Latest news with #DearPrudence
Yahoo
6 days ago
- Yahoo
Help! I Pretended to Be My Ex in an Email. It Ruined His Life.
This is part of Revenge Week, a series about how vengeance runs America, from the White House to cheating spouses to that bad boss who deserved it. Our advice columnists have heard many stories about revenge over the years—so we're diving into the Dear Prudence archives to share these classic letters with our readers. Submit your own questions to Prudie here. Dear Prudence, About two years ago my then-boyfriend got a job offer at a large, global company for nearly a 40 percent pay raise. He was contractually obliged to give a month's notice at his old job and during that time I found out he cheated on me, amongst other things. To get back at him I logged into his email (he gave me his password previously) and wrote an email pretending to be him. The email detailed a drunken weekend out using recreational drugs, racist vents about my ex's then boss, and the last paragraph contained offensive remarks about the HR manager who recruited him. I sent it to the HR manager to make it look like he'd accidentally sent it to her instead of a friend, then deleted the email from his sent account. Naturally the company withdrew the job offer with the excuse that his position was no longer available. My ex was also not permitted to have his old job back, so he spent four months unemployed. To be honest, I feel no guilt over this event considering how much he lied to me, but something keeps nagging at me and I feel like I have to confess it to him. He probably has no idea what happened. Am I morally obliged to tell him, or should I keep it under wraps? —Confessing to an Ex-Boyfriend Dear Confessing, I always appreciate it when I hear from the people who behave horribly (the insanely jealous, the rageaholics) to get their perspective on what it's like to be the person who damages those around them. So thank you for this letter about your diabolical plot to try to destroy your ex's career. He cheated on you, which makes him a louse who you should have (and did) broken up with. If in the course of breaking up you broke a few of his plates or his high school football trophy, OK. But being cheated on does not then result in a free pass to try to annihilate his professional life. You say you don't feel guilty, but obviously you do because what you did justifiably nags at you. Your ex-boyfriend is lucky that your email only resulted in a short period of being out of work. The consequences of what you did could have dogged him for years; his former employer could be providing the kind of reference that sends someone permanently to the bread line. It will be a very difficult conversation to have, but I think he's entitled to know why his great job offer was suddenly withdrawn and also be prepared in case this ugly episode re-emerges somehow. So tell him that in your rage at his cheating on you, you hacked his account and sent an inflammatory email to his former HR manager. You don't have to give chapter and verse of everything you said in the email, but adding an apology would be a good thing to do. And please, everyone who is in love, keep in mind you can share your body and your soul with your beloved, but sharing your password is not such a good idea. —Emily Yoffe From: Type 'R' for Revenge. (Aug. 29, 2011). Dear Prudence, I was a bully in high school and middle school. I made cruel comments about others' clothing, cut friends out from our group, and was in general a mean little terror. My stepdad was wealthy and a city council member and I exploited that for popularity (this was in a small Midwestern town). But that same stepdad was mentally and physically abusive to me and my sisters and mom for seven horrific years. In seventh grade, I missed curfew, so he drove me to the middle of a field with my new kitten and forced me to abandon it. That was when he wasn't using a belt to beat us bloody where nobody could see marks. He convinced us that nobody would believe us, and I internalized that. I was angry that I had to hide so much pain and took it out on everyone else, which I deeply regret. In junior year, I called the police when he almost killed my mom, but he then shot himself in front of us when the cops arrived. After that, I spent part of senior year with my grandparents and missed a lot of school, but the whole thing was pretty hushed up. I somehow managed to graduate, went to college (and lots of therapy), and have moved away to get my masters degree. As part of my therapy, I wrote handwritten letters to the people who I remembered targeting, explaining my situation at the time and expressing my sincere apologies and desire to be a better person, and also saying that they didn't have to forgive me or acknowledge the letter. I don't want to return to that town ever again. But I was recently