6 days ago
The Cork runner whose drug addiction saw him taking cocaine before races
A Cork athlete who once battled a severe drug addiction — so intense he was using cocaine even before running marathons — has shared how he overcame his darkest moments through determination, rehab, and the unwavering support of his family.
Andy Goulding spent a decade in denial about his cocaine dependency, as the substance gradually took over his life. At his lowest, he found himself using during training and even the night before major races just to keep going. It wasn't until he hit rock bottom — experiencing psychosis, financial ruin, and a suicide attempt — that he realised he needed to make a drastic change.
Now 38, Andy grew up in Ballyvolane on Cork's northside, surrounded by a close-knit family. A lifelong sports enthusiast, he played hurling with Glen Rovers in his youth before transitioning to running, eventually competing in marathons as an adult.
But when he hit his teens, Andy said he "lost sight of who I was" as he struggled with identity and feeling like he had no purpose in life. As a teenager, he said he "got in with the wrong crowd" and tried drugs and alcohol for the first time. When he tried cocaine for the first time in his early 20s, he said it felt like it was "a match", and he began using regularly.
In a vulnerable sharing of his addiction story, Andy told T he Comeback with Brenda podcast how he denied his problem for years, despite it wrecking his health and putting pressure on his work and relationships. "I was a functioning addict, and I couldn't see it," he said.
Looking back on a decade of drug addiction and mental health struggles, he said: "I was using for 10 years... really heavy for about five or six years, and three years of absolute mental torture."
"I don't know how I'm still alive," the marathon runner said, "I should have had multiple heart attacks.... I've run marathons the day after using a lot."
On one occasion, Andy said he bought drugs in preparation for post-race celebrations but ended up taking it all in one night. He didn't sleep, and went out the next morning to run the full marathon.
Another time, while out running, Andy took drugs mid-training session. He said: "I used to run to people's houses to get drugs, running was my way to get out of the house during Covid. I'd go for my run, call to this fella's house, and probably use on the way back."
But in the years he was using, Andy tried to keep up normal appearances, going to work and putting on a brave face in front of his family and friends.
"I turned up to work one morning and I think I was actually in psychosis," he told podcast host Brenda Dennehy, "And I drove to work, and I had no idea what was going on. I ended up in hospital... it was one of the lowest points in my life. My father was sitting next to me, crying. But still, I didn't think I had a problem."
"It still didn't snap me out of it," he admitted. Despite his addiction landing him in hospital, Andy continued with his habit and tried to keep living his life as normally as he could.
Andy ran his first marathon in 2018. Just weeks later, he fell ill with pneumonia and ended up spending another 10 days in hospital. While he assumed he was just "run down" from intense training and completing the run, he now knows that using drugs after a marathon likely contributed to the illness. As soon as he was discharged, cocaine was the first thing on his mind.
"I remember thinking 'I'm out of hospital now, I'm going to celebrate by getting a bag,'" he said, "but then it went from celebrating to, if I was having a bad day, I'd get one. No matter what emotion I had, I was using... it got me through the day."
At his worst, Andy was using nearly every day of the week. He wasn't eating, was paranoid, and staying awake for days at a time. "Realistically, I was probably using four to five days a week," he said, "And then I'd hit a low and I'd sleep for so long... I'd just crash, and then I'd just do it all over again."
It wasn't just his health that was suffering, Andy began struggling financially to upkeep the expensive habit. He explained: "I maxed out credit cards, I used all my savings... I was bouncing from one person to another. I had a load of friends who used and I'd get it off him one week, then I'd owe him, and then I'd get it off (someone else) the next week. I'd spread it around."
He took out loans and borrowed money from friends and family. His father even ended up "bailing" him out of trouble and giving him money when he got into a financial hole and couldn't pay dealers back. "And all this time, I still believed I was in control," he said.
Also affected was Andy's relationship with his then-girlfriend Sarah. The couple were together for two years through Andy's crippling addiction, and through Covid which he said "ruined" him due to isolation. While Sarah stuck by Andy and the pair are now happily married, his drug problem put a huge strain on the relationship.
He opened up on how he hid the extent of his problem from Sarah and how, when she would ask him what was wrong, he would get "so defensive" and lie to her. He said: "She tried so much to help me, but I wasn't willing. I didn't think I needed help."
"It was pure madness", he said, and shared how he attended Narcotics Anonymous a handful of times, but that it was only to "keep people happy."
It wasn't until he fell into a depression so low that he tried to take his own life that Andy realised he really did need professional help. "My lowest moment was the last day I used," he said, and shared how in July 2020, he hit rock bottom.
Andy woke up early, and before going to work, he was already using. He said that while driving to work, all he could think about was "I can't do this anymore."'
"Every day was a battle," he said, and he felt he couldn't see a way out. In a dazed state, Andy drove away from Cork until he ended up in Limerick and attempted to take his own life. He was rescued by heroic fishermen before being rushed to hospital.
At home in Cork, Sarah had reported him missing. At the hospital, Andy contacted his distraught family. Andy said he will never forget his father asking him, "How can we help you if you're dead?"
"It's one of the only things I remember anyone saying to me over those couple of days," he said.
Over the next few months, Andy had to put all his effort into treatment and recovery. He spent a few days at Saint Michael's Mental Health Unit at the Mercy University Hospital, which he said was "such an eye opener.
After nearly a week of inpatient care, Andy came to terms and admitted to himself that "something isn't right here," and he needed help. With the help of his family, he was able to get on the waiting list for a treatment centre. He spent three difficult, emotional weeks at home with Sarah while he waited to get into rehabilitation at Cuan Mhuire in Athy.
He spent 20 tough weeks at the residential rehab treatment, which Andy said truly saved his life. He couldn't have any visitors as it was during the pandemic, and he even spent Christmas in rehab as he focused all his time on beating his addiction.
Over months, Andy put huge effort into self-healing and said he was determined to recover for his family and those who rallied around him. He said, "At this stage, I knew I had a problem."
Andy, who hosts the Runner's Diary podcast, continued gymming, running, and staying active while in recovery, which he said was important for staying sane during treatment and lockdown. He said he went into treatment with the intention of "I need to do this, if I don't get this right, it's the end of me."
When Andy came home to Cork in January 2021, he felt he had discovered a "higher power" and knew he wanted to share his story to help others. He said, "My biggest message is, for people whose family members are in addiction, they have to be willing to do it. You can't force someone in there because they might go in, but they have to be willing to do it."
"You have to hit rock bottom for you to realise, this isn't normal, I'm in trouble, I need help."
On July 7, Andy marks five years clean. Since coming out of treatment, he has gone on to win the Kinvara marathon twice, once in 2021 and 2022, and was a pacer for the Cork marathon. Andy says he has forgiven himself for the years of struggle - and will be forever grateful to his family who helped him through it all.
If you have been affected by the issues in this story, please contact:
HSE Drugs & Alcohol Helpline - Call 1800 45 94 59
