Latest news with #30s
The Guardian
08-07-2025
- General
- The Guardian
My boyfriend is almost perfect – but he's too vanilla in bed
I'm a woman in my early 30s, and after dating my male partner for seven months I've become frustrated by his vanilla and mundane sexual preferences. This makes me feel bad about myself, because he is perfect in all other ways. Not only are we intellectually compatible and share many interests, but he is also kind, caring and romantic. He makes sure I never leave for work without a healthy packed lunch and is full of fun ideas for our outings. He makes me feel safe and secure. I had an unstable childhood and am not on speaking terms with my father. With my boyfriend, I am able to open up about this. In the past, I dated difficult and unreliable men with whom I could nonetheless indulge in kinky sex, role-playing and other experimentation – and I always loved that part of the relationship. When I try to initiate this with him, he rejects it; he once said he finds it degrading to women. Sometimes I fantasise about having sex with more adventurous partners, but I can't stand the thought of losing such a wonderful partner with whom I can build a future. Endowing a partner with fatherly attributes is a fairly certain way to dampen eroticism. This process is often an unconscious one – as it undoubtedly is in your case – but when a relationship feels familial at some level, whether mother-child, brotherly, sisterly or fatherly, the deep-seated incest taboo renders sexual contact distasteful. Many relationships fall into such patterns, and this is particularly understandable when adults have emerged from unresolved traumatic childhood patterns such as longing for an unavailable parent, or being a survivor of familial abuse. The task of developing a relationship into a healthy, fully adult union is rarely easy, because people tend to gravitate towards what the 'child' part of them needs. Think carefully about the father-daughter dynamic within your relationship and, if you want to desire him, experiment with identifying and changing overly familial aspects that remind you of unrequited childhood needs. Make your own lunch. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to (please don't send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
The Guardian
08-07-2025
- General
- The Guardian
My boyfriend is almost perfect – but he's too vanilla in bed
I'm a woman in my early 30s, and after dating my male partner for seven months I've become frustrated by his vanilla and mundane sexual preferences. This makes me feel bad about myself, because he is perfect in all other ways. Not only are we intellectually compatible and share many interests, but he is also kind, caring and romantic. He makes sure I never leave for work without a healthy packed lunch and is full of fun ideas for our outings. He makes me feel safe and secure. I had an unstable childhood and am not on speaking terms with my father. With my boyfriend, I am able to open up about this. In the past, I dated difficult and unreliable men with whom I could nonetheless indulge in kinky sex, role-playing and other experimentation – and I always loved that part of the relationship. When I try to initiate this with him, he rejects it; he once said he finds it degrading to women. Sometimes I fantasise about having sex with more adventurous partners, but I can't stand the thought of losing such a wonderful partner with whom I can build a future. Endowing a partner with fatherly attributes is a fairly certain way to dampen eroticism. This process is often an unconscious one – as it undoubtedly is in your case – but when a relationship feels familial at some level, whether mother-child, brotherly, sisterly or fatherly, the deep-seated incest taboo renders sexual contact distasteful. Many relationships fall into such patterns, and this is particularly understandable when adults have emerged from unresolved traumatic childhood patterns such as longing for an unavailable parent, or being a survivor of familial abuse. The task of developing a relationship into a healthy, fully adult union is rarely easy, because people tend to gravitate towards what the 'child' part of them needs. Think carefully about the father-daughter dynamic within your relationship and, if you want to desire him, experiment with identifying and changing overly familial aspects that remind you of unrequited childhood needs. Make your own lunch. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to (please don't send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
Daily Mail
06-07-2025
- Health
- Daily Mail
DEAR JANE: Ozempic changed my life... then my husband confessed the five words every woman fears
Dear Jane, I'm in my early 30s, and after years of struggling with my weight and finding it impossible to shed the pounds, I finally decided to go on Ozempic.
The Guardian
26-06-2025
- General
- The Guardian
How can I stop fixating on my appearance?
How can I stop fixating so much on my appearance? I'm a woman in my late 30s and recently a photo taken in a professional context has sent me spiralling about how I appear to others. I find myself poring over photos for evidence that I'm either ugly or beautiful. In reality I know I'm pretty average looking and the way I look hasn't held me back from finding a loving partner or living a meaningful life – so it shouldn't matter. And yet when my confidence wobbles or my mood is low, it's my physical appearance that obsesses me. How can I de-centre the importance of looks? Eleanor says: Lately I've been getting a lot of ads for cosmetic surgeries; I guess the algorithm ghost thinks I'd like some. But I keep having this experience where I look at the proudly presented 'before and after' photos and feel a poignant fondness for the woman on the left, now erased. Sometimes she reminds me of the women who raised me. My teachers and my relatives and my friends' mothers – good, loving, twinkly-eyed women who taught me how to read and make cakes and laugh and aspire. The 'before' women kind of recall them, at various points in their middle-to-old age. But if the women I've known had lines on their faces or 'saggy' necks – it besmirches them to even talk about them like this – it's only in slightly seeing their echos in these photos, labelled as faults, that it's ever occurred to me to notice. I'm sure it's the same for you with the women who played these roles in your life: we just do not evaluate them on grounds of appearance. It would be a stupid misunderstanding of their value to do so. And of course, because of that, we think they're just beautiful. I miss those echos in the 'after'. The point isn't what you should or shouldn't do with your face. The actual women in these photos may be thrilled. The point is just that there's a way of looking at the people we love and respect that most of us use easily, daily. We see a whole person instead of evaluating or nitpicking parts of their appearance. Why is it hard to extend that way of seeing to ourselves? Why do we look at the women we love and admire through the macro of soul and character, but view ourselves through the unforgiving micro of a magnifying mirror? I can't pretend to know – we're up against industries worth billions and millenia of raising girls on skincare and diets. But I think the task you face is figuring out how to see yourself the same way you see the women you love. Literally visually see; so that what comes back at you from the mirror is a person, not a series of component parts in need of tuning. How do we do that? I think you're on to something big when you say appearance looms when confidence wobbles or mood is low. I notice that the busier I am with things I love, the less it occurs to me to wonder how I look. It's not that I answer that question positively – it just doesn't seem important to ask it. Whatever it is that makes appearance seem unimportant, that's what life needs to feel full of. When things do feel wobbly, smaller interventions might stop the scrutiny cycle. Delete the picture. Put a smiley sticker eye-level on the mirror. Something small that shorts the urge to fixate on appearance. When obsessive re-inquiring about looks is driven by low confidence elsewhere, more visual evidence won't sate it. You don't look at yourself, reach a verdict and stop the investigation. You go back to the mirror tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, as though things might have changed. It feels like a hunger but it shouldn't be fed. I bet there are people in your life who look at you the way you look at the women you love. The task, I think, is to join them.
Yahoo
25-06-2025
- Lifestyle
- Yahoo
Adults Are Sharing The Biggest Mistakes People Can Make In Their 30s, And I'm Taking Some Serious Notes
As someone approaching their 30s, I'm open to receiving any advice I can get. Recently, Redditor u/oghrmiatr asked those in the Reddit community to share the biggest mistakes to avoid making in their 30s to have a good life in their 40s and beyond, and they're reminders to live life with intention: 1."I know this is a very capitalistic thing to say, but you need to fight like hell to earn more money. Don't get complacent with a low-paying job; improve yourself, learn new skills, and get to whatever level you need to get yourself so you can really enjoy life. So many problems can be solved with a bigger paycheck, and many people will sell themselves short and just assume that they have to be stuck in a job that pays lower wages." —climb-it-ographer 2."Don't have kids unless you're willing to give up a lot of your freedom and hobbies." —Ok-Improvement-4526 3."Being in a relationship or marrying someone who is totally wrong for you. I see brilliant, promising, and good people ruin their lives in their 40s because they chose the wrong partner." —OducksFTW 4."Neglecting your teeth." —Classic-Prior-6946 5."Avoiding tough conversations and tough decisions. Trust me, the more conversations you have in your 30s, the easier life will get in your 40s. Your career, your kids, and your overall stability of life will thrive when you are willing to take the risk." —ExtensionActuator811 Related: What Happened To This Woman's Head During Menopause Is Something You Have Got To See To Believe 6."I think the biggest mistake is not putting your finances in order before hitting your 40s." —perez_zinat 7."Don't let anyone live in your home, no matter the sob story." —AiresStrawberries 8."Continuing to eat like you're in your 20s. You don't have to go on some wild diet — just stop eating so much junk and change the small things, like getting more servings of vegetables every so often. Start cooking at home; it'll start making an impact. Just keep making small steps, and by the time you hit your 40s, you'll be used to eating a balanced diet. It's good to start now before your metabolism crashes." —No-Understanding-912 9."Let that cocaine be." —Ok_Outlandishness294 Related: 25 Life-Changing Habits People Added To Their Everyday Routines To Improve Their Lives For The Better 10."Limiting yourself because of anxiety and fears. Time goes by fast — it's important to prioritize what you like and what you want in life. Do you really want something, but you keep postponing it because it stresses you out? Screw that. Just do it; you will be grateful that you did." —Kaph- 11."Not starting a retirement account. Do it. Even $10 a paycheck or $5 — the more, the better. Do it every week, and you will not even notice it." —butcher99 12."Not seriously investing in building and maintaining friendships. A lot of people get divorced in their 40s and find themselves alone." —vkurian 13."Losing your functional mobility. I do a lot of kettlebell workouts now, and I've discovered that my balance has atrophied since my youth. It feels good to reclaim it." —generalright 14."Paying so much attention to your career that you don't spend the time you need with your family. I'm especially referring to your children, if that's your situation. This is the decade that will end up blessing you or hurting you for the rest of your life." —5daysandnights 15."The career you love in your 30s might be something you hate in your 40s. Give yourself an out and have another skillset to fall on, just in case." —MyDogBitz 16."Drinking like you're in your 20s." —AUnicornDonkey "If you start having a health problem, get it looked at and treated early before it turns into something else. I've lost friends to cancer in their 30s and early 40s. I've seen people lose their health due to problems they didn't treat. Your body isn't as resilient as it was when you were younger, and there's a bunch of stuff that might start going wrong. Look after yourself better, and don't let problems spiral if you can help it." —BobBobBobBobBobDave I'm taking note of all of these, TBH. What do you think is the biggest mistake someone can make in their 30s? Let us know in the comments, or you can anonymously submit your thoughts using the form below! Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity. Also in Goodful: Women Are Revealing How Their Lives Have Been Affected By President Trump's Policies, And They're Not Holding Back ANYTHING Also in Goodful: "I Can't Wait For This To Go Out Of Style": People Are Sharing Popular Modern Trends That Are Actually Pretty Toxic Also in Goodful: Boyfriends Are Sharing What They Never Knew About Women Until They Started Dating One, And These Discoveries Are Pure Relationship Gold
