15-06-2025
My greatest regret as a father
BEING a father is no easy road - but it does comes with bountiful rewards. As dads all over South Africa prepare for Father's Day celebrations on Sunday, they will look forward to being pampered by their children and loved ones for being their protector, nurturer, care-giver, supporter and role model. Their hearts will swell with pride as their children shower them with little gifts, boundless love and undivided attention on this special day.
As we raise our glasses to all fathers and father figures on Sunday, let's spare a thought for those not fortunate to have enjoyed the just rewards of a rich family life. And one of the most prominent and revered among such fathers was ironically the Father of the Nation himself - our first democratic president, Nelson Mandela.
Mandela chose a noble and courageous mission in life - to fight on behalf of all his people against injustice and racial subjugation in the country of his birth. But it came at a serious personal cost.
Because he was constantly hounded by the apartheid police and eventually jailed on Robben Island for 27 years, he struggled to balance his family life and the fight for freedom. There were long periods when, through circumstances beyond his control, he was forced to be away from home, missing the warmth and joys of a bonding family experience.
In his book A Long Walk to Freedom, he lamented the painful failure of his two marriages and expressed regret about the emotional trauma this caused his children. His commitment to the ANC struggle to end apartheid meant he was unable to enjoy a normal and stable family life.
"It seems to be the destiny of freedom fighters to have unstable family lives "When your life is in the struggle like mine was, there is little room left for family. This has always been my greatest regret and the most painful aspect of the choice I made. We watched our children grow without our guidance."
Despite the toll on his personal life, Mandela always strove to be remembered as a family man and cultivated relationships with his children, grandchildren and great-grand children in later years of his life. As he said in his book: "To be the father of a nation is a great honour but to be the father of a family is a greater joy. But it was a joy I had far little of."
Please take time to remember all fathers on Sunday
To all those dads out there who believe Father's Day was initiated by men to honour their role in family life, I have news for you. Father's Day was in fact initiated by a woman.
The story goes that a woman called Sonora Smart Dodd from Spokane in Washington in the US first proposed the celebration of Father's Day in 1909, after listening to a Mother's Day sermon in church, which made her think longingly about her father, William Jackson Smart, who had single-handedly raised her and her siblings after the sudden death of her mother.
So inspired was she about the need to honour dedicated fathers like her own, she began campaigning publicly to establish Father's Day as a partner to Mother's Day. Reports say the idea of celebrating Father's Day did not get off to a roaring start. Many people viewed it as unnecessary - just another commercial gimmick. In fact, it took several decades before it began to become officially recognised in countries across the globe.
In South Africa, Father's Day is celebrated on the third Sunday in June. Most families get the opportunity to spend the day together, enjoying a hearty meal at home or a restaurant, going out for a picnic, a walk on the beachfront or setting up a braai. It's a great opportunity to celebrate and focus on the pivotal role fathers play in a family and building a stronger and more stable society.
Last stop
By the way, do you know why some dads take a ladder along when they go to the pub on Father's Day? Someone told them drinks are on the house.
