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21-07-2025
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5 Manipulative Phrases Straight Out of a Gaslighter's Playbook, According to Psychologists
5 Manipulative Phrases Straight Out of a Gaslighter's Playbook, According to Psychologists originally appeared on Parade. Knowing if you're being manipulated or gaslit can be so tricky. By nature, those tactics are insidious, hard to call out and easily twisted. 'It's a psychological power move wrapped in plausible deniability,' says Dr. Cynthia Edwards-Hawver, PsyD, a licensed psychologist and narcissistic burnout recovery coach who helps high-functioning moms break free from narcissistic abuse and emotional good news is that some manipulative phrases have been recycled for a hot minute and are often clear signs. Ahead, psychologists share five key examples, plus helpful background information on the tactics. The examples aren't all-inclusive, of course, but a solid Do Gaslighters Know What They're Doing? Psychologists Share the Truth Manipulation Vs. Gaslighting Again, words like 'manipulation' and 'gaslighting' are super buzzy right now and are sometimes used interchangeably. So, let's briefly discuss the difference between short, manipulation is the umbrella term that gaslighting falls under. 'Manipulation is a broader term that encompasses many strategies (guilt-tripping, flattery, deception) to influence someone's actions,' says Dr. Michael G. Wetter, PsyD, APBB, FAACP, a board-certified clinical psychologist in Los Angeles. 'Gaslighting is a specific form of emotional manipulation aimed at distorting another person's perception of reality.'Put another way: 'Where manipulation might guilt you into doing something you don't want to do, gaslighting makes you wonder if you're crazy for not wanting to do it in the first place,' Dr. Edwards-Hawver explains. 'Think of it this way: Manipulation pressures behavior. Gaslighting rewrites truth.'So naturally, the tactics differ. Gaslighting relies on denial, contradiction and misinformation, Dr. Wetter says, while manipulation involves emotional leverage or coercion that doesn't necessarily distort 5 Common Manipulative Phrases, According to Psychologists 1. 'You're too sensitive.' Maybe you started tearing up or verbally expressed hurt when they made a cruel 'joke.' That's when they're going to bring in this phrase. Gaslighting is all about making you doubt yourself and your perspective, and that's what blaming it on your 'sensitivity' does. 'Instead of taking responsibility for something hurtful, the gaslighter blames your reaction,' Dr. Edwards-Hawver says. 'It trains you to doubt your own emotional responses, eventually making you second-guess whether anything really happened at all.'Dr. Wetter adds, 'It implies that the problem is with the victim's emotions, not the behavior that triggered them, and subtly rewrites the shared experience.'Related: 2. 'That never happened.' When you remember and mention something that doesn't put the gaslighter in a perfect, positive light, they deny, deny, deny. 'Whether it's a conversation, a promise or even physical aggression, this phrase is meant to make the victim question their memory,' Dr. Edwards-Hawver happening repeatedly over time can chip away at your confidence, she continues, leaving you feeling confused and dependent. And that's a gaslighter's goal. More Gaslighting-Related Content:14 Genius Phrases To Shut Down Gaslighting, According to Psychologists 3. 'You're remembering it wrong.' This is another way a gaslighter might respond when you mention something that could hurt their image. They don't want you to believe it, so they try to convince you that you're wrong.'By planting doubt about the accuracy of memory, the gaslighter positions themselves as the more reliable narrator of events—even when they are the one distorting the truth,' Dr. Wetter clarify, people can remember events differently without it being a case of gaslighting. The difference is intentionality, malice, the context and any 4. 'I'm only saying this because I love you.' A gaslighter may have used this phrase after saying something hurtful. Don't trust it. 'This one is extra toxic because it disguises cruelty as care,' Dr. Edwards-Hawver says. 'It's emotional manipulation disguised as concern, disguised to disarm the other person so they'll accept criticism or control without protest.'Related: 5. 'Everyone else thinks you're crazy too.' This double whammy pairs gaslighting with social manipulation. 'It isolates the victim and makes them question their own mental state and their support network,' Dr. Wetter says. 'It also introduces the idea of group consensus as a way to pressure conformity and silence dissent.'After all, if everyone (supposedly) thinks you're 'crazy,' it must be true, right? (Wrong.)'Gaslighting is uniquely damaging because it seeks to erode a person's trust in themselves,' Dr. Wetter concludes. 'Understanding the subtle phrases and behaviors associated with gaslighting can empower individuals to recognize and resist this form of abuse.' Up Next:Sources: Dr. Cynthia Edwards-Hawver, PsyD, a licensed psychologist and narcissistic burnout recovery coach who helps high-functioning moms break free from narcissistic abuse and emotional exhaustion. Dr. Michael G. Wetter, PsyD, APBB, FAACP, a board-certified clinical psychologist When It Might Not Be Gaslighting, Psychology Today 5 Manipulative Phrases Straight Out of a Gaslighter's Playbook, According to Psychologists first appeared on Parade on Jul 20, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 20, 2025, where it first appeared. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
16-07-2025
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7 Topics High-Level Gaslighters Usually Avoid, According to Psychologists
