Latest news with #JournalOfMarriageAndFamily
South China Morning Post
07-07-2025
- Health
- South China Morning Post
Divorce rates in older adults rise when wives get sick, study finds
'In sickness and in health.' Is it a lifetime binding promise or an out-of-fashion phrase for marriage? Older adults are divorcing at increasingly higher rates these days, and it could have to do with illness – depending on who is getting sick. A new study suggests that health plays a factor, but gender roles might be the linchpin behind it all. A study by Italian researchers published in the Journal of Marriage and Family considered the relationship between health and the divorce rates in older adults. The study used 18 years of data – ranging from 2004 to 2022 – from 25,542 European heterosexual couples aged 50 to 64. A university professor suggests that one of the reason for more 'grey divorce' is people's increased longevity. Photo: Shutterstock It showed some eye-opening results. When the wives in marriages between older adults became ill or suffered some kind of physical limitation, the divorce rates began to rise.
Yahoo
07-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
15 Surprising Reasons More Women Are Choosing Divorce Over Saving Their Marriage
Divorce is no longer the taboo it once was. More women are realizing that staying in a marriage that no longer serves them isn't their only option. While everyone's reasons are deeply personal, many women share common threads of discontent—small but persistent realizations that lead them to make this life-changing decision. It's not always about dramatic fights or blatant betrayals. Sometimes, it's about the quieter, subtler truths that creep up over time. Here are the reasons behind this growing trend. Time changes people, and the person you were when you got married might feel like a distant memory. Many women enter marriage with one set of goals, dreams, and values, only to evolve into someone entirely different as the years roll on. Maybe they've discovered passions they never knew they had or gained clarity about what truly matters to them. Sometimes, the growth is so profound that their partner starts to feel like a stranger—or worse, a roadblock to their progress. According to a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, personality changes over time can lead to significant shifts in marital satisfaction and compatibility. For these women, the relationship no longer feels like a partnership. Instead, it's a tether to an old version of themselves that no longer fits. This isn't about blaming their partner for staying the same; it's about recognizing when growth creates an unbridgeable gap. Choosing divorce is less about walking away from their spouse and more about walking toward their authentic selves. Life is short, and these women are determined to live it on their own terms. Marriage has long been touted as the ultimate life milestone, especially for women. For generations, societal norms, family expectations, and even the fear of being alone have pushed women into marriages they weren't entirely sure about. Many didn't realize at the time how much pressure they were under to say 'yes'—whether that pressure came from their partner, their parents, or simply the weight of societal expectations. An article in The Atlantic highlights that for women, juggling work and family life, money is a more powerful argument than passion for staying in the workforce. Years down the line, the cracks start to show. These women begin to see how much their decision was shaped by others and not themselves. Divorce becomes an act of liberation—a chance to rewrite their narrative and live a life that feels true to who they are now, not who everyone else wanted them to be. It's a bold step, but for many, it's the only way to reclaim their voice and their autonomy. Raising a family often requires sacrifice, and for many women, that sacrifice has come at the expense of their own identity. Dreams of traveling, pursuing a career, or nurturing a personal passion get put on the back burner—or abandoned entirely—once marriage and motherhood take center stage. While these choices are often made out of love, they can also leave women feeling like they've lost a fundamental part of themselves. According to Tiffany Bluhm, author of "She Dreams: Live the Life You Were Created For," many women feel pressured to forfeit their personal dreams and passions when they start a family, leading to a sense of lost identity. Over time, the realization sinks in: they've spent so much energy supporting others that there's nothing left for themselves. As their kids grow older or their priorities shift, they begin to wonder, 'What about me?' Divorce, for these women, isn't about running away from responsibility. It's about reclaiming the parts of themselves they had to set aside. It's about rediscovering who they were before the demands of marriage and family took over. The mental and emotional load that women carry in marriages is no secret, but for many, it becomes unbearable. They're not just managing the household—they're managing everyone's emotions, schedules, and needs. They're the go-to problem solver, the unappreciated chef, and the invisible glue that holds it all together. It's exhausting and, more often than not, thankless. As highlighted by The Laundry Moms, women often find themselves managing the household, everyone's emotions, schedules, and needs, leading to feelings of exhaustion and being unappreciated. When their partner doesn't step up to share the burden, resentment starts to build. These women begin to see that they deserve more than to be the unpaid, overworked caretakers of their own homes. Divorce, in these cases, is a way to demand better for themselves. It's about stepping out of an unequal dynamic and reclaiming their right to be seen, heard, and supported as an equal partner. It's infuriating when a partner pretends not to know how to do basic tasks just to avoid doing them. Whether it's conveniently 'forgetting' how to fold laundry or deliberately doing a bad job at grocery shopping, weaponized incompetence shifts the entire burden of responsibility onto women. It's not just annoying—it's disrespectful and deeply unfair. Over time, this pattern erodes the foundation of the relationship. Women begin to feel like they're parenting their partner rather than building a life with them. For many, divorce is less about leaving their spouse and more about leaving behind the dynamic of being the only adult in the relationship. It's a choice to prioritize their own well-being over someone else's weaponized laziness. Divorce becomes a lot less intimidating when you see someone close to you go through it and come out stronger. For many women, watching their friends leave unhappy marriages and thrive afterward plants a seed of possibility. Suddenly, divorce isn't just an abstract concept—it's a real, tangible option that's within reach. These women aren't copying their friends; they're being inspired by them. Seeing someone else choose freedom and happiness makes them wonder if they could do the same. It's not about following a trend—it's about seeing what's possible when you stop settling for less than you deserve. Divorce used to come with a heavy dose of stigma, but those days are fading fast. Women today are no longer shamed for leaving marriages that don't serve them—they're often celebrated for their courage and self-respect. Society's evolving attitudes toward divorce have given women the freedom to prioritize their happiness without fear of judgment. This shift has been empowering. Divorce is no longer seen as a failure—it's seen as a brave choice to pursue a better life. For women who have felt trapped by outdated expectations, this cultural evolution is a game-changer. It's given them permission to choose themselves, unapologetically. Commitment can feel suffocating when you're not with the right person. Many women enter marriage believing it's what they want, only to realize later that they crave freedom and independence more. The idea of spending the rest of their lives in an unfulfilling relationship becomes unbearable. Choosing divorce isn't about giving up on love—it's about recognizing that the love they have isn't the right fit. It's a bold choice to prioritize their own needs over societal expectations, and it's one more women are making unapologetically. Staying in a toxic or unhappy marriage 'for the kids' is a common justification, but more women are coming to realize the damage this can do. Children are intuitive—they sense the tension, the cold silences, and the unresolved resentment between their parents. While parents might believe they're protecting their kids by staying together, the truth is often the opposite. The constant exposure to negativity can leave lasting emotional scars. Divorce, in these cases, isn't about breaking up the family; it's about prioritizing the well-being of everyone involved. Women are choosing to show their children what healthy relationships and boundaries look like, even if that means making the hard decision to leave. It's not an easy choice, but for many, it's the only way to create a happier, healthier environment for their kids to grow up in. Arguments are inevitable in any relationship, but when bickering becomes the default mode of communication, it takes a toll. Many women find themselves in marriages where every conversation feels like a potential landmine, leading to constant tension and emotional exhaustion. When disagreements overshadow the good moments, it's hard to feel like the relationship is worth saving. For these women, divorce isn't about running away—it's about finding peace. They're tired of walking on eggshells and living in a state of perpetual conflict. By choosing to leave, they're choosing a life where harmony and self-respect take precedence over endless, soul-draining fights. It's a step toward reclaiming their emotional stability and happiness. Marrying young can seem romantic at the time, but it often comes with challenges that only reveal themselves later. Many women who tied the knot in their teens or early twenties now look back and realize they didn't fully understand themselves or their needs. They were still figuring out who they were, and as they grew, they discovered that their marriage no longer aligned with their identity. This isn't about regret—it's about growth. These women recognize that their younger selves made the best decision they could at the time, but it's okay to admit that it's no longer working. Divorce, for them, is an act of self-compassion. It's a way to honor the person they've become and seek a relationship that matches their current values and goals. The thought of spending decades in an unfulfilling marriage can be a wake-up call. Many women hit a point where they realize they're simply going through the motions, and the prospect of continuing that way feels unbearable. They want more than just stability—they want joy, connection, and a sense of purpose. Choosing divorce isn't about giving up; it's about refusing to settle for mediocrity. These women are rewriting their life stories, taking control of their futures, and prioritizing their happiness. It's a courageous decision, but for many, it's the only way to break free from a life that feels more like a trap than a journey. For some women, marriage slowly shifts from a romantic partnership to a logistical arrangement. They cook, clean, and co-manage the household, but the intimacy and passion that once defined their relationship are long gone. What's left is a functional but deeply unsatisfying dynamic that feels more like living with a roommate than a spouse. If the only 'we' moments are arguments over who forgot to pay the electricity bill, it's a clear sign the relationship has flatlined. Divorce, in this case, becomes a way to seek a partnership that's about more than just splitting responsibilities. These women are choosing to leave behind the mundane for the possibility of something more fulfilling and meaningful. When every interaction feels like walking on a tightrope, it's only a matter of time before exhaustion sets in. Many women find themselves constantly strategizing to avoid conflict, carefully choosing their words and actions to keep their spouse's mood in check. It's draining and, frankly, unsustainable. These women are coming to the realization that harmony shouldn't come at the cost of their own mental health. Divorce, for them, is about reclaiming their peace and refusing to play referee in their own home any longer. They're choosing to prioritize their sanity over someone else's fragile ego, and that's a decision worth respecting. Growth is a natural part of life, but sometimes, one person evolves while the other stays the same. Women who find themselves in this situation often feel like they've outgrown their marriage. Their partner might still be stuck in old habits or ways of thinking, while they've moved on to new perspectives and priorities. This isn't about looking down on their spouse—it's about recognizing when a relationship no longer fits. Divorce becomes a way to honor their own growth and create space for a life that aligns with who they are now. It's a bittersweet decision, but for many, it's the only way to stay true to themselves.
Yahoo
23-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
If You're A Women Who Does This In Your Marriages You'll Resent It Later
Marriage is often a beautifully complex, imperfect dance, choreographed by hope, love, and occasional missteps. But some of these missteps, though small and seemingly inconsequential at first, can fester into deeper regrets over time. Let's dive into the nuanced decisions and unnoticed habits that many women find themselves resenting in retrospect. Welcome to a candid exploration of marital dynamics that peel back the layers of matrimony's silent friction. You might find yourself putting your partner's career first, thinking it's a temporary setup. Yet, years later, you could realize you've sidelined your own ambitions and career aspirations. According to a study published in the "Journal of Marriage and Family," women who prioritize their partner's career often experience lower job satisfaction and stalled professional growth. It's a decision that can quietly chip away at your sense of self-fulfillment and independence, leaving you to wonder what could have been. Resentment creeps in when you see peers advancing while you're stuck in a supportive role you never signed up for. The societal expectation to be the 'supportive spouse' often glosses over personal dreams that, left unattended, wither away. The frustration isn't just about the career you didn't chase, but also about the version of yourself that you didn't get to explore. So, if you're feeling like a ghost of your former ambitious self, you're not alone. Emotional labor, the invisible work of keeping the relationship emotionally afloat, often turns into a burden shared unequally. You might find yourself constantly managing not just your partner's emotions but the entire emotional landscape of your household. This can lead to an internal combustion of resentment as you become the unofficial therapist, conflict mediator, and feel-good cheerleader. The imbalance creates a silent tug-of-war between obligation and personal emotional bandwidth. As time goes on, the weariness of performing emotional labor without recognition can be soul-draining. It amplifies the feeling that your emotional needs are secondary, or perhaps, not even considered. This resentment festers, quietly whispering that the partnership isn't exactly equal. Addressing this imbalance requires uncomfortable conversations and the difficult task of reshuffling emotional responsibilities. Choosing to ignore financial independence can feel like love's ultimate trust fall. You might convince yourself that in a marriage, 'what's mine is yours' is both a romantic and practical mantra. Yet, when financial decisions are made unilaterally or you find yourself seeking permission for expenses, the power imbalance becomes glaringly evident. Research conducted by financial expert Farnoosh Torabi highlights the long-term strain on relationships when one partner lacks financial autonomy. This dependency can breed silent resentment, especially when financial priorities don't align. It's not just about money, but about agency and shared responsibility. The freedom to make financial decisions without oversight can be incredibly empowering. Feeling like an accessory in financial discussions often leaves a bitter aftertaste, one that only grows with time. We all know boundaries are essential, but marriage often tests their limits. You might start by letting small things slide, thinking it's part of the compromise of living with someone you love. But as those boundaries continually shift and bend without snapping back, they get lost in the pursuit of marital harmony. The subtle erosion of personal space and needs is a common, quietly simmering source of resentment. The issue emerges when you realize you've given away pieces of yourself in small, unnoticed exchanges. It's in those moments of compromise that you forget to safeguard your own emotional and personal needs. As you downplay your boundaries to accommodate, you lose sight of your individuality. Reclaiming those boundaries often requires a difficult re-negotiation of the marital contract. In the romance-swept early days of marriage, it's easy to let friendships slide. Prioritizing your partner can feel natural, but over time, it may leave you feeling isolated. According to sociologist Dr. Bella DePaulo, maintaining friendships outside of marriage is crucial for emotional health and well-being. Without this support system, the pressure to fulfill every social and emotional role in each other's lives can be overwhelming. Over time, the absence of these relationships can feel like a void, a reminder of the self you left behind. Friendships offer fresh perspectives, laughter, and a sense of belonging that your partner alone may not fulfill. Resentment often blooms from the loneliness of realizing you've let your social circles shrink to a party of one. Reestablishing these connections often requires vulnerable honesty with both partners and friends. Assuming the role of the default parent often happens subtly. At first, you might find yourself automatically handling childcare because it seems like the natural thing to do or because of societal conditioning. Over time, this role solidifies, making it difficult to break out of the primary caregiver mold without guilt or confrontation. This can lead to a simmering resentment, as the weight of responsibility feels unshared and thankless. The default parent role often means shouldering most of the emotional and logistical planning for the family. This imbalance not only affects personal time and ambitions but also creates an uneven partnership. Your