4 days ago
Redefining brotherhood: The new language of male bonding in Singapore
[SINGAPORE] A catch-up with your national service buddies at the kopitiam. A round of drinks in your members' club. A friendly soccer match on the weekend. A round of golf in Sentosa, Bintan or Langkawi. Male bonding in Singapore used to be a simple affair, usually revolving around meals or sports.
But then life got more complicated. And as it did, so did the variety of ways in which men could forge friendships, build support networks and find solace in an increasingly complex society – one where the rules of masculinity were being challenged, or, in some cases, upended.
From cathartic, controlled chaos activities like axe throwing and rage rooms, to creative pursuits such as all-male choirs, art jamming and virtual reality (VR) experiences, as well as exploits requiring strategy and teamwork such as escape rooms and paintball – more men are turning to alternative outlets.
These non-traditional mechanisms allow them to express their emotions, release tension in healthy ways, and reconnect with parts of themselves often muted by societal expectations.
Under pressure
In Singapore's hustle culture, men often find themselves under immense pressure to succeed professionally and personally. Dr Marcus Martinez, founder of Whole Life Alignment, observes: 'In Singapore, I see many men silently shouldering immense pressure – from career expectations to societal definitions of success.'
The chiropractor/transformational coach finds that the 'always on' culture, long work hours and financial demands often push men's emotional well-being to the back burner.
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Gabrielle Mendoza, a nervous system rewire and yoga therapist, and Dylan Werner, a yoga teacher and ex-US Marine, echo Martinez's sentiment. 'In high-pressure sectors like finance or consulting… the 'always on' state pushes the nervous system into chronic fight-or-flight mode, often without people realising it.'
Werner adds that under such circumstances, 'the pressure to succeed can be so constant that we don't even notice we've gone numb – it just becomes the baseline'. Mendoza and Werner are both leading sessions at the upcoming Glow Festival by Prudential, an annual wellness festival that will be held at Marina Bay Sands from Jul 5.
The changing face of masculinity
Traditional notions of masculinity often discourage emotional expression. 'In many Asian cultures, there's a strong emphasis on not showing weakness, preserving pride and avoiding the loss of face,' reflects Kenneth Chan, the former CEO of McDonald's China, who is now retired.
'These expectations can make it difficult to openly express vulnerability or seek help when experiencing burnout,' he adds. Chan is also the author of Asians in Charge: How to Earn Your Place at the Leadership Table (2022).
Werner shares his personal journey, particularly during his stint in the military, saying: 'For a long time, I didn't understand vulnerability at all. I was conditioned to shut it down. To suppress emotion, compartmentalise pain and stay hard, no matter what. That kind of emotional detachment was drilled into me during my time in the Marine Corps.'
The pandemic served as a turning point. Quek Kwang Yong, a counsellor at A Kind Place, noticed that Covid-19 had a profound impact on how Singaporean men viewed mental health, coping and life purpose.
'Alongside increased mental health challenges, there was also a surge in awareness and acceptance. Cultural norms shifted toward normalising emotional vulnerability and help-seeking,' he says.
A Kind Place founder/psychologist Ooi Sze Jin notes that the practice has seen an increase in men seeking therapy. For those in their late 20s and early 30s, she says, typical triggers include work, relationship, financial and home ownership-related matters.
Embracing alternative outlets
As the stigma around mental health continues to decline, men have been exploring non-traditional approaches to express themselves and connect with others. Activities such as singing in a choir and VR experiences offer creative, non-physical outlets that promote emotional expression and reduce stress.
'For many Singaporean men, singing, especially in public, isn't something that comes naturally. Most juggle multiple roles as fathers, sons, professionals and providers, and often fall under the unspoken expectation to remain composed and 'tough',' says Justin Goh, a conductor who founded all-male choir VOS Men in 2022.
'But something changes when they enter a choral setting. Singing in a group offers a shared sense of vulnerability that feels safe,' Goh adds, noting that there has been an increase in both interest and audition numbers. From 20 members last year, the choir now has 25 members.
Ean Cheong, founder of Lele Bakery and a member of VOS Men, shares: 'Singing and being part of a choir have been a powerful anchor for my emotional and mental well-being as a business owner. It gives me space to take a break from the daily grind and reconnect with something deeply personal and uplifting.'
Chan joined VOS Men to express his emotions and to enjoy the camaraderie. Singing was his signature trait; he used to hum as he made his rounds in the office. Martinez, also a VOS Men member, explains: 'Singing in a choir activates the vagus nerve, calms the nervous system and fosters a sense of belonging that many men don't even realise they're missing.'
The way Ooi sees it, choral singing provides men with 'a channel to articulate their feelings and experiences, while reinforcing and demonstrating their masculine identity within a given social context'.
VR experiences, on the other hand, offer a location-based, social form of gaming – unlike other gaming formats such as PC, console or mobile. These encourage players to rely on each other and bond through shared moments. 'That level of personal connectivity and social interaction is something male audiences, specifically younger males, have been hungry for,' explains Sandbox VR's senior vice-president of content and creative director Michael Hampden.
VR experiences encourage personal connectivity. PHOTO: SANDBOX VR
He adds: 'Some guests have shared that the immersive nature of VR helps them forget about work stress, anxiety, or personal challenges for a while. It's more than just gaming – it's a full-body escape. One person described it as 'a break from reality that doesn't feel isolating', which really speaks to the mental recharge it can offer.'
Building brotherhood
For those seeking more physical outlets, activities such as axe throwing, rage rooms and paintball provide controlled environments to release pent-up energy. Ivan Lim, a clinical therapist at Alliance Counselling, explains that regular and controlled bursts of physical and emotional energy can be a healthy habit.
'It's a bit like easing open the cap of a Coke bottle periodically to vent some of the pent-up pressure that builds up inside as the bottle gets shaken,' he says.
Naturally, these activities also foster camaraderie. Lim observes: 'There is something about having a tribe or a band of brothers that signals and promotes a sense of safety and 'permission' to be simultaneously authentic, vulnerable, and strong in the face of stress and life challenges.'
Paintball helps men to release tension in a safe, active environment. PHOTO: RED DYNASTY PAINTBALL PARK
Benjamin Seow, founder/director of Red Dynasty Paintball Park, feels that shared physical experiences like paintball help to release tension in a safe, active environment – thanks to teamwork, laughter and post-game reflection.
'Participants who arrive withdrawn or weighed down by work pressures tend to leave visibly more relaxed and energised,' he says. 'We can feel the mood lift, especially after they have had a chance to engage physically, succeed as a team and let out pent-up emotions.'
NSMen recreational clubhouse HomeTeamNS offers paintball facilities alongside experiences like Action Motion, TactSim and Adventure HQ. Ang Han Wee, assistant director (business development), notes that there has been an uptick in interest and bookings for corporate team building since the pandemic.
He says: 'Men tell us that what they value most isn't just the thrill; it's the camaraderie. These immersive, mission-based games naturally build trust as teams work towards shared goals and solve problems on the fly.'
A new era of strength
As men in Singapore explore these alternative avenues, they are redefining what it means to be strong. Cheong reflects: 'Younger men in Singapore are beginning to challenge and reshape traditional ideas of masculinity. There's a growing recognition that being vulnerable doesn't make you weak; it makes you real.'
Martinez sums it up neatly. saying: 'When men see that they can be powerful and poetic, structured and soulful, they realise they don't have to choose. They can be whole.'
