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9 Things Psychologists Say Make You Vulnerable if You Share Them Too Soon
9 Things Psychologists Say Make You Vulnerable if You Share Them Too Soon originally appeared on Parade. Sometimes when you really like someone, no matter if they're a potential partner or a new friend, you start to share everything about yourself with them—every story, every secret, every little detail. By doing so, you may feel like you're able to quickly build a connection with them. But in reality, sometimes less is more. In fact, opening up too quickly on a date, with a new friend or in a work atmosphere can actually backfire. If figuring out how much is alright to reveal about yourself with someone isn't your strong suit, don't worry—we've rounded up nine things psychologists say can make you feel if you too soon. After all, knowledge is power, right?Psychologists Dr. Jaime Zuckerman (Dr. Z on Instagram) and Dr. Jenny Shields share that the art of opening up and knowing when to reveal just a hint of your story rather than the whole book at once is important. They also point out how a little mystery and patience can actually deepen connections, turning simple conversations into meaningful bonds that grow stronger with if you're someone who feels like an open book and you aren't sure if you're making yourself too vulnerable too soon by telling people things about yourself that you might want to keep private for a little longer, keep reading. Before you know it, you'll realize the areas where you could be opening up too quickly and how they can invite the wrong kind of attention, leaving you feeling exposed instead of understood. And instead, you can learn to protect yourself without closing yourself off completely at the same 9 Things That Make You Vulnerable if You Share Them Too Soon, According to Psychologists 1. Telling Someone About a Major Life Crisis 'Revealing a major life crisis you're going through, like a divorce or job loss right when you meet someone, makes you vulnerable if you tell someone too soon in a relationship or a friendship,' Dr. Zuckerman states. 'You may feel like you have put too much on the other person and feel regretful or guilty after the fact. Someone who does not know you well will likely not be able to give you helpful advice, given that they don't know the context of your situation or really anything about how you typically cope with life crises. You may walk away feeling invalidated and even more helpless.'Dr. Shields agrees, adding that this could put an unnecessary strain on a blooming connection that could hurt it before it even gets a chance to flourish.'A new relationship doesn't yet have the foundation to hold the weight of a major life upheaval, and this level of vulnerability too early on can cause it to collapse," she says. "Unloading an active crisis turns the other person into an emergency responder rather than a potential friend or partner.'Related: 2. Saying "I Think You're the One" This action may be something you see a lot in movies, but in real life, our experts say it can make you vulnerable to getting your heart broken if you mention it too soon to someone.'Saying something like, 'I feel like I've known you forever. It's like we were connected in a prior life. Like soulmates,' after just knowing someone for a short amount of time, can open yourself up to rejection, or being viewed as emotionally immature, given that you felt it was alright to make such a significant statement without knowing the person,' Dr. Zuckerman that you should care if you're "too much" for someone, and you shouldn't hide your personality or if you like someone. However, laying it on thick with declarations of love early on in a relationship is almost a surefire way to make sure that person takes a step back.'On a second date, stating something like, 'I'm just going to say it. I think you could be the one. I've never felt this way so quickly,' can make you very vulnerable and can make things awkward if they don't feel the same way,' Dr. Shields says. Related: 3. Being Honest About Your Mental Health Diagnoses 'Even though you may want to introduce yourself in a new social group by saying, 'Just so you know, I have Bipolar II, so my energy levels can be pretty erratic,' it's best to share that info later,' Dr. Shields advises. "While sharing a diagnosis can foster connection with the right person, leading with it can make you vulnerable and, unfortunately, trigger preconceived notions or stigma about you from the other person. That's why it's best to let someone get to know you first, rather than letting a label define you in their eyes."Honesty is the best policy. But when an honest fact about yourself can taint how someone views you, it might be best to proceed with caution.'While it is important in relationships to be open about your mental health, it just may be too personal and too vulnerable a topic to discuss when you haven't yet gained trust in the other person," Dr. Zuckerman adds. 4. Revealing Heavy Subject Matter Unpacking past hardships you went through with someone new makes you vulnerable, as it's heavy information to just dish out and shouldn't be revealed to just anyone. Not only that, but it can be a lot to dump trauma on someone right off the bat; you don't know what they've gone through in their life, what they can handle or how they might respond. Plus, it could end with them using this to their advantage in the future because you don't know yet if they're a trustworthy person."Saying something like, 'My father was extremely abusive to my mother and I still have nightmares to this day,' or talking about deep wounds you have in general before you have gained true trust in the other person may cause them to use your pain against you as a manipulation tactic (e.g., love bombing stage of narcissistic abuse cycle)," Dr. Zuckerman warns. "Sharing this too soon may also leave you feeling embarrassed, overly anxious and even regretful for sharing—especially if their response is one of discomfort or avoidance."Related: 5. Talking About Your Insecurities Another thing our experts say can make you vulnerable to your friends, a partner or your coworkers if you share them too soon? Your insecurities. 