logo
#

Latest news with #EvidenceBasedTherapyCentre

Neurodiversity and relationships: ‘It's about recognising where you both struggle and where you both thrive'
Neurodiversity and relationships: ‘It's about recognising where you both struggle and where you both thrive'

Irish Times

time2 days ago

  • General
  • Irish Times

Neurodiversity and relationships: ‘It's about recognising where you both struggle and where you both thrive'

From the outside, some couples make relationships look easy. As though they were always meant to be together and simply 'get each other'. But relationships are often more complicated than they seem, and the younger generations are navigating an increasingly challenging relationship landscape. With more people being identified as neurodiverse, the dating scene becomes even more intricate. 'As humans, our need for connection is vital, not just for survival, but for companionship, love, and even growing a family,' says Afrah Al-yufrusi, psychosexual and relationship therapist with the Evidence-Based Therapy Centre in Galway. 'For those of us who experience neurodiversity, how we connect and relate to others may look different. We are influenced by early relationships, cultural experiences, personality traits, and how our brains are wired. These neurodivergent traits can affect how we navigate the world and, of course, how we form and maintain relationships.' READ MORE When we consider relationships at a base level, they come with a nuanced understanding that everyone is different. How people connect and develop relationships is often influenced by personalities and past experiences. Relationships are always complex. Couples navigating neurodiverse connections may find it more intricate as they seek to embrace the neurological differences within their relationship. 'Let's not sugar-coat this, relationships are challenging for everyone,' says Al-yufrusi. 'Ari Tuckman says: 'A good relationship pushes you to become a better person.' They take hard work, commitment, communication and reflection. The idea of 'happily ever after' in movies doesn't prepare us for the real, everyday challenges. When things don't match our expectations, frustration can build, disappointment sets in, and suddenly we're questioning our self-worth.' A neurodiverse relationship comes with potential challenges such as a difficulty in expressing emotions, experiencing different sensory sensitivities, and miscommunication. Awareness, understanding and appreciation of neurodiverse differences is important in a relationship that may also be affected by potential social stigma. 'In neurodivergent relationships, these challenges don't disappear, they're often just amplified,' says Al-yufrusi. She explains this by using the example of a partner with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) who might forget repeatedly to pay a bill, despite being capable and competent, leading to arguments and financial stress within the relationship. 'These small issues can create distance, as partners may start to turn away from each other rather than addressing the problem together,' she says. 'It can be especially difficult when consistency seems out of reach. Over time, this can lead to feelings of isolation and a widening emotional gap.' [ The key to a happy long-term relationship? Permission to let yourselves be boring Opens in new window ] Another example is a partner with autism who might look for more structure or predictability in their life and relationships. They may find it difficult to show empathy in the way their partner expects and express their love through different actions other than words or physical contact such as maintaining the house. Al-yufrusi says that when these small but significant differences aren't recognised, it can leave both partners feeling misunderstood. Not everyone expresses love in the same way and it's important to recognise that neurodivergent individuals may not express and receive love in ways that are considered to be more traditional, such as receiving gifts, words of affirmation, or acts of service. 'If you and your partner have different ways of expressing love, there can be disconnects, but it's all about understanding and bridging the gap. It's not about changing the person. It's about embracing the unique ways in which they express affection,' says Al-yufrusi. 'It's important to be flexible and mindful of how these languages play out in a relationship.' Recognising neurodivergence can be challenging, especially when a partner masks their neurodiverse traits. The signs and patterns will be there, however. Some of these include a partner who is easily distracted, forgets plans, or needs more time to process information or emotions. 'However, it's important to remember that neurodivergence is not an excuse for bad behaviour in a relationship,' Al-yufrusi asserts. 'Sometimes, it can be challenging to distinguish between neurodivergent traits and a situation where your partner may not be valuing you or the relationship. It's crucial to take a step back and assess the situation, whether it's a communication issue related to neurodivergence or a deeper relational issue that needs attention.' Understanding your own neurodivergent traits is the first step. When you know yourself, you're better equipped to communicate your needs and understand your partner's — Afrah Al-yufrusi It's important to identify that a person with ADHD may be challenged by attention regulation and may seem disengaged during conversations, non-committal or forgetful. Someone with autism may experience sensory overwhelm, prefer routines, or struggle with certain social cues. The signs are subtle, says Al-yufrusi, but are important to notice. 'If you're in a relationship and recognise these behaviours in yourself or your partner, it might be worth considering whether neurodivergence is playing a role,' she says. 'Sometimes, this realisation comes after a diagnosis in our children, or it may surface as we reflect on our own childhood experiences or recognise patterns in our relationship. It could also be sparked by something we've read or seen. For some, it can be particularly challenging when they reach perimenopause, and the strategies they've relied on no longer work, making it harder to mask their neurodivergent traits.' The best advice Al-yufrusi can give to readers navigating a neurodiverse relationship is to encourage a personal level of self-awareness. 'Understanding your own neurodivergent traits is the first step,' she says. 'When you know yourself, you're better equipped to communicate your needs and understand your partner's. It's about recognising where you both struggle and where you both thrive.' Within this self-awareness, Al-yufrusi suggests that self-regulation is also crucial as couples can learn to manage their emotions, especially in times of stress, by creating space for both partners to reconnect and communicate effectively. Miscommunication is another obstacle. As one partner is struggling with sensory overload, the other can feel ignored or dismissed. [ Adult diagnosis of ADHD: 'It was such a moment of clarity' Opens in new window ] 'When you understand the underlying cause, whether it's ADHD, autism, or any other neurodivergent trait, you can approach it with more empathy,' says Al-yufrusi. Communication, empathy, understanding and mutual respect encourage a relationship to thrive. 'Neurodivergent relationships can be both challenging and deeply rewarding,' says Al-yufrusi. 'The key to making them work lies in understanding yourself, your partner, and the neurodivergent traits that shape your interactions. With self-awareness, good communication, empathy and patience, neurodivergent relationships can thrive, offering growth, connection, and beautiful moments that are unique to each couple.'

Relationships and ... menopause: ‘Small gestures of love can go a long way during this time of change'
Relationships and ... menopause: ‘Small gestures of love can go a long way during this time of change'

Irish Times

time12-06-2025

  • Health
  • Irish Times

Relationships and ... menopause: ‘Small gestures of love can go a long way during this time of change'

The average age of perimenopause, the period before menopause , is 45 years, with menopause expected by the (average) age of 51. However, for some women, menopause occurs later, with late-onset menopause considered to be after the age of 55. While this is not a medical condition and is considered to be a 'natural variation in timing', menopause occurring later in life can bring its own unique challenges for women and their relationships . 'Menopause later in life can present both emotional and practical challenges for a couple, stemming from changes in hormone levels, physical symptoms, and the emotional impact of experiencing menopause. These challenges can affect intimacy, communication and overall relationship dynamics,' says Sharmila Dutt, an individual and couples' psychotherapist and psychosexual therapist at the Evidence-Based Therapy Centre in Galway. The exact cause of late onset menopause is not fully understood, but there are several factors which may play a role in menopause occurring later than average. Concerns such as genetics, higher body mass index, reproductive history, ovarian reserve and lifestyle factors can all affect the timing of menopause. The conversations of perimenopause, menopause and postmenopausal life are highlighted by the increasing number of women actively supporting themselves in their menopause years. For those in relationships it can be a double-edged sword, as they may have the support of a caring partner. However, menopausal symptoms can also complicate that relationship. This is compounded by an onslaught of information in recognising the symptoms of menopause, with some suggesting there are 34 main symptoms and others claiming there are upwards of 50. READ MORE 'There are still lots of women who don't understand what's happening to them at the menopause stage,' says Dutt. 'I am left with the question: if women don't understand what is going on for them, what chance do their partners have? Sadly, we still don't talk about menopause until it comes along. Menopause should be included in the curriculum and discussed openly at home and in the workplace so that we all understand this is a natural stage of life we all need to prepare for.' [ Róisín Ingle: It's been 590 days since my last period Opens in new window ] Dutt has witnessed partners struggle to understand menopause as they often don't know what questions to ask due to their lack of knowledge. 'Menopause is different for every woman, and the array of issues and symptoms they experience will be different. For their partners they have no clue about any of this,' she says. There are many reliable resources available for couples, such as the HSE Menopause Policy and a Mental Health Ireland guide . Both partners should equally educate themselves about the physiological and psychological changes of menopause. Sharmila Dutt. 'From experience when working with couples, this needs to be navigated with tenderness, empathy and lots of understanding by them both,' says Dutt. 'How they engage with each other and the language they use is important. I ask them to jointly look at exercise and lifestyle changes and how they can spend time together or how they socialise.' Menopause brings emotional and practical challenges which can potentially strain a relationship with feelings of distance or guilt for a couple. Mood changes and irritability, loss of libido and physical discomfort, low self-esteem, fear of ageing and abandonment, and changes in intimacy can all influence how a couple communicate, connect, and grow together. Foster patience, empathy and understanding as both partners navigate the various challenges menopause can bring — Sharmila Dutt The practical challenges of menopause include night sweats and sleep disturbances, fatigue and reduced energy levels, memory and concentration problems, changes in physical appearance, and increased need for self-care, all of which can affect a relationship. 'Couples in their 60s can thrive during menopause by prioritising open communication, focusing on individual and couple wellbeing, and seeking support when needed,' says Dutt. 'This involves addressing potential challenges like changes in intimacy, managing physical symptoms, and maintaining a healthy and fulfilling lifestyle together.' With the multitude of symptoms women may feel isolated, misunderstood, and deeply frustrated by the strain these symptoms place on their relationships. Relationships can feel fragile, and quite often this leads to resentment, miscommunication and feelings of inadequacy on both sides. When asked what a couple can do when a woman is struggling with this change as it affects her career or retirement, a potentially waning sex drive, and the possibility of illness, among other issues, Dutt says, 'This is an insightful question highlighting the ripple effect menopause can have on a woman's life and, by extension, her relationship.' If a new career is on the cards, or the potential to retire, Dutt suggests collaborative planning should be considered for the couple. 'If career changes or retirement are being thought about due to menopausal symptoms like brain fog and fatigue, the couple should discuss these options together,' says Dutt. 'This ensures both partners feel heard and involved in the decision-making process.' Practical help such as networking, conducting job searches, or exploring new interests for retirement can help as couples adjust their plans and expectations. 'This might mean the woman needs more flexibility in her work schedule or a different approach to retirement than initially envisioned,' says Dutt. [ Ireland's free HRT scheme: Why has it been delayed? Opens in new window ] Dutt is conscious that intimacy is crucial in a relationship, and that it can be a sensitive topic. As such, open and honest communication is key. 'Discussing changes in libido, discomfort, or other related issues without blame or pressure is essential,' she says. 'I would invite couples to explore different forms of intimacy,' she continues, noting that physical intimacy isn't solely about intercourse. 'Couples can explore other ways to connect emotionally and physically, such as cuddling, massage, or simply spending quality time together.' Sometimes, issues are beyond a couple's control or comprehension. Dutt suggests that if changes in sex drive are causing significant distress, couples should consider consulting a psychosexual therapist or a doctor that specialises in menopause issues as there may be medical or therapeutic interventions that can help. Menopause is a significant time period in a woman's life when conscious choices need to be made to offset illness or health complications. Dutt asks couples what prioritising their health together could look like for them both. 'By asking this question it can motivate a couple to think about healthy lifestyle choices together,' she says. 'This could be balanced nutrition, regular exercise that suits both of their energy levels, and sufficient sleep.' Partners often don't realise the importance of offering practical support during times of illness or difficult menopause. Dutt sayswhen appropriate, a partner can attend doctors' appointments for support and to gain a better understanding of any health concerns related to menopause. Dutt encourages couples to engage in an open and honest dialogue when it comes to navigating menopause. 'Foster patience, empathy and understanding as both partners navigate the various challenges menopause can bring,' she says. 'Remember, this is a transition for both individuals within the relationship. Showing affection and appreciation should not be forgotten. 'Small gestures of love can go a long way in strengthening the bond during this time of change. By focusing on open communication, mutual support, and a willingness to adapt, couples can navigate the challenges of menopause late in life and even deepen their connection.'

DOWNLOAD THE APP

Get Started Now: Download the App

Ready to dive into a world of global content with local flavor? Download Daily8 app today from your preferred app store and start exploring.
app-storeplay-store