago

EXCLUSIVE
When a popular Melbourne real estate agent was told he had just weeks to live, he very quickly turned his attention to the last three things he needed to do.
The first was to take his immediate family and four best friends on an all-expenses paid trip to Lizard Island. A holiday to make lasting memories for those he would leave behind.
The second was to host a night of drinking, dancing, laughing – a party to end all parties. A live funeral if you will.
The third was to find the perfect location, the perfect day and the perfect time to take his last breath.
Fraser Cahill was a mover and a shaker. A dynamic, charismatic, loveable rogue who always achieved what he set out to do. This time was no different.
He wanted to 'set sail' on his own terms, with dignity – but first, he wanted to be the life of the party one last time.
'In as far as having things to look forward to, this has been it for me,' Fraser told the close friends and family gathered at his pumping live wake earlier this year.
'A massive thank you to friends and family that have just been so supportive ever since I started getting a bit sick,' he said.
'All the little things. Fridge stocked, people sending around lasagnes, I haven't given the dishes back yet, I'm sorry … getting my medicine, going above and beyond.
'I think ever since I found out I was getting sick …. I realised all you are is the sum of your memories and as I look around this room and look into every single one of your eyes, I know there's been a memory.
'I don't feel scared. I feel nothing but absolutely so happy and so incredibly grateful to every single one of you for all of those memories because it allows me to go. I've loved it all.'
Fraser's dad Doug said one of the most amazing qualities about his son was that he wanted everyone else to feel comfortable and at peace with his decision.
'We were sitting there one day and he said 'how old are you Dougie?'
'And I said 'I'm 78' and he laughed and said 'well you're' only a few years behind me, won't be long before I'm seeing you again.
'That was the type of man he was. He made everyone promise that he wouldn't be around sucking our thumb for the rest of eternity, we had to go on living and get on with things, that's what he wanted.'
Fraser's big brother Wes agrees.
'He just loved life, he loved adventure, he loved the beach, he loved his family and his friends,' Wes says.
When the dreaded diagnosis came confirming that the duodenal cancer Fraser had been battling so fiercely had spread to other organs, he wrote his bucket list.
'He wanted to make as many memories as he possibly could and say goodbye while he was strong enough,' his brother Wes said.
'In the short period of time that he had left, we continued to share jokes, go on adventures, continued to dive and the trip to Lizard Island was hard yet the best holiday we had ever had,' Wes said.
'He didn't want to burden anyone financially, so he funded the whole trip for us. That's what he was like, always giving to others and sharing his best moments. Then his closest friends helped us organise his party, which was the last laughs for him, sort of like a wake I suppose that he could attend.
'It was a big big night and it couldn't have gone any better. He had an auction to raise money for charity. DJs and the energy in the room and on the dance floor was like nothing else.
'He made his farewell speech, and then because of his love of the beach and boating and adventure, he chose Point Lonsdale beach for his final breaths. He wanted to set sail on his own terms and that's basically what happened.'
Fraser's mum Mandy, dad Doug, brothers Wes and Quinton, and sister Nellie want to help raise awareness about voluntary assisted dying – a topic often discussed behind closed doors.
The conversation can often be a sad, awkward one, but not in the Cahill household. The term VAD brings peace, closure and the most precious of memories.
'We had the best experience and everyone needs to know there are options available to them like we had,' Wes said.
'Fraser really wanted people to know that this sort of thing is an option. People should have the choice to do things their own way, die on their own terms and not suffer.
'And while what he wanted was bloody hard to organise, the remote location, the logistics, it can be done. We did it and it was absolutely worth it to give him what he wanted.'
Not everyone agreed with Fraser's choice.
The respite care facility where he spent time in his last weeks wanted nothing to do with his planning.
'His oncologist wasn't even allowed to speak of it in the facility where Fraser was an inpatient,' his mum Mandy said.
'This is a big issue, you can't even have those discussions in a facility that is Catholic. It's not their call, it shouldn't be their call.'
Mrs Cahill said the family had to sneak Fraser out of the centre to take him for meetings to plan the VAD.
Thankfully Fraser found his 'angel' Beth Dineen who was instrumental in making Fraser's VAD at the beach possible, even clearing the way with the local police.
For the family the final days were a celebration of Fraser's life – with Fraser, instead of without him, after he was gone.
His sister Nellie said everyone had to be brave, just like Fraser was, to give him the send off he deserved.
'I miss everything about him, I miss him checking in on me every day … he cared so much about everyone else and making sure everyone was OK,' she said.
Ange misses her brother-in-law who she described as 'a best friend and unbelievable uncle to our boys Archie and Hugo'.
'Despite his life being cut incredibly short he has instilled a lifetime of love and memories for us all to cherish, the greatest being his zest for life,' she said.
'It was a huge relief for us all when we heard we could grant Fraser his last wish at the back beach. It was a long and stressful process to get it across the line and we would love to help make the process easier for others in this very sad situation.'
Wes, who stayed with Fraser's side in hospital and during his palliative care, administering pain relief and medication as required, sums up the VAD experience for the family.
'We are lucky to have such fond memories of the end. So many people don't get that. Fraser wants them to have that too. So that's why we are here doing this. For Fraser.'