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Yahoo
3 days ago
- Lifestyle
- Yahoo
'I'm A Divorce Coach And These Are The 7 Things That Actually Help People Move On Post-Split'
Even the most calm among us can temporarily unravel in the throes of a divorce. As a certified divorce coach, I've seen it all: I've had clients pour out their ex's expensive whiskey collection, sabotage the digital thermostat from afar, and even refuse to flush the toilet. These actions don't just hurt the other person, but distract from doing the core work required to emotionally move on post-split. I've personally been through the divorce process twice, and I know that focusing my time and energy on productive steps helped me move forward and build a beautiful life on the other side. How do you do that, exactly? Allow me to share the seven concrete tips and habits that have proven most useful to my clients in their post-divorce journeys. 1. Reframe the story. Get ready, the questions are coming. In many cases, colleagues or acquaintances will dart their eyes toward your now-empty ring finger or crane their head while asking in a condescending tone: 'So what happened with your marriage?' Successful clients create a short, neutral 'divorce elevator pitch' to use in casual conversations—one or two lines you can easily remember. Try something like: Joe and I aren't together anymore, but what I really want to talk about is this trip I planned in the Fall…have you ever been to Italy? Disclose only what you want while guiding the conversation in a new direction. This will help you keep from spiraling or oversharing. Instead, you're in control of your story—after all, you don't owe anyone an explanation about your personal life. 2. Create physical space. Even if your ex moved out, it's time to revamp 'safety zones' in your house—meaning areas you designate as personal, private space for you now that the marriage is ending. I tell my clients to choose an area—it can be a whole room or a tight corner—and make it into a space that represents their beautiful future. One of my clients converted the unfinished part of their basement that formerly housed all of her ex's old sporting equipment and tools—she made it into a yoga room with flameless candles. I made a small nook in the corner of my master bedroom into an office, complete with hot pink folders, notebooks and girly art supplies I knew he'd avoid. 3. Practice structured communication. I advise my clients to do the same thing most divorce attorneys recommend: Avoid getting into an email or text war with your ex. These emotionally charged messages escalate conflict and often prolong the legal process which can be expensive both in time and money. Your hostile words, committed to digital record, may later be used against you in court. When you feel yourself ready to hit send on the tirade you've passionately written, stop and take a breath. Ask yourself if it follows the BIFF Response model: brief, informative, friendly, firm. If not, why are you sending it? In almost all cases, once a client sends an accusatory email to their ex, they regret it the next week. Negativity breeds more of the same. It might feel good at the moment, so write what you want to write—then send it to a friend or better yet, delete it. If you have kids, you'll be required to communicate and keep a schedule. In this case, I suggest using one of the many available co-parenting apps like Our Family Wizard which has features for everything from communication to calendaring to financial tracking. 4. Allow grief and gratitude to coexist. Even in the most extreme cases of divorce with violations like infidelity (sexual, financial, emotional, or otherwise) you will still likely have mixed feelings about the ending of a bond that was supposed to last a lifetime. A deliberate exercise can help process these layered emotions. I suggest writing a short 'gratitude letter' to your ex (you're not necessarily going to share this with them), to honor and reflect on the positive ways they enhanced your life. Clients read these aloud to me; they're beautiful. Many refer to their children, of course, but in some letters clients have acknowledged ways their ex helped them through a major pivot in their career or their appreciation for a friendship with a sister-in-law. When you start dating again, this exercise is good practice for finding balanced attributes in a partner. 