7 Topics High-Level Gaslighters Usually Avoid, According to Psychologists originally appeared on Parade. Unfortunately, you or someone you know has probably experienced gaslighting before. 'Gaslighting' is a manipulation tactic that makes people question themselves, their sanity or their reality. It happens not only in romantic relationships, but also between friends, family members and in workplaces. High-level gaslighters are extra skilled (for lack of a better word) at the tactic. High-level gaslighting habits include weaponizing empathy and twisting stories to fit their narrative, while high-level gaslighting phrases can look like 'You're overreacting' and 'That never happened.'Let's broaden our insight by sharing topics high-level gaslighters tend to avoid—and ones they love to talk about—so we can better understand what to look People who gaslight refuse to be accountable for their hurtful behavior when they're called out, so they definitely won't bring it up. Don't expect to hear about that time they hurt your feelings (or if it does come up, expect them to blame-shift).'High-level gaslighters avoid the past unless they're cherry-picking it to make themselves look like the victim,' says Dr. Cynthia Edwards-Hawver, PsyD, a licensed psychologist who has expertise in emotional abuse, antagonistic relational dynamics, gaslighting and trauma. 'Owning mistakes means surrendering control, and that's their greatest fear.'a licensed clinical psychologist with SOBA New Jersey, points to this too. 'High-level gaslighters almost always dodge conversations where they might be held responsible,' she says. 'Owning up to mistakes threatens their need for control and opens the door for others to question their behavior.'If you raise this topic with them, Dr. Edwards-Hawver says they'll engage in DARVO: deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. This tactic is a multi-step approach to avoiding accountability and making you seem like the These Two Types of People Are the Most Likely to Experience Gaslighting—Here's Why and What to Do, According to Psychologists Gaslighters are often blame-shifters who don't want you to trust your intuition. For that reason, they aren't going to shed any light on or give any space for your emotional reality. They'll focus on what they say happened and how they feel.'If they acknowledge your emotions, it gives legitimacy to your perspective,' Dr. Estevez explains. 'Gaslighters thrive by making you question your reality.'If you bring up your feelings, Dr. Edwards-Hawver says they will sidestep, belittle or reframe them as irrational, dramatic or exaggerated. Basically, they'll say anything that causes you to doubt yourself, which is gaslighting's key. Because a gaslighter is 'never' in the wrong, you won't catch them apologizing—at least in a genuine way. 'A real apology involves acknowledgement, remorse and changed behavior—which dismantles the illusion of superiority or control,' Dr. Edwards-Hawver says. 'They avoid true repair because it levels the emotional playing field.'If they do 'apologize,' it'll be a fake one, she continues, and may sound something like 'I'm sorry you feel that way.' (Again, no accountability taken.)Related: 7 Things To Do When You Apologize, Because There's More to It Than Saying 'I'm Sorry' Since gaslighters want to trick you into believing them, they aren't going to give information that suggests otherwise. For example, if they're gaslighting you into thinking you're the one who started the argument, they won't admit to any part they played.'Whether it is a text message, a timeline or something they clearly stated before, they will sidestep the facts,' Dr. Estevez says. 'Confronting evidence puts cracks in the version of reality they are trying to control.' Clarity and mutual understanding are common goals in healthy relationships, but you won't get them from a gaslighter. 'Any in-depth discussion about the relationship's dynamics risks exposing an imbalance or emotional harm,' Dr. Estevez explains. 'They will change the subject, deflect or accuse you of 'creating drama.'' Setting boundaries is so important in relationships, and that's one reason why gaslighters hate it.'They tend to avoid any dialogue where you clearly define your needs or set firm boundaries,' Dr. Estevez says. 'Boundaries reduce their power.'If you do try to assert one, she continues, they may respond with something like 'You're overreacting' or 'I guess I am just the bad guy now.'Related: 35 Phrases To Set Boundaries Firmly and Fairly, According to Mental Health Pros People who gaslight may avoid making social plans with you and a group of people, and it's not because they're introverted or shy.'They prefer to operate one-on-one where they can manipulate perception without resistance,' Dr. Edwards-Hawver says. 'Group settings with emotionally intelligent people threaten their control, especially if others might affirm your version of reality.' On the flip side, what will you probably catch a high-level gaslighter talking about? Dr. Estevez and Dr. Edwards-Hawver mention the following topics: Your flaws, mistakes and insecurities (under the guise of 'just being honest') Their version of past events Moral, high-ground arguments or vague philosophical takes that derail conversations and help them avoid accountability How others have wronged you Ambiguous, circular conversations or 'gray' situations where they can more easily manipulate you How you should stay loyal to them and 'protect' them Their reputation, charm and credibility If you interact with someone who avoids the former topics or loves the latter, you may be in a gaslighter's territory. And a high-level one at that. Be on the lookout for other gaslighting signs, too, and if they look familiar, consider reaching out to a loved one for Next:Dr. Cynthia Edwards-Hawver, PsyD, a licensed psychologist who has expertise in emotional abuse, antagonistic relational dynamics, gaslighting and trauma Dr. Carolina Estevez, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist 7 Topics High-Level Gaslighters Usually Avoid, According to Psychologists first appeared on Parade on Jul 15, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 15, 2025, where it first appeared.
