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Scottish Sun
6 days ago
- Lifestyle
- Scottish Sun
I've come clean about my sex addiction and now my wife's degrading routine is pushing me to the edge
Every Saturday read our new, even racier, Dear Deidre advice column only in Sun Club... DEIDRE AFTER DARK I've come clean about my sex addiction and now my wife's degrading routine is pushing me to the edge Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) 1 DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER years of cheating on my wife, with different escorts and women I'd met through secretly dating and indulging in every sexual scenario you could imagine, I finally woke up to the fact I'm a sex addict. Perhaps I deserve it but since I confided in my wife, she has subjected me to a daily humiliation. At first I went along with it because I was so keen to prove to her that I was sorry and had turned over a new leaf. I've even been going to counselling to ensure I don't stray again. But it's been months now and she still insists on this degrading routine every time I get home. Do I deserve this or is it time that she gave me a bit more credit? If I'm honest, the way she is behaving makes me want to go out and hook up with a stranger again. I'm 43 and she's 42. Now, as soon as I get home she insists that I strip to nothing and then she literally inspects my body to make sure that I haven't played away. I'm so fed up and the last time she asked me to take off my clothes I refused. Later that night she refused to have sex with me saying there was no way she was touching me unless she knew I'd been faithful that day. We always used to have a good sex life but after having our first son nine years ago, it felt like she shut up shop. Looking back, she was exhausted and I could have helped more with all the sleepless nights but at the time our relationship really fell apart. I felt like the spare part in my own home as she was so focused on our baby. Dear Deidre: Cheating and can you get over it I ended up turning to porn which quickly developed into hooking up with random women who I met through various sites. The whole experience was so depressing and as soon as I'd finished having sex, I never wanted to see the woman again. Then I started going to sex parties, always arranging to attend with someone I'd met on a hook up site. One night I had a threesome with two women, and was pleasured by three other women. As I walked away I knew I had to stop. The next morning I came clean to my wife who was devastated. I was so grateful when she said she wanted to give me another chance. My counselling has finished now but it was helping me understand how I became addicted and also how to avoid falling into the same old routines. But the way my wife is pushing me, I'm worried that I might not be able to hold out. Help. DEIDRE SAYS: Many men who go on to develop porn and sex addictions live with very controlling partners. While they are at home they are model fathers and husbands, doing all the DIY, helping with chores, pitching in with all the childcare, working hard and providing. But their addiction is how they release their frustrations and insecurities. You cheated repeatedly and will have seriously damaged the trust in your relationship. It's good you both want to rebuild your marriage but your wife's daily check ups are in danger of blocking any healing. Talk to your wife and explain how these checks are making you feel. Her behaviour is very controlling and so far away from building trust that something has to change. I would strongly recommend getting couples therapy - with a sex and porn addiction specialist if you can. The Laurel Centre ( can support you both. They will be able to help you both establish a more trusting connection so that your marriage has a real chance. Dear Deidre's Sex Addiction Problems From compulsive hook-ups to secret visits to escorts, sex addiction regularly surfaces in Deidre's inbox. One woman feared her marriage was beyond repair after learning her husband was addicted to sex and repeatedly cheating on her with other women. Another reader was haunted by the risk of STIs after a secretive pattern of paying for escorts spiralled out of control. And a third man admitted his obsession with porn and multiple affairs had left him desperate to save his marriage before it completely unraveled. SEX ADDICITON: THE SIGNS Sex addiction — sometimes called compulsive sexual behaviour — isn't about enjoying sex a lot. It's about feeling unable to stop. People with sex addiction may spend hours seeking porn, arranging hookups, or fantasising, even when it causes distress, damages relationships, or gets in the way of work or daily life. The key feature isn't the amount of sex — it's the loss of control. Common signs include: Feeling anxious or depressed when you're not engaging in sexual activity Trying (and failing) to cut back on porn, sex, or risky encounters Hiding behaviour from partners or friends Using sex to escape emotional discomfort Neglecting responsibilities or loved ones in favour of sexual activity Where to find support: 12-step programmes like Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) like Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) Therapy , especially CBT or psychosexual counselling , especially CBT or psychosexual counselling NHS referrals for compulsive behaviour or addiction services For many, healing begins with recognising that sex addiction isn't about lack of willpower — it's about pain, coping, and the need for support rather than shame.
Scottish Sun
19-07-2025
- Scottish Sun
My mum is having a dirty affair with our neighbour… and I've seen the videos of them having sex – do I tell Dad?
