Latest news with #JeffGuenther
Hindustan Times
5 days ago
- General
- Hindustan Times
Not overanalysing their actions to planning for future: Relationship expert shares 5 signs you're in secure relationship
Reaching a stage in your relationship where you can undoubtedly say that your partner is the one is often considered a mark of a healthy relationship. But what if you know they are the one but can't recognise the signs. Here are 5 very subtle signs you're in a secure relationship. (Shutterstock) Also Read | Nutritionist lists 3 benefits of having amla and curry leaves together: Healthy hair to reversing diabetes 5 very subtle signs you're in a secure relationship In an Instagram post shared on July 9, licensed professional counsellor and relationship expert Jeff Guenther listed five 'very subtle signs you're in a secure relationship'. Let's find out what they are: 1. Stopped overanalysing things 'You don't overanalyse their tone in texts anymore, not because you stopped caring, but because their consistency has rewired your nervous system. You trust they meant what they said, so even a thumbs-up emoji doesn't feel like secret code for 'f*** off',' the therapist said. 2. You don't want to change them The relationship expert shared that when you don't fantasise about changing them, it is a sign of a secure relationship. 'You're not low-key hoping they'll start journaling, love therapy, or become 20 percent more ambitious. You actually like them as they are. Shocking,' he explained. 3. You are not suspicious, but rather curious 'You feel more curious than suspicious. When something feels off, you wonder what's going on with them, not what they're hiding from you. Your brain isn't defaulting to betrayal; it's leaning into care,' he said. 4. You are not afraid to plan for the future Another sign of a secure relationship is knowing you can make plans without being scared of the future. 'You're not secretly worried you'll break up before the concert you bought tickets for. There's a quiet confidence that you'll still be together in December for that [concert],' he explained, sharing an example. 5. You don't seek validation Lastly, if you're less interested in seeking external validation in your relationship, then it is another sign. This doesn't mean that you don't like compliments or that you should stop getting them. 'But you don't need constant outside reassurance to feel desirable or worthy. Their steady presence has turned down the volume on all that noise,' he added. Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice.
Hindustan Times
07-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Hindustan Times
Expert shares 8 unhinged questions you shouldn't ask your partner to test your relationship: ‘If all their exes…'
Relationship expert Jeff Guenther, a licensed professional counsellor, often shares tips on social media to help couples improve their relationship. In a post shared on July 3, the expert shared 8 'unhinged' questions you shouldn't ask your partner. If you are up to it, ask your partner these questions and test your relationship. (Shuterstock) Also Read | Couple travels over 60 countries in 3 years for $39k; share tips on small budget travelling: 'Hostels are your normal' 8 unhinged questions you shouldn't ask your partner Sharing the list of questions, the relationship expert wrote, 'Unhinged questions that you probably shouldn't ask your partner, but what the hell, go ahead and test your relationship.' Let's find out what they are: 1. Suppose you discovered that your previous relationship ended because your current partner covertly orchestrated its demise, ensuring you were single so they could step into your life. Would you find this romantic or a red flag? 2. Imagine you have the option to know every secret, big or small, that your partner has kept from you. Would you want to know? 3. If you could ask all of your partner's exes what they didn't like about them and what their major red flags are, would you want to know that information? 4. If a genie offered you three wishes, but there was a 10 percent chance your partner would disappear from your life forever, would you accept those three wishes? 5. If you have the ability to get rid of one of your partner's flaws or imperfections, which one would it be and why? 6. You have a one-time-use time machine, and you have to use it to alter something in your relationship. What are you going to alter? 7. If you learned that your partner had been hired to date you as part of a social experiment where very hot people dated complete losers like you, would you be able to forgive them? 8. Imagine a situation where someone offered you money to go no contact with your partner for one year. What would be the minimum amount that could make you seriously consider it? Why do couples drift apart? In another Instagram video, the relationship expert had talked about the number one reason why people feel that their relationship doesn't feel as close as it used to. He explained that the real issue isn't about romance or routine, it's about feeling known. "You don't feel known anymore. Like really, truly known. And research backs this up. Feeling truly and intimately known by your partner is one of the strongest predictors of relationship satisfaction," he says. Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.
Hindustan Times
05-07-2025
- General
- Hindustan Times
Relationship expert says the real reason couples drift apart isn't sex or communication: ‘You don't feel known anymore'
You're still together, sharing a home, a routine, maybe even a future but something feels off. The spark is dimmer, conversations are shorter, and that effortless closeness you once had seems to be slipping away. Sound familiar? You're not alone. According to relationship expert Jeff Guenther, there's often one powerful yet overlooked reason why many couples feel emotionally distant over time. (Also read: Dating coach explains why compatibility matters more than chemistry in relationships: 'Don't chase the instant spark' ) According to relationship expert Jeff, emotional distance in couples often stems from a lack of deep understanding. (Pexels) In his June 12 Instagram post, Jeff shared insight from his 20 years of experience, 'What is the number one reason your relationship doesn't feel as close as it used to? Well, I can tell you, it's not because you're having less bedroom time. It's not because you don't say 'I love you' as much. And it's definitely not because that's just what happens in long-term relationships.' What's actually missing and why it matters Jeff explains that the real issue isn't about romance or routine, it's about feeling known. "You don't feel known anymore. Like really, truly known. And research backs this up. Feeling truly and intimately known by your partner is one of the strongest predictors of relationship satisfaction," he says. He continues, "Sure, you might know their go-to Taco Bell order or their all-time favourite song. But do they understand what makes you feel grounded? What makes you feel insecure or wildly alive? Because when we don't feel known, we start to drift. We keep things surface-level. We become emotional coworkers, politely managing the calendar and the trash but not touching the deeper stuff." What to do if you don't feel known Jeff urges couples not to wait for some magical moment of reconnection. "You stop waiting to be magically seen, and you start showing up with depth," he says. Here are a few conversation shifts he suggests: Instead of "How was your day?" ask, "What felt good about today? What didn't?" Instead of another night of mindless TV, try "What's something you've been thinking about lately that I might not know?" Feeling bold? Ask, "When do you feel most loved by me and when do you feel invisible?" "Yes, it's a little intimate," Jeff says. "But that's the point." Stay curious, always He ends with a gentle reminder: "Long-term closeness doesn't come from knowing each other's favourite snack or the podcast they're obsessed with. It comes from staying curious over and over again. So if your relationship feels off, don't just say, 'We need to communicate more.' That's not really it. Say, 'I want to know you better, still, again, and always." Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.
Hindustan Times
10-06-2025
- Health
- Hindustan Times
Relationship expert says this ‘1 quality' predicts if someone is going to be a good partner
What truly makes someone a great partner? Is it emotional intelligence, physical chemistry, or how well they communicate? While all of these play a role, there's one trait that often outweighs the rest when it comes to long-term compatibility. According to relationship expert Jeff Guenther, this one quality can serve as a powerful predictor of whether someone will make a supportive, reliable partner. (Also read: Sleeping in separate beds as a couple? Relationship expert shares what it really means ) On his June 5 Instagram post, Jeff shared, 'After 20 years as a couples therapist, I can tell you it's not how well they talk about their feelings, it's not shared interests, and it's definitely not whether they've been to therapy (although that doesn't hurt).' A post shared by Jeff Guenther, LPC (@therapyjeff) He went on to explain what really matters, "I'm going to tell you what it actually is, why it matters way more than you think, and what to do if it's something you're still working on. It's flexibility, not physical flexibility, although being able to touch your toes is cute. I'm talking about psychological flexibility. That means you can sit with uncomfortable emotions without lashing out." Jeff elaborated, "You can shift perspectives instead of clinging to being right. You can stay present during conflict instead of shutting down or spiralling. And you can act in alignment with your values even when your nervous system is lighting up like a pinball machine." Citing research, he added, "According to a massive review of over 170 studies involving 44,000 people, psychological flexibility is one of the strongest predictors of relationship success." Wondering what to do if you or your partner struggles with this? Jeff recommends: 'It's a skill' and here's where to start: "To be clear, psychological flexibility isn't just emotional intelligence. It's your ability to adapt when emotions get loud, to stay open, grounded, and value-driven even when things feel messy. It's being able to pivot without disconnecting from who you are or what really matters. Because being a good partner isn't about being perfect, it's about being flexible enough to love and be loved through the hard stuff," Jeff concludes. Here's the clinical research Jeff referred to:
Hindustan Times
29-05-2025
- Health
- Hindustan Times
Couples therapist shares 7 true or false questions to know the ‘health of your relationship'
Do you want to check the health of your relationship? Couples therapist Jeff Guenther took to Instagram recently to share seven questions that you can ask yourself or your partner to know where you both stand. Also Read | Expert says on Oprah Winfrey's show 'never sleep with your phone, keep it in bathroom'. Explains why it causes anxiety On May 21, the couples therapist shared a video on Instagram where he listed the seven true or false questions. He stated that these will reveal the health of your relationship. He added, 'I am looking for seven trues.' Let's find out what these questions are: A post shared by Jeff Guenther, LPC (@therapyjeff) My world is expanding and growing because of this relationship, not shrinking to keep the peace. True or false? I trust that my partner is emotionally safe. They do not weaponise my vulnerabilities or use my feelings against me. True or false? When something good happens, they are one of the first people I want to tell, and I trust they'll be happy for me, not weirdly competitive or distant. True or false? I don't have to keep major parts of myself hidden - my opinions, my quirks, my dreams - to make this work. True or false? When I set a boundary, it is met with curiosity or respect, not punishment or withdrawal. True or false? I still feel like I have full access to my own life, my friendships, my hobbies, and my decisions. True or false? If a close friend described a relationship just like mine, I would feel genuinely happy for them, not secretly worried. True or false? According to the therapist, ideally, every single question he mentioned in the clip should be true. As they aren't just relationship goals, they're the bare minimum for emotional safety and mutual respect in a relationship. However, if you didn't check all the boxes, do not panic, but don't dismiss these either. 'Figure out why and whether it's something that can be worked on together or a sign that you're settling for less than you deserve,' he added. Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice.
