Latest news with #ATraveler'sPassporttoEtiquetteinaPost-PandemicWorld
San Francisco Chronicle
05-07-2025
- San Francisco Chronicle
How to be a better traveler: Etiquette tips for planes, houseguests and going abroad
The story of travel, particularly by plane, has been one of constantly changing rules and escalating frustrations. This century has been shaped by 9/11 attacks and the COVID-19 pandemic, both of which forever changed how we move through places of transport. But once you actually get somewhere, it's so worth it to leave your routine at home and immerse in another culture. With that in mind, I spoke to etiquette expert Lisa Mirza Grotts, author of 'A Traveler's Passport to Etiquette in a Post-Pandemic World,' about how to be a good traveler and guest in the 21st century. Grotts, who is based in Healdsburg and worked in the San Francisco Office of Protocol, likes to remind people that travel is about sharing space. 'Travel isn't private,' she said. 'As such, you're required to be mindful. Every step of the journey — airports, airplanes, lobbies, crowded sidewalks — are shared space. We are constantly moving along with others.' If you think this book isn't needed in 2025, Google 'bad airplane behavior,' 'misbehaving American tourist' or 'houseguest nightmare.' No one wants to be the person who inconveniences locals or fellow travelers. But everyone should know how to tactfully handle those people should they encounter them on their journey. How to be a good air traveler When in an airport, Grotts advises to 'move with purpose.' That doesn't mean bulldoze people, but walk with a destination in mind and try to stay out of the way of anyone who looks like they're in a bigger hurry. Also remember the rules of the road: The left side of the escalator and moving walkway is for passing. Pay attention to the Transportation Security Administration agents. If they tell you to take off your shoes or take out your electronics or dump that bottle of water, don't try to negotiate. And don't rush the gate at boarding. 'It's not like you're taking the last chopper out of Saigon,' said Grotts. 'Get to the gate when they call you.' Once on the plane, politely acknowledge your seatmate — but remember, 'they're not your captive audience.' Take their social cues, Grotts said, like putting on headsets or sleep masks, which are clear signs they're interested in solitude. It's also good plane manners to cede both armrests to the middle-seat holder. 'It's the least you can do for the worst seat,' she said. How and when to tip Tip hotel cleaning services daily, not a lump sum at the end of the trip. Tipping drivers is something to factor into the cost of any ride. Usually 10%-20% for a private car will suffice. Local tipping customs vary internationally, so Grotts encourages researching to figure out whether tip is included on bills. When dining in some European countries like France or Italy, for instance, a service charge often covers the costs of table service. That means tipping 5%-10% is a bonus. That should also be the range for tipping in bars, taxis and hotels. Asia's tipping culture is also different in each country. China, Myanmar, Singapore and Taiwan do not have a strong tipping culture, whereas hospitality workers in much of Southeast Asia — including Cambodia, Thailand, Vietnam, Indonesia and Malaysia — are more likely to expect tips. When in doubt: Overtipping only costs a few dollars more. How to be a good guest in someone's home Hostess gifts, something thoughtful they're not expected to share with you, are a must when staying in someone else's home. Grotts likes homemade items: jams, preserves, anything from your garden. I'm also a believer in hosting them when you're out to meals and visiting places with them. Above all, 'don't treat them like a bed and breakfast,' said Grotts. Most importantly, do not overstay your welcome. Mark a clear departure date, and make sure your host is comfortable with the extent of your visit. A few days after your departure, follow up with a handwritten thank-you note. How to be a good guest in a different culture You don't go through all the hassle of traveling to live life exactly as you do at home, so don't expect that when traveling elsewhere, Grotts said. Be comfortable with being uncomfortable in a new country. You're going to stumble (like accidentally insulting a Belgian by thanking them in French), but when are you going to see these people again? Just try your best. When in doubt, observe how the locals dress and behave in certain spaces. 'Learn the basics — hello, please, thank you, excuse me — in their language,' Grotts said. 'These are the words you should be using at home too. Your manners don't go on vacation when you do.'