5. Try new activities. Have you always wanted to try rock climbing but your ex was afraid of heights? Or hone a consistent yoga practice? This is the time! I learned how to cross-stitch during my second divorce, a hobby I never imagined I'd enjoy. My mind was busy studying grids and I found it deeply cathartic to repeatedly stab a cloth with a needle. Try something new, and if you don't like it, give something else a try. These new pursuits serve a greater purpose than filling time—you're reclaiming your identity and building a future defined by what you want for yourself beyond the past relationship. You might be surprised at the new passions you discover or the strength you find in embracing this new chapter. And, if you're seeking community in these endeavors, online divorce communities are fantastic places to find like-minded people who are looking to bring new experiences into their lives. In the best case scenario, you'll meet new friends and break mundane habits you had while you were married. 6. Diversify your tribe. I don't know who needs to hear this, but if you haven't personally been through a divorce, you don't know what it's like. Even if you have incredibly supportive friends and family who are helping to take care of you, this is the time to meet people going through the same thing you are. Seek out a community that's centered on moving on with grace and dignity; people who share your values. If it becomes a relationship-bashing group that doesn't feel authentic to who you are, find something else. Getting together and complaining over a bottle of wine with your divorce friends is part of the process—but everything in moderation. 7. Ask for help. Clients roll their eyes at me when I say this and yet so few of us know how to ask for the exact help we need in the moment we're struggling. I remember one instance when I had been sobbing on my couch for hours, then my brother called. He asked what he could do and I just blubbered that I wanted him to come over. He sat with me and watched sports while I cried. We didn't even talk, but it was all I needed. I tell clients not to judge the need for help and to embrace that little voice that feels like they need comfort. Most people are thrilled to help you. Therapy, coaching, co-parenting counseling, and religious support is available as well. Every step you're taking, however small, is a powerful investment in the life you want to have now. By choosing to focus your energy on forward momentum, you'll give yourself the best chance to heal and grow. You Might Also Like Jennifer Garner Swears By This Retinol Eye Cream These New Kicks Will Help You Smash Your Cross-Training Goals Solve the daily Crossword
Geek Girl Authority
5 days ago
- Entertainment
- Geek Girl Authority
sangu mandanna Archives
Categories Select Category Games GGA Columns Movies Stuff We Like The Daily Bugle TV & Streaming Books List Articles Stuff We Like Fall is the perfect time to curl up with a good book. Click through for six cozy fall reads to help you start the season off right.
Yahoo
08-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Hailee Steinfeld Embraces Bold Cutouts and Dramatic Bows in Sheer Dress for Tamara Ralph Fall 2025 Couture Show in Paris
Hailee Steinfeld sat in the front row for Tamara Ralph's fall 2025 couture collection show during Paris Couture Week on Monday. The 'Sinners' actress turned to one of the designer's previous collections for her fashion week look. Steinfeld wore a dress courtesy of Tamara Ralph's fall 2024 couture collection, which debuted in Paris in June 2024. The dress featured allover sheer fabric embellished with shimmering silver jewels and embroidery throughout, as well as a thigh-high slit at the front along with two bold cutouts — one at the waist and another above the bustline. Black bows adorned the dress at the waistline, bustline and neckline. More from WWD Hailee Steinfeld Gives Classic Hollywood an Edge in Dior Pumps at Tamara Ralph's Fall 2025 Couture Show Cardi B Embraces Sculptural Shoulders and Fringe Pearls for Schiaparelli Fall 2025 Couture Show in Paris Dua Lipa Goes Avant-garde in Keyhole Cutout Dress for Schiaparelli's Fall 2025 Couture Show in Paris The actress coordinated the dress with pointed-toe black pumps. She further accessorized with a black clutch. Steinfeld favored a minimalist approach when it came to her jewelry pieces. As for her glam, the actress' hair was slicked back into a tight chignon, and her makeup featured such elements as bold brows and a matte lip. Tamara Ralph's fall 2024 couture collection put an emphasis on romance throughout. There were references to vintage Paris couture designs as well as some Art Deco flair weaved throughout the fall 2024 couture collection. 