Latest news with #CorySpondent
Top Gear
6 days ago
- Climate
- Top Gear
Report: 98 per cent of Britain's road melted
Report: 98 per cent of Britain's road melted Experts find recent heatwave liquefied majority of British highways Skip 1 photos in the image carousel and continue reading Turn on Javascript to see all the available pictures. Here's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring The vast majority of Britain's roads have melted following two successive heatwaves, according to experts. Advertisement - Page continues below Britain's penchant for endless rain, perpetual grey skies and general year-round weather misery meant a few days of uninterrupted sunshine had obliterated 98 per cent of its uniquely ruinous road network. Now experts are calling for a government task force to create a nationwide fleet of floating tanks able to navigate miles of liquefied tarmac. 'Nobody saw this coming,' a weather expert told 'More than two consecutive days of sunshine was a story we told our children at bedtimes. Or went abroad to discover and then complain about. 'But back-to-back days of 30-degree heat is categorically not something Britain is accustomed to, and something this country's road network and infrastructure is wholly unprepared for. Advertisement - Page continues below 'It's all gone. Melted. Every road dissolved beyond recognition and seeping its way back into the Earth's core. Right now, all our cars are basically Arnie in Terminator 2 sinking into the hot lava at the end. 'Only our cars aren't heroically putting their thumbs up,' the expert added. Meteorologists are predicting cooler temperatures into the next week, with some light and entirely predictable rain showers. 'Light rain? There goes the country's rail services. Bus replacement for you, friends,' a train operator noted. Top Gear Newsletter Thank you for subscribing to our newsletter. Look out for your regular round-up of news, reviews and offers in your inbox. Get all the latest news, reviews and exclusives, direct to your inbox. Success Your Email*
Top Gear
20-06-2025
- Automotive
- Top Gear
Overheating Triumph Stag could break UK heatwave records, scientists claim
Overheating Triumph Stag could break UK heatwave records, scientists claim 'What heatwave,' owner remarks, 'it's always this hot' Skip 1 photos in the image carousel and continue reading Turn on Javascript to see all the available pictures. Here's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring An overheating Triumph Stag currently stuck in motorway traffic has been blamed for the recent heatwave sweeping the UK. Advertisement - Page continues below Top meteorologists rejected suggestions the sweltering conditions were due to slow-moving high-pressure systems, pointing the finger instead at a poorly engineered British GT car from the 1970s radiating extraordinary amounts of heat from its engine. And experts are warning that if the mustard-coloured convertible Stag doesn't get any fresh air into its engine soon, it could push UK temperatures into never-before-seen numbers and break heatwave records. 'What heatwave?' the owner of the Stag remarked, 'it's always this hot. Right? 'Yeah, it gets a bit cosy in here, but I just pop the roof down. How else are people supposed to see my fabulous Triumph cap? Advertisement - Page continues below 'Sure, sometimes in traffic the view over the bonnet looks a bit weird; 'hazy', you might say, but I just imagine that's because the Stag's V8 is so powerful it can't be contained. 'Yes, I topped up the coolant this morning and changed the water pump yesterday. That'll see me through until tomorrow. Right? 'Oh god did that sound like a timing chain to you?' A series 1 Jaguar E-Type stuck in traffic a few cars behind the Stag was also in a state of extreme overheating, but the owner was too busy flirting with nearby motorists to notice. Top Gear Newsletter Thank you for subscribing to our newsletter. Look out for your regular round-up of news, reviews and offers in your inbox. Get all the latest news, reviews and exclusives, direct to your inbox. Success Your Email*
Top Gear
13-06-2025
- Automotive
- Top Gear
Thank you wave becomes legal requirement on UK roads
Thank you wave becomes legal requirement on UK roads Prison sentences coming for drivers who don't show some blummin' gratitude Skip 1 photos in the image carousel and continue reading Turn on Javascript to see all the available pictures. Here's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring Drivers who are let out of busy junctions by the good will of kindly motorists are now legally obligated to give a thank you wave, it has been announced. Advertisement - Page continues below The government has vowed to clamp down on ungrateful so-and-sos who routinely lap up other people's common courtesy but refuse to even flash their headlights by way of thanks. Research has found that not being adequately acknowledged for heroically pulling over to let someone through is now the single most aggravating behaviour seen on UK roads. It topped a poll of some 20,000 drivers, and was deemed more annoying even than lane hogging, not indicating at roundabouts, driving exclusively at 34mph regardless of the actual speed limit, and repeatedly glancing down at your lap like no one could possibly work out what you're really doing. 'We're determined to stamp out ingratitude on our roads,' said a Home Office source. 'The thank you wave is a quintessentially British value, like queueing and complaining about the weather and drinking tea by the gallon. Advertisement - Page continues below 'This new law gives the police the power to arrest suspects, and anyone found guilty will be sentenced to three months behind bars. 'Repeat offenders will simply have their cars crushed, and be forced to replace them with one of those terrible EVs with ADAS that shouts at you constantly. 'If that doesn't teach them some manners, nothing will.' Top Gear Newsletter Thank you for subscribing to our newsletter. Look out for your regular round-up of news, reviews and offers in your inbox. Get all the latest news, reviews and exclusives, direct to your inbox. Success Your Email*
Top Gear
06-06-2025
- Automotive
- Top Gear
Motorist sets new world record by holding up outside motorway lane for 28 minutes
Satire "What traffic?" bemused Prius driver comments Skip 1 photos in the image carousel and continue reading Here's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring A motorist has inadvertently set a new world record for the longest time spent holding up traffic on the outside lane of the M1 with a record-breaking 28 minutes. Advertisement - Page continues below The record was set by an oblivious Toyota Prius driver driving at 48mph on an overcast Tuesday morning, with conditions reported by eyewitnesses as rage-inducingly, unnecessarily congested. The new record eclipses the 23.5 minutes set by a 2002 grey Honda Jazz driven by someone who really shouldn't have been. You might like 'Feats like this take lifelong dedication, a commitment to craft, hours spent honing skills and an absolute and total disregard for the norms of highway use,' a world records adjudicator noted. 'How one human being can hog the outside lane at 58mph and be so utterly, wholeheartedly unaware of the surrounding traffic conditions and the snake-like queue forming behind them without even the merest hint of shame or remorse is something we rarely see. Advertisement - Page continues below 'It's enough to make you cry,' they added. When asked by adjudicators exactly how they managed to break the record, the Prius driver responded with a vacant stare. 'Huh? What traffic? 'I mean it's a bit quiet out today, isn't it?' they added, slightly bemused. 'Sat nav telling me there's loads of congestion on this road but I'm not getting any of it. 'Huh. Weird,' they added, entirely indifferently. Thank you for subscribing to our newsletter. Look out for your regular round-up of news, reviews and offers in your inbox. Get all the latest news, reviews and exclusives, direct to your inbox. The Prius driver came close to breaking a second world record for the longest time spent being sworn at while doing 48mph on the motorway, after being flashed out of the third lane and into the middle lane by an irate SUV driver. 'Huh?' the driver said, with a glazed, emotionless expression.
Top Gear
30-05-2025
- Automotive
- Top Gear
Exclusive: next Mission: Impossible film to track down rare Mini pedal box
Satire In his toughest mission yet, Tom Cruise will stop at nothing to find a scarce Mini component Skip 1 photos in the image carousel and continue reading Here's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring A ninth instalment of the Mission: Impossible series is officially in the works, can exclusively reveal, with Tom Cruise set to return as disavowed superagent Ethan Hunt in a deadly race against time to locate a rare Mini pedal box. Advertisement - Page continues below Following the events of The Final Reckoning , Hunt swaps his career of saving the world for the quiet life, in which he spends his weekends fixing up a classic Mini and generally behaving like a man in his 60s is expected to. But when he can't get hold of an original pedal box to complete the job, he's left with no choice but to re-assemble his closest allies at the IMF and embark on a breathless worldwide search involving death-defying stunts, hand-to-hand combat and ludicrous prosthetics. You might like 'His mission, should he choose to accept it, is to track down the missing piece of his beloved project car,' said an insider. 'But at what cost? 'Forget that this is a world in which you can synthesise any human face with a briefcase, this is also a world in which you can't 3D print a clutch pedal. So neurgh. Advertisement - Page continues below 'Having taken down shady terrorist networks and single-handedly prevented a global nuclear winter, finding a rare bit of an old car is truly Ethan Hunt's toughest mission yet. 'And if you thought the biplane chase was good, just wait until you see a static 1960s icon shot in IMAX.' A treatment for Mission: Impossible 10 is also being discussed. Plot details are yet to be firmed up, but the entire movie will be based around the line 'This Land Rover will self-destruct in five seconds.' Thank you for subscribing to our newsletter. Look out for your regular round-up of news, reviews and offers in your inbox. Get all the latest news, reviews and exclusives, direct to your inbox.
