Latest news with #ENM
Mint
4 days ago
- Entertainment
- Mint
How dating apps are leading to emotional burnout in the ENM community
By the time Mira (name changed) matched with her 150th person on Feeld (a dating app for those interested in ethical non-monogamy), she no longer felt curious, but, just numb. What started two years ago as a way to explore ethical non-monogamy (ENM) with her primary partner had become a blur of awkward conversations, ghostings, and mismatched intentions. 'It felt like auditioning for something I didn't even want to be cast in anymore," she said. 'Like I had to sell this curated version of openness that didn't even feel like mine." Mira is not alone. Across ENM communities, especially among queer, neurodivergent, and trauma-conscious users, there's a growing undercurrent of emotional fatigue. On the surface, platforms like Feeld and Pure promise what traditional dating apps can't: space for multiplicity, exploration, and conscious relating. But behind the curated profiles and kink-friendly tags, many users are quietly burning out. WIPE CULTURE MEETS ENM Arjun (name changed), a 33-year-old visual artist, based in Mumbai describes his journey through ENM dating apps as 'a slow erosion of hope." What began as excitement to meet like-minded individuals quickly turned transactional. 'I got tired of being someone's 'first non-monogamous experience' or their 'try-poly for a weekend' fantasy. There was no depth. Just more profiles, more pings, and less connection." Apps like Feeld may have been built for people like Arjun and Mira – those seeking relationships beyond monogamy, with explicit communication and boundaries. But their lived experiences suggest a different reality: one where the same systems that constrict monogamy are simply repackaged under the banner of freedom. 'Most dating apps, even the supposedly open-minded ones, are still engineered like slot machines," says Dr Aman Bhonsle, a consulting psychotherapist in Mumbai. 'Gamified, performative, and designed to spike dopamine. The promise is a genuine connection, but the reality often feels like a social auction." For ENM users, this mismatch cuts particularly deep. Unlike casual monogamous users, who may be swiping to findthe one, ENM users are often managing multiple emotional ecosystems. When these are built on shaky, shallow app interactions, the result is a sense of relational whiplash: too many people, too few anchors. 'Monogamous users usually burn out from not finding one stable bond," Bhonsle adds. 'ENM users often burn out from too many shallow ones." THE MYTH OF LIMITLESS CONNECTIONS Dating fatigue isn't unique to ENM, but its shape is distinct. For those practicing ethical non-monogamy, the illusion of endless choice often backfires. 'It's like a buffet," says psychotherapist Sanjana Prasad, based in Bengaluru. 'At first, the variety seems exciting. But after grazing endlessly, you realise you've consumed a lot without actually feeling nourished." While apps serve up endless 'options," what's often missing is resonance. As Prasad explains, 'Our attachment systems thrive on attunement, not volume. When every interaction feels fleeting, the nervous system doesn't register safety or connection. Just noise." For Arjun, this emotional void came with creeping self-doubt. 'I began questioning if I was asking for too much by wanting honest conversations or emotional care in these dynamics. Everyone claimed to be open, but it felt like a performance, like ENM cosplay." Both therapists agree that performative openness is one of the most corrosive forces in today's ENM dating culture. 'Many people enter ENM trying to sidestep the emotional baggage of monogamy," Bhonsle explains. 'But they end up colliding with a new kind of overwhelm: chronic comparison, attachment confusion, and emotional fatigue." Prasad echoes this, pointing out how even in ENM circles, people can find themselves trapped in new sets of expectations. 'There's often pressure to conform to a particular way of 'doing ENM.' If your version doesn't match the dominant script, often hyper-sexualized and low on emotional accountability, you feel out of place." This dissonance between what people say ENM is and how they actually engage with it creates emotional confusion. 'It's like I was constantly gaslighting myself," Mira says. 'Thinking maybeI'm the one doing it wrong for wanting depth, safety, or softness." WHEN VULNERABLE IDENTITIES MEET FRAGILE ECOSYSTEMS For users navigating ENM alongside other layered identities such as queer, neurodivergent, trauma-impacted: the emotional cost is even steeper. 'As a queer woman, I expected ENM to be liberating," Mira recalls. 'But instead, I found myself having to explain my boundaries constantly, or worse, having them ignored." Repeated objectification or shallow engagement can start to warp a person's understanding of what ENM is supposed to feel like. 'If all you're offered is performativity or consumption," Prasad says, 'you start to internalise that as the norm. Over time, it chips away at your sense of self and belonging." Bhonsle highlights how those with attachment trauma or neurodivergent patterns may particularly struggle with ENM in the app world. 'Fast-paced ambiguity and ghosting can be deeply triggering. Without clear relational scaffolding, these users often spiral into self-blame or emotional dysregulation." Another common theme among ENM users is the experience of being reduced to a function: a kink, a dynamic, a role to be filled. 'Sometimes it felt like people were 'shopping' for a third to plug into their pre-written fantasy," Arjun says. 'I wasn't a person, just a variable in someone else's storyline." This kind of objectification can be subtle. It may show up in the way someone frames their availability, their lack of follow-through, or the casual dismissal of emotional needs. But its impact is cumulative. 'Eventually," Bhonsle explains, 'you're not just being objectified by others but you start doing it to yourself. Softening your truth, downplaying your needs, performing a version of yourself that keeps you in the game." GO SLOW, SEEK REAL CONNECTIONS If dating apps are structured to reward surface-level interaction, what's the alternative? Prasad suggests that part of the answer lies in reclaiming slowness and groundedness. 'Therapy helps, yes, but so does community care, nervous system regulation, and reflective solitude. ENM is noisy. You need spaces where your whole self can exist without explanation." Community – be it real, relational, accountable community – is key. But so is discernment. 'Not all ENM spaces are created equal," she says. 'The goal isn't just finding people who share the label, but those who also share your values." For Arjun, the turning point was pulling back from apps entirely and seeking connection through local, in-person ENM meetups. 'It's slower, more awkward, but way more real." Mira, too, has taken a step back. 'I've learned to listen to my nervous system more than someone's bio. If it doesn't feel safe or nourishing, I don't care how 'conscious' they say they are." The promise of ENM was never ease. It was never abundance. It was truth, autonomy, and emotional responsibility. But in trying to digitize it, we've lost some of its nuance. 'ENM requires a kind of emotional infrastructure that most dating apps don't support," Bhonsle says. 'They're wired for novelty, not depth." Perhaps the next evolution of ENM isn't in better technology, but in better conversations. More honest narratives. And the courage to say:I'm tired of pretending this is working when it's not. Until then, users like Mira and Arjun will keep carving out their own slow, messy, imperfect paths, one honest connection at a time. Divya Naik is an independent writer based in Mumbai.
Metro
11-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Metro
I'm heteroflexible — women always overestimate their oral skills
Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger. This week we hear from Chase*, a 30-year-old writer in Barcelona who is in multiple ethical non-monogamous (ENM) relationships. He's heteroflexible, which is someone who is predominantly heterosexual, but is sometimes sexually attracted to (or curious about exploring) members of the same sex. Chase has sex three times a week on average — usually all with different older women. 'My past relationship with my ex was extremely healthy and wholesome but I was never fully content and I often felt I was missing out,' Chase says. 'When I was in a long-term monogamous relationship with her, I had fantasies about relationships with sexually liberated older women. 'Now I'm living those dreams, with not just one, but several women.' Chase has been exploring ENM for the past three years and enjoys the freedom and sexual exploration it brings. Currently he has three partners he sees regularly, but this doesn't stop him from seeing other women too. So without further ado, here's how Chase got on this week… Love reading juicy stories like this? Need some tips for how to spice things up in the bedroom? Sign up to The Hook-Up and we'll slide into your inbox every week with all the latest sex and dating stories from Metro. We can't wait for you to join us! The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work . I'm having trouble focusing on work today. I'm messaging Paula* and I'm thinking about all the things I plan to do with her later. She's in her mid-40s, a Peruvian divorcee with two adult kids back in Lima. Now they've grown up, she's living her best life in Spain. I love to take her out and treat her – not that I have a choice, as she always expects the hombre to pay. But she's worth every penny, and she knows it. We've been seeing each other roughly once a week for about two years now. It's a satisfying arrangement that provides intimacy, great sex and pleasant dates without commitment. As Paula explained when we first met: 'I don't want a husband, or a boyfriend, or a father to my kids.' That works just fine for me. Throughout the day, I send messages to other women in my life suggesting meets later this week. Some texts are sweet, while some are romantic and dirty. When I meet Paula in the evening, she looks magnificent. We walk hand in hand through streets buzzing with people and whenever we're pressed together by the volume of people passing by, or find a quiet corner, she grinds her ample backside against my crotch. I push back, so she can feel how irrepressibly hard she makes me. Soon, neither of us can bear the tension any longer, so we head back to my flat. I go down on her and when she finishes, I reach for a condom, before rolling her on her front and entering from behind. From doggy style I pull her into a spooning position so