Every Saturday read our new, even racier, Dear Deidre advice column only in Sun Club... DEIDRE AFTER DARK My mum is having a dirty affair with our neighbour… and I've seen the videos of them having sex – do I tell Dad? Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) 1 DEAR DEIDRE: MY mum has been having an affair with our neighbour and I can't unsee the evidence. I've seen naked selfies - of both of them - but the worst has to be the video I stumbled across of them having sex. Sign up for Scottish Sun newsletter Sign up I'm so upset with her. She's lied repeatedly to my face and put me in the worst position possible. My dad absolutely adores her. This will shatter him. I'm an only child and 23, Mum is 52 and Dad is 55. This neighbour has always seemed pretty sleazy to me. He's always creeping around women, giving them sickly compliments. I've always avoided him like the plague. One year ago, when I saw mum had sent him a topless pic, I was really upset. Confronting her was so awkward but she explained it away saying it had meant to be for Dad but she'd sent it to the wrong number in haste. She told me the neighbour had been very 'understanding' and had deleted the image in front of her 'which had put her mind at ease'. But just a few days ago I borrowed her iPad to watch films on a long train ride. I couldn't believe it when I settled down to watch my downloaded films and spotted a folder marked with this neighbour's name. I mean how brazen is that - using his name. Heart pumping I opened up to see more nude selfies than I could count and the worst a home filmed video of them having sex. Dear Deidre: Spotting the signs your partner is cheating She'd lied to me! Clearly they'd been having a full blown affair and even after I stumbled across that first picture, Mum had continued. This feels like such a huge betrayal - not just for Dad, but for me also. I mean what woman continues with such reckless behaviour even after their child has uncovered their cheating? Mum was my idol. I wanted to be like her when I grew up - stylish, creative and kind. Now I feel so lost. I realise I need to let her - or Dad - know, but I'm dreading it. Nothing will be the same once those words leave my lips. What should I do? DEIDRE SAYS: Everything changed the moment you saw that folder and understood your mum had been lying to you for over a year already. It's entirely natural to feel abandoned when learning that a parent has had an affair. But in your case the sense of betrayal will be even more keen. Not only did your mum lie to you when you discovered the first naked selfie, but she continued her reckless behaviour, putting her own needs before yours. Lending you her iPad - the very device where these incriminating pics and videos were stored seems belligerent even. Did she perhaps want to be discovered? You're right and I'm afraid and you do need to speak to your mum again. Let her know how hurt you feel, that she has seriously damaged your relationship and tell her she needs to work on her marriage. If she doesn't come clean with your dad, you will have no choice but to tell him what she has done. Your mum's behaviour is worrying and you'll need support to work through the deep sense of being let down by the main person who ought to be looking out for you. Please do think about seeing a counsellor either on your own, or even a family therapist, with your mum. My support pack How Counselling Can Help explains where to find reputable practitioners. Dear Deidre's Sexting Stories From flirty DMs to full-blown emotional affairs, sexting has become a recurring theme in Deidre's mailbag. One woman confessed to sexting a younger male colleague behind her husband's back. Another reader was left reeling after discovering her husband's explicit messages to a woman at work. And different subscriber feared her relationship was doomed after catching her partner having flirty online exchanges with a gay pal. SEXTING: DOS & DON'TS Sexting can be a thrilling way to flirt, build tension, and keep things spicy from a distance. But if you're not careful, what starts as a playful way to connect with a partner can quickly become uncomfortable or risky. Here's how to enjoy it without regrets: THE DOs Do check consent Start by feeling out whether they're into it. A simple 'you in the mood for something cheeky?' can set the tone without pressure. Do build slowly Treat it like foreplay — tease, flirt, escalate. Jumping straight into graphic details can feel jarring. Do match their energy If they're sending poetic lines or emojis, don't drop a crude pic out of nowhere. Mirror the vibe. Do keep it playful Humour and imagination go a long way. Sexy doesn't have to mean serious. Do protect your privacy Use apps with disappearing messages or consider cropping out identifying features if you're sending photos. THE DON'Ts Don't assume it's wanted Unsolicited nudes are never sexy. Ask first — always. Don't over-rely on visuals Words can be just as arousing. Use descriptions, fantasies, or voice notes to keep things engaging. Don't sext under pressure If you're not feeling it, say so. A good partner will respect your boundaries. Don't ignore tone shifts If replies become slow, dry, or disengaged, back off. Consent is ongoing. Don't forget the risk Even in trusted relationships, things can change. Screenshots can sometimes last longer than the spark.
Scottish Sun
17-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Scottish Sun
My boyfriend wants to film himself having sex with my best mate & for me to watch it – our non-monogamy has gone too far
Read our unmissable new column in which Britain's raciest agony aunt tackles YOUR bedroom problems DEIDRE AFTER DARK My boyfriend wants to film himself having sex with my best mate & for me to watch it – our non-monogamy has gone too far 1 DEAR DEIDRE: OPENING up our relationship has been thrilling and better than I expected, until my boyfriend's latest suggestion - that he sleeps with my childhood best friend. Advertisement Non-monogamy made our sex life far more exciting as we shared our adventures with each other. I've had three different partners, he's had two and we always talk about our experiences after. It's such a thrill. But now he's been making a move on a friend of mine and it feels too close to home. And instead of just talking about their adventures after, he wants to record it and 'enjoy the footage together'. His request feels like he's overstepping the mark. I almost thought we didn't need to say it but surely we shouldn't be bringing in people we know already - let alone people we are close to. And it's one thing talking about our escapades and another thing being confronted with the evidence. My boyfriend and I met three years ago in London, after I moved from the south coast. I'm 27 and he's 28. Advertisement Dear Deidre After Dark- Understanding open relationships We've been living together for just over two years and everything has been great. It was my suggestion to try polyamory. Although at first he was cautious, after we both researched how to open up your relationship, he agreed to give it a go. We've been non-monagamous for over a year now and make sure that we keep checking in with each other. Our rules are simple, that we tell each other who we are seeing, and that we let the other person know our relationship status. People warned me it would wreck our relationship but I'd say it's done the opposite - up until now anyway. Our sex life is so much better and we talk about our sexual exploits with others which is so erotic. Advertisement I look at friends in long term relationships and can see they are getting bored staying in together night after night. There is always so much going on in London, and I've loved exploring all the different areas when I've been on different dates. I've seen three different guys regularly and my boyfriend has two regular women he hooks up with. I've never felt a twinge of jealousy before, but I could tell when he came back to my home town with me at Christmas he'd taken a shine to my friend. Not long after we returned he told me he's started messaging her and was going to ask her out. Advertisement He seemed surprised when I got upset. He'd be making a big effort to see her as he'd have to travel over an hour and a half to get there. Am I being over sensitive or does he want to go too far? The Different Types of Non-monogamy There are many types of non-monogamous relationships. All of them allow sex with more than one person but the expectations for things like emotions, priority and lifestyles are very different. Open Relationship/Monogamish A committed couple that allows each other to have sex with other people. Polyamory Multiple emotional and sexual relationships at the same time, with the consent of everyone involved. Hierarchical polyamory A 'primary' couple prioritise each other, but each has multiple romantic, sexual relationships too. Non-Hierarchical Polyamory Individuals engage in multiple romantic, sexual relationships without assigning priority. Polyfidelity (also known as Triads, Couples or Quads) Three or more people involved in an exclusive relationship. Solo Poly Having multiple intimate relationships with people while otherwise living a single lifestyle. Swinging A couple who have sex with other people, usually simultaneously. Casual sex, casual dating, friends with benefits Dating or having sex with multiple people, while remaining uncommitted to anyone. Relationship Anarchy Doing away with some or all of the traditional 'rules' applied to romantic relationships. Polygamy Polygamy is being married to more than one spouse. Polygamy isn't legal in the UK. DEIDRE SAYS: You've researched how to make non-monogamy work so will know the first rule is that you both have to be 100% happy with the arrangement. The moment one of you feels unhappy or even unsure is the time to pause and reevaluate. Advertisement Talk to your boyfriend about your reservations. He won't appreciate your position unless you explain. This potential liaison isn't solely about your boyfriend and his extra partner, it's also about a pre-existing relationship between you and your childhood friend. While you are totally at ease with your open relationship in London, bringing it closer to home, where you grew up and your family is, understandably feels different. And as you say, your boyfriend would have to make a big effort to meet your friend, which could mean he's getting emotionally involved. Opening up your relationship for sexual relationships is one thing, but multiple romantic relationships can be much harder to navigate. Advertisement Again you both need to be clear about what you want from non-monogamy - is this about multiple sexual partners, or are extra emotional relationships okay? My support pack Non-Monogamy explains more. Dear Deidre's Non-Monogamy Files Deidre's mailbag is bursting with open relationship problems. One reader was cut off by her best friend after finding out about her polyamorous relationship; another from a different subscriber who struggled with the reality of telling his family about his throuple, while one man was asked to open his relationship to hide his wife's true sexuality.
