We choose to live our lives full of joy, love and hope for Deborah, say Dame Debs' parents 3 years after her death

The Sun

6 hours ago

LET'S raise £20million for Dame Debs.
That's the rallying cry today from her family, on the third anniversary of the inspirational cancer campaigner 's death.
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Heather and Alistair James tell The Sun: 'Wouldn't it be great if we could see the total raised for her Bowelbabe Fund surpass the £20million milestone?
'We know she would be over the moon at the idea, knowing that the money is going to help other people in her situation, giving them more precious time with their loved ones.'
Sun columnist Dame Deborah James died on June 28, 2022, five years and seven months after she was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer.
The Bowelbabe Fund, that she established five days after returning to her parents' home in Woking to die, now stands at more than £17million.
In her final weeks, the mum-of-two called on people to donate the cost of a drink, 'to see me on my way'. And three years later, her parents are echoing that call.
'Let's all donate the cost of a drink, and raise a £3million toast to Deborah,' they said.
'What a wonderful way to remember her, and help continue the incredible work she started.'
It's their daughter's staggering legacy and the seismic impact she had in her short life that inspires the couple each and every day.
'This is not what we had planned for our lives,' Heather tells The Sun.
'We didn't expect to be grieving the loss of our eldest child and facing the rest of our lives without her.
NHS rolls out bowel cancer screening to 50 and 52-year-olds after Dame Debs' campaigning
'But it is our reality, and we have a choice. We could choose to wallow in our grief, but I know Deborah would hate that.
'Instead, we are choosing to live our lives as she would, embracing every opportunity, making precious memories, enjoying every moment and focusing on her positive legacy.
'I am so grateful to have had 40 years with Deborah, and we are so proud of everything she achieved.
I will never not miss her, but she inspires me to live a better life every day, and for that I am so grateful
Heather James
'To let our sadness consume us wouldn't do justice to the person Deborah was.
'I will never not miss her, but she inspires me to live a better life every day, and for that I am so grateful.'
One final gift
Inspired by their daughter, Heather and Alistair have vowed to continue the work she started, raising awareness of a disease they knew so little about until Deborah educated them, and millions of others, shouting from the rooftops for people to ' Check your poo '.
Just last week Alistair backed calls for Wes Streeting to end cancer diagnosis and treatment delays, pleading with the Health Secretary to overhaul NHS care with the upcoming cancer strategy.
He signed an open letter led by Cancer Research UK that calls for faster diagnosis, waiting times to be met, and more equal access to treatment.
In establishing her Bowelbabe Fund in the weeks before she died, Dame Debs gave her family one final gift - a positive focus for their grief.
While the couple continue Debs' work in the public eye, Seb, her siblings Sarah and Ben help run the Fund behind the scenes, and her children Hugo, 17, and Eloise, 15, help decide where the money raised should be spent.
Three years on, that legacy shines brighter than ever.
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In the last year alone, money she raised has helped fund a state-of-the-art interventional radiology machine at the Royal Marsden Hospital, as well as a project that hopes to make personalised treatments for bowel cancer patients a reality - something Debs was very passionate about.
In January the NHS finally rolled out bowel cancer screening tests to all those people in England aged 50 and over, after Debs spearheaded The Sun's No Time 2 Lose campaign, calling for the age to be lowered from 60 - a move that will save thousands of lives each year.
Meanwhile, the newly-named Bowelbabe Laboratory opened at the prestigious Francis Crick Institute in April, and the team there are dedicated to developing more targeted treatments to combat the disease.
And perhaps the icing on the cake came when King Charles hailed Dame Debs an inspiration in a speech at a reception he hosted at Buckingham Palace in April, attended by Heather and Alistair.
It was the second royal seal of approval for Dame Debs after Prince William visited the family's home to bestow the honour of a damehood on her, after The Sun mounted a campaign to honour our columnist.
Quoting Debs, His Majesty said: 'Find a life worth enjoying; take risks; love deeply; have no regrets; and always, always have rebellious hope.'
'I forgot to curtsey and I held his hand for far too long,' Heather recalls, laughing.
Debs' fundraising efforts
May 9, 2022
Dame Debs launched her Bowelbabe Fund with Cancer Research UK, hoping to raise £250,000 to help give more people more time with loved ones.
June 28, 2022
On the day she died, her Fund's total stood at a staggering £7million. In the days after she died The Sun called on readers to help push it over the £10million mark and in a matter of days it was reached.
June 28, 2025
Since her death, an extra £10million has been raised in Dame Debs' honour, with the total standing at over £17million.
To donate visit bowelbabe.org.
'It was so embarrassing, but he was so warm and wonderful. What an honour that Deborah brought us to meet the King.
'It was a real 'wow' moment, knowing that even the King has been touched by Deborah's message, and all these years later.
'For her words to resonate with him was so special.'
'She would've been blown away,' dad, Alistair adds.
'It wasn't just the King, one lady-in-waiting made a point of telling us she followed Deborah, and even staff in the cloakroom told us of the impact she'd had on their lives too.'
To calm their nerves at the prospect of rubbing shoulders with royalty, the couple admit they had to stop for a drink en route, 'for a bit of Dutch courage', Heather laughs.
'Deborah would've done exactly the same,' she adds.
By Lizzie Parry, Head of Health at The Sun and Deborah's editor and friend
'YOU'LL remember me when the west wind moves, upon the fields of barley'.
I can't listen to those famous lyrics now without welling up, even now three years on.
Fields of Gold is the song Dame Debs chose to play at her funeral, as her casket was carried out of the beautiful church in Barnes, as her loved ones said their goodbyes.
I sobbed then, and it will forever remind me of that moment and Debs.
It's not the only thing. Grief is a multi-sensory thing.
I remember her when I hear that song, when I feel the rain on my face, when I taste a glass of chilled champagne, when I smell her rose and when I see sequins catching the light.
It's all encompassing, and it often catches you unawares.
Where once all those things felt quite painful, three years on since her death and they do make me smile now (even through the tears).
Where once I avoided memories of her, now I love being caught by a flash of my beautifully bonkers friend.
Though, my brain really can't quite fathom that it's been so long since I last spoke to her and laughed with her, and yet it feels like only yesterday at the same time.
While she was alive, Debs taught me so much.
She reminded me - and her thousands of followers - that life is for living, that there is joy to be found in every single day and that we shouldn't wait for the 'right time' to do life.
In death, those lessons still hold true for me, and I often find myself thinking 'what would Debs do'?
Invariably the answer is 'just do it' whether it's booking a holiday, buying the dress, or squeezing a date with my best friends into an already busy week.
So, today on the third anniversary of the horrible moment I learned my friend had passed away, I'll ask the same question… 'What would debs do?'.
She'd put on her shortest, sparkliest dress and wildest pair of heels, pop open a bottle of champagne and she'd dance to Fields of Gold while beaming with joy and crying all in one go.
Debs, forgive me I might have to leave the sequins in the wardrobe in this weather… but that's exactly how I plan to remember you today.
And if she touched your life in any way, I know she'd love the idea of you doing the same.
'All I wanted to do was wear a pair of comfy trainers under my dress, but I could hear Deborah in my ear telling me absolutely not, and that I must wear my heels, ' no pain, no gain'.
'So of course, I wore the heels and my feet were covered in blisters the next day!'
For Heather and Alistair their own grief is one thing, but their true sadness comes from knowing what Deborah is missing out on.
'When anybody dies young, it is the life they miss out on that is the hardest thing to face,' says Alistair.
'For me, it was about a year before she died when I realised the end was coming.
'We were on holiday in France and we were walking together, and it dawned on me that she knew that time was running out.
'That was when I felt saddest.
'My other sadness is seeing the children. She would've adored seeing them grow up, at 15 and 17 they are such great ages now.
'Given what they have been through they have really coped incredibly well, she would be beaming with pride.
'They are both turning into such lovely people.'
Heather adds: 'Seb is such a wonderful dad, they have a very special relationship.
'He's fulfilling all his promises to Deborah, and some. They are a lovely little unit, they are the best of friends.
'Seb really understands them, and they are so protective of him.'
Marking three years
This year, to mark the third anniversary of Deborah's death, the family are all getting together at Heather and Alistair's home.
It is where Deborah took her last breath, holding her husband Seb's hand and surrounded by her parents and siblings - her beloved Wimbledon on in the background.
'As she passed away Wimbledon was on, she absolutely loved it and over the years we all got to go with her,' says Heather.
'It will always remind us of that time, and on Monday, Alistair and I will be there for the opening day.
'We'll raise a glass to Deborah and remember those special moments with her, as well as the gift she left us all - a lesson in how to really live life.'
What are the red flag warning signs of bowel cancer?
IT'S the fourth most common cancer in the UK, the second deadliest - yet bowel cancer can be cured, if you catch it early enough.
While screening is one way of ensuring early diagnosis, there are things everyone can do to reduce their risk of the deadly disease.
Being aware of the signs and symptoms of bowel cancer, spotting any changes and checking with your GP can prove a life-saver.
If you notice any of the signs, don't be embarrassed and don't ignore them. Doctors are used to seeing lots of patients with bowel problems.
The five red-flag symptoms of bowel cancer include:
Bleeding from the back passage, or blood in your poo
A change in your normal toilet habits - going more frequently for example
Pain or a lump in your tummy
Extreme tiredness
Losing weight
Tumours in the bowel typically bleed, which can cause a shortage of red blood cells, known as anaemia. It can cause tiredness and sometimes breathlessness.
In some cases bowel cancer can block the bowel, this is known as a bowel obstruction.
Other signs include:
Gripping pains in the abdomen
Feeling bloated
Constipation and being unable to pass wind
Being sick
Feeling like you need to strain - like doing a number two - but after you've been to the loo
While these are all signs to watch out for, experts warn the most serious is noticing blood in your stools.
But, they warn it can prove tricky for doctors to diagnose the disease, because in most cases these symptoms will be a sign of a less serious disease.
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