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Yahoo
3 days ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
My girlfriend loves me more than I love her. Should I settle at 27, or move on?
Welcome back to 'Ask Amy & T.J.' In this week's column, Amy Robach and T.J. Holmes learn what a Zoomer is — and share some lessons learned in their 20s. We want to hear your questions about being newly single. When is it OK to bring a date around friends who knew your ex? Or post about your new partner on social media? If you have a question for Amy and T.J. about dipping your toes back into the dating pool, email it to askamyandtj@ If you want to hear more from our advice columnists, check out their podcast. Amy and T.J., I realize I might sound like a jerk, but here's my question: Should I be with someone who's really into me if I don't want them as much back? Or should I wait to find someone I'd really like to be with, but will have to work to win over? I'm a 27-year-old Zoomer deciding whether to settle for my current partner or start over and keep looking. What should I do?Gut reaction T.J. Holmes: What's that sound like? Amy Robach: It sounds like he's just not that into his partner! On further thought … AR: By the time I was 27, I'd been married for four years. TJH: Me too. We both got married at 23. AR: And we shouldn't have! TJH: And we shouldn't have! It's not that you can't have your ish together at age 27. But for many people at that age, you haven't necessarily figured out who you want to be yet. So how are you going to be ready to know what you want in a partner long-term? It isn't always a matter of age, though; it's a matter of where you are now and whether you can grow from there. Because by the time you're 34, you might not be the same person you are now. Your partner may not be either — by then they may not like you! AR: I also think that 27 is too young to settle. I know when you're 27, you feel like you've lived so much life — I did when I was 27; I thought I had figured most of it out. But you haven't. And you can't have. So if you aren't already in a relationship where you are so excited about taking the next step with that person, you should wait until you find that person. You've got plenty of time at 27. On the other hand, I do think that your generation — I didn't know you were called Zoomers — is far more picky, and that's not a bad thing. But there is no such thing as a perfect mate. You're never going to find the perfect person. What you want is to find the person who you love and respect enough that you will want to grow with them and be willing to change and evolve with them. You want to find the right person to be on that journey with you, but it's not going to be the perfect person. TJH: It's all about realistic vs. idealistic. A lot of people have this idea — we see it in Love Island USA — this fantasy of someone who makes their heart flutter, who's going to be their Prince or Princess Charming. It's OK to have standards, but if you get too attached to this idealistic expectation, now, any time you date someone, if they're not perfect, you think, 'I shouldn't settle for less.' Settling for less is not the same as being realistic about what you really want in a relationship. Don't let perfect get in the way of good. And sometimes what you have is perfectly good. So, before you make a decision, maybe ask yourself whether you want to throw away the relationship you have to try to get the perfect one. Maybe you can grow to be head over heels? If this woman cares about you that much, maybe eventually you'll realize that you have something special? AR: I think that might be possible. And it's why you need to be honest with your partner. Explain that you're not where they are emotionally yet, but you're not ready to end things. Ask for patience, but make it clear that you can't promise a ring at the end of this. And honestly, your partner might say 'bye' when you come clean. But I think anyone you're dating should get that opportunity to know where your head is and make a decision for themselves. It's not just you making this decision; your partner is in this relationship too. The final word TJH: The key word, though, is settle. Any time you insert that into a sentence regarding the person you're with, I think that's a wrap. That's done, it's over. You can think about being realistic vs. idealistic. But the word 'settle' is a big problem. AR: You should never settle. You can talk to your partner honestly about seeing if your feelings might grow. But don't settle. Because it might just feel like 'settling' right now, early on in the relationship. But if you stay together and you really feel like you're settling, it will turn into resentment and full-blown anger and depression. It can lead to a lot of really negative things. If your relationship is starting at settling, it's not going to end well. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
07-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
He cheated, we broke up. Now, his life looks different. Should we try again?
Have a relationship question for Amy and T.J.? Email askamyandtj@ and hear more from them on their podcast. Amy and T.J., My ex and I dated for five years before we broke up. He cheated on me with my colleague. I was rightfully upset. We had even started to talk about a future and marriage. So I didn't want to give him a second chance. But now, it's been two years, and I'm considering going back to him. He seems to have made real improvements in his life. He finally has a job, he bought an apartment and he even has a pet now. I'm not sure how he managed to get his life in order so quickly, but I'm happy for him. I do think I miss him, and I've noticed he's been looking at my social media pages a lot. He's liked almost every single post I've made. Maybe that means something? Should I go back to him or is it a waste of time?T.J. Holmes: All he did was like your posts? You're reading tea leaves. Calm down. Amy Robach: Is he wanting to get back together with you? Are you taking a stab at it? AR: Should you go back to him? My answer is no. You broke up for a reason, and I don't believe that someone cheats out of the blue. It obviously spoke to the quality of your relationship. I don't know what changed so dramatically about him, or what you think changed so dramatically about him. You were dating for five years and just starting to talk about marriage, and he didn't have a job? Now he might be able to pay his bills, but he's still the same person you broke up with. The same person it wasn't working out with. How are things going to change? TH: I think you might be making excuses for wanting him back. I don't think you know who he is now. Who have you been dating since you and he broke up? Who is he dating? Have you been sitting around waiting for him for two years? And now you think he's improved because he's got a f***ing pet, and now he's cool? I don't think anything that you know of has actually changed about this man. AR: That said, if you really still have feelings for him and have been pining away for him for the past two years, then you should be direct and ask him to meet up. See how it feels. But I wouldn't have any expectations that things would be any different now than they were then. Maybe you're feeling lonely, or you're thinking about your biological clock ticking. You might be wondering if he was your last, best option. I think a lot of people love the idea of having a partner, a teammate to go through life with, and it's almost less important who the person is, as long as it's a person you can picture in that idea of a relationship with. But you have to be willing to accept all the bad that comes with the good. And sometimes, that's a matter of experience and maturity. If I were trying to figure this out, I would make a list of pros and cons: all the things that I didn't like about our relationship, and all the things I did like. Really take a good, long look at that list and know what you would be getting into. I would never tell someone not to give love another chance, but go into it with open eyes. Don't wear rose-colored glasses or view the situation through an Instagram filter. TH: I think you're looking for positives when you look at his social media. Job, apartment, pet — OK, welcome to adulthood, big deal! AR: I think you have very low expectations of what is good enough for you. TH: You should raise your own standards. And force somebody to meet them. You can do better than that. You sound like a young person. You're going to be OK. But do not settle for a guy who just does the basics. It sounds like now, he's the guy that you wanted in the beginning. But he might not be the guy who wants you at this point. You might not be attracted to each other at this point. It's been two years — you might not be the same people you were at all. But you can handle this today. If you're into him, there's no harm in reaching out and saying, 'Hello, I've noticed that you liked all my posts. I wonder how things have been going for you? Would you like to have a conversation or go grab a coffee at some point? I'd love to do so.' If he says 'yes,' let's see what happens. If he says 'no, we are done,' move on. TH: Stop following him on social media. That's step one. I know it sounds extreme, but think of it like this: Would you try to quit drinking while you've got a full bar in your house? You get that stuff out of there. AR: Just remember that there was a reason you broke up in the first place. Really try to remember that. Either ask him to coffee and see what happens, or delete everything. This middle ground? That's the worst. Inaction or limbo — that is suffering right there. Make a decision either way and then accept it.
Yahoo
30-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
I'm a successful Black woman. So why aren't men into me?
