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The Citizen
05-07-2025
- General
- The Citizen
Why are we so negative? An expert answers
Why do we forget the congratulations but remember the insult? Doomscrolling is one of the ways we fill up on negativity. Picture: Keasha Werner Why is it that, while we all want to see the glass as half full, we tend to see it as half empty? Why do we forget the congratulations but remember the insult? What is it about the human condition that makes us default to the negative? Even if all humans were chocolate cupcakes, the salted caramel icing may taste more snarky than delectable at times. It's called negativity bias, and it seems to be baked into the fibre of who we are as people. 'Our brains evolved to keep us alive, not to keep us happy,' said medical doctor and psychologist Dr Jonathan Redelinghuys. 'In ancient times, noticing a rustle in the bushes could have meant a predator was nearby, ready to eat us,' he said. 'That kind of vigilance helped our ancestors survive. But now the same reaction kicks in when someone ignores your message on WhatsApp or frowns in a meeting.' It's fight or flight, expressed differently. Natural switch to negativity In a study conducted at the University of Chicago, participants were shown a series of images. Some were positive, like pizza or luxury cars. Others were neutral, such as a light switch or a dish. The rest were clearly negative, including photos of injuries and dead animals. The brain's response was much more intense to the negative images, suggesting we are primed to react to unpleasantness more strongly and more quickly. ALSO READ: Doing Niksen; the art of nothingness This also plays out in news coverage. Political communication researchers Stuart Soroka, Patrick Fournier and Lilach Nir studied audiences across 17 countries and found that people consistently paid more attention to negative news than to positive stories. Their research measured physical and emotional reactions to video news content and revealed a global pattern that human beings are simply more aroused by negativity. 'This is why doomscrolling on devices exists,' said Dr Redelinghuys. 'It's not that the world has become more terrible. It's that we are more likely to notice and believe the terrible parts of it.' Right now, people have a myriad of options to scroll to, like the Israel, Iran, Gaza conflict, Ukraine and Russia, Cash in Transit Heists in Mzansi, and thieving politicians. 'It's a feast of negativity made accessible by the internet and its platforms,' said Dr Redelinghuys. We absorb negativity easier The problem, he said, is that we don't just see the stuff, we absorb it. 'It colours the way we think, the choices we make and the way we relate to other people,' he said. 'A boss berating you at work sticks with you longer than a kind word from the same person. A failed job interview might haunt you for weeks. One strange look or word from someone else can ruin a perfectly decent day.' 'After that, you can give someone all the validation in the world, but it's the one piece of criticism they remember. That one moment becomes the headline in their thoughts. Online forums are full of people feeling challenged with this exact experience. One user on Reddit wrote, 'I know when something is objectively fine, but my emotions just won't accept it. I live in this loop of expecting things to go wrong.' Another shared, 'I've turned my life around completely, but I still only see the failures. It's like I only know how to function through negativity.' It's not easy to shut your mind up or to learn how to avoid the potholes of negative bias. 'You don't silence it completely,' said Dr Redelinghuys. 'But you can learn to notice it for what it is and stop letting it control the narrative of your life.' Mindfulness can help Mindfulness can work. A study by researchers Kiken and Shook in 2011 found that people who practised mindful breathing became more aware of positive experiences and developed more optimistic attitudes. Other tools include journaling, reframing and making a conscious effort to notice the good things when they happen. 'It's not about pretending everything is perfect,' noted Dr Redelinghuys. 'It's about giving positive moments a fair chance to land. The brain is already keeping score of everything that went wrong. Balance that out.' Cognitive restructuring is a big term, but an easier implementation. This is where you actively challenge negative thoughts, consciously, and replace them with more balanced notions. Another simple idea, Dr Redelinghuys suggested, is to linger longer in the good moments of life. 'Take a moment to fully enjoy the meal, the compliment, the peaceful evening. Let it register,' he suggested. 'You do not have to be blindly optimistic. But you can stop treating the negative as the only truth worth knowing fully.' NOW READ: Never say these 7 things on a first date
The Citizen
03-07-2025
- Lifestyle
- The Citizen
7 things people say to sound deep on Instagram
These lines can also drown your credibility because of what they imply. Coming up with deep posts seems to be quite a pastime. Picture: Keasha Werner Social media has become the go-to platform for confessions, advice, and pocket-sized philosophical musings. Instagram is often the worst of it. In between the make-up tutorials, selfies and FOMO moments everyone loves posting, it's the phrases and deep-seekers who can annoy the most. You don't have to spew shallow depth to be heard, because in the real world, you can just be yourself. Yet we all fall for it at some point. The temptation to confess to or randomly address the masses on the internet, or to mute a chat group just because someone challenges our relationship status. These are seven phrases often used online to sound deeper than the shallow end of life's pool. But the lines can also drown your credibility because of what they imply. Everything happens for a reason The big one. It's life's general placating excuse that's wheeled out whenever something goes wrong. Someone gets dumped, fired or set back somehow and this phrase, the retreat on Instagram. 'It's comforting to believe there's a grand design at work,' said psychologist Dr Jonathan Redelinghuys. 'People use it to soften the blow of disappointment. It gives a sense of order when life feels random.' One Reddit comment summed it up by posting this comment: 'Yeah, Karen, you got fired because you were always late, not because the universe has a secret plan.' I've outgrown people, and that's okay So ya, this is a post and a turn of phrase that can be compared to bubblegum spiritual growth that's lost its flavour after a few chews. It's the ultimate turn-off for anyone, despite the author trying to sound philosophical and mature 'This kind of post may mask unresolved guilt,' said Dr Redelinghuys. 'It lets people dodge accountability for ghosting friends by calling it 'personal evolution.'' ALSO READ: Quiet quitting in relationships: Are you at risk? If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. What a yawn. This is not hell hath no fury, but rather, stupidity has a theory. This, according to Dr Redelinghuys, is a phrase used by people who treat mood swings or other aspects of toxic behaviour like personality traits. 'It romanticises un-okay behaviour and a warning disguised as wisdom. This is basically telling others to brace for collision when they engage with the poster.' Your vibe attracts your tribe. You mistakenly believe that you are an influencer and erroneously affirm to yourself that group chats or comments on a post create soul connections. That is, of course, until your tribe starts asking you for favours or something goes wrong. This is not depth, it's a cliché from the pocketbook or useless phrases. It's symptomatic, said Dr Redelinghuys, of the human need for connection. 'It creates the illusion of selective belonging, even if it's just a circle of people forwarding the same motivational memes.' Don't chase, attract Posted on Instagram by the same kind of person that dispenses relationship advice despite their own love lives sucking or, for that matter, the kind of person that sits and waits for good things to come to them. Yet, the only thing that excites this kind of person is likely refreshing their socials and looking for new likes. Day made. 'This phrase makes inaction seem glamorous,' Dr Redelinghuys said. 'It's wishful thinking, dressed up as emotional maturity. Life rarely works this passively unless you played the lotto, and won'. I'm not for everyone, and that's my power. In plain English, this is a tactical translation of getting booted for being somewhat uncool or abrasive. The person who posts this turned their own emotions into an affirming manifesto that justifies why they don't need to change. An 'It's not me, it's you' kind of person, in short. Dr Redelinguys said that this is pie-in-the-sky self-empowerment. 'It's easier to claim uniqueness than confront your flaws.' Silence is the loudest response. This is the Instagram ghosting excuse of ghosters and the silent treatment after an argument. It's ignorance and pop-psychology dressed up as wisdom. ' This is about avoidance,' said Dr Redelinghuys. 'People dress up their lack of communication as wise maturity or self-awareness. In reality, it's emotional dodging.' As one Redditor cracked: 'More like, 'I ghosted them and now I'm pretending it's Zen.'' NOW READ: Reading books is the new sexy