messaged on Facebook by a woman who I had bullied and had sent a letter to, and she accused me of lying about what I went through and said she 'knew the truth: that I was evil deep down, and even if it was true, I deserved it.' She said that she would post the letter all over Facebook and then I would be exposed as a liar. I am terrified by this—my stepdad's death was explained away as a tragic accident, and my mom and little sisters moved away to escape the memories. Everyone in town loved him, and if my letter is posted, I know my family will be targeted by his friends and neighbors. But I also have wondered if this is just karma for how I behaved, if the terror I feel now reflects how I made her feel then. I caused this woman pain and was horrible, I can't force her to forgive me. Yet I also am now living in fear that I will wake up to a flood of messages and comments agreeing that we all deserved the abuse or calling me a liar. What should I do? How should I respond? Please help! —Fearful Former Bully Dear Fearful, You have been through some deeply traumatizing experiences, overcome them, taken amazing care of yourself, and worked to undo any harm you caused. It would be such a shame to let this woman's threatened Facebook campaign against you derail all that progress. In fact, when you think about her threats, I want you to consider how mild they are compared to what you've already survived. You are a very strong person. If she manages to rally people against you (and this is a big if—my guess is that most people will see any letter she posts on Facebook and go, 'What the hell is this about? Seems messy,' and keeps scrolling), I want you to feel confident that you can handle it. You can sign out of Facebook and continue to focus on your own healing journey, with the help of your therapist. You will be okay. You always have been. —Jenée Desmond-Harris From: Help! I Apologized for Bullying a Girl During High School. Now She Wants to Blow Up My Life. (March 13, 2023). Dear Prudence, I just found out that my old roommate from a year ago poisoned my dog. Back when we lived together, my dog kept having severe stomach problems off and on for months. I took time off work, took the dog to the vet, and made more expensive visits to the emergency vet. No one could figure out what was wrong. Because I moved out and my dog is no longer getting sick, I figured it was an allergy to our last apartment or something. Then a close mutual friend who was a little tipsy told me that my old roommate would feed him scraps as a way of 'getting back at me' when we had disagreements. He knew he was getting my dog sick and wanted to inconvenience me. I thought he and I were good friends who only had the typical disagreements roommates can have. To this day, he is still very friendly with me. But I am furious! I can't get back the time I took off work or the thousands of dollars I spent trying to help my dog. Worse yet, the fact he was willing to make my dog so sick without caring about his health is appalling. Is it worth confronting him? If we weren't still on great terms, I would start beating the war drums. What do I do? —Poisonous Secret Dear Secret, You are not on 'great terms' with this guy! He poisoned your dog! Perhaps he pretends to be friendly when he sees you, but that's not the same thing as being on great or even decent terms. This guy poisoned your dog! You have my permission to yell at him. You might also consider yelling at your tipsy friend who clued you in only after the fact. (It's possible your mutual friend didn't know until you'd moved out, but even so, they should have told you right away.) And feel free to warn any other mutual friends who might consider moving in with this guy in the future that he's liable to kill their pets if they can't agree on who should roll the trash bins out to the curb. But yes, my God, confront someone who tried to poison your dog; that's certainly worth having a confrontation over. It doesn't have to be in person, especially if you're worried you'd try to take a swing at him and end up in trouble yourself, but this is not something you should just shrug off. —Danny M. Lavery From: Help! My Roommate Poisoned My Dog to Get Back at Me. (Nov. 30, 2020). My father has always been a smart aleck who loves practical jokes and discreetly needling people. My husband has been one of his favorite targets for stupid pranks and comments about his choice in clothing, hairstyle, shoes, or whatever else stands out. For many years, I've warned my father that my husband disliked him and that his behavior was causing real animus. It never registered for him until recently, when my husband—whom I had never previously seen angry—lost it completely.
Yahoo
30-06-2025
- Yahoo
Help! I Can Afford My Best Friend's Destination Wedding. But There's Another Reason I Really Don't Want to Be There.
Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years—so we're diving into the Dear Prudence archives to share classic letters with our readers. Submit your own questions to Prudie here. Dear Prudence, One of my best friends is getting married next year at an all-inclusive resort, because she doesn't want to spend the money on a wedding. I don't blame her, but I don't want to spend the money to go to the resort. It's not that I can't afford it; I just don't believe in spending $1,000-plus for a few days (yes, that's the cost for three nights; two isn't much cheaper) by a swimming pool eating mediocre food. That's just really not my idea of a good time at all, and while I would love to see her get married, I know I'll just be resentful the whole time that I spent all this money. Am I selfish for not going? —Am I Being Selfish? Dear Selfish, One of the upsides of a destination wedding is giving everyone in your life a guilt-free reason for not attending. Just because it might not ruin you to spend more than $1,000 (and that's not including travel and formal wear) on a single weekend doesn't mean you're obligated to spend the money. If she's one of your best friends and there's any sort of compromise that feels workable and like it wouldn't be too much of a strain on your budget, I think you should at least consider it, but it's not like you're saying 'No' to a wedding on the other side of town. Offer to take her out when she gets back so you can celebrate her nuptials locally, and sleep soundly. —Danny M. Lavery From: Help! The Son of an Acquaintance Died. Is It Rude to Ask How? (Aug. 21, 2018). Dear Prudence, I met my current boyfriend, 'Drew,' a few years ago, though we didn't start dating until recently, partly because when we met, he had a girlfriend. Wading into this new relationship is a bit easier than usual because I've known Drew for a while, but something happened not long ago that made me uncomfortable: He mentioned that it was nice to be sleeping with a thin woman again after three-and-a-half years with his ex. I found this attempted compliment uncommonly mean and weird. It was obvious I was upset, and Drew made an excuse to leave soon after. I'm not friends with Drew's ex, but I've met her and she's nice and even if she wasn't, what he said was a low blow. How should I talk to him about this? —Compared to an Ex Dear Compared, 'It really bothered me that you spoke so negatively about your ex's body the last time I saw you. I don't normally see you comparing women's bodies, so I'm having trouble understanding this side of you. Telling me something snide and unkind about the body of a woman you used to have sex with doesn't impress me, and it doesn't make me feel like I've been complimented. It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsure of your character, and it makes me wonder what you might say to other women about my body. What's going on here?' If he can acknowledge that what he did was unkind and unnecessary and offer a sincere apology, then that's one thing; if he gets evasive or says you must have misunderstood him or that he was 'just trying to be nice,' I think you've seen a side of him that might change how you see him as a boyfriend. —D. M. L. From: Help! I Forced My Husband to Have Kids. It Was a Terrible Mistake. (Oct. 10, 2018). Dear Prudence, I'm a fan of a sport that doesn't have many female fans, let alone gay ones like myself. My childhood BFF and I took a trip out of state together last year to see the big game, and that's where we met 'Becky' and 'Donna,' a couple who had also traveled for the event. We got along wonderfully, and the four of us have since gone to games together as often as distance will allow. Here's my dilemma. I'm thinking of taking a road trip next summer, just for fun, and I want to invite Becky and Donna with me. I love my BFF, I really do, but I think we're better as long-distance friends. I sleep in, she's an early riser; I plan, she's spontaneous. We're at each other's throats by Day 3 of cohabitation. Also, she can say thoughtless things sometimes, insulting how I look, etc. I know she doesn't mean it badly, but without the buffer of distance, our interactions get increasingly tense. With Becky and Donna, it's easy to be myself and we mesh perfectly; I would love to be stuck in a smelly van with them for weeks. I worry BFF would be incredibly hurt by this, since she sees us as a dynamic foursome. They live as far from me as my BFF does, so I couldn't pass it off as convenience. How do I ask them to join me but leave out my BFF? And how do I tell my BFF, who I rarely get to see in person, that I love her, but don't want to spend that time with her? —Cherry-Picking Vacation Buddies Dear Cherry-Picking, I know you're worried that your BFF will be hurt by your decision, but it sounds like right now your friendship is based on the premise that it's sort of OK for