Want relationship advice from Amy Robach and T.J. Holmes? Email askamyandtj@ with a question for the chance to be featured on Ask Amy & T.J. Hear more from the pair on their podcast. Amy & T.J., I'm a 42-year-old Black female, 195 pounds, 5'11'. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I have natural hair and a natural body type. I'm educated and have a good career. I own my home and car and play tennis, swim and do yoga. I travel and volunteer in my community. Yet, now, where I live in northern New Jersey and previously in Pennsylvania, North Carolina and in Westchester County, N.Y., it's the same: I'm ignored in the dating pool. I go to singles events and join groups to no avail. I tried dating apps, but no success there either. I choose not to be on social media. I don't have any close friends or family to make introductions. What else can I do? My question is: What is it that men are looking for? I'm interested in both of your perspectives.T.J. Holmes: Damn, girl. The first thing you wanted to mention was your size. That's on your mind. This is a little bit of a heartbreaker. I would like to talk to you. I would like to hug you. AR: I can't say for sure what men are attracted to. But I can tell you what I think it is: I think that every person gives off an energy. And if you love yourself and you think you're putting your best foot forward, that reads as attractive. Confidence is sexy. Knowing who you are and loving who you are is sexy. When you love yourself, you become lovable. I know, it sounds cheesy, but I believe it! AR: I would ask you to try to focus less on what you can do to make a man like or love you, and focus on making yourself the best version of you, so you can feel proud of yourself and love yourself. And then I think the men will come! You need to date yourself and fall in love with yourself, and then that smile on your face, the twinkle in your eyes — that will be there, and that's attractive to other people. TH: Your question translates to me as: 'Hi Amy and T.J., what's wrong with me?' You're listing your whole résumé and wondering, 'Why doesn't anybody want me?' You can't look at it that way. There is nothing on planet Earth wrong with you. It seems like you think it's your fault that you're not getting dates with men. I hate any time I hear that — and it seems to come from women more often than men. The apps, the mixers — things you've done to meet people are fine. But relax. Don't try so hard to be something to attract what you think you want. You think you want that guy, but you had to do what to get him? Change this, change that. Eventually, that gets you to a point where the other person realizes you're not really who they thought you were. Be who you really are. And that will attract what you really deserve. AR: It's so much easier to be yourself instead of pretending to be somebody else that you think they might be attracted to. Maybe instead of trying to find a boyfriend, try to just find some friends. I think if you approach meeting people from that perspective, it takes the pressure off. Look around and ask if people want to hang out and go out and do things. The more you're out, the more you're social, the more possibility there is — you never know what will happen or who you'll meet! But if you're trying to force it and trying to find someone who will like you romantically, that's so much pressure. And that pressure you're putting on yourself is probably affecting your energy. And, in turn, that energy might be undermining your attempts to actually find a partner. TH: We miss out if we have all those restrictions about what we want in a person. Maybe you meet somebody who's 6'2', but there's a guy out there who's 5'11' and perfect for you. You eliminate so many options for connection when you put all these restrictions in place about who you're willing to date. And it seems like you're putting a lot of those restrictions on yourself. AR: In past relationships that I've been in, they checked all the boxes, but it didn't work out. On paper, it looks like it's a perfect match. And yet, when it comes down to actual personalities and energies and jibing with somebody, you can't have a checklist. I've learned from experience that it is really about that unspoken connection, and you can't really explain why or how. It's just there. And it's not because you look a certain way or you drive a certain car, or you live in a certain neighborhood. That's not love. It was what you thought love was supposed to look like, versus what it actually is. AR: Get rid of the shoulds, the checklist, all of these things that you're saying about yourself and that you think other people won't like. You need to get your head out of that space, because that isn't what makes relationships strong, it isn't what makes relationships great. Those things are only the outward elements. It's everything that's inside of you that matters when it comes to having a good relationship. TH: I hate that you are in some way questioning your own worth. That sucks. You want to correct some things about yourself, it seems. Look, I'm not going to address your height and weight. Because here's the thing: That ain't got s*** to do with s***. When you think that way, it's like you want to correct things to check off boxes. And then what? Are you going to change your body and straighten your hair to try to attract someone? That sucks. And when you try to do that, all you're going to attract is somebody who isn't actually going to be attracted to who you are — which is a 5'11', 195-pound, f***ing beauty. I always tell folks, there's probably somebody already floating around your life who you're going to end up with. Amy and I sat right next to each other for years, and didn't realize that we were going to end up together. We didn't realize we were each other's person. You might have that in your life. And I would ask you just to be open, to be aware, look around. So: Go on, sister, and stop trying to be something for somebody else because you absolutely are going to attract the wrong thing. To get advice directly from Amy and T.J.,send whatever relationship question is keeping you up at night — whether it's about friends, family, your love life or beyond — to askamyandtj@