'Hers was an idealized vision of Paris full of vintage references — the opening pencil dress in houndstooth check was paired with a demure pillbox hat and veil, nodding to the black-and-white imagery of the Nouvelle Vague,' Alex Wynne wrote in WWD's review of the collection. 'Fishtail skirts and peplum jackets had a role to play, as did sweeping necklines and draping to enhance the silhouette.' Wynne noted, however, that the 'all-out romance' of Ralph's collection 'was largely reserved for the final looks, draped pieces in duchesse satin in sugary pink and vivid red, for instance. One had a long train embroidered with a scattering of life-like rose blossoms. Another, in red, had two blossoms aligned with the bust of its sweetheart neckline. The bride carried a bouquet of the handmade pavé-coated metal flowers Ralph is increasingly incorporating into her designs.' View Gallery Launch Gallery: Tamara Ralph Fall 2024 Couture Best of WWD A Look Back at Fourth of July Celebrations at the White House Princess Diana's Birthday Looks Through the Years: Her Sleek Black Jacques Azagury Dress, Vibrant Colors and More Lauren Sánchez's Fashion Evolution Through the Years: From Her Days as TV News Anchor to Today
Yahoo
08-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Dua Lipa Goes Avant-garde in Keyhole Cutout Dress for Schiaparelli's Fall 2025 Couture Show in Paris
Dua Lipa was among the high-profile figures who attended Schiaparelli's fall 2025 couture show during Paris Couture Week on Monday. The singer opted for a design from the Italian luxury fashion house's spring 2024 couture collection, wearing a white dress with pieces of fabric resembling feathers. Lipa's dress featured long sleeves and a rounded neckline with a floor-length, fitted silhouette and a thigh-high slit at the front. At the center of the bodice of her look was a keyhole cutout — a signature motif featured throughout several Schiaparelli designs dating back to the 1930s. More from WWD Hailee Steinfeld Embraces Bold Cutouts and Dramatic Bows in Sheer Dress for Tamara Ralph Fall 2025 Couture Show in Paris Hailee Steinfeld Gives Classic Hollywood an Edge in Dior Pumps at Tamara Ralph's Fall 2025 Couture Show Schiaparelli Sets Slicked-back Hair Trend at Futuristic Fall 2025 Couture Show Lipa coordinated the dress with a pair of statement earrings and completed the look with black heels. Her glam included such elements as bold brows with lightly lined eyes and a glossy lip. Her hair was styled with a middle part and natural waves. Dua Lipa's attire to Schiaparelli's fall 2025 couture show made its runway debut in January 2024. Inspired by Hollywood, creative director Daniel Roseberry filled the couture collection with several cinematic references. 'Channeling 'Alien' heroine Ellen Ripley, model Maggie Maurer cradled a doll embroidered with Swarovski crystals and electronic chips, an homage to the era before iPhones. The pileup of electronic waste also appeared on a silver 'robot' dress,' Joelle Diderich wrote in WWD's review of the collection. 'He combined his pop culture references with his lifelong passion for haute couture, from the hourglass waistlines of Charles James, which informed a nude satin bustier gown with a jutting bow at the neckline, to the sculptural constructions of Cristóbal Balenciaga.' The 'Dance the Night' singer was joined by other celebrities at the Schiaparelli presentation, including Cardi B, Ryan Destiny, Law Roach and more. View Gallery Launch Gallery: Schiaparelli Fall 2025 Couture Best of WWD A Look Back at Fourth of July Celebrations at the White House Princess Diana's Birthday Looks Through the Years: Her Sleek Black Jacques Azagury Dress, Vibrant Colors and More Lauren Sánchez's Fashion Evolution Through the Years: From Her Days as TV News Anchor to Today
Yahoo
30-06-2025
- Politics
- Yahoo
A mistake by ICE put her husband in jail. She got him back 3 weeks later.
