Colman Noctor: Watching TV with your child can be educational for you both

Irish Examiner

08-07-2025

WHEN I raise concerns about how technology affects children's development, I often hear the retort, 'They said the same about television and that turned out OK'. In response, I point out that web-based screen use is entirely different, because the online space is unregulated, interactive, and immersive.
The common perception of screen time has long been negative, and there's justification for it. Excessive screen use has been connected to sleep disturbance, obesity, and even attention difficulties. However, like any tools, screen devices aren't inherently good or bad. It all depends on how they're utilised.
As a psychotherapist who has worked with many families about screen-time concerns, television programmes and movies can be a learning tool, not only for children, but also for parents. This is why I have been consulting with companies that produce television content for children. It is an opportunity to create high-quality material that children can learn from and enjoy.
The most recent project I worked on was a short, animated show, called No Worries (currently available on the RTÉ Player). The show features the voices of comedians PJ Gallagher and Emma Doran, who play a son and mother navigating the worries of returning to school after the summer holidays.
The premise is that worries are normal and, with support and some reframing, we can cope with everyday concerns and overcome them. The series demonstrates that worry is not a disorder, but an expected part of life.
I am also working with the charity A Lust for Life, helping to create a mental-fitness curriculum for secondary schools. Video clips as catalysts for conversation are a key element of the programme's design. Screen-based stories are an excellent way to illustrate personal scenarios and to discuss issues we can relate to without requiring self-disclosure, which can be intimidating.
One of the most vital contributions we can make as parents is helping our children shift from passive to active engagement with screens. When children watch content passively, opportunities for reflection, discussion, and learning are limited. However, when adults co-view, ask questions, and discuss what's happening, a valuable educational opportunity can arise.
Research from the American Academy of Paediatrics (2020) supports joint media engagement with television shows. The researchers found that when parents watch and discuss content with their children, it improves comprehension, critical thinking, and emotional understanding — essential skills as they grow up in an increasingly technological and AI-driven world. Instead of screens being a babysitter, this approach positions them as a starting point for connection and conversation.
This is especially important for younger children, for whom opportunities to develop emotional literacy can be limited. Consider Bluey, for example, a programme often praised for its emotional intelligence and portrayal of gentle, responsive parenting.
If parents and children watch an episode together, and then discuss the characters' feelings or choices, it can open pathways to conversations about empathy, frustration, or resilience. In this way, television becomes a mirror and a guide, reflecting experiences children can relate to and helping them learn how to navigate these emotions.
Stories, whether told through books, films, or whispered at bedtime, are central to how children grasp the world. Film and television typically deliver content in a highly engaging format, using visual and emotional cues that can improve understanding, especially for children who find traditional literacy challenging or who struggle to focus.
Television as a teacher
Dr Jennifer Kotler Clarke, a Texas social scientist, says that well-designed children's programmes can teach social-emotional skills. She notes that the educational children's television series Sesame Street, for instance, has been shown in longitudinal studies to improve early literacy and numeracy, particularly among disadvantaged children. However, its influence goes beyond that, as it also models conflict resolution, inclusion, and kindness.
One storyline that springs to mind is Elmo and Zoe's rock argument. In this episode, Elmo gets frustrated when Zoe insists her pet rock, Rocco, is real and wants him to include it in their play. With guidance from adults, Elmo learns to respect Zoe's feelings, even if he doesn't understand them. It teaches young viewers that you can disagree with friends, but still show empathy and patience. And let's not forget the classic Sesame Street song and book, We're Different, We're the Same, which shows how people may look or live differently, but share the same feelings, needs, and worth. Modelling that diversity is something to celebrate, not fear.
In a 2013 study published in the journal Paediatrics, researchers found that children who watched pro-social television content showed more co-operative behaviour and less aggression when the media they viewed emphasised empathy and positive social interactions.
While it's easy to blame the media for increasing the portrayal of aggression on our screens, the reverse can also be true. The type of media to which children are exposed matters.
Television and film can also act as windows in to worlds that are otherwise inaccessible to children. A documentary about the rainforest can ignite an interest in environmental conservation; a show featuring a character with a disability can promote inclusion and understanding.
In Ireland, a television show created by Belfast's Paper Owl Films featured an autistic character, Pablo, and provided not only representation, but also a way for neurotypical children to understand their neurodiverse peers better.
Many children also watch content on their tablets, so it is advisable that parents sit and watch programmes on these devices as they would on television.
Media representation influences how children perceive race, gender, ability, and identity, and developmentally appropriate shows and movies can be essential tools for learning about these issues. When children watch content that portrays age-old stereotypes, such as Daddy Pig from Peppa Pig or Homer Simpson from The Simpsons, we need to encourage them to challenge, understand the context, and sometimes reject those messages.
The goal isn't to shield children from every uncomfortable idea, but to empower them to think critically about what they see.
Media literacy
Media literacy is quickly becoming one of the most essential skills in the digital age.
Essentially, we want our children to become discerning consumers of content, asking questions like, 'Who made this? What is it trying to tell me? Whose perspective is missing?' Discernment is one of the most important skills we can teach our children in today's world.
Any activity that helps them develop this skill should be encouraged.
This doesn't mean turning every movie night into a TED talk. However, subtle prompts, like 'Why do you think that character acted that way?' or 'What would you have done differently?' can encourage children to pause and think, and, hopefully, over time, this thinking becomes a habit.
It's tempting to want control over our children's media diets, to curate every moment and monitor every screen. However, with the rise of handheld devices that offer unrestricted access to the online world, this has become nearly impossible, just as with treat foods a strict or overly restrictive approach can have negative effects. Instead, parents must act as co-pilots. We need to understand the media our children consume and be willing to enter their world, walking alongside them as they make sense of it.
I strongly believe in the difference between presence and engagement. It's not enough to be in the same room as our children while they're glued to a screen. True engagement means stepping into the story with them.
It involves being curious about why they enjoy a particular programme, which characters they relate to, and how they feel when the plot changes.
When we do this, the screen becomes less of a wedge and more of a bridge, connecting us to our children's inner worlds in a way few other tools can.
You might presume that joint-engagement media watching only applies to small children, but my teenage son loves Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and we often watch it together. When I asked him what he liked about the show, he said he enjoys the sarcastic humour, which aligns with his current view of the world as a 15-year-old, where quick-witted one-line retorts are valuable if you want to survive social banter.
Of course, not all content is created equally. Some shows, often found on platforms like YouTube, are designed purely to exploit attention spans, and are characterised by frantic pacing and consumerist messages. And perhaps a moderate amount of exposure to such content is acceptable or could be part of the give-and-take approach to screen time. The key is balance.
The occasional mindless cartoon, or unboxing of videos (where YouTubers open the boxes of new toys, etc., and review them), or gamer influencer shouting annoyingly as they play a video game on their YouTube channel, isn't going to harm your child. However, if we want to raise thoughtful, empathetic, and curious young people, we need to ensure they also consume media that nurtures those qualities.
As parents, we often feel like we're battling against a digital tide. But perhaps stopping the flow altogether is impossible, so, instead, let's concentrate on learning how to steer through it. Not all television shows and films are hostile; some can be influential cultural texts, rich in meaning, potential, and impact.
When we use television shows intentionally as starting points for conversation or as tools for empathy, they can serve as springboards for curiosity.
So, undoubtedly, over the summer, when your child turns on the television, see it as an opportunity. Sit down beside your child and don't just watch the programme with them: Ask a few questions about it. The learning might surprise you both.
Dr Colman Noctor is a child psychotherapist
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