partner may not even realize the burden unless it's explicitly communicated. Breaking free from this role requires not just a shared calendar but a shared sense of responsibility and respect for both partners' contributions. In marriage, leisure time is often the first thing to go when life gets busy. You might think sacrificing your hobbies and downtime is a necessary part of prioritizing family and partner. However, a study published in the "Journal of Leisure Research" reveals that personal leisure activities significantly contribute to marital satisfaction. When you've given up that part of yourself, resentment quietly creeps in, inch by inch. Over time, the absence of leisure can feel like a slow erosion of self, leaving you feeling more like a machine than a person. The joy in discovering or nurturing hobbies is invaluable and often underestimated. Resentment grows when you realize you've neglected your passions for the sake of 'more important' things. Reclaiming your leisure time is an act of self-preservation and empowerment, not selfishness. In the blissful haze of newfound love, compromising on core values can seem like a small price to pay. You might convince yourself that those differences will smooth out over time or become less important. But as the years roll by, those unaligned values can become the fault lines of marital discord. The resentment that follows is rooted in a feeling of betrayal, not just by your partner, but by yourself. Each compromise feels like a little betrayal of your true self, a slow chipping away at who you are. When you ignore these differences, they often resurface during conflicts or major life decisions, starkly reminding you of the disparity. The ensuing resentment can feel like an internal struggle, a dissonance between who you are and who you've become. Revisiting and realigning values often demands courage and uncomfortable honesty. In the hustle of marital life, self-care often takes a backseat. You might tell yourself that skipping the gym or ignoring that yearly check-up is a necessary sacrifice for the family. But over time, this neglect can manifest in physical and emotional strain. The resentment arises not just from the neglect itself, but from the realization that you allowed yourself to be an afterthought. This disregard for personal health erodes not just your body, but your sense of self-worth. It's a quiet, creeping resentment that whispers you've undervalued your own needs. The consequences aren't just personal; they ripple into the relationship, affecting your mood, energy, and engagement. Reclaiming your health often requires a recalibration of priorities and a commitment to self-love. Being agreeable can be an attractive quality, but in marriage, it can become a trap. You might find yourself saying 'yes' to avoid conflict or to maintain peace. But over time, those unspoken 'no's' can build up, leading to a resentment that feels like a boiling pot ready to spill over. The discomfort lies not just in what you agreed to, but in what you sacrificed in silence. Each unspoken disagreement or hidden refusal is like a brick in the wall of unmet needs and undisclosed truths. The resentment accumulates as you realize the extent of your compromise. It's a quiet rebellion against the narratives you've constructed to keep the façade of harmony. Breaking the cycle means learning to embrace discomfort and assert your true feelings and needs. Playing the role of peacekeeper might come naturally, especially if conflict makes you uneasy. You might find yourself smoothing things over, playing mediator, and keeping the peace at any cost. But this self-appointed role can lead to a masked resentment as you continuously absorb the relationship's tension. The burden of constantly being the one to mend and soothe can be emotionally exhausting. Over time, this role can make you feel invisible, as your feelings and needs are pushed aside for the sake of harmony. The resentment builds as you realize your partner might not even notice the peacekeeping efforts you invest in. The emotional labor involved is mentally taxing and often goes unacknowledged. Letting go of this role means allowing conflict to happen and trusting that the relationship can withstand it. Love can blind you to the warning signs that are often present from the start. You might overlook red flags, convincing yourself that things will change or improve over time. But these dismissals can lead to significant regrets as these issues manifest more prominently down the road. The resentment stems from the realization that you ignored your instincts. Each ignored red flag becomes a thread in the complex tapestry of unresolved issues. The regret is not just in the presence of these issues, but in the knowledge that they were once avoidable. This resentment festers as you grapple with the gap between expectation and reality. Addressing them means acknowledging them and seeking constructive solutions, often with professional help. You might expect your partner to change habits that irk you without ever addressing them. This unspoken expectation is a silent saboteur in many marriages. Over time, the lack of change leads to a simmering resentment, fueled by the belief that your partner should just "know" what needs to be different. The truth is, expecting change without communication is a recipe for disappointment. Each unvoiced expectation feels like a missed opportunity for growth and understanding within the relationship. The resentment builds as you tally up the changes that never materialized. The gap between expectation and reality widens, creating a chasm of unmet needs. Open, honest communication is the only bridge over this divide, turning assumptions into actionable conversations. In the day-to-day grind, romance often takes a backseat to routine and responsibility. You might tell yourself that the spark will naturally reignite when things settle down. But as days turn into years, the absence of romance can feel like a void, slowly breeding resentment. The realization that you've let the spark fade can feel like a personal failure, an unfulfilled promise to yourself. The resentment lies not just in the absence of romance but in the neglect of intimacy and connection. This loss can leave you feeling more like roommates than partners. Reigniting the romance often requires intentional effort and creativity, a commitment to rediscovering the joy of being together. It's about making space for love amidst the chaos of life. The belief that love conquers all is a comforting myth, but in reality, marriage involves more than just love. You might assume that love will naturally smooth over any rough patches or disagreements. But this passive approach can lead to disappointment and resentment when love alone doesn't address deeper issues. The realization that love isn't always enough can feel like a betrayal of the fairy tale. Resentment grows when you realize that love must be actively nurtured, supported by communication, respect, and effort. The initial assumption overlooks the practical aspects of partnership that sustain love. The gap between the idealized version of love and reality is often where resentment takes root. Realizing this means embracing the work that goes into maintaining a loving relationship, beyond just the feeling of love itself.
The Independent
19-06-2025
- Health
- The Independent
Three things a partner should do to help lighten a mother's workload
A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family in December 2024 revealed that mothers undertake 71 per cent of the mental workload associated with managing a household. The research indicates that mothers predominantly handle core daily tasks related to family well-being, whereas fathers typically manage episodic tasks concerning maintenance and finances. Dr. Sue Varma, a board-certified psychiatrist, highlighted that mothers often experience an emotional overload, stemming from anticipating potential issues and being the primary contact for children's needs. To help alleviate this significant burden, partners are encouraged to do three things; acknowledge the mental load, proactively initiate household tasks, and engage in consistent communication and shared decision-making. Experts advise women to communicate their needs clearly to partners, fostering a collaborative environment where partners actively ask how they can assist and participate in responsibilities.
The Independent
19-06-2025
- Health
- The Independent
Here's how to help moms lighten mental load from household tasks
Research shows moms overwhelmingly carry the mental load from household tasks, but there are ways to lighten it. While all families are different, women are most often the ones to plan meals, remember the names of their children's teachers, and take the kids to soccer practice, according to research. A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family in December 2024, which CBS Mornings cited in a recent segment, found that mothers take on 71 percent of the mental workload that comes with running a household. Dr. Sue Varma, a board-certified psychiatrist, told CBS Mornings, 'I think the number should be higher.' Researchers found mothers take on the bulk of core daily tasks 'related to family well-being' while fathers tend to tackle 'episodic tasks related to maintenance and finances,' according to the study. Varma described what she hears from mothers when working with couples. 'The woman says, 'Not only am I organizing, planning, managing, but I'm anticipating for all the things that can go wrong because guess who's going to deal with the consequences of them. I am.'' Varma said women can also experience an 'emotional overload.' "A child is often turning to the mother in most cases, assuming it's a heterosexual couple, for comfort, and the school is calling the mother when the child is sick and who's taking time off from work? So all of it comes back down to the woman often," she said. So, what can be done to lighten moms' mental load? It starts with their partners. Varma explained the mindset of mothers: 'I don't want to have to give you a list to delegate, I want you to be a part of the conversation. For example, when the school year starts, what are some of those things that have to get done on a regular basis?' To share the mental load, fathers have to acknowledge it, initiate household tasks, contribute to regular, open communication and share in planning and decision-making, CBS Mornings reported. 'So we want to make sure we check in with [mothers] and even just to say, 'What can I do to help you? Talk to me about what you're going through and how can we prevent this as a team?' That feeling of you're with me, you're on my side. So many times, women tell me, 'I don't feel like I have a partner,'' Varma said. Varma gave some advice for women when communicating with their partners about their mental load. 'If you're going to ask your partner for more help you cannot throw the kitchen sink at them.' The psychiatrist suggested women tell their partners: 'I love it when you do all these things, when you ask me how I feel, when you ask me how my day was, when get in there and you roll up your sleeves and you're doing the dishes, when you say 'you know what, I'll do the pickup today.''
