01-07-2025
Trump it all
A former associate editor with the Times of India, Jug Suraiya writes two regular columns for the print edition, Jugular Vein, which appears every Friday, and Second Opinion, which appears on Wednesdays. His blog takes a contrarian view of topical and timeless issues, political, social, economic and speculative. LESS ... MORE
From sea to shining sea, America sees the Don of a new era
Second Opinion was granted an exclusive interview with the White House.
Second Opinion: Mr President, thank you so much for…
White House (interrupting): Drop this Mr President crap. Call me by my new title, Mr Permanent Resident.
SO: But doesn't making yourself the Permanent Resident go against the Constitution?
PR: Heck, no, There's nothing wrong with my constitution. Cholesterol, BP, all great.
SO: I meant the Constitution of US, the Bill of Rights, and all that.
PR: The heck with the Bill of Rights. Don't you know that two rights make a wrong.
SO: I think it's two wrongs that don't make a right…
PR: Rights, wrongs, what's the diff? Anyways, I'm having a ball with my new sidekick Bibi in Tel Aviv as side by side we kick ass in Iran.
SO: What happened to your sidekick, Elon?
PR: He turned out to be a softie, a real Musk melon. So I took him aside and kicked his ass.
SO: But mightn't all this sidekicking in Iran lead to World War III?
PR: World War III? I didn't know that there'd been I and II. But a good sequel will sure make me a bomb.
SO: I think World War III will involve bombs of a different sort…But tell us how your plans to make America great again are coming along.
PR: They're coming along real swell. Time is making me the Man of the Era.
SO: Wow! That's wonderful. When did that happen?
PR: It happened right after I made Time the MAGAzine of the Era. But now you're gonna have to excuse me. I gotta go and ICE some illegal immigrants, like this bimbo who was smuggled in from France or someplace, and is carryin' on about huddled masses yearnin' to breathe free.
SO: You're deporting Liberty?
PR: Yeah, the Statute of Liberty…
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Views expressed above are the author's own.