In the early morning light outside O'Hare International Airport, Cynthia Myers was dressed like a bride. Her long white dress seemed curiously out of place Friday on the curb outside Terminal 3, but Myers didn't seem to notice; the man in the slightly loose black suit had her full attention. After three weeks in a Louisiana jail — because of an apparent error by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement — Cheikh Fall had finally come home to his wife. On his overnight flights from Monroe, Louisiana, to Dallas and then Indianapolis, he wore the same suit he'd had on when immigration authorities wrongfully arrested him outside his asylum hearing in the Chicago Immigration Court on June 4. It took more than $12,000 and 23 sleepless nights, but Myers got her husband back. She knew he would be wearing the suit so she dressed up like his newlywed bride to celebrate the reunion she gleefully dubbed their 'remarriage.' Myers couldn't stop laughing. 'I'm so happy,' she said, over and over again. For three weeks, she hadn't been. She and her children have become one of the thousands of families in the United States affected by the Trump administration's intensified deportation efforts. Last week, ICE was holding close to 59,000 detainees nationwide, CBS reported, almost half of them with clean criminal records — stretching its system to 140% of capacity. The day of Fall's routine asylum hearing, Myers was nervous. She said she was well aware of recent ICE activity and asked her husband if he thought it was the right move to go to an immigration hearing. Fall was adamant that he attend, she said, and confident that he was not at risk of arrest. After all, he had never broken the law. In fact, the June 4 hearing in Chicago's immigration court went well. The judge, encouraged by Fall's marriage to an American citizen, moved up Fall's asylum merits hearing — which will decide his refugee status — from 2029 to July 2026. So when federal immigration authorities seized Fall as he and his wife walked out of the courtroom, Myers said confusion was the first feeling that hit her — not least because the agents were out of uniform. She tried to grab hold of her husband, but an agent told her to back away. 'Don't interfere with a federal crime,' she remembered him saying. Myers, a mother of three and a full-time solar panel electrician who grew up navigating and surviving the state's foster care system, felt helpless. 'It's the uncertainty that's super devastating,' said Myers, 43, of the South Shore neighborhood. In an online bond hearing Tuesday, Fall's lawyer, Carla Casas, convinced a judge that immigration agents were never supposed to arrest Fall. The judge ordered that he be released from Richwood Correctional Center on a $2,000 bond. The minimum for his release was $1,500. Immigration experts said that procedural errors from ICE are not uncommon, but the sheer volume of recent arrests has amplified them. In March, the U.S. charged 4,550 defendants with criminal immigration charges, the immigration data center known as TRAC reported, indicating a 36.6% increase from February. And while incidents of errors are increasing, the opportunity to catch them is becoming more limited, experts said. 'When you're trying to do anything on a massive scale, you're going to make mistakes,' Nicole Hallett, director and scholar at the Immigrants' Rights Clinic, said. Casas said she sees plenty of immigration cases where ICE agents get things wrong on I-213 forms — or 'records of inadmissible aliens,' documents on which the the Department of Homeland Security bases deportations. But even she was surprised by the magnitude of the error that detained Fall: She said the basis of his arrest and three-week detention was his I-213, prepared by ICE, indicating his asylum case had been dismissed. It never had been. 'The shock is the fact that they got something so big so wrong,' Casas said. A spokesperson for ICE said he could not immediately comment on the case. Wednesday morning, Myers paid the bond and was trying to figure out how to get Fall out of jail. She called the correctional center and was told to fill out a form online and await an email response. After three weeks of waiting, she had to wait some more. He was finally released Thursday night. 'I've never been through anything like this,' Myers said. 'They don't give you any information … so I'm just at a loss.' Myers said she's never been good at waiting around. She's the kind of woman who drives her three children around in an electrician's truck and clambers onto rooftops to repair solar panels singlehandedly. She doesn't like to ask for help either, she said, and rarely needs to. Until she met her husband, Myers was good on her own. But finding Fall, Myers said, was like 'finally finding a home.' Myers doesn't usually go to the gym; her job at Windfree Solar keeps her active enough. Yet in October 2023, on one of the rare days Myers found herself at the Kenwood Planet Fitness, she met the man she would marry. Fall was working as a bodyguard for a politician in Senegal when he was shot and kidnapped by his boss's political opponents. After narrowly escaping, Fall fled Senegal to seek asylum in the United States. 