Newsweek
20-05-2025
- General
- Newsweek
Gen Z Woman Refusing To Give Up Window Seat on Plane for Kid Backed
Based on facts, either observed and verified firsthand by the reporter, or reported and verified from knowledgeable sources. Newsweek AI is in beta. Translations may contain inaccuracies—please refer to the original content. A post about a woman's decision not to give her window seat to a child on a six-hour flight has gone viral on Reddit, igniting discussions about personal boundaries and the limits of courtesy in air travel. The post, shared by u/melodyMyWoman, has received more than 9,200 upvotes and over 2,400 comments since it was posted on May 15. Titled "AITA [Am I the A******] for not giving up my window seat on a 6-hour flight to a kid?," the post describes the woman's dilemma when she found another passenger sitting in her pre-booked window seat, hoping to swap so her child could enjoy the view. "So, I (27F) recently took a 6-hour flight for a work conference. I booked my ticket two months in advance and paid extra for a window seat because I get a bit anxious on planes, and the view helps calm me down," she wrote. "I'm also pretty tall, and I like leaning against the window to sleep." Upon boarding, she found a woman and her son, who appeared to be 7 or 8 years old, already seated in her assigned seat. When she explained it was hers, the woman asked if she would take the middle seat instead, saying it would "make a kid's day." The poster "politely" declined, citing her anxiety and the extra money paid for the window. The mom eventually moved to her original seat two rows back but allegedly spent the rest of the flight glaring at the poster and criticizing her to other passengers. Stock image: A woman smiles while looking out of a plane window. Stock image: A woman smiles while looking out of a plane window. Getty Mandy Morris, a licensed professional counselor and executive psychology coach, told Newsweek that the poster's response was entirely appropriate. "She demonstrated self-awareness, communicated clearly, and held a boundary without being aggressive. That's not just OK; it's admirable," Morris said. "Kindness doesn't mean self-sacrifice, especially when the request infringes on someone's needs, planning, and emotional well-being." Etiquette expert Lisa Mirza Grotts, the author of the book A Traveler's Passport to Etiquette in a Post-Pandemic World, echoed that view. "You are under zero obligation to give up the seat you selected and paid for, so why feel bad for doing something the right way?" she told Newsweek. "Poor planning is not your problem. Parents should book seats together. When they don't, it puts pressure on others to play musical chairs." A June 2023 survey of 1,000 plane passengers in the U.S. and Canada, conducted on behalf of the travel booking website Kayak, found "you are allowed to ask to switch seats if you ask politely," because 54 percent of travelers "have a soft spot for common courtesy." Those surveyed said you are allowed to ask to sit next to a family member, partner or friend because 58 percent of travelers "have a grain of empathy." 'Atrociously Rude' Morris said that enforcing personal boundaries in public spaces is not selfishness. "Her response was calm, respectful, and firm. It's not rude to advocate for yourself," she added. She also noted that labeling someone as a bad person for maintaining their boundaries, especially in front of children, can be emotionally manipulative. "Part of raising emotionally healthy kids includes teaching them to handle disappointment." Etiquette expert Jo Hayes told Newsweek that the poster has done "absolutely nothing wrong," adding, "this was your seat. You booked it months in advance—and paid extra, for the privilege of the window seat. It is rightfully yours." Hayes criticized the other woman's "selfish, discourteous and disrespectful behavior," saying "it is entirely entitled—and atrociously rude—to brazenly take someone else's seat, and assume they'll be OK with it." Hayes concluded that, if the mom wanted her child to enjoy a window seat, she should have done what the poster did and booked it. Grotts said that flight attendants, not fellow passengers, are best positioned to manage such issues. "Flight attendants are trained mediators. They know the seating chart, they have access to options, and unlike you, they're not emotionally involved." Reactions on Reddit overwhelmingly supported the original poster. U/Anunez1412 wrote: "NTA [Not the a******]. But that other woman sure is. If she wanted a window seat for her son then she should've paid for one." U/Gnarly_314 added: "The mother could have been nice and not stressed you out. Her child didn't get a window seat because she didn't pay for one. She and her child should suck it up." Several Reddit users agreed that the poster didn't owe any explanation at all. U/Britneyismyhomegirl posted: "No way, even providing an excuse or explanation is playing into that woman's game. Just a flat out no is fine." Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment via the Reddit messaging system. Do you have a travel-related story to share? Let us know via life@ and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
Newsweek
25-04-2025
- Newsweek
Why Woman Sat on Train Passenger's Purse Applauded: 'Inconsiderate'