I can play with her breasts. We end with missionary. Not the conventional kind, but with Paula's legs together and flat on the bed. It's not a position I've done with many women but it's a sure-fire way to make her finish again, and the internal waves her orgasm sends up my c**k makes me orgasm too. As Paula has problems sleeping, she left late last night and I lie in until 10am to recover my strength. Besides my actual work, my focus for today is to work out. Since turning my back on monogamy, working out has become crucial for my sex life. Keeping up with multiple women, some of whom might only be sexually active with me, requires strength and stamina. All my partners know I'm ENM though, so there's no issue there. I like to take control in bed, and having muscles gives me both the confidence and the physicality to play the role of stud. I cycle to one of Barcelona's outdoor gyms where the heat adds an extra challenge to the workout. Despite some people's preconceptions about non-monogamy, I value quality over quantity when it comes to sex, and I always try to keep a day free between lovers to make sure I can perform at my best each time. Instead, I see friends in the evening after work and then get a solid night's rest. This evening I'm meeting a new chica . We've been talking for a couple of weeks on Bumble. Her name is Yewande*, and from the moment we meet, the connection is electric. She's very confident, funny and touchy-feely, which I like, and within 10 minutes of meeting, she asks if we can kiss. I'm pleasantly surprised by her directness and forwardness. She quickly explores my mouth with her tongue, and suddenly we're Frenching in the middle of the street like horny teenagers. Yewande tells me she's ordered some weed to pick up. She wants to buy me some too, and I mentally note that physical touch and gift-giving are clearly two of her love languages. It's been one of the most stimulating, interesting and sexually charged first dates I've ever had, and I tell Yewande how much I've enjoyed the conversation and how much I'd like to continue – perhaps at my place? Emotional connection is intrinsic to good sex, and so it makes sense that making love with Yewande is phenomenal. I receive a great deal of pleasure from giving pleasure to my partner, especially oral, and I want to show Yewande just how sexy I find her. I'm pleasantly surprised to find she's an all-natural girl, a bush can be extremely erotic to me. She climaxes quickly, but I'm enjoying this too much to stop, and I bring her to orgasm again with my tongue and fingers a few minutes later. Weed always makes me extra horny and it can help me last a really long time. My poor housemates will probably be annoyed tomorrow, but that's the last thing on my mind as I test the robustness of my bedframe. Yewande is a self-proclaimed 'pillow princess', which means she prefers to just lie back and enjoy whatever I've got. And I give her everything. I finally finish and collapse next to Yewande, sweaty and breathless. I wake up rejuvenated and re-energised. I suggest we freshen up in the shower together. Yewande takes the chance to get on her knees and show me I'm not the only one who enjoys giving pleasure. In my experience, many women vastly overestimate their oral-giving skills, but Yewande knows exactly how to vary the sensation and technique. I rarely finish from a blowjob but this morning it's a struggle to control myself. We start having sex standing up, but we don't feel super close, so next I lie on my back on the bed and she rides me. It's a sumptuous view, watching her grind on me. I help her to climax, but I know there's no way I'm going to finish in this position. So we end with good old-fashioned missionary, only with her legs over my shoulders. Afterwards, I make us breakfast and we eat on my balcony. Yewande is in no rush to leave, but I have deadlines approaching, so gently guide her towards the door. There's no doubt in my mind that we'll be seeing each other again very soon. Today's objectives are: gym, work, and fiesta, in that order. I cycle to my favourite Barcelona beach gym and sweat it out, before heading to an Argentinian friend's co-working space for the rest of the afternoon. Like me, this friend is a bit of a womaniser. We work until the early evening and then go drinking. Around 2am, I bump into a friend of a friend I'd met at the beach a few weeks earlier. Julia* is confident, smart and funny – exactly my type, and soon we're talking and flirting. Unfortunately, she has a volleyball competition the next day and has to say adios . I make sure to get her Instagram and let her know how much I'd like to see her again. Julia smiles mischievously and feigns nonchalance. But as she leaves and gives me the customary kiss on each cheek, she whispers, 'definitely' in my ear. I don't surface until late morning and enjoy a leisurely breakfast with my housemates, then pack my rucksack for a beach day. You never know where Saturdays might end up, so I bring a spare change of clothes, toiletries and even aftershave – just in case. I meet my mates at the beach and we spend the entire day playing volleyball, swimming, talking, and obsessively reapplying sun cream. As evening descends, we head to a Mexican restaurant for dinner and drinks. Several margaritas in, I consider messaging Paula or Yewande to see if they are free to meet, but