her to hurt you, because saying thoughtless things is apparently an unchangeable part of her personality. I think you should invite Becky and Donna on your road trip without a moment's hesitation. Just because you met them while on a trip with your BFF does not mean you signed a contract promising only to hang out together as a foursome in perpetuity. Have you ever talked to your BFF about the disparities in your travel preferences or the fact that she regularly says things that hurt you, including unkind remarks about your physical appearance? If not, I think you should consider it, even if it's uncoupled from telling her about taking a vacation with Becky and Donna. You are not doing something wrong by wanting to travel with other friends and so do not need to apologize for it. If your BFF is unable to listen to you talk about how her remarks hurt you, then it may be time to reconsider the friendship. —D. M. L. From: Help! My Niece and Nephew Took My Teenage Daughter Out of State to Get an Abortion. (Sept. 18, 2018). Yesterday was my son's birthday. On Saturday, I took him and two friends to a preseason pro football game, including a tailgate before the game and pizza afterward, as his birthday gift. When my ex-husband heard about the football game, he declared that I hadn't given our son 'a real gift,' as in something tangible to open…
Yahoo
23-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Help! Something Dangerous Happens When My Husband and I Share a Bed.
Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years—so we're diving into the Dear Prudence archives to share classic letters with our readers. Submit your own questions to Prudie here. Dear Prudence, My husband and I have separate bedrooms since I am an intolerably light sleeper and my husband thrashes like a beached whale when he sleeps. (I seriously got a black eye once from it!) Going back to his hometown means an expensive flight and not much money left over, so getting a hotel room is out of the question. How do we raise the fact that we need separate bedrooms? The last time we were here, I was only the girlfriend and spent the entire week exhausted and catnapping until people started asking if I was sick. I just do not want to raise any gossip, since separate bedrooms means marriage trouble to so many people. Can we just make up a medical reason and lie? —Need Silence Dear Silence, I think there's an easier solution to this temporary problem, which is to have your husband sleep on the floor. If it's only for a few days, you can make up a reasonably comfortable pallet next to the bed, you can sleep without fear of violence, and you can hide the evidence from prying eyes every morning. (I assume he's been to the doctor about his sleep-thrashing, but if anyone in the comments recognizes this as some sort of alarming medical condition, by all means, let us know!) —Danny M. Lavery From: Zero. (March 15, 2016). Dear Prudence, I just found out that my best friend has been cheating on her husband for the majority of her marriage of a few years. I've always known it wasn't a perfect marriage, but my friend has always painted herself as a victim of her husband's mistreatment and my support and advice have been based on that perspective. Now that she's dropped this bomb on me—she's cheated with multiple people, some emotional affairs, some just physical—I'm kind of at a loss for how to respond. I think I'm the only person she's told. What is my responsibility here? I still love her as a friend, but I can't respect her actions. If I come on as too judgmental, I know she will never want to talk about it with me again. —Cheating Friend Dear Cheating, You respond honestly but temper the outrage. You say that this gives you a totally different understanding of the dynamics of their marriage, you say surely she knows her inability to be physically or emotionally faithful makes a successful marriage impossible. You tell her you love her but find her actions deeply concerning. If she wants total support and will cut you off because you can't give it, then the basis of your friendship is as shaky as that of her marriage. —Emily Yoffe From: Dress-Up Dilemma. (Nov. 18, 2013). Dear Prudence, I have a co-worker with whom I had a fairly close office friendship. Over time, I developed a bit of a crush on him. (I am in a relationship, he is single.) In a spectacular mistake, I admitted this to him several months ago. After some awkwardness, our friendship seemed to resume as normal. Then in recent months he noticeably stopped speaking to me. I apologized for mentioning my crush and asked if I did something new to upset him or if my continued presence at work makes him uncomfortable. He dodged both questions, and now will only speak to me when absolutely necessary to get work done using the bare minimum number of words. I feel terrible and don't want to perpetuate an environment where