5 days ago
Need To Have A Difficult Conversation? Try The TACO Method
Leisse Wilcox, Future Proof Leadership Expert: Award-Winning Speaker, Bestselling Author, Executive Coach at Leisse Wilcox Consulting Inc.
Emotionally intelligent leadership isn't just a soft skill; it's a strategic advantage. Especially when it comes to conflict.
According to research from CPP (now The Myers-Briggs Company), the average employee spends 2.8 hours per week navigating workplace conflict. Over the course of a year, that adds up to nearly 17 full workdays lost per person to tension, miscommunication and avoidance.
We don't talk about it enough, but most conflict doesn't stem from the issue itself—it stems from how we handle it (or avoid handling it). And while not many people like conflict, everyone likes tacos.
That's why emotionally intelligent strategies like the TACO method are so powerful.
TACO is a simple, four-part framework I developed to help high-performing leaders and teams handle difficult conversations with calm, clarity and compassion. It's intuitive, effective and rooted in both neuroscience and the kind of real-life, high-stakes human dynamics we face every day.
T = Timing
When you have the conversation is as important as what you say. Most conflicts escalate because the conversation occurs at the wrong time—off the cuff, at an emotionally charged moment or without warning. That instantly triggers defensiveness and limits both parties' ability to stay open or grounded.
The antidote? Schedule it.
"There's something I've been thinking about, and I'd like to talk it through with you. Would Tuesday at 3 or Wednesday at 4 work better?"
This approach removes the element of surprise and invites the other person into a shared space of resolution. It creates psychological safety, lowers reactivity and sets the tone for a mutual, rather than oppositional, exchange.
A = Agenda
Clarity begins before the conversation does.
Before you speak with the other person, get clear with yourself. Write down the core issue, the observable facts (not the feelings or assumptions) and the one desired outcome you'd like to move toward. Think of this as your road map—not a script, but a grounding outline.
Being intentional about the focus of the conversation does two key things:
• It calms your nervous system by giving you a sense of direction and control.
• It helps you stay on track if emotions run high or the conversation starts to go sideways.
This is especially helpful if you tend to feel anxious in conflict. When you have a clearly defined agenda, you can keep the conversation centered and constructive, even if the other person begins to drift into tangents or blame.
C = Clear Communication
Lead with presence. Stay with purpose. Start the conversation with gratitude. Acknowledge the other person's time or contribution. This reduces perceived threat and increases emotional safety.
Then refer back to your agenda to guide the discussion:
"Thanks for making the time—I really appreciate it. I'd like to walk through a few thoughts, then hear your perspective. My goal is for us to align on a solution that works. Does that feel good to you?"
Asking for consent early on creates psychological buy-in and makes the conversation feel collaborative instead of combative. If the other person tries to derail the conversation or deflect, you can gently re-anchor:
"That's helpful context, and deserves its own conversation. Let's come back to the core issue we set out to address."
In emotionally intelligent communication, containment is more powerful than control. