Latest news with #FrostSchoolOfMusic

New York Times

Music keeps the Dolphins' Jaelan Phillips up, even when injuries get him down

CORAL GABLES, Fla. — The beat is heavy in the control room of the L. Austin Weeks Recording Studio at the University of Miami's Frost School of Music. Dolphins outside linebacker Jaelan Phillips sits in front of three mixing consoles and what must be a thousand knobs, levers, dials and buttons. The wallpaper on his laptop reads 'Don't Overthink S—.' Advertisement He cues up a song called 'Destiny' that he tracked and mixed. A mostly self-taught music engineer, Phillips briefly studied at Frost before changing majors because of football. For this song, which has not been published, he did some subtle tuning, found a pleasant frequency and compressed the vocals. Phillips has time for music because he has missed a good portion of the last two seasons with injuries. The first one came just as he was beginning to realize the potential that made him the No. 1 outside linebacker recruit in the country and the 18th pick of the 2021 NFL Draft. As the Dolphins prepared for a 2023 game against the Jets, Dolphins coach Mike McDaniel pulled Phillips aside and told him, 'You're going to be a household name after this game.' Then Phillips took down quarterback Tim Boyle, his sixth sack in five games. But on a fourth-quarter pass rush, Phillips shot out of his stance as he had many times before. Then he felt something in the back of his ankle explode and jolt up his leg. His Achilles tendon was ruptured, and he didn't have to be told. Heartbreak flowed down his cheeks for a good 10 minutes, as he lay on the ground, was helped to a cart and driven to the locker room. Then, as he showered, the water rinsed away his self-pity. Phillips pivoted, thanking God for the opportunity to overcome a setback he knew he could handle. In the months that followed, he worked like a man possessed to return. In the 2024 season opener against the Jaguars on third-and-14 with a little more than two minutes remaining and the score tied at 17, Phillips sacked Trevor Lawrence, forcing a punt that set up the game-winning drive for Miami. 'A surreal feeling,' is how he remembers it. 'A very high high.' Like most high highs, it didn't last long. Three weeks later, he was speared in his knee by a teammate. Thinking, or hoping, he tore his MCL, Phillips put on a brace and kept playing. But when he tried to cut, the knee gave out. It was no torn MCL. Phillips sat on the field and slammed the ground, thoroughly dismayed. Now, seven months after he tore his ACL and 17 months after he tore his Achilles, Phillips sits back in the studio and bobs his head as 'Destiny' plays out. And somehow, as difficult as it may be to conceive, Phillips is in a good place. A really good place. Phillips was that kid who was good at everything. In elementary and high school, he had only one B — the rest were A's. When other kids his age were reading 'A Series of Unfortunate Events' (recommended for grades third through sixth), he was reading 'The Hobbit' (recommended for grades seventh through 12th). He played on a team that won a travel baseball championship in Cooperstown, N.Y. At Redlands East Valley High in Redlands, Calif., he played varsity baseball, volleyball, track and football. Advertisement After starting out as a wide receiver and safety, Phillips rushed the passer in one-on-one drills for the first time in the summer of his junior year at Redlands East. Then over the next two seasons, he had 31 1/2 sacks. He could have gone to any college and chose UCLA partly because he connected with coach Jim Mora. As a true freshman in 2017, he had 3 1/2 sacks in seven games despite two sprained ankles and a concussion. After the season, Mora was fired. Then Phillips broke his wrist and sustained ligament damage in a moped accident. Multiple surgeries were necessary, including one that removed three bones. He was ready for the start of the season, but in the fourth game, he suffered another concussion. Doctors advised him to retire. Phillips wasn't enjoying playing for new coach Chip Kelly. His wrist was killing him. Phillips, so he thought, was done with football. But quitting was hard. He missed the privilege that went with being the big man on campus. His identity, the way he saw it, had been 'Jaelan Phillips, football player.' He lost a lot of weight and then a lot of confidence. People kept asking him why he was so skinny. Was something wrong? Phillips felt worthless. He started partying too much and self-medicating. 'I experienced anxiety and depression, and to cope with it. I had unhealthy methods that made me more anxious and depressed,' he says. 