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3 days ago
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10 Phrases 'Poor Communicators' Often Use in Everyday Conversation, According to Psychologists
10 Phrases 'Poor Communicators' Often Use in Everyday Conversation, According to Psychologists originally appeared on Parade. You've likely heard that communication is a pillar of healthy relationships. Well, psychologists aren't here to disagree."Communication is an inescapable part of our lives, and effective communication is paramount to being successful in professional and personal settings," reports Dr. Jan Miller, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with once in a while, it's beneficial to check in with ourselves—are we communicating effectively these days?"Having poor communication skills can erode trust, weaken relationships, cause mistakes and increase conflict," she warns. "Basically, good communication is the foundation for relationships that are filled with respect, trust and success."Phrases that poorly express our needs, intent and opinions can easily seep into everyday conversation. Awareness is key to communicating effectively, so psychologists share 10 statements that "" commonly use in everyday conversations, along with tips for getting your point across like a pro. Related: 10 Phrases 'Poor Communicators' Use Often, According to Psychologists 1. "If you say so." This phrase is just... not the vibe."This can come off as sarcastic or dismissive," reveals Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind. "It often means the person disagrees but doesn't want to explain why, which leads to unresolved tension." 2. "You always/never..." These qualifiers are becoming more common in an increasingly polarized world. One psychologist wishes they were not."The all-or-nothing wording exaggerates reality and pushes the other person into self-defense mode instead of reflection," warns ., a clinical psychologist. "People use this all-or-nothing style when they feel unheard and want emphasis, but it's unhelpful because the other person will likely start thinking of a counterexample, instead of hearing the concern."Related: 3. "Calm down." This phrase often has the opposite effect, making the person on the receiving end even more upset."It implies their feeling is illegitimate," Dr. McDonagh points out. "Speakers often use it when they feel uncomfortable with strong affect and want quick relief. Unfortunately, it sends the message, 'Your reaction is the problem,' rather than, 'Let me try to hear you.'"Related: 4. "Forget it." This is also often said with a massive, unforgettable sigh (which doesn't help the message you're sending)."This usually comes after frustration and signals that the person is giving up on the conversation," Dr. Hafeez says. "It leaves things unresolved and can make others feel dismissed or unimportant." 5. "No offense, but..." People are often offended not only by what comes after these three words, but also by the phrase itself."This typically signals that something offensive is coming and the speaker is unwilling to own it," Dr. McDonagh reports. "The phrase is meant to sound polite, but often has the opposite effect. The harm is a subtle erosion of psychological safety."Related: 6. "You're being too sensitive." As with "No offense, but...," people often use this phrase in an attempt to skirt responsibility for what they say."Poor communicators may use this phrase as a defense mechanism, as well as for avoidance reasons," Dr. Miller says. "While some people may use this phrase with the intention of providing helpful feedback, it typically leaves the recipient feeling like their emotions are wrong and problematic."Related: 7. "I was just kidding." Again, it's often best to own your words and actions and offer an apology when needed."Humor is healthy, but in some circumstances, this phrase can become a shield for hurtful or poorly timed remarks," Dr. McDonagh notes. "It invalidates the impact by claiming benign intent. People lean on it to dodge accountability, but the listener registers minimization and may withdraw trust." 8. "I don't know what you're talking about." Nuance is needed for this phrase."Depending on the context of this phrase, it can mean that the person truly lacks understanding, but poor communicators may use this phrase to dismiss the other person or to avoid a specific topic or situation," Dr. Miller explains. "For those who are trying to communicate that they don't understand, it would be helpful to provide more context about what parts are not being understood." 9. "You wouldn't understand." Maybe... but also, maybe not. Either way, Dr. Hafeez does not recommend using this phrase."Saying this creates a wall between people," she warns. "It can make the listener feel excluded or unintelligent, even if that wasn't the intent." 10. "I guess." Can you guess the pitfalls of this one?"Saying this shows uncertainty or lack of interest in making a decision," Dr. Hafeez states. "It can make others feel like they have to do all the thinking or that their input doesn't matter."Related: 3 Tips for Improving Your Communication Skills 1. Practice active listening Dr. Miller notes that active listening is one of the most effective ways to demonstrate good communication skills."Active listening involves paying attention to what the other person is saying, both through their words and their non-verbal behaviors, with the only goal of better understanding what they are saying," she explains. "Oftentimes, we listen with the goal of being able to respond, which means that we don't actually hear what the other person is saying."She says listening to respond instead of to understand can cause miscommunication and conflict, weakening relationships. 2. Try a two-second pause before replying There's power in a pause."Rapid, reactive speech will likely increase misunderstandings," Dr. McDonagh says. "Pausing lets your prefrontal cortex catch up, so you can choose language that fits your intention. Try to exhale fully before you speak. The breath itself gives you pause and calms physiological arousal." 3. Pay attention to tone and body language It's not just about what you say, but how you say it (with your voice and your body)."A sharp tone or crossed arms can send the wrong message, even if your words are polite," Dr. Hafeez Next:Sources: Dr. Jan Miller, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind Dr. Tom McDonagh, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist 10 Phrases 'Poor Communicators' Often Use in Everyday Conversation, According to Psychologists first appeared on Parade on Jul 17, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 17, 2025, where it first appeared.
Yahoo
02-07-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
'Am I Annoying?' This Checklist Should Help You Tell, According to Psychologists
'Am I Annoying?' This Checklist Should Help You Tell, According to Psychologists originally appeared on Parade. Obnoxious reality alert: It can be really hard to figure out whether or not you're annoying."Our brains tend to filter information in ways that protect our self-image, which makes it easy to overlook or minimize subtle social feedback," explains Dr. Thomas McDonagh, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist and owner of Good Therapy San Dr. McDonagh says it's worth stepping back now and again and asking yourself, "Am I annoying?""Annoying behavior is typically something that repeatedly disrupts, irritates or drains the emotional or mental energy of others, often unintentionally," he says. "It's not about being disliked but about the mismatch between how a person is acting and what the situation or social context calls for."To help you read the room, Dr. McDonagh and other psychologists share 13 signs people might find you annoying. Cringing at how many boxes you check? Worry not—"annoying" isn't a permanent state. Psychologists also share tips on how to become less There's a time and a place for loud voices, like when your favorite baseball player hits a walk-off grand slam. However, many people prefer you save the "10/10" volume for these very specific situations. Otherwise? Indoor voices, please."For some people, loud speakers are perceived as aggressive and rude," explains Dr. Jan Miller, Ph.D., a Georgia-based licensed psychologist with Thriveworks. "Others may be bothered by the volume due to hearing sensitivity. Being attuned to how others react to the volume of your voice, such as whether they wince or back away when you speak, can help you avoid this annoying behavior."Related: How loud your voice is isn't the only thing that speaks volumes."If you talk a lot without giving others space, especially if people seem distracted or struggle to interject, it's a sign you may be overwhelming the social dynamic," Dr. McDonagh says. "This often stems from anxiety, a desire to connect or a lack of awareness. Even if you don't mean to, it can still leave others feeling unseen or exhausted."Related: Whether or not you're prone to dominating conversations, Dr. McDonagh shares that a filter is important."Sharing vulnerably is a strength, but when someone reveals intimate or heavy details early on, it can feel overwhelming to others," he points out. "This kind of emotional intensity challenges boundaries, especially in new relationships where trust hasn't yet been built."Related: Dr. Miller defines a know-it-all as someone who "may frequently interrupt conversations, offer unasked-for advice and create a one-sided and dismissive dynamic." She notes that people often find all three to be annoying. "This often leads to others feeling disrespected and unvalued," she McDonagh agrees, emphasizing the "unsolicited advice" part."Unsolicited advice can come across as condescending or controlling, even when well-intentioned," he clarifies. "It signals that you're more focused on your own thoughts than listening, and people may feel dismissed or judged rather than supported." Annoying behavior isn't just "loud" and "cocky.""Lacking confidence and being too unsure of oneself can also be an irksome character trait," shares Dr. Michele Goldman, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. "Self-doubt, low self-esteem and feeling very insecure about oneself can be challenging for others to tolerate and be around." This one is like nails on a chalkboard in terms of how annoying it is for some people."Being on your phone in social situations is often interpreted as rude and disconnected," Dr. Miller says. "It creates a barrier between you and your surroundings, which prevents you from being involved in your social environment."She says signs you're turning people off with your always-on habits include overt comments about your phone use or people trying to distract you from your device by pulling you into conversations."If you notice these things happening, you may benefit from putting your phone away and engaging with your surroundings," she Perhaps when you're "always on your phone," you're sending your second follow-up text to a pal about the happy hour you invited them to an hour ago. This type of behavior can be super annoying to many people."Being overly persistent, whether that is texting multiple times, repeating requests or forcing interactions, can come across as clingy or pushy and therefore annoying," reports, a licensed clinical psychologist. "It suggests that you are not attuned to other people's boundaries and may not be taking a subtle no for an answer."Related: No one is expecting you to be happy all the time. However, people generally don't like a perpetual killjoy."Constant complaining brings down the moods and energies of others, making interactions draining," Dr. Miller says. "You may notice that others avoid certain topics with you or stop engaging with you altogether. It could be helpful to check in with yourself on whether your view is consistently negative, and if so, you can work to bring more balanced perspectives to interactions."Related: Remember, it's only a joke if everyone is laughing."If people go quiet or change the subject after you joke, it may be a sign the humor is landing wrong," Dr. McDonagh warns. "Repeated 'teasing' can feel like low-grade criticism, which builds resentment over time." There may be a reason why your happy hour and dinner invitations always get turned down: You're not very nice to the servers."Being rude to service workers often alienates others as it is seen as aggressive and manipulative towards those who have a power-down position in the inherent power hierarchy of customer-service worker," Dr. Miller explains. "You may get feedback from others to be nicer or refusals to join you in situations where there are service workers."Related: A Pinterest-perfect home is an unrealistic expectation. However, Dr. Miller shares that loading the dishwasher or sweeping up dirt dragged in from a hike isn't too much to ask. She reveals that not tidying up "can leave some people feeling like they need to clean up after the person, which can be physically exhausting." In addition to building awareness about how your behavior is annoying, psychologists also emphasize the importance of understanding social cues. Dr. Goldman says individuals often cut conversations short with someone they find irritating."This might be because people do not want to be interacting with you because people feel that you talk too much or because people don't think you really hear what they're saying during a conversation," she explains. "These are all habits that can be quite annoying to people and, therefore, might impact people's interactions with you."Related: A red flag that you're turning others off is that they try to spend less (or no) time with you. "If you are constantly the one initiating contact and others rarely return the effort, it may indicate your presence feels draining to them," Dr. Schiff Dr. Goldman shares that self-reflection is critical to determining whether or not you have annoying traits. "This is also especially important because in some relationships, one trait is annoying while in another relationship, that exact same trait is acceptable," she clarifies. "For example, in some friend groups, saying, 'I don't know, we can do whatever you want' is a sign that someone is easy-going and flexible—a positive interpretation—but in other friend groups, it's seen as an inability to make a decision—a negative interpretation."Related: People may not come out and tell you that you're annoying (it's kind of awkward, to be fair). You may need to pick up on nonverbal cues, such as body language."Pay attention to body language, tone shifts or whether people seem to change the subject or disengage," Dr. McDonagh says. "These are often subtle signs of discomfort."However, he notes that you can use your improved ability to pause and check in with yourself to your advantage as you learn to notice these hints. This one can feel uncomfortable for you and perhaps the other person. However, you may learn a valuable lesson about yourself that will benefit you (and them) in the long term."If you are open to gentle, constructive criticism, it can give you insight into how your behavior affects others," Dr. Schiff explains. "This way, you don't have to guess or feel stuck in insecurity—you can grow."Up Next:Dr. Thomas McDonagh, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist and owner of Good Therapy San Francisco Dr. Jan Miller, Ph.D., a Georgia-based licensed psychologist with Thriveworks Dr. Michele Goldman, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist 'Am I Annoying?' This Checklist Should Help You Tell, According to Psychologists first appeared on Parade on Jul 1, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 1, 2025, where it first appeared.
Yahoo
01-07-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
11 Personal Details Psychologists Say You Should Keep Private
11 Personal Details Psychologists Say You Should Keep Private originally appeared on Parade. In today's society, we're just a few taps and swipes away from revealing highly personal information to the masses. "Getting real" and sharing more than life's highlight-reel moments has its benefits, like helping others feel less alone in their struggles. However, psychologists warn that it's worth taking a moment to think before on social media or even in one-on-one conversations with a friend."It is important to understand what to keep private because it protects your safety, preserves your dignity and helps to maintain healthy boundaries in relationships," explains , a licensed clinical psychologist. "Sharing too much with the wrong person or in the wrong setting can lead to emotional harm, loss of trust or even exploitation. Knowing what to keep to yourself allows you to decide who has truly earned access to the more personal parts of your life."What personal , and from whom? Psychologists reveal the answers This rule is a new one in the digital age. While it may be tempting to share an adorable photo of your child or grandchild holding up a last or first day of school photo with their teacher's name, or a sweet snap of a little one with Mickey Mouse at Disney World, one psychologist warns it's risky."Sharing photos of your children on your social media can have unintended consequences," explains Dr. Jan Miller, Ph.D., a Georgia-based licensed psychologist with Thriveworks. "This is especially true for those who don't restrict their social media profiles. These photos could be misused by predators or internet stalkers."She suggests blocking or blurring kids' faces and asking for their permission before sharing."[Make] sure that your privacy settings are restricted to only those you trust with this information," she This one isn't necessarily new, but it has gained new significance as bad actors continue to find new ways to manipulate people on digital platforms."Sharing your address and phone number can open you up to several risks, including scammers who could use this information to gain more data about you for the purpose of stealing your identity, use this information to commit financial fraud and even make you vulnerable to unwanted attention like harassment, spam solicitations," Dr. Miller advises people to only provide this information to someone when it's absolutely required, such as putting your home address on a voter registration form."If asked for your phone number or address, ask why this information is needed, how it will be used and if this is absolutely required," she shares. Dr. Schiff says it's crucial to keep this information private. And yes, this includes keeping it private from pals who ditched their Amazon Prime subscription and want to use your account for free shipping perks."Even well-meaning people can accidentally misuse the access, and in worst-case scenarios, it opens the door to serious breaches of privacy, identity theft or loss of control over your personal accounts," she this scenario specifically, you can always offer to order the item for them if they give you the People are opening up more about their mental health history, which has helped chip away at the stigma surrounding getting help. However, Dr. Schiff says this information is still highly personal, and it's essential to be mindful of who you share it with."While it is important to be honest with professionals and trusted loved ones, sharing it in casual or public settings can lead to misunderstanding or stigma," she reveals. "Not everyone is equipped to respond with the empathy or discretion such information deserves." In addition to not sharing personal details about yourself, Dr. Miller says it's critical not to share private information you "inherit" in a heart-to-heart conversation with someone else."In general, social etiquette guides us that personal conversations should not be widely shared," she says. "This applies to both online and offline situations. Sharing details of personal conversations, especially without the other party's consent, is a breach of trust and can damage relationships."She also warns that the conversation can get misinterpreted and damage caveat: "There are situations in which private conversations may need to be shared without the other party's consent, such as in cases of abuse or harassment or if legally required," Dr. Miller Changing jobs—especially if you're switching to a whole new industry—is exciting, and it's natural to want to scream it from the rooftops. However, one psychologist recommends caution."Sharing the news with too many people before telling the ones it affects most is not ideal," points out , a licensed psychologist and host of Mind Matters with Dr. Michele. "If employers and clients learn about your plans secondhand, they might become anxious or misunderstand your intentions." This one is another significant life pivot to handle with care. Dr. Leno shares that some people may prematurely detail their exits from a relationship, and it can lead to conversations they're ill-prepared to handle."Your friends and family will want to know who, when, what, where, how and why," she explains. "They might ask these questions daily until you leave—or not." You're not going to like everyone, but it's not necessary to tell everyone who isn't on your "favorite" list."Your least favorite person may be a not-so-bad person in your friend's eyes, and while it's fine to disagree, there is no need to spoil the peace with unnecessary conflict," Dr. Leno Dr. Leno warns that this one gets delicate fast."Your unsolicited thoughts could come across as judgmental," she reports. "Even if a friend asks your opinion, tread lightly. Your friend may get defensive if you appear too eager to redirect their parenting." You might be surprised to find this one here, given how normal it is to talk about politics on social media and beyond."Social media has made it popular to not just share but overshare," Dr. Leno explains. "While it is fine to pick a side, you may want to avoid publicly bashing the opposition."She points out that—in conversation with someone—the other person may have a different perspective, and implying that you assume otherwise can create tension. If you don't want to share it, you don't have to share it—no matter what TikTok is doing today."Sharing elements about yourself, whether it is about your health, who you voted for or your favorite foods, is not anything that others deserve without earning your trust," Dr. Miller explains. "Once you share information about yourself, you cannot take it back, and you lose control over what happens to that information. By knowing your boundaries and level of trust in the other person, you can make a more informed decision on what to share." Related: Despite she shared in the above list, Dr. Miller shares that it's sometimes necessary to share certain information, even if it's uncomfortable (like if someone's safety is at risk). However, other times, even "standard" questions don't require answers."Oftentimes, we may feel like we must share information we're not comfortable sharing because of a perception that we have to, like our phone number when making a purchase," she explains. "Asking more questions about the reasons for this request and how the data will be."For instance, when making a purchase, you may only need to provide your home address (for shipping).Related: This question is critical, especially in protecting yourself and your loved ones from security risks."If this information contains identifiable information, you may want to limit who receives this data," Dr. Miller says. "Safety also involves the trust level of the person receiving this information—is the person you may share this information with safe to hold this information?" Precisely, why do you want to share this information? Getting to the heart of this answer can provide valuable perspective."If sharing this information is for the intent of helping someone, building relationships or sharing elements of yourself that you feel comfortable with, then it may be beneficial to share," Dr. Miller explains. "If there isn't a clear intent or it feels dangerous, you may consider not sharing." Up Next:Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Jan Miller, Ph.D., a Georgia-based licensed psychologist with Thriveworks Dr. Michele Leno, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and host of Mind Matters with Dr. Michele 11 Personal Details Psychologists Say You Should Keep Private first appeared on Parade on Jul 1, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 1, 2025, where it first appeared.
Yahoo
10-06-2025
- Business
- Yahoo
Student loan debt: The different repayment options at your disposal
As student loan payments resume, here's what Americans should prioritize to manage their debt and create a financial plan to pay it off. Miller Student Loan Consulting President and student loan consultant Jan Miller comes on Wealth to speak more about payment plans and strategies Americans can adopt. To watch more expert insights and analysis on the latest market action, check out more Wealth here. All week, we're giving you everything that you need to know about paying back your student loans. There are so many options out there, but income-based repayment, standard fixed monthly installments, and even potential loan forgiveness are some of the main ones. So, how do you know which payment plan is best for you? Here to break it all down, we've got Jan Miller, the president of Miller Student Loan Counseling and Consulting. Great to have you here with us, Jan. So, what are the first things that you should do before you even start looking at potential payment plans? Immediately, you want to start and create your accounts for both the loan servicer and for federal student aid, which is going to be your, your, uh, FAFSA student Uh, and that's because you may have to use both of them. So, your loan servicer handles, uh, deferments, forbearance, payments. Uh, federal student aid is going to handle applications for income-driven plans and forgiveness programs. So, let's lay out a few key scenarios here, many borrowers may find themselves in. The first one, perhaps, if you have federal loans, and you work for a non-profit or government agency, what payment plan might be best for you? Yeah. So right now, of course, a lot of change with payment plans, uh, due to the new, uh, the recent court injunction on the save program, and, uh, of course, the new Republican bill coming. However, the income-based repayment plan, uh, is likely going to be the best option for public service loan forgiveness. And whenever you hear the term income-driven repayment, that refers to all plans, SAVE, PAYE, REPAYE, ICR, IBR. The one that you want is income-based repayment because that one you will, uh, certainly qualify for if your income is low enough. Now, what if you have federal loans, and you owe way more than your annual income? Right. So if you don't work for a nonprofit, you still want to pursue income-driven plans because your total out-of-pocket costs, even if you're considering potential tax consequences of the forgiveness at the end, is still going to be less if you make payments, lower payments based on your income, until the loan is forgiven. Which forgiveness is still a real thing under that program. Uh, additionally, uh, it's going to increase your cash flow in the real time. So your payment's going to be lower. So you get to have your cake and eat it too, a lower payment, and lower total cost on the loan, um, if your, your debt is that much more than what you make yearly. Now, what about someone with federal loans, but their income makes payments pretty affordable? Well, you know, again, if your credit's good, and you're in a good position financially, uh, and you can afford your monthly payments, you can afford, you know, a payment of around 1% of what your balance is, then you want to consider a refinance, uh, and paying the loan in a more traditional sense at that point, because you hopefully can get a better interest rate, especially as, uh, inflation cools. So, there is this scenario as well, if a borrower has just private loans. What are the options there? Just private loans, first of all, it's going to depend on your lender, right? So if you have Sallie Mae, they're going to be more flexible. Uh, they have, uh, a greater amount of forbearance. They have rate reduction and term extension programs that you can apply for. Um, and they'll usually, um, have, uh, additional options for you. And of course, one of the tricks is, if you, if you can't get any help from customer service, let the account go a few days past due, and the collections representatives will have a greater amount of authority to give you options if you have to do that. They don't report to credit until you're 45 days. You can avoid that. Um, if you have other, uh, you know, like, um, other lenders such as Citibank, or, uh, Citizens Bank, those type, you have less options. It's more like a traditional loan that you're going to owe a bank. And, uh, if you can refinance it, that's fine, but, um, we often say in the office here that if you qualify for refinance, you probably don't need it, or have a student loan problem. If you have a problem, then you probably don't qualify for it because it'll show up in your financials. But if you can refinance, do it. If not, you're going to be stuck with that payment, um, unless in severe, or, you know, last resort situations you can't afford your payment. At which point, then, you can try and negotiate settlements, or, uh, try and work out, uh, temporary payment arrangements, uh, with the lender themselves, but your options are more limited. Sign in to access your portfolio
Yahoo
10-06-2025
- Business
- Yahoo
Student loan debt: The different repayment options at your disposal
As student loan payments resume, here's what Americans should prioritize to manage their debt and create a financial plan to pay it off. Miller Student Loan Consulting President and student loan consultant Jan Miller comes on Wealth to speak more about payment plans and strategies Americans can adopt. To watch more expert insights and analysis on the latest market action, check out more Wealth here. Error in retrieving data Sign in to access your portfolio Error in retrieving data Error in retrieving data Error in retrieving data Error in retrieving data
