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Yahoo
4 days ago
- Yahoo
Complimenting your partner could actually be harmful, expert warns — two things you should never say
Compliments can certainly go a long way in making someone feel special and loved. While you might think everyone loves a little flattery, one expert warns that some compliments may have unintended negative impacts on romantic relationships. Psychologist Dr. Mark Travers explained in Psychology Today that sometimes what we say to thank our loved ones for their supportive behavior may be altering it. 'Compliments can be disarming. They make us feel chosen and understood in ways that other words rarely do,' the psychologist explained. 'But sometimes, the praise that feels the most flattering is also the praise that teaches us to edit ourselves.' Over time, words intended to flatter someone can actually nudge a person to perform, conform, or shrink themselves to stay liked and continue to receive praise. Consider the compliment: 'How are you always so calm?' If your partner grew up playing the peacekeeper in chaotic situations, this compliment might feel like overdue recognition. Yet, it can also come across as a reward for their silence. 'When emotional suppression is praised in adult relationships, it reinforces the message that your worth lies in being agreeable and low-maintenance,' Travers said. This specific type of praise given to your partner could cause them to feel that they must remain calm — even when they're not. They may feel encouraged to keep that mask on, even at the cost of their true feelings. Another example is telling your partner: 'You're the only person I can talk to.' This may sound like deep trust, but it could signal emotional dependency rather than intimacy. People actually experience better mental health when they have multiple people they can turn to to process their emotional needs, each filling different roles—venting, calming or cheering. 'This diversity in emotional support leads to greater well-being, because no single relationship is overloaded with the task of holding it all,' Travers explained to the outlet. While these two compliments should stay out of your relationship, there are a few key phrases Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and author of '13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do, advises people to implement into their romantic vocabulary. 'If you and your partner regularly use these phrases, it's a sign that you're already a mentally strong couple,' Morin told CNBC Make It. 'And if you don't yet, you can start implementing them and find that you'll grow stronger both individually and as a unit.' Saying to your romantic partner, 'I'm going to tell you something that may be upsetting to hear' is one of them. 'Acknowledging your mistakes and being honest about your needs can help you grow stronger together,' Morin said. Another is, 'I'm sorry for the part I've played in this.' 'When you take responsibility for your share, you increase the chances that your partner will accept responsibility for theirs, too,' Morin said. 'Then you can both put your energy into developing a solution, rather than getting stuck pointing fingers and arguing about who caused the problem.' Lastly, 'Let's find a solution' is another important sentence to say when your partner is struggling with something. 'While some problems are ultimately in your partner's hands, like an issue they're having with their boss, offering to work together shows that you're invested in helping them make the best decision for themselves,' Morin explained. Solve the daily Crossword


USA Today
19-07-2025
- USA Today
Would you go into debt for your pet? Some couples are.
How far would you go to care for your pet? For some, the cuddles, comfort, and joy they bring are worth going into debt. It's particularly true for 'DINK' couples – those with a dual income and no kids – 94% of whom view their pets as family members, according to a new Insurify survey. Some 68% of these pet parents say they've made financial sacrifices to cover essentials for their furry friends. From taking a second job to stopping savings contributions to skipping medical care for themselves, DINK couples are willing to go a long way for their pets. Kenzie Mollock and Wiley Garren, two married 29-year-olds living in Texas, consider their two-and-a-half-year-old miniature schnauzer mix family. They named her 'Hazelnut Frappuccino Whip Cream Paws,' or 'Hazel' for short. Mollock is a teacher and Garren serves in the U.S. Army. They described their salaries as 'not huge,' but they always make room in the budget for Hazel. 'When I'm happy, she's there. When I'm sad, she's there,' Mollock said. 'Even if my husband's not here because he's at work and he's deployed, my dog is there. And she's happy to see me every time.' More: Owning a pet isn't easy. But these species can make it a little easier How much do DINK couples spend on pets? DINK couples surveyed spend an average of $1,906 per year on their pets; a fraction of the $23,000 parents spent raising a child last year, according to a SoFi report. The most common pet-related monthly costs for these couples are food, treats, and toys. Vet care, medication, and groomers are other common monthly expenses. However, an unexpected vet visit can quickly throw a wrench in pet parents' budgets. The highest vet bill those surveyed have paid is about $1,449, but 13% said they had spent more than $3,000. While that may seem like a lot, DINK pet parents say they would be willing to spend more. Those surveyed said they would spend up to $5,004 for lifesaving treatment and $2,835 per year to care for a pet's chronic health condition. Even that may not be enough. Dr. Amy Fox, a veterinarian at Kinship said she has worked in several specialized animal hospitals where bills sometimes exceeded $10,000 after pets experienced accidents or had severe health conditions. "This can put pet parents in a difficult position when their pet has an unexpected emergency and is another very important reminder to have pet insurance or set up an emergency savings fund for your pets," Fox told USA TODAY. Whatever the cost, some pet owners seem willing to find a way to pay. 'I don't think there is a cap or a limit because you can just finance and pay it off slowly,' Mollock said. What luxury pet items are people buying? It can also be difficult to stick to a budget when your pet is giving you puppy dog eyes. Only 11% of those surveyed said they never splurge on their furry friends. About 20% said they rarely buy non-essentials, 43% said they occasionally splurge, and 26% said they regularly spoil their pets. Some of the most popular luxury items DINK couples buy for their pets include vitamins or supplements, luxury treats, gourmet or organic fresh food. High-end toys and clothing or accessories are also common splurges. Mollock and Garren buy Hazel a salmon-and-rice-flavored dry food for dogs with sensitive skin and stomachs, tick and flea medication, and special bags she can sit in when they run errands or go hiking. They also buy her enrichment toys. 'We usually get her these puzzle boxes, and they can get a little bit expensive. She's so smart and inquisitive,' Mollock said. 'Then you are just kind of buying the next one and the next one. She's outsmarted them all.' What are DINK owners sacrificing for their pets? Even if DINK couples aren't splurging on organic food or outfits for their animals, pet-related expenses can put a dent in their budgets. While 32% said they had never made financial sacrifices for a pet, 34% said they worked extra hours or took a second job to cover costs and 33% said they took on credit card or loan debt. The poll also found 29% stopped contributing to savings, 24% delayed paying other bills, and 15% skipped personal medical care. 'Human relationships with cats and dogs have drastically shifted, with a growing focus on animal welfare over the past several decades,' Julia Taliesin, data journalist at Insurify, told USA TODAY. 'Pet owners care for their pets on a personal level, making it easier for them to excuse splurges for the sake of their pet's welfare.' Some sacrifices are hard to measure, like the time spent training a dog to stop begging for food or from chewing through another pair of shoes. And training doesn't always end when puppies or kittens grow up. As they get older, their personalities can change and issues can arise. Dr. Valli Parthasarathy, another veterinarian at Kinship, advises owners be prepared for unwanted behaviors to start at any age and work with a vet or experienced trainer when they do. Do pets replace children for DINK couples? While 'fur babies' are a welcome addition to the family, 39% of DINK pet owners surveyed said they do plan on having children someday. But 17% said raising children is too expensive to ever have them and 15% said they never wanted to have kids. Some 29% said they prefer a lifestyle that allows for more freedom. Of those surveyed, 22% said they need to improve their financial situation before having children, and 5% cited medical or fertility issues as the reason they don't have kids. For Mollock and Garren, having kids isn't a priority right now. 'We're still trying to find our way in life,' Garren said. 'We need to bring a kid into an environment where we have more things figured out than less.' In the meantime, Hazel is 'something to take care of, similar to a baby,' he said. 'We consider her family.' Reach Rachel Barber at rbarber@ and follow her on X @rachelbarber_


Newsweek
14-07-2025
- Newsweek
Crates Couldn't Contain Escape Artist Dog, So Owner Builds 'Jail' Instead
Based on facts, either observed and verified firsthand by the reporter, or reported and verified from knowledgeable sources. Newsweek AI is in beta. Translations may contain inaccuracies—please refer to the original content. When German Shepherd and Husky mix, Lana, escaped three different crates, her owner Mark knew that he had to take action. But what started as a DIY solution to an unusual problem has been dubbed "incredible" online, after he shared how they built their pup her very own custom "jail." "We had gotten her an impact crate, but as she grew it made us sad how tight it was," Mark, from North Carolina, told Newsweek. Instead of a traditional dog crate, Mark, who only shared his first name, came up with a brilliant idea—a custom space for the dogs with a metal door. Before long, what was once a closet quickly became a space for the dogs to relax and be safe. Mark transformed it into a tiled haven with LVT walls, a custom metal door and even an air conditioning vent in the ceiling. Pictures of the custom crate room that now serves as the perfect space for the dogs to realx. Pictures of the custom crate room that now serves as the perfect space for the dogs to realx. ocularcrawdad/Reddit "It was decently expensive and a big job," he said. "It used to be a closet but it opened to the bathroom. I had to close off the original door and create a new door to the bedroom." But the effort was worth it, knowing giving four-year-old escape artist Lana and 10-year-old Labrador George somewhere to kick back and relax. "I even put a nest camera at the top corner so I can check in while we are gone. It turned out pretty awesome," Mark added. Dog crates are designed to provide dogs with a contained space, often used in training and popular with many pet owners, trainers, and veterinarians. Despite this, but they remain a subject of debate due to concerns about animal welfare and misuse. He shared the DIY project on Reddit's popular r/germanshepherds subreddit where it has gained more than 20,000 upvotes since being posted last week. Captioned "crates couldn't contain her so we built a jail...," people shared their reactions and praise for the innovative dog-containment idea in the comments. "Awe she even looks guilty," wrote Hot_Target8701, pointing out Lana's face in the pictures. While Rose_like_the_flower said: "This is awesome! Poor sweet girl. I'm sure she was framed." "She needs a harmonica and a tin cup to bang on the bars," joked Madame_Jarvary. While others were heavily inspired by the idea. Like KevinSpicyy who said: "This is an incredible idea. I'm gonna have to involve this in my future home. Thank you for posting!!" While SheBelongsToNoOne said: "It looks pretty comfortable and way better than a crate to be honest." Do you have funny and adorable videos or pictures of your pet you want to share? Send them to life@ with some details about your best friend, and they could appear in our Pet of the Week lineup.