'It was an unhealthy spiral.' Phillips wanted to pursue a music career, but his father, Jonathan Phillips, advised him to keep an open mind about his future. He transferred to Miami because he was accepted at Frost. A return to the game still was uncertain, but he decided to see if the football embers could be rekindled. On a diet of 260 grams of protein daily and a rigorous lifting routine, Phillips gained 50 pounds in a few months and looked like a linebacker again. Advertisement After sitting out the 2019 season, Phillips was behind Greg Rousseau on the Hurricanes' 2020 depth chart. But when Rousseau took advantage of the COVID-19 opt-out provision and sat out the season, Phillips became a starter. He had eight sacks and 16 tackles for a loss in 10 games. As the 2021 draft neared, Phillips turned the NFL's focus to his potential and away from his past. If a scout were to draw up the perfect outside linebacker — one who stood 6-foot-5 ½, weighed 260 pounds, had 33 ¼-inch arms, ran the 40-yard-dash in 4.57 seconds and short shuttle in 4.18 with a 36-inch vertical jump — it'd be Phillips. In his first NFL season, Phillips had 8 1/2 sacks and made the Pro Football Writers of America's All-Rookie team. By 2023, dreamers were measuring the space between Hall of Famer Jason Taylor and Phillips, telling themselves the gap wasn't that vast. Then, the injuries. The torn ACL required harvesting Phillips' patellar tendon, resulting in a vertical scar of about four inches running down his kneecap, and excruciating pain for close to two weeks. It would have been understandable if Phillips had gone down another dark hole — even if he retired again. 'I honestly thought from the outside looking in, 'Oh, man, that's gonna break somebody,'' Dolphins teammate Bradley Chubb says. 'But I knew he was a different person from the conversations we had and the process we went through the year before.' There isn't a lot of gray in a football life. It's usually either standing ovations or middle fingers, and Phillips sometimes struggles to separate feedback from feelings. It is especially trying when he can't provide value to his team. 'I'm an entertainer and my profession is performance-based, and it's so publicly performance-based,' he says. 'It's a really depressing and horrible feeling to be hurt.' Advertisement Now, more than ever, Phillips has ways of coping with the feelings that shadowed him in his worst times. Back when football was misery, music was joy. 'When I was making music, it didn't even feel like time was passing by,' he says. 'I'd be up until 4 in the morning tuning vocals and doing meticulous things.' His grandfather Jon Robertson conducted symphonies at the University of Redlands for decades, and Phillips eagerly attended many performances, likening them to big sporting events. Phillips' mother, Sabine Robertson-Phillips, met his father when she was a cellist and he was a trumpet player in La Sierra University's symphony. Jaelan played piano for most of his childhood, then picked up guitar in middle school. He still tinkers with both instruments and incorporates classical music theories into the songs he writes and engineers. Just as music was therapeutic for him in 2018, it has been healing again. 'Even when I've been stressed out, doubtful and unconfident, I've been able to do things that make me feel good,' he says. Many things have made him feel good lately. Among them: • Binge-reading epic fantasy novels. Since being injured, he has read the 'Mistborn' trilogy, which is 1,854 pages, 'The Way of Kings' from The Stormlight Archive, which is 1,007 pages, and seven 'Solo Leveling' animated novels, totaling about 1,600 pages. • Hanging with Pat, his Ragdoll kitten. Phillips, a cat guy, takes Pat on drives. • Talking with a therapist about his feelings and self-improvement avenues. • Traveling to Italy, Turks and Caicos, plus California. • Serving an internship with a real estate development company and a fellowship with a company that helps pro athletes transition to their next phase. • Going easy on himself. In the past, Phillips had been very regimented with his diet, workout and routine. But he lets up now, sometimes having a gelato, skipping leg day or sleeping in. Advertisement And then there is Sam Alsop. Their story began in the fourth grade when they shared a class. She wanted him on her team for capture the flag, and Phillips had a crush on her. In high school, they dated for three months, then each went down their life's paths, occasionally reaching out to say hello, happy birthday or what's up. During their college years, when