'He came to America because we're supposed to be a welcoming country,' Myers said. In April 2023, Fall arrived in New York City, where he lived in a shelter for six months. In October of the same year, he moved to Chicago. Within a month of arriving, he saw Myers working out at the Planet Fitness and asked her to go on a date. They went to a popcorn shop down the street. The couple were married Feb. 1, 2024. Her independence never waned, but Myers got used to having someone else to rely on. Fall worked as a security guard for Narrow Security and started his own small company, too. As Myers' partner, he lightened her load: Fall helped run errands, pick up her kids and pay bills. Her children love him — especially her two sons, 8 and 10, who — until June 4 — hung out and played video games with their stepfather all the time. 'He's literally the best person I know,' Myers said of her husband. 'He's selfless. He'll go out of his way to help people, even when he can barely help himself.' Fall and Myers have spent most Friday nights since they got married preparing food for the homeless at a shelter in Indiana. Before June 4, Myers said she almost never cried. But 12 days after Fall was taken from her, Myers' left eye was rubbed raw. She was exhausted from a lack of sleep and had barely eaten in days. Her daughter, 17, started helping with her little brothers' meals. Though it was hard to focus, Myers said she stayed busy with work, needing her steady income now more than ever. Windfree Solar took on some of Myers' financial burden, including Casas' $3,000 flat rate. Some of Myers' colleagues set up a GoFundMe for continuing legal fees and Fall's bond; the site had raised $1,336 as of Wednesday. But even with all the help from her colleagues, Myers said she is floundering to find the rest of the money she needs for Fall's case. For an asylum lawyer, bond and myriad procedural fees from the last three weeks — with Casas' bill — it's a $12,000 ordeal, she said, and all to pay for someone else's error. Fall's three weeks in custody meant sharing a room with approximately 50 other men in beige prison suits, he said. They were in one room where they not only slept but also ate and used the bathroom in it. Fall suffers from asthma, and the lack of fresh air made it hard for him to breathe. He was let outside for just minutes a day. 'I need air,' he said on a phone call from Richwood Correctional Center two weeks ago. 'That's why I'm scared here.' Still, like Myers, Fall knows how to endure. His job as a security guard often puts him in dangerous situations — he was stabbed in November while working security at a Walgreens. Like many people arrested by ICE, Fall was held at the Broadview Detention Center in Illinois — where he slept on the floor for a night — before being transferred briefly to Texas and then Louisiana. Illinois' 2021 Way Forward Act means there are no detention centers in the state, which is why detainees are almost always transferred to neighboring states. Texas and Louisiana, however, aren't exactly close to Chicago. According to Hallett, Chicago residents like Fall are being transferred so far out of state because the 5th Circuit — where Richwood Correctional Center is — has more immigrant detention facilities than most other parts of the country. Louisiana alone has 12 to Illinois' zero. 'ICE has very broad authority to move people wherever they want, whenever they want,' Hallett said. Additionally, judges in the 5th Circuit tend to refuse relief more than judges in the 7th Circuit, which includes Illinois, according to TRAC data. For a long time, Fall had no idea how long he would be in jail. Casas had to call the 5th Circuit court multiple times before Tuesday to remind them to put his case on the docket. It was finally scheduled for June 24, but ICE did not make Fall's I-213 available until the morning of the hearing. Casas was left to speculate how the Department of Homeland Security would argue for Fall's deportation, until Tuesday, when she realized that the document included false information. The judge presiding over the bond hearing, Allan John-Baptiste, ruled in Fall's favor, though he did not grant Casas' request for minimum bond. John-Baptiste also rescheduled Fall's master asylum hearing from July 2026 to this coming November, and moved it from the Chicago Immigration Court to one in Jena, Louisiana. If Fall does not petition for his case to be moved back to Chicago, John-Baptiste will hear his asylum case, rather than Gina Reynolds, the judge who moved up his Chicago hearing. Between 2019 and 2024, Reynolds granted asylum to defendants far more frequently than John-Baptiste did, data shows. In some ways, Fall is lucky — at least, compared with other detainees. Thousands of people arrested by ICE don't get an attorney, because unlike in criminal court, defendants don't have a right to appointed counsel. Many of them are given higher bonds that they can't afford to pay. Some will unwittingly sign the self-deportation form that Myers warned her husband against. Most people don't have a Cynthia Myers on their side. 'I'm still sad, because other people are going through it,' Myers said Friday. If it weren't for her, ICE's mistake might have led to a worse fate for Fall. Even now, the freshly reunited couple is wary this could happen again.
