My wife left me for a bike race. I'm a Tour de France widower
And I should know. I am one of them.
Each year my wife travels to foreign lands via the television to spend time with elite athletes in colourful jerseys as they travel through fairyland locations for the Tour de France, the world's most prestigious bicycle race. She puts on her special yellow (or should I say 'jaune'? ) Tour de France socks and joins the 'couch peloton', blocking out three weeks to watch riders cycle through some of the most beautiful areas on Earth.
It's the only sport she truly adores and I fully support her enthusiasm. Indeed, I am in no way threatened by these dashing younger men with their perfect buns and seemingly endless stamina. 'Just think of them as racehorses,' she says.
She knows exactly what is going on in the Tour de France: the stakes, the terrain, why grimpeurs (climbers) are the ones to watch during the mountainous stages. She loves the castles, the chateaux, the churches and the villages, the cheering and sometimes chaotic crowds, the incredible helicopter shots, the history and the rivalry between the riders.
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Her love affair with 'Le Tour' is decades long. She cheered when Australia's Cadel Evans won the Tour – as well as the hearts of the nation – in 2011, becoming one of the few non-Europeans ever to do so. She was watching when Lance Armstrong won his too-good-to-be-true string of victories towards the end of his Tour career. She's seen it all: the highs, the lows, the drug scandals, the big accidents, the fans with flares, the tacks on the road.
Indeed, for a sports-obsessed nation such as ours, it's refreshing to celebrate a sport that doesn't involve tries, wickets or goals. She's almost at the point where she'll set up an exercise bike in the apartment and race along with the competitors as she watches it on TV, a glass of champagne in hand, perhaps only pausing as I hand her a water bottle.
As for me, the only thing I know about bikes and bike riding comes from riding BMXs in the 1980s (shout-out to Nicole Kidman for her breakthrough role in BMX Bandits). I just let all the facts and figures of the Tour de France wash over me in a blur. I have no idea what the 'maillot jaune' is or why the 'polka-dot jersey' is also kind of a big deal in the Tour. I am puzzled as to why being named the 'most combative rider' is a good thing.
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