both were home for a summer, they once connected for burritos and pedicures at a salon called Serendipity. Then they went their separate ways again. After completing her didactic school year to become a physician's assistant, Alsop was randomly assigned to do clinical work in Miami last fall. She was ready to travel to Florida when she was informed that her apartment wouldn't be ready when she needed it. Alsop had to find someplace else to stay for a few nights. Her mother suggested she ask Phillips if he had a spare room. She felt awkward about it but asked anyway, and he was happy to help an old friend. After her first night at Phillips' place, she attended his game against the Titans, when he tore his ACL. Suddenly, Phillips had a lot of time and a lot of emotion to process, and he and Alsop were staying up until 4 in the morning in deep conversation. A couple of nights after his injury, they went for sushi. 'At that point, I couldn't tell if I was a friend or a romantic interest,' she says. 'Then that night, he was like, 'Oh my gosh, you look so beautiful.' He seemed a little more touchy. I was like, 'OK, I think I might not be just a friend.'' Alsop moved into her own place, and Phillips helped her assemble a dresser and a desk and hung a television. But she did more for him than he could have for her. 'She's been invaluable to me,' he says. 'She's made everything better. She's amazing. And I can't help but feel it's not coincidental the way we reconnected.' He wrote a song called 'Sammy.' I can't be without you. I can't breathe without you. I can't sleep without you. Really can't be without you. Like prescription glasses girl without you, I can't see without you. Really can't see without you. You know I love you for life Sam. I'm finna make you my wife. Even through trouble and strife, I'm gonna always make it right. And I never pick a fight with you. And it's feeling so right with you. Advertisement Loving Alsop hasn't meant loving football less. His sport hasn't always loved him back, but Phillips' devotion is without conditions. Maybe now more than ever. Of course, he loves the competition. He loves the routines that keep him accountable physically and sharp mentally. The feeling of brotherhood is special to him. And there is nothing like the stadium's rumble after a sack or a joyous victory celebration in a secluded locker room. Phillips loves football for the platform it gives him. Last year, he started The Jaelan Phillips Foundation and awarded scholarships to Frost for two high school students and sponsored MusicReach, which provides free music education to elementary, middle and high school students. If community service events attended were a statistic, Phillips would be a league leader. Football enables him to inspire — and that may be the most important reason he loves it. 'You wouldn't believe how many people reach out and tell me my perseverance has motivated them to get through a hard time in their life, or think more positively about a situation,' he says. 'If my personal struggles can be a bright spot for people, that strengthens my resolve.' Phillips, who turns 27 on Wednesday, might have more behind him than almost anyone his age. And more ahead. Dolphins strength coach Dave Puloka says Phillips has consistently sought to be challenged and pushed during his latest rehab, and it is showing. Chubb says Phillips has had to be held back from doing too much. As his mentality served him well, so have his genes. Phillips is what trainers call a 'responder,' meaning he can almost make strength gains just by looking at a dumbbell. 'When you are dealing with responders, the timelines can exceed the expectations,' Puloka says. 'I've seen a lot of physically gifted players in 18 years here, and he's up there in the top percentile.' Advertisement Phillips says his knee feels 'incredible.' He also says his Achilles is doing great. His wrist no longer hinders him. And he hasn't had a concussion in seven years. He wouldn't change a thing, believing his struggles are the rhythm in his life's song. All of it will be celebrated if he reaches his goals, which include winning Comeback Player of the Year, Defensive Player of the Year and Walter Payton Man of the Year, as well as having his contract extended before he becomes a free agent after the season. Not long ago, he was limited to linear running without cutting. When OTAs began, Phillips didn't know if he could participate in on-field drills. Now, on practice fields lined by palm trees, he glides and bursts through drills, moving as if that scar on his knee isn't there. Phillips is in a good place. A really good place.