I'm tired, and besides, I have another date planned for Sunday, so I resist the temptation and cycle home alone. In the morning, I go hiking with a former housemate. After we return to the city, I shower and change, then catch the train to Tarragona, a small town down the coast where another partner lives: Sofia*. She's a talented musician, linguist, and film enthusiast. She also turned 50 this year, but her sexual appetite remains voracious. Nevertheless, on the train I find myself thinking about Yewande, Paula and Julia. I also see on a group WhatsApp that my friends are meeting in a park, and feel a pang of FOMO. I meet Sofia outside her gym, conveniently close to the train station. Sofia is telling me about her orchestra practice, but it's hard to concentrate because I'm remembering the first time I came to Tarragona with my ex-girlfriend. More Trending I can't help but contrast how easy and compelling our conversations were compared to those with Sofia. One thing I learned from the break-up was to listen to and trust my gut instinct. And now it's telling me that the connection with Sofia isn't as strong as it should be. I try to focus on her throughout the evening, but the niggling doubt in the back of my mind won't go away. I resolve to sleep on it and if I feel the same tomorrow, to end things. It's a shame, and Sofia will be disappointed, but from the beginning, we've been clear this is casual. And I always emphasise the importance of honesty. View More » There's simply no point pursuing a connection if you're no longer feeling it, and besides, my calendar is busy with Paula and Yewande, and whoever else life throws my way. Do you have a story to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@ MORE: UK company launches £5,000 sex cruise — these are the rules passengers must follow MORE: People having phone sex on FaceTime will now get a warning from Apple MORE: The 'Cinderella rule' has made my scheduled sex a turn on
Mid East Info
03-06-2025
- General
- Mid East Info
Dubai Judicial Institute signs MoU with French National School for the Judiciary to foster judicial training
The key objective of the MoU is to promote collaboration and enhance legal expertise. The Dubai Judicial Institute (DJI) signed a Memorandum of Understanding (MoU) with the French National School for the Judiciary (École Nationale de la Magistrature – ENM) as part of its efforts to reinforce strategic partnerships and promote the exchange of judicial and legal expertise. The key objective of the agreement is to reinforce bilateral collaboration in judicial training, develop shared insights to improve the capabilities of judicial members and navigate legal challenges of the modern world. The MoU was signed at the headquarters of DJI in the presence of Her Excellency Judge Dr Ebtessam Ali Al Badwawi, Director General of DJI, Judge Haffide Boulakras, Deputy Director of the ENM in Paris, and Judge Philippe Solomon from the Cultural Attaché Office at the French Embassy in Abu Dhabi. The agreement signifies a comprehensive framework for joint efforts across various judicial training fields and exchange of best legal practices. Furthermore, it aligns with the Institute's mission to prepare and qualify judicial cadres and supports its vision to strengthen its position as a pioneering institution in judicial training that showcases legal excellence and global competitiveness. Through this agreement, both parties seek to strengthen their cooperation in creating curricula and academic programs, facilitating the exchange of expertise, and hosting joint events. These efforts are aimed at meeting training requirements and supporting developmental goals.
Zawya
03-06-2025
- Business
- Zawya
Dubai Judicial Institute signs MoU with French National School for the Judiciary to foster judicial training
The Dubai Judicial Institute (DJI) signed a Memorandum of Understanding (MoU) with the French National School for the Judiciary (École Nationale de la Magistrature - ENM) as part of its efforts to reinforce strategic partnerships and promote the exchange of judicial and legal expertise. The key objective of the agreement is to reinforce bilateral collaboration in judicial training, develop shared insights to improve the capabilities of judicial members and navigate legal challenges of the modern world. The MoU was signed at the headquarters of DJI in the presence of Her Excellency Judge Dr Ebtessam Ali Al Badwawi, Director General of DJI, Judge Haffide Boulakras, Deputy Director of the ENM in Paris, and Judge Philippe Solomon from the Cultural Attaché Office at the French Embassy in Abu Dhabi. The agreement signifies a comprehensive framework for joint efforts across various judicial training fields and exchange of best legal practices. Furthermore, it aligns with the Institute's mission to prepare and qualify judicial cadres and supports its vision to strengthen its position as a pioneering institution in judicial training that showcases legal excellence and global competitiveness. Through this agreement, both parties seek to strengthen their cooperation in creating curricula and academic programs, facilitating the exchange of expertise, and hosting joint events. These efforts are aimed at meeting training requirements and supporting developmental goals. For further information, please contact: Orient Planet Group (OPG) Email: media@ Website:
