6 days ago
7 Ways to Make Your Divorce Easier for Your Kid — Straight From Teens Who Lived It
When parents divorce, kids don't get a say in the decision — even though they definitely have something to say about it afterward. We asked teens whose parents split up to share the things that made it easier, the things that made it harder, and the moments that stuck with them. Their insights are part therapy, part PSA, and 100 percent worth reading. Here are seven valuable lessons for any parent navigating divorce.
Many teens said that the most helpful thing their parents did was to get them into therapy — and then back off. It gave them a safe space to explore their feelings without having to protect anyone else's. 'Therapy has been everything for me because it is a way I can talk about the divorce without actually talking with my parents,' says Hayden, 17, who was 6 during her parents' divorce. Nineteen-year-old Demie, who was 6 when her parents got divorced, emphasized that real support kicked in only 'once I expressed my needs.' Lucas, 18, who was 10 when his parents divorced, described therapy as 'the one hour a week where I could say anything out loud without worrying about hurting anyone – that saved me.' For kids stuck between two households, therapy became one place where they weren't expected to solve anything.
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Nearly all the teens I surveyed appreciated that their parents told them the truth — but a few learned there's a fine line between honesty and oversharing. 'They were very honest… but maybe a little too much,' says Isabelle, 19, who was 6 when her parents got divorced. 'I was dragged into adult decisions and legal processes I didn't understand.' Seventeen-year-old Brianna, who was 9 when her parents divorced, recalled her dad's attempt at full transparency: 'I didn't need to know who filed first. I just needed to know I was still loved.' The most effective parents gave their kids just enough context to feel secure, but not so much that they felt responsible for managing a mother's or father's emotional fallout. Another area where this balance can get complicated? Dating. 'I was actually glad my mom told me when she started dating again,' says Amy, who was 15 during her parents' divorce and is 17 now. 'But then it shifted, and she started venting to me about it, and that felt like too much.' Honesty matters. So does knowing when to pause and let kids be kids.
While some parents may have bribed their kids with gifts, what helped most was a predictable schedule and balanced time with both parents. Seventeen-year-old Federico, who was 6 during his parents' divorce, said, 'I really valued splitting custody fifty-fifty. I wouldn't want it any other way.' Camilla, 19, who was just 5 during her parents' divorce, was grateful her parents lived close to each other: 'Traveling wasn't an issue.' These logistical choices had an outsize emotional impact, helping kids feel rooted during a major transition. 'They treated the schedule like it was sacred,' says Jordan, 16, who was 7 during the divorce. 'That made me feel like I mattered more than their disagreements.' For many teens, the way their parents handled the day-to-day spoke louder than any dramatic gift.
A common complaint among teens: feeling caught between two adults in conflict. Federico recalled sobbing during a drop-off, not wanting to leave his dad's house — and realizing too late how that might have hurt his mom's feelings. Isabelle remembered being pulled into ongoing legal disputes and emotional cold wars. In fact, more than half the teens we talked to felt they frequently had to choose between parents. Charlotte, 18, who was 12 when her parents got divorced, put it plainly: 'Try not to let your frustration out on your children. It will just make them feel like they are a burden.' Demie added, 'Don't talk about the other parent so negatively. Just don't.' The message was clear: Even if the marriage ends, your child should never feel like a weapon or a referee.
Shuttling between homes was another major source of stress. 'It was a lot for 6-year-old me to begin moving my stuff halfway through the week,' Hayden recalled. Even when parents tried creative solutions like nesting, it just delayed the inevitable and made it harder when they ultimately had to switch homes. Many wished their parents had been more sensitive and thoughtful about the challenges of moving between homes and offered ways to help. And as kids get older, their lives often become more complex. Amy reflected: 'Now that I'm older, I appreciate that my parents are flexible in the summer and let me move around based on my schedule. I don't want a fixed rotation.' For teens with packed calendars, especially in the summer, the ability to co-create the schedule, rather than just follow it, can go a long way in making them feel seen.
Sometimes what hurt the most wasn't the yelling — it was the quiet tension. Many teens described feeling overwhelmed by the emotional atmosphere of the house, whether it was openly explosive or quietly muted. Ari shared, 'Even though my parents might have done a lot of things 'right,' I have the right to be upset that my world will never return to the way it was before.' The pressure to be 'fine' made some kids feel invisible. Sophie, 16 (whose parents divorced when she was 8), put it this way: 'No one told me it was okay to be mad and love them both at the same time. I felt guilty for everything.' Whether parents were fighting or freezing each other out, kids absorbed the emotional temperature — and internalized what they weren't allowed to say.
Even through grief and chaos, many teens found benefits. Some discovered new connections — Hayden gained a half-brother and stepdad she adores. Ari developed deeper relationships with each parent, separate from the tension of the marriage. Camilla said the experience made her more independent and driven. Charlotte noted that post-divorce peace — 'no more screaming in the house' — was a relief. Demie said learning to advocate for herself was one of the few good things that came out of it. But 19-year-old Riley, whose parents divorced when he was 10, put it best: 'The divorce hurt. But it gave me a mirror and a map — I learned who I was, and where I wanted to go.' Their message wasn't 'divorce is great.' It was that healing is possible — if you give it time.
A parent's final grade? It's not about perfection. It's about presence, boundaries, and love that shows up in quiet, consistent ways. Kids don't want superhero parents. They're hoping for steady, self-aware ones who are there for them. Everyone's goal, after all: a little less court drama and a little more birthday cake — for everyone Frankfort Odinec is the founder and CEO of My Next Chapter, an expert-led content and community platform that empowers people navigating every stage of divorce. Best of SheKnows
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