we're both on edge around each other. At the same time, I understand his reluctance to talk about it. How can I address this, short of finding a new job? —Crushing Silence Dear Crushing, Follow your co-worker's lead. Stop asking him why he's uncomfortable, stop trying to renew your friendship with him, and speak to him only when it's necessary to get work done. You took the risk of telling someone you work with that you had a crush on him (and, by implication, that you were willing to either leave or cheat on your partner for him), and you have to accept that not only does he not return your feelings, their reveal has permanently altered the nature of your relationship. You realize this was a mistake, but one of the fundamental realities of mistakes is that sometimes you can feel terrible about what you've done and apologize, but that doesn't make anything better. There's no going back to an alternate timeline where you didn't say what you said, and one of the ways you can demonstrate to your co-worker (and to yourself) that you genuinely regret putting him in such an uncomfortable position is by granting him the space he clearly needs. He does not owe you any more explanations, and it won't help to further explain yourself in an attempt to feel less 'on edge' around him. Be professional and polite, stop asking him personal questions, accept that your friendship is over, and grieve in private for what you lost. (And, depending on why you made the confession in the first place, consider ending things with your partner, too.) —D. M. L. From: Risky Business. (Feb. 02, 2017). My cousin is a single mother who needs rides everywhere. She has to take two buses just to get to the grocery store (with a toddler in tow), and that's both time- and cost-prohibitive for her. In theory, I don't mind helping occasionally, and I'm not going to let her go without food or diapers. But I work full time and have a busy life of my own…
Yahoo
06-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Bride Struggles to 'Survive' Wedding After Groom's 'Hurtful' Secret Is Revealed
In a submission to Slate's advice column "Dear Prudence," a recent bride asked for help on how to get over her husband's wedding lie, which was revealed during the best man's toast at their reception The bride feels "extremely hurt" that the groom used ChatGPT to write his wedding vows instead of doing so by himself like he promised her In response, Slate's editor-in-chief told the bride she was "overthinking" the issue and advised her to accept her husband's apology because "his heart was in the right place"A recent bride is afraid she might never get over her husband's wedding lie. In an anonymous submission to Slate's advice column "Dear Prudence," a bride detailed how the groom's major secret was revealed at their wedding reception, and now she doesn't know if she can ever trust him again. "My husband is still apologizing, and while part of me wants to move on, another part of me can't stop thinking about his dishonesty," the bride wrote. "I've asked him whether he ever planned on telling me or if he would have taken that secret to the grave, and all he can tell me is that he 'doesn't know.' " "I worry about what other things he might keep from me in the future," she added. After getting engaged, the couple of five years spent two years of "extensive wedding planning and preparation." At the time, they both "agreed" they'd write their own vows because it would be "more meaningful than using traditional ones." "As a self-admitted perfectionist and English major, I spent an immense amount of time thinking about and writing mine, and while I wouldn't hold my husband to impossible standards, I was really looking forward to hearing what he wrote," the bride explained. When the wedding ceremony came, the groom's "beautiful" vows emotionally moved the bride — so much so that it made her "tear up." But at the reception her tears of joy would turn into tears of sorrow. The "slightly drunk" best man accidentally let it slip in his wedding toast that the groom used ChatGPT to write his vows "at the last minute." "My husband was laughing nervously, and I was taken aback," the bride said. "As soon as the toasts were over, I ran to the restroom and cried, feeling extremely hurt that not only did he use AI to write something so intimate, but mostly that he presumably would not have told me had this not been revealed during the toast." The groom followed his wife to the bathroom and apologized, explaining that he felt "too overwhelmed" to write the vows himself and didn't want to "disappoint" her. "I told him that I didn't want an apology from him but just wanted to survive the rest of the reception, which we did, although the entire time I was distracted and hurt by this situation," the bride said. Later that night, the couple continued to "fight" about the vows. The advice-seeker said she was more upset about her husband's "hurtful" dishonesty than the fact that he used AI-generated vows. "I told him that I wish he had just been honest with me and that his lying was far more hurtful to me than not writing his own vows," she said, noting that she was also upset with his friends for being "comfortable lying on his behalf." The woman's husband is "still apologizing" to her, and while she wants to "move on" she just doesn't "know how." "Am I overthinking this?" she asked. "I feel like I have every right to be upset, and I worry about what other things he might keep from me." is now available in the Apple App Store! Download it now for the most binge-worthy celeb content, exclusive video clips, astrology updates and more! In response to the submission, Slate's editor-in-chief, Hillary Frey, told the bride that she was "WAY overthinking this." She reminded the advice-seeker that "weddings are totally overwhelming," and that her husband is "not an English major or perfectionist" like her and probably just "needed some help writing something that articulated his feelings better than he felt he could." "Based on his best man's actions, I wouldn't have gone to him for help, either!" Frey wrote. "So, there is our fraught companion, ChatGPT, offering its services. His heart was in the right place. Even more, he apologized; a lesser man would have been defensive and somehow made this your fault, I promise." She advised the bride to let go of this "unsavory memory" because married life will eventually "throw much tougher moments" her way. "I am glad that it sounds like you have a thoughtful partner who holds you in such high regard that he enlisted help, even if it was from a robot. These are the times we live in!" Frey said. "So accept his apology, delete the photos of the best man giving his toast, and pick the one picture from your wedding you like the best and make it your home screen. The more you see you and your partner looking happy on your wedding day, the more the stupid best man speech will recede from memory." Read the original article on People
CBS News
01-05-2025
- Business
- CBS News
Public split on seasonal street closures beginning in Northville, Michigan
In October 2023, a nonprofit called Let's Open Northville filed a lawsuit against the city of Northville, Michigan, to permanently reopen downtown streets that had been closed for six months. On Thursday, May 1, those seasonal street closures kicked off again. CBS Detroit The closures occur on two primary downtown roads, Center and Main streets. "You see people while they're having their meals, going into different stores, brings more foot traffic around," said visitor Andrew Stoe. "I was walking down the sidewalk and I'm thinking, wait a minute. I can walk down the street and not have to look for cars," resident Barbara Benton said. The seasonal closure from May until November occurs seven days a week and is part of the city's outdoor dining and social district season, which has been in place since the COVID-19 pandemic. The Northville community has been engaged in a heated debate for the last several years. Avid walkers like Benton have split on the issue. "I like that they're closed when I walk my dog down here, but then I like them to be open if I'm just going to drive down here, pick up something quick," Benton said. For small business owners like Prudence Kauffman, who relies on a high volume of customers, the street closures are detrimental to both her stores on Center Street. CBS Detroit "You come out Monday through Thursday; there's no one. It's a ghost town on the street. The street closures have definitely diminished our walk-in traffic. We don't get nearly as many people that are driving through town and see our sign and say hey, I want to stop in there," said Dear Prudence/Blackbird Owner Prudence Kauffman. Kauffman says she's taken her frustrations to the city, but those concerns fall on deaf ears. Northville Mayor Brian Turnbull tells CBS News Detroit he's listening and values the input from the public. "It's really a gathering place for Southeastern Michigan and the communities around the Detroit area. Will it be that way the rest of our lives? Not necessarily. That's why we put bollards in, so we could be flexible in the future. We're looking and trying to be flexible and listening to our businesses, listening to our citizens, and listening to community input, both the city and the township," Turnbull said. Meanwhile, Kauffman has to deal with these closures and hopes a compromise with the city will come sooner rather than later. "We just really like to find some sort of compromise, like close the streets down only on the weekends, or leave Center open, close Main Street, but the city, they just won't look at that as an option," Kauffman said. The trial between "Let's Open Northville" and the city of Northville is scheduled to begin in June 2025.
