Latest news with #HealthyRelationships
Yahoo
6 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
4 Signs You Have A 'Minimal Effort Partner.' And What To Do If This Kind Of Love Finds You.
Healthy relationships require good communication, mutual respect and a good deal of support — and we all know that these dynamics (unfortunately) don't just happen on their own. In a romantic partnership, especially a long-term one, it takes each partner consistently showing up for the person they love to make the magic happen. And that takes work. So what happens when it feels like one person in the relationship is completely dropping that ball? You may be dealing with a 'minimal effort partner.' Simply put, 'A minimal effort partner is a person who does the bare minimum when it comes to their relationship,' Dr. Marisa T. Cohen, relationship expert for the dating app Hily told HuffPost. This is a partner who will put in little work when it comes to the relationship, neglect their partner's needs and give indications that they might not be fully invested in the relationship. Typically, the minimal effort partner's behavior stems from the person's own insecurities or fears about getting hurt, Dr. Cohen said, therefore, they avoid getting truly attached to or pursuing deeper connections with their partner. Bonnie Winston, celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert, said that these behaviors could also be learned if they had unhealthy role models throughout their childhood. However, not all hope is lost if your partner exhibits any of the following signs — these are the kinds of issues couples work through all the time. Read on to learn the typical behaviors of a 'minimal effort partner' and what you can do if they sound a bit too much like your own relationship. They're not showing up for you. 'Showing up means being present, engaged and caring,' Winston said. 'It's about checking in, staying in contact, asking thoughtful questions, and showing curiosity about the other person's life, their day, interests and dreams.' On the flip side, a minimal effort partner doesn't ask how you're doing and won't remember the details that matter to you — whether it's your birthday, your favorite ice cream or even random facts that mean the most to you (like Taylor Swift's birthday). They won't try to connect with you on a deeper level, celebrate your wins or might bail on important events in your life, Winston added. 'It's about doing things that make the other person happy,' Winston said. 'A consistent lack of effort sends a clear message: They're not truly invested.' They don't prioritize communication. Communication is the most important skill for couples to have in order to maintain their relationship. But with a minimal effort partner, communication is a low priority, leaving issues to be discussed until the very last minute or not addressing them at all, according to Dr. Cohen. This can be something small, not mentioning plans until the very last minute, or avoiding discussing relationship issues. 'The minimal effort partner may simply not share what is going on in their life or may not add to conversations,' Dr. Cohen said. 'They may refuse to engage by shutting down or may be part of the conversation but not actively listening to their partner.' They avoid talking about the relationship. It's natural for relationships to evolve and change over time. You might want to know where this is going and talk about long-term plans, but a bare minimum partner will often dodge those conversations — which can make the partner who is putting more effort in feel like they're the only one who cares. '[Feelings of indifference] can negatively affect their partner because the person may start to feel as if they are not worth the effort,' Dr. Cohen added. 'The partner may fail to realize that the lack of effort is not a reflection of them, but an issue with the minimal effort partner.' And as we've all been told countless times, relationships really are a two-way street: 'Without working on the relationship or maintaining and strengthening the bond, the partnership is likely to erode over time,' Dr. Cohen said They don't plan anything. A minimal effort partner is unlikely to schedule date nights or plan vacations or outings with their partner, Dr. Cohen said. They often don't consider their partner's needs or wishes or are unable to prioritize those needs, so the planning can consistently end up falling on the other partner. If you're always making plans and want more involvement from your partner, Winston suggests trying this activity: have you and your partner write down five things you've always wanted to try. It can be anything from novel sex positions or acts that interest you, destinations you're dying to visit, or learning a new skill or trying out a hobby together. Swap the lists and choose at least one activity from each list to start. What to do when you're only getting the bare minimum from your partner. It's not the end of your relationship if your partner stops putting in the work. Sometimes the minimal effort partner doesn't realize they're slacking off, Winston said. First, try addressing the issue with them, and be vulnerable and honest about how the lack of effort makes you feel. To get back on track, Dr. Cohen notes that it's essential for couples to be able to communicate openly and honestly about their experiences within the relationship, including their needs and boundaries. Winston and Dr. Cohen also agree that visiting a couples therapist could help you build those skills and get to the root of the issue. 'A third person can offer an objective viewpoint and also a solution,' Winston said. It is possible for the minimal effort partner to change their ways, but it takes a lot of self-reflection. If they're still not making an improvement, ending the relationship might ultimately be worth considering. After all, it's better to be single than be with someone who isn't choosing you. 'Relationships thrive on mutual effort, presence and care, not passive indifference,' Winston said. 'A person not being cared for can have lowered self-esteem and stay in an unhappy situation, or they can realize they deserve much better and leave.' Related... A Woman On TikTok Calls These Strange Dating Behaviors 'Princess Treatment.' But Experts Aren't So Sure. New TikTok Trend Sheds Light On How Men Talk To Women. And The Responses Are Bleak. This Low-Effort Activity Could Improve Your Relationship Solve the daily Crossword
Forbes
19-07-2025
- General
- Forbes
2 Reasons Why You're Experiencing ‘Relationship Burnout,' By A Psychologist
Healthy relationships allow space for give-and-take. But if you constantly put your partner's needs ... More ahead of yours, it can leave you emotionally drained. Being in a relationship naturally shifts your focus from just yourself to sharing a life with someone else. You trade in endless 'me time' for moments spent thinking of them, sometimes even giving up personal opportunities for the sake of the relationship. Maybe you turned down a job in another city because your partner's career kept you where you were. Maybe you canceled your solo travel plans to support them through a rough patch. Maybe you've cared for their sick parents or juggled childcare responsibilities when they were caught up with work. Your partner may also have made their fair share of sacrifices, but it's not about keeping score. Relationships don't need to be transactional. Instead, both partners should be willingly putting in the effort to sustain their relationship. However, a recent study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships shows that feeling like you're sacrificing too much is associated with relational stress and burnout. Based on responses from over 700 married individuals, researchers assessed how often people made sacrifices in their relationship and how it impacted their well-being and needs. They also evaluated whether they felt burned out or emotionally exhausted in their romantic relationship. Relational sacrifices involve giving up on your personal interests and desires for your partner, going above and beyond what you need to do for them and offering greater resources them, including time and mental energy. But how much is too much, and when does it start to affect us? The study points to two factors that can influence how we perceive relational sacrifices and whether or not we think they are worth it. These factors affect our experiences of burnout. 1. Relational Equity While it's tempting to act in self-serving ways, in order to form meaningful connections, we must consider others. It takes effort to realize that we don't always need to 'win' arguments or say hurtful things. When we learn to think for those beyond ourselves, our relationships — whether romantic or platonic — evolve into a two-way street. We enter romantic relationships with hopes of a partnership. We hope to receive some relational benefits in return for what we contribute. Such benefits may include love, intimacy, effort, time and generosity. But when we start feeling like we're doing too much and getting too little in return, it leaves us wondering if the relationship is one-sided. This is why relational equity is so important. It's not about doing the exact same things for one another. Rather, it's about making sure that both of you feel that what you give and what you receive is fair, according to what each of you bring to the table. Healthy relationships thrive on balance, without which, you start to feel resentful. When you feel that your partner is taking you for granted, you'll likely feel emotionally worn out, pessimistic and fatigued. This is called 'couple burnout.' Researchers found that lower levels of relational equity are associated with a strong perception that one's sacrifices are harmful. This strong perception of harm is, in turn, associated with higher levels of couple burnout. Often, this burnout happens sooner than you'd expect, especially if you're in a relationship with someone with different preferences, interests and priorities. In such cases, one partner may be going out of their way to accommodate the interests of the other. This threatens not only the well-being of the individual making sacrifices, but also the foundation of the relationship, where one is positioned to 'receive' more than the other. In light of relational equity, it's also important that both partners feel their efforts and contributions are valued, even if they aren't identical. 2. Appreciation For Your Efforts No matter what you do for your partner, whether it's sacrificing your career to become a stay-at-home parent or leaving post-it notes with beautifully packed lunch boxes, you deserve a 'thank you.' In the study, participants were asked if they felt appreciated by their partners, and if their partner expressed admiration and gratitude towards them. Researchers found that feeling appreciated by your partner changes how you see your sacrifices. They tend to perceive their sacrifices as less 'harmful' and more worthwhile for the growth of the relationship. Another 2022 study published in Psychological Science supports this finding, by showing that satisfaction levels tend to drop when people feel they're doing more household work than their partner. The study assessed over 2000 participants, including 476 couples (where both partners participated) from the United States and Canada, focusing on how they shared household tasks during the COVID-19 pandemic. Researchers found that people were less satisfied in their relationship if they felt they were doing more housework, and found the division of labor unfair. However, if they felt appreciated by their partner, they didn't feel as unhappy or frustrated, even when the share of housework wasn't equally divided. This shows that appreciation can go a long way in preventing relationship burnout. 'Feeling appreciated also appeared to buffer against the negative effects of doing less, suggesting that feeling appreciated may offset the relational costs of unequal division of labor, regardless of who contributes more,' the researchers explain. Of course, this doesn't mean that appreciation is the ultimate solution for relational inequity — both partners actively stepping up to do their bit is. Here are some steps couples can take to avoid relationship burnout: It's perfectly normal to have expectations of reciprocity in our relationships, but sacrifices should come with the right intentions. For instance, you shouldn't give in to your partner's demands just to avoid conflict or to be a 'good' partner. True sacrifice should come from a place of care and genuine goodwill for your partner — and it should go both ways. When both partners are willing to make thoughtful sacrifices for each other without losing themselves, the relationship stands a real chance to grow and thrive. Are you feeling burnt out in your relationship? Take this science-backed test to learn more: Couple Burnout Measure