'Revealing major insecurities upfront can inadvertently signal to the other person that you need constant reassurance, and in the wrong hands, it gives them a guide on how to hurt you, which makes you vulnerable," says Dr. Shields. 6. Opening Up About Your Financial Struggles 'Discussing significant money problems early on can make you vulnerable,' Dr. Zuckerman shares. By doing so, she says it lets whoever you're sharing that information with—like a boss or partner—know something about you that they can end up holding against you, threatening you with later on or it can create awkwardness in your 7. Childhood Wounds 'While you may want to confide in a new friend and say, 'The reason I'm so anxious about making mistakes is because my dad was a perfectionist and would get angry over the smallest error and scream at me every night,' it makes you vulnerable if you share it too soon,' Dr. Shields tells Parade. 'Your childhood experiences are the blueprint for much of who you are today. Handing that blueprint to someone before you know they are trustworthy is a risk; they may not understand the sensitivity of that information or could use it, even unintentionally, to wound you further.' 8. Plans Involving the Other Person Too Soon Revealing plans you'd like to make with someone you're falling for, or trying to invite a new bestie somewhere, may seem like a sweet idea. But our experts say it can make you vulnerable to heartbreak.'By opening up after two dates or after only hanging out a couple times with a new friend and saying something like, 'You have to come to my family's reunion next summer! They would absolutely love you,'' could backfire," Dr. Shields notes. "Making future plans, like trips or long-term projects, puts a tremendous amount of pressure on a budding connection. It can feel endearing to you to express yourself, but to the other person, it can feel like you're trying to fast-forward the relationship, which can be overwhelming and cause them to pull away." 9. Family Drama 'This type of information can be extremely sensitive and personal,' Dr. Zuckerman stresses. 'Everyone has family conflict at times in their lives and everyone handles conflict differently. Sharing this too soon out of context may result in your feelings being invalidated and make you vulnerable."She gives an example where maybe you have to go no-contact with your mom because she was horrible your whole life, and cutting her off will give you peace. You decide to tell a new friend this without knowing what they've dealt with in their life, and without them knowing your full history. "For people who have not experienced this type of parental abuse, it can be very difficult to understand why anyone would cut ties with their parent," she explains. "They may say, 'Well, you only have one mom,' or 'I'm sure she loves you. Our parents do the best they can, they aren't perfect.' Hearing this can be extremely invalidating and you will then likely feel misunderstood and unsupported."Up Next:Sources: Dr. Jaime Zuckerman (Dr. Z on Instagram), a licensed clinical psychologist and narcissistic abuse expert & relationship coach Dr. Jenny Shields, a licensed psychologist and certified healthcare ethics consultant 9 Things Psychologists Say Make You Vulnerable if You Share Them Too Soon first appeared on Parade on Jul 18, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 18, 2025, where it first appeared. Solve the daily Crossword
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20-06-2025
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13 Common Phrases People Over 60 Use Without Realizing How Outdated They Sound
13 Common Phrases People Over 60 Use Without Realizing How Outdated They Sound originally appeared on Parade. Language is a wonderfully curious thing—always growing, always shape-shifting. Even when two people are from the same area, the way they use words can feel like different dialects from parallel worlds, especially across generations. For instance, a saying that once sparkled with relevance might now land with a puzzled blink when it's used, quietly revealing the era it came from at the same time. If you're curious what some expressions and sentences might fall into that, keep reading because we're revealing 13 common phrases people over 60 use without realizing how outdated they Dr. Jenny Shields, the founder of Shields Psychology & Consulting and Dr. Patricia Dixon of the podcast Healing Mentalit-Tea helped us round them up. They both not only call out certain phrases, but they also explain what they mean in case you're confused. Beyond decoding their original intent, they take it a step further by offering modern-day equivalents, giving helpful insight into how language has shifted and what expressions people might be using today out all of the outdated phrases below and see if you are guilty of using them, have ever heard them before or know someone who still uses them in their everyday vocab. You may be surprised to find out which ones our experts 'This phrase has been around for centuries—and it sounds like it!' Dr. Shields stresses. 'The message is solid: handle it now before it snowballs. But for younger people hearing it, it can sound like a folksy nudge from someone's great-aunt rather than a helpful reminder.''Today's generation might say something like, 'Nip it in the bud,' which has a similar vibe, but sounds a bit more modern,' Dr. Dixon explains. 'I've always understood this older phrase to mean that fixing a small problem right away can prevent it from turning into a bigger mess later—whether it's in relationships, business or even just keeping your house organized. The idea is that addressing issues early on saves you from having to do nine more stitches down the line.'Related: "If you've never used a pager, this phrase can land as a little out of touch,' Dr. Shields explains.'This outdated phrase basically means, 'Reach out if you need anything,' Dr. Dixon reveals. 'It's a polite way of saying, 'Let me know if I can help.' Nowadays, people might say, 'Hit me up if you need to' or 'Text me if you need me," which are both more casual and more immediate.' Ummm, what?! If you haven't heard this dated expression, Dr. Shields is breaking it down.'This phrase used to be about grit and self-reliance, but today it can come across as dismissive or disconnected,' she tells Parade. 'It assumes everyone starts from the same place, with equal access to support, time and stability.' 'This was a gentle way of saying, 'I'll tentatively schedule you,'' Dr. Dixon says. 'Today, people might say, 'I'll hit you up,' or 'OK, I've got you locked in.' It's all about keeping things flexible but still making sure it happens—just with a little more digital flair.' 'This classic saying used by people 60 or older means that being kind and friendly gets you farther than being sour or aggressive,' Dr. Dixon points out. 'It's about the power of kindness over harshness. Today's slang might include phrases like, 'That's a vibe' or 'Kindness over clout,' focusing on authenticity and positivity over negativity.'Related: 'This phrase used by people over 60 is a straightforward way of saying you've left a message, but let's be honest—answering machines are almost a thing of the past nowadays, which is why this is outdated," Dr. Dixon notes. "Now, we'd say, 'Check your messages' or 'I DM'ed you,' which is way more current and digital-friendly.' 'This outdated phrase has long been used to explain playful or impulsive behavior, often without harm intended,' Dr. Shields shares. 'However, today, with greater awareness around bullying, aggression and consent, it can unintentionally excuse actions that deserve to be taken seriously. Most parents and grandparents want to raise boys who are kind, respectful and accountable. Letting go of this phrase doesn't limit boys. It affirms how much we believe in who they're becoming.'Related: Not sure what this means? That's because "taping" something is pretty much a thing of the past.'This used to be a common way to ask someone to record a TV show on a VCR—back when we actually owned tapes and knew what a VCR was!' Dr. Dixon Shields adds, 'This outdated phrase reminds us how quickly the world has changed. If you're talking with someone younger, updating your wording a bit can help keep them in the moment with you, instead of trying to decode the reference.'Dr. Dixon agrees, telling Parade, 'These days, someone would probably just ask, 'Which streaming service is it on?' instead.' 'This phrase was once a compliment, meant to recognize women who built professional lives outside the home,' Dr. Shields says. 'Though, today it can sound outdated or even patronizing, as if a woman's ambition still needs to be called out or labeled. Younger generations expect women to have full careers, and pointing it out can make it feel exceptional when it's simply normal. It also reduces someone's identity to their job, rather than seeing them as a whole person.' If you're confused by this method of payment, it's because it was more common with other generations. That's why our experts say it's an outdated phrase in today's world.'That was a classic question from a time when writing checks was the norm,' Dr. Dixon states. 'The modern version of that statement would be something like, 'Can I Zelle or Cash App you?' It's much quicker and more digital-friendly.'Related: 'Someone 60 or older might use this as it means splitting the bill, which was the polite way to say 'We're sharing this,'" Dr. Dixon explains. "Today's generation might say, 'Let's split this' or 'Let's go half on this.' It's a little more straightforward and less formal, but just as clear.' This outdated phrase was often meant to express kindness or fairness, with the intent of saying, 'I treat everyone the same.'' Dr. Shields explains. 'However, if used today, for many people of color, it can feel like their identity and lived experience are being erased. The truth is, race often shapes the way people move through the world. What builds trust isn't pretending we're all the same. It's saying, 'I see your difference and I respect it.'' 'This old saying was meant to remind people not to toss out something valuable just because it's mixed in with something difficult,' Dr. Shields notes. 'Today, it can sound a little outdated or even a bit dismissive when someone is voicing frustration or rethinking how things have always been done. The heart of the message still holds, but younger folks might hear it as, 'Don't make a fuss.'' Up Next:Dr. Jenny Shields, psychologist, the founder of Shields Psychology & Consulting Dr. Patricia Dixon, psychologist, of the podcast Healing Mentalit-Tea 13 Common Phrases People Over 60 Use Without Realizing How Outdated They Sound first appeared on Parade on Jun 19, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 19, 2025, where it first appeared.