Based on facts, either observed and verified firsthand by the reporter, or reported and verified from knowledgeable sources. Newsweek AI is in beta. Translations may contain inaccuracies—please refer to the original content. A post about a passenger sitting on a fellow commuter's purse on a crowded train when the woman refused to move the bag to allow her to sit has gone viral on Reddit. The post by u/CyclingSkater, shared on April 24 in the r/AmItheA****** subreddit, received over 6,700 upvotes and hundreds of comments debating train etiquette and public courtesy. The poster, who identified herself as a woman, recounted her daily commute in a "metropolitan city" where trains are often packed during rush hour. On this particular day, the poster said she walked through multiple train cars in search of a seat and came across a seat taken by a woman's bag. "I asked this woman if I could sit there and she pretended to not hear me," the poster wrote. "I didn't want to tap her shoulder because you never know how people would react so I waved a bit to get her attention and she said she didn't want to hold her bag (which was a no)." Despite saying that there were no other empty seats and the train was about to depart, the woman continued to ignore her. With no alternative, the poster said she sat down on the purse. "She began yelling at me telling me I'm a b**** and told me to move because she never said I could sit there. I told her that there was no other seat and the train was departing," the poster added. Stock image: A woman grabs a bag placed on a middle seat next to her. Stock image: A woman grabs a bag placed on a middle seat next to her. iStock / Getty Images Plus Etiquette expert Lisa Mirza Grotts, author of A Traveler's Passport to Etiquette in a Post-Pandemic World, told Newsweek: "In travel, as in life, grace is the best carry-on." She added: "Your seat is not a throne. Share and share alike." The American Community Survey (ACS) found that public transportation commuters accounted for around 5 percent of all workers in the United States in 2019, before the COVID-19 pandemic, the U.S. Census Bureau reported in April 2021. Though public transportation was a "relatively uncommon method" of traveling to work in the country as a whole in 2019, "it played a prominent role in certain places, like the cities of New York, where over 2 million people commuted by public transportation, and San Francisco, where over one-third of workers did so," the bureau said. The confrontation in the Reddit post escalated until a conductor intervened. According to the poster, the conductor asked the seated woman if her purse was occupying a seat. She did not respond. The conductor reportedly advised her to "be considerate" and continued checking tickets. At the next stop, the woman threatened to report the poster to the police for "touching her belongings" and demanded compensation for the purse, claiming it was dented. She also said that, since she had a rough day, she needed personal space and that others should have arrived earlier to claim a seat. 'Be Considerate of Space' Etiquette experts weighed in, agreeing with the poster's frustration and emphasizing the importance of courtesy in shared public spaces. Grotts said: "Be considerate of space. Don't sprawl; during busy times, less is more; and keep your luggage tucked away—not center stage." Etiquette expert Jules Hirst, co-author of Power of Civility, told Newsweek that, while stressful situations can test patience, they are precisely when good manners matter most. "Seats on public transportation are for passengers and not for your belongings," Hirst said. "This train was almost full due to the afterwork rush commute. The seated passenger should have shown some civility and moved their belongings so a fellow passenger could sit down." Addressing the poster's decision to sit on the purse, Hirst said that it may not have been ideal but understandable. "The seatless passenger waved to get the attention of the seated passenger, explained the situation and was ignored. The seated passenger prioritized her purse over the needs of a fellow human being," she added. "Public transportation is a shared space, so the seated passenger needed to share and did not," Hirst said. 'Her Purse Doesn't Get a Seat' The Reddit community overwhelmingly supported the poster. In a top comment with more than 8,000 upvotes, u/uncommonbreeddogmom wrote: "It's public transit. Her purse doesn't get a seat because she had a bad day." Other users echoed the sentiment. "She really thought that seat came with a bag reservation tag or sum," u/Sablefernglow commented. "You asked nice multiple times and she ignored u … ppl [people] love acting like victims when they were inconsiderate first …" Many Reddit users used humor to underline the absurdity of the situation. "Seats are for butts, not bags," wrote u/awkwardlypragmatic. Another, u/Ellend821, added: "NTA [not the a******] and this is hilarious, I'm using this tactic next time." "NTA. Public transit seats are for people, not purses," wrote u/Arorua_Mendes. "What were you supposed to do, levitate? Her rough day doesn't trump basic transit etiquette … Her bag doesn't pay fare, and your actions were justified." Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment via the Reddit messaging system. Do you have a travel-related video or story to share? Let us know via life@ and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