Scottish Sun
09-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Scottish Sun
I'm secretly hooked on my sister-in-law's OnlyFans – my requests are getting so twisted to feed my dark fantasy
Our unmissable new column in which Britain's raciest agony aunt tackles ALL your bedroom problems DEIDRE AFTER DARK I'm secretly hooked on my sister-in-law's OnlyFans – my requests are getting so twisted to feed my dark fantasy Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) 3 DEAR DEIDRE: MY sister-in-law doesn't realise that I'm one of her biggest admirers on her OnlyFans account. What started off as innocent curiosity has become an unhealthy interest at best. I log on under a secret persona every week and I know my girlfriend would finish with me if she found out. I'm 29, my girlfriend is 28, and her sister is 26. My girlfriend is gorgeous and we are thinking about starting a family together. We've been together for three years. I wasn't intending to sign up long term when I logged onto her sister's account. I hadn't been on the site before and really just wanted a peek. Her sister had told me and my girlfriend she'd started a tame account where she talked to men in her underwear. My girlfriend warned her it would lead to trouble, but my sister-in-law was already boasting about the "seriously good money" she was making. 3 (Stock image) The man logs on a couple of times a week to check out his sister-in-law's OnlyFans content Credit: GETTY Later that night my girlfriend told me her sister had always been an attention-seeker and that she often attracted the wrong type of admirer. I tried to ignore the itch to look at her account but within the week I had given in. Using a different name completely, it felt weird flirting with her sister. But by using a completely different persona, I allowed myself to feel that it didn't actually matter because it wasn't really me. Four months have passed and I regularly flirt with her on OnlyFans but I've never pushed for anything more - I'm not that bad. Dear Deidre: Spotting the signs your partner is cheating But I do log on every week at least twice. Last weekend she confided in me and my girlfriend that a lot of her customers had started asking her for more - topless, then nude, then masturbation. She said one man in particular had started asking her to do really creepy things, then started recounting some of my requests - including asking her to pretend to be unconscious and vulnerable, passed out on the sofa. I know it's wrong, but it felt like a safe way of exploring my fantasy. I'm starting to feel sickened with myself - how do I stop this routine? 3 (Stock image) The Sun's Agony Aunt suggests deleting the app and putting his time into his relationship Credit: GETTY DEIDRE SAYS: It's likely your secret will come out one way or another and then what? You've satisfied your curiosity, so why are you still logging on? You've started down a dark path by requesting edgier content and I'd urge you to delete your account before things escalate further, and before your sister-in-law starts producing harder content. What you're doing is sinister on so many levels. Your sister-in-law doesn't know it's you and I'm sure your girlfriend would see this as cheating. Your fantasies of seeing her vulnerable and unconscious are especially concerning. Many porn users start seeking increasingly extreme content because they need more risk to enjoy the same results. After you have deleted the account, make sure you keep yourself busy at the times when you would have been tempted to log in. If you know you would turn to your laptop after dinner, arrange to go and see a friend, or your girlfriend, or go to the gym. Change your habits to help you break this unhealthy one. With such dark urges, it's likely you will need specialist help to stay away from such destructive scenarios. My support pack Is Porn Ruining Your Life is packed full of more insight, more advice and crucially where to go to get practical help. Put your efforts back into your relationship. You have the potential to build a gorgeous family life with your girlfriend but it will take some commitment. If you don't have that in you, it would be much better for both of you, and any potential children, to rethink your relationship plans. My support pack Looking After Your Relationship will help. Dear Deidre's OnlyFans Files Deidre's mailbag is bursting with OnlyFans problems. One reader went off real life sex after signing up to OnlyFans; another from a different subscriber who struggled with the guilt even after a self-imposed ban, while one woman who created her account in secret. OnlyFans - The Reality It's easy to understand the attraction of becoming an OnlyFans star; unlike the rest of the sex industry it seems performers can control their work, their image, their destiny. Then there's the money, which can be undeniably good. Of course, lots of women who chose this way of life will talk about female empowerment, and I'd agree that anyone has the right to make their own choices, however there are some harsh realities that this narrative skims over. The truth is no one who makes OnlyFans content can retain control. Once it is published or shared, it's susceptible to being screen grabbed, recorded and posted to other adult sites. There is simply no way to stop this. The people paying for sexual gratification can develop a sense of entitlement over you. Some may even feel they own a piece of you. In their eyes you are a product. I have received several emails from troubled men who have become obsessed with OnlyFans stars, convinced their business transactions are in fact the basis of a relationship. There are people who research the public and private details of OnlyFans creators (called doxing) and then publish their findings making women extremely vulnerable. Former content creators admit that while they start off with their own boundaries, the pressure to keep their subs (subscribers) willing to pay, pushes them to engage in extreme acts they previously would not have considered. Once those videos and images are out there, there is no turning back time. So it's worth considering how in the future neighbours, children or partners may react. And finally, the money might be good, but I'm not sure that losing your family or security and privacy is a worthwhile price to pay. If you have a worry you can email my team of counsellors on deardeidre@ By Sally Land, The Sun's Agony Aunt.
Scottish Sun
09-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Scottish Sun
Agony aunt Dear Deidre solves your raunchiest problems EVER in new After Dark column -prudes, look away now!
Keep your eyes peeled for our unmissable new column in which Britain's raciest agony aunt tackles YOUR bedroom problems DEIDRE AFTER DARK Agony aunt Dear Deidre solves your raunchiest problems EVER in new After Dark column -prudes, look away now! 3 SWINGING, polyamory and love affairs which break the ultimate no doubt that Britain's bedroom antics are only getting racier. And now Britain's best agony aunt - the Sun's legendary Dear Deidre - is launching an unmissable new column. Advertisement 3 If you've got a dirty little secret that you want answers to, you've come to the right place Credit: Getty 3 From tomorrow, Dear Deidre will be able to answer your most risque problems yet... Credit: Getty Prepare to get frisky, as After Dark is set to explore the most risque problems to hit her postbag. Starting tomorrow, exclusively for Sun Club members, our team of counsellors will answer the nation's raciest questions yet. Sally Land, the Sun agony aunt behind Dear Deidre, explained: 'Britain is a million miles away from its straight-laced reputation. 'Dear Deidre has always tackled people's secrets, helping them move forward with their problems no matter how serious. Advertisement 'But there are plenty of issues that are too risque for a family news outlet and over the years there have been countless problems that we haven't been able to publish - until now. 'With Dear Deidre After Dark we take a peek at the big issues playing out in bedrooms from Carlisle to Bournemouth.' Every Saturday, the team will be sharing yet another challenging and extreme problem, looking at sexual addictions, surprising fantasies and relationship shattering revelations. So if you've been fantasising about sleeping with your girlfriend's best pal, or aren't sure how to control your kinky role play, we've got you covered. Advertisement And if your sex life is drier than ever before and you're desperate to really spice things up, prepare for the sexiest tips you've ever seen that are sure to drive your partner (or partners!) wild. Sally explains 'People write in for a variety of reasons; some because they know me and my team of counsellors will give them sound, well researched and insightful advice, others get in touch because they can't face sharing their problem with family or friends and others are simply looking for a different perspective. 'With the increasing pressure to have an exciting or adventurous sex life, many people find themselves in intensely uncomfortable situations, which makes it ever more important to explore and explain what is happening in our sexual relationships. Dear Deidre: Understanding open relationships 'In Dear Deidre After Dark we look at the raunchiest previously unpublished dilemmas.' Advertisement It comes at a time where Brits are wilder in the bedroom than ever before, with one in 25 couples have admitted to trying swinging. THE TOP FIVE SEXUAL PROBLEMS THAT WOMEN ARE ASKING The top five sexual question from women filling Dear Deidre's postbag : Should I have a threesome? Is it safe to engage in erotic asphyxiation? How quickly should I have sex when I meet someone new? Is it okay to share nudes straight away? Why does my boyfriend constantly flirt with other women and like their revealing images? With more heterosexual women confessing to fantasising about sleeping with other women and polyamory - which involves having multiple relationships - on the rise, what better time to get into the nitty gritty of what really goes on behind closed doors? Not only are one in ten of us now in a polyamours relationship, with Belfast crowned the UK 'capital of polyamory', but affairs are also up by eight per cent across the UK since the start of 2024. And that's not all, as in a recent study, one in three admitted they would dump their lover if they were a let down in bed, while last year, Durex flagged a 64 per cent rise in Brits buying sex toys to spice up things in the sheets. Advertisement Sun expert Sally also explained: 'From sex parties, kinks, open relationships, and porn addiction becoming commonplace, true Britannia is a million miles away from its straight-laced reputation. In Dear Deidre After Dark we look at the raunchiest previously unpublished dilemmas Sally Land 'We are more sexually open minded, more adventurous and the wide availability of porn is pushing the boundaries of sexual relations." So if you've got a burning desire you need answers for, scroll down to get in touch with our expert counsellors. Every query will get a personal reply from one of our team of counsellors within just one working day. Advertisement Dear Deidre always keeps our readers' identities confidential. Unlock even more award-winning articles with The Sun's brand new membership programme - Sun Club
