I switched my son from private to state. I wish I'd done it sooner

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a day ago

The A-levels are over and my eldest child Isaac is snoozing in his bedroom, the wonders of Lancastrian history now a distant memory. It's strange to think how the cliché that schooling is over in a flash has come to pass, and was in fact spot on.
For Isaac, there won't be any more waiting around in the park for my younger children to finish playing after school, or getting to grips with the leaky local rural transport infrastructure, or lecturing me about American politics.
Come September he will hopefully be off to university, grades permitting – and once more there will be a gaping hole in the household, usually filled with so much Isaac-shaped energy.
But this won't be the first time that Isaac has fled the nest. In fact, he was a flexi boarder at his preparatory school Holmwood House School in Colchester from the age of nine and then weekly boarding at his public school Felsted in Essex. He was there for three years, from year 9 (aged 13) to end of year 11 (aged 16).
But then – driven more by Isaac's choices than our own – we decided to switch him to the local state school near our home, Thomas Gainsborough School in Sudbury.
Isaac had never been to a state school before – in fact, we bypassed primary and sent him to private school from day one. His nursery school headmistress advised us that Isaac would benefit from a smaller class size, and the only state school we managed to get him into was bilingual. We thought it might confuse him, so aged five he went to Holmwood, a mixed prep school.
He did indeed benefit from not only from the education but also the sport and extracurricular activities. I found some of his old school work from year 1 the other day, and I could not believe how advanced it was and how advanced he was.
By sending a child to a private school you are outsourcing a lot of grief. I recall seeing Isaac get into a scrap in the local park with some other boys during the holidays, when he was aged around 10, and I guiltily admitted to myself I was pleased I didn't have to marshal such mishaps myself continually – especially since I had four other younger children to care for.
Having Isaac entertained during the week at prep school meant that I was not encumbered with endless arguments over screens and sweets, of which there would have been many.
He boarded on and off whenever it suited. Every time there was a showing of Underdog or a Mexican-themed boarding night, Isaac would put his hand up – an evening with his mates definitely trumped one with parents trying to settle a teething baby as well as three unruly younger sisters.
At the age of 13, Isaac had to take the Common Entrance and won a drama award. He was bright, enjoyed sport as well as music and was in all the school plays, so we chose Felsted on the basis that it offered a good all-round education and was fairly close to our home.
The fees were admittedly quite a jump. At the time they were around £12,000 a term, including three nights a week boarding – this would now be more with VAT – whereas the prep school cost around £5,000 a term.
He was happy at his school but as he got closer to his GCSEs, he told us that he wasn't keen on boarding any more – announcing at the grand old age of 16 that he would 'like to spend more time at home in [his] own bed.'
We could have switched to him becoming a day boy but the school was 45 minutes away, and I baulked at the thought of managing the school run for five different children at five different educational establishments, which would test our logistics to the limit. At the time, Beatrice and Florence, then aged 13 and 11, were at Thomas Gainsborough School and Celestia, then eight, was at Bures Primary School. Benny, our youngest, then aged four, divided his time between two different village nursery schools.
Plus, Isaac had decided to give up rugby. My husband Charlie was becoming increasingly nervous about him playing the sport, as he and his teammates were fully grown. Thankfully Isaac was understanding and agreed to bow out.
I can't deny that we were anxious about switching him from what was a positive schooling experience to another. However, our daughters had been at Thomas Gainsborough for a couple of years and we rated it and its leadership.
I had been nervous when they started but I need not have been. I was initially concerned the classes would be out of control, but every class is streamed and there's no difference in the quality of the teaching. You'll find the same issues in every school whether they are private or state. Teenagers face the same challenges, no matter where their parents send them.
Once I had met the head of Thomas Gainsborough School Sixth Form, I was sold on sending Isaac there too. He was energetic and engaged with a great sense of humour. The possible rewards outweighed the risks, in our minds.
It was decided that Isaac would finish his academic year at Felsted, do his GCSEs and then move to TGS for sixth form to study Politics, History and Economics.
In September 2023 we dropped Isaac off at college for the first time. Although he didn't think he'd know anyone, he bumped into a friend he'd been at prep school with and someone else he used to play football with. At the end of the first day he came home beaming from ear to ear telling us about his new mates. I could tell he instantly felt at ease with his new friendship group.
Now, two years later, I couldn't be happier about how his A-level experience has been. Although it has at times felt a lot like something out of The Inbetweeners, such as the time when I suggested throwing a dinner party for his birthday, it has been the making of Isaac and made our life a lot easier. Now, although he has an offer from Exeter and York, he is considering reapplying to Cambridge to study Politics and International Relations if he gets the grades.
As I drove to his school today to pick up my two girls, I felt more than an inkling of regret that I wouldn't pick Isaac up there ever again, walking out with his new-ish friends, laughing at something or other with his old school backpack slung over his shoulder.
He's said the friends he made during sixth form were some of the best he has ever made in his life. I think he wished he had had more time with them and that he'd met them earlier.
I am not even sure whether the celebration of the end of Isaac's A-levels really differed to what he would have experienced at his boarding school. I doubt they sprayed each other in champagne, Brideshead-style – it's far more likely that they did what he and his sixth form mates did and went down the pub for a pint or two.
Okay, so he missed out on a Speech Day with its interminable list of prizes followed by a posh sit-down lunch – but even then, when I went to one at his old school, I sat next to a woman whose daughter had just won Love Island! I remember thinking I wished I'd applied a bit of lip gloss for the occasion. And my battered Toyota definitely looked out of place amid all the smart cars.
Admittedly his end of term wasn't quite like mine, where we sang Jerusalem or I Vow To Thee My Country and had a party. I still have the pictures of me wearing a rather awful pale-blue dress from Designers at Debenhams.
There's no prom for Isaac, but they are going to Hintlesham Hall, a nearby hotel, for a leaver's dinner, with yours truly no doubt acting as chauffeur.
I'm proud that Isaac has experienced the kind of great state education this country can offer – and what's even more important is that we got to enjoy more time with our precious teen before he heads off to pastures new.
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