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CBC
13-07-2025
- Health
- CBC
I was a new mother in a new country. When dark thoughts came, I was afraid to voice them
This First Person article is the experience of Joana Valamootoo, who's originally from Mauritius and now lives in Regina. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ. This story is part of Welcome to Canada, a CBC News series about immigration told through the eyes of the people who have experienced it. There was a chill in the air on the autumn day when I finally found the courage to ask my husband to take me to the emergency room. All week, constant dark and intrusive thoughts had been chasing me, telling me to end my life and hurt my baby, while my whole body was feeling intense physical pain. As a new mother in a new country, it was hard to ask for help. I wondered, "What if they decide to take my baby away from me? What will my family think of me? What will my husband think of me? Am I a bad mother?" I'd grown up in Mauritius where admitting mental health struggles came with a huge stigma. I'd never heard of postpartum depression and didn't know that was what I was experiencing. For weeks, I'd been keeping all my innermost thoughts a secret. It was like living a double life where I had to fake my happiness and contentment as a new mother when I was around other people. But every night, the intrusive thoughts would come and haunt my existence. Not a joyful birthing experience When I had first found out I was pregnant about a year prior, I was happy beyond words and felt I was going to be a good mother. That feeling lasted all the way up until the time my partner and I walked hand-in-hand through the empty corridor at the hospital in the early morning, looking forward to meeting our little person. After my son was born and brought to me, I was expecting to feel love and excitement, the joy of a new mother. Instead, I felt nothing — only emptiness. My son was colicky, and with my husband away working long hours, I felt lonely. I was operating on little to no sleep. I began to feel as though there was something in the house — some not-human presence that was watching me — and became convinced something evil came with my son when he was born. Then one day, two months after his birth, I found myself changing my son's diaper when he looked up and smiled at me. I felt immense joy and sadness at the same time. How could I not feel love for that tiny angel? In that moment, I felt the emotional connection that I'd been longing for, and told myself, "He is my baby. The baby I was singing to everyday when he was in my belly, the baby I had been waiting to meet." Even still, the dark fog of intrusive thoughts didn't lift. Every day, I would take my son on long walks to clear my mind, but those thoughts continued to haunt me for about eight months after his birth. That was the point I finally told my husband I needed help. He, too, had never heard about postpartum depression and hadn't understood why I was crying so much. Like me, he was scared of our child being taken from us. But after having seen the intensity of my postpartum psychosis, he agreed we needed help. When we went to see the doctor at the emergency room that day, I finally got the courage to express everything on my mind. Tears gathered in my eyes as I spoke, but I felt free. With the warmest eyes, the doctor took my hand in his and said with a low voice, "It's not your fault. You are experiencing postpartum depression, and we will help you." He explained to my husband that I have postpartum depression and the pain I was experiencing was also a symptom of depression. I was later diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a health condition that can also cause pain and fatigue. I was prescribed counselling, as well as medication to help me cope with both my mental disorder and fibromyalgia. After so many months of living in fear and pain, I was getting the help I needed. I was finally feeling the joy of life again. I realized that if only I had been strong enough in the beginning to ask for help, I would not have suffered for months living with the crippling effect of depression. I want other new mothers who may be struggling to know what I faced, so they know they are not alone, and that they too can find help. When my husband and I welcomed our second child into the world, I felt instant love for her. This time, I understood what so many other mothers have said they felt after giving birth. Meeting that kind doctor got me the help I needed to claim my life back. Ten years later, I still live with a chronic health condition and mental health challenges, but now, I look at my children and feel a rush of protectiveness — the love that I first felt when I changed my son's diaper and saw him smiling at me. I'm here every day not just for myself, but for them.
CBC
20-04-2025
- Politics
- CBC
These immigrants say Canada failed to plan for a population explosion. Now it's their top election issue
Joana Valamootoo felt Canada was a welcoming place when she immigrated here from Mauritius in 2012, but that sense has faded in recent years as immigration numbers have gone up and up. "I came here in 2012 on a francophone initiative program, an immigration program, and I was welcome, but I was also provided what I needed to succeed here," she said. She believes that's no longer the case for newcomers to the country. CBC has been asking people across the country about the issues that matter most to them in the April 28, 2025, federal election. What issue matters the most to you this federal election, and why? Share your personal stories with us at ask@ While immigration has taken a backseat to concerns like national unity and tariffs Valamootoo said it's top of mind for her. She wants to hear leaders talk about how they will integrate newcomers into the country. "I think the past three years there has been a lot of mistakes by the federal government with regard to how many people they were letting in." She feels that's led to a rise in racism and a backlash against immigrants and international students, who've been blamed for crises in housing and education. "I think we need a leader that can bring people together, instead of creating division," she said. As Canada's population has pushed past 41 million people, Canadians and immigrants alike have expressed concern about whether the country has planned enough to incorporate new immigrants into workspaces, schools and homes. The Saskatchewan Urban Municipalities Association recently commissioned a poll, which found 68 per cent of Saskatchewan people surveyed online supported reducing immigration. Parties lack vision to plan, says Calgary voter Sanjeev Kumar came to Canada on a work permit in 2008 to work in Alberta's restaurant industry and recently opened his own restaurant in northeast Calgary. He's also seen a rise in anti-immigrant sentiment, which he believes is intensified by immigrants being willing to work in minimum wage jobs and creating intense competition for work. "Nobody has a job right now. People are struggling. Everyone is struggling. Groceries are so expensive," he said. Kumar said the problem hits international students and other newcomers particularly badly. He has students coming to him, asking for work. "They are in college, about to finish, but they don't have money … they don't have food to eat." Compare all the parties' platforms on immigration using CBC's tracker on election promises. Kumar said these students and people on work permits also don't have the same clear path to residency that he did when he came to Canada. Kumar got his permanent residency in three years. "That time actually, when Harper government was there, I think everything is controlled," he said, adding there needs to be a balance between immigration and integration. "Right now there's no balance there. They don't know what they are doing." Since getting his citizenship, Kumar has voted Conservative, but said he's not convinced either of the two main parties have a bold plan to bolster the economy and ensure there's a stronger job market for newcomers and Canadians alike. "They are just thinking, small thinking [like] we just take out carbon tax," he said. "They don't have a clear vision for Canada." Settlement services face cuts Ali Abukar, CEO for the Saskatoon Open Door Society, said settlement services like his are among those that help newcomers integrate to Canada with things like employment training and language education. He said the federal government has scaled back money for these organizations as it reduces immigration targets, leading to program cuts at both the Saskatoon and Regina Open Door societies. Reducing immigrant and international student populations can't be done hastily, Abukar said. "A lot of the international students have been contributing a lot of money not only to schools and educational institutions, but also businesses and housing," he said. He said immigrants will still be needed to help Canada resolve issues like the labour that's needed to build houses. It speaks to the pressing need for the next elected government to take a phased approach to integrating newcomers into Canada, Abukar said. "Our [immigration] numbers didn't become where they are at in just the switch of a light. And we can't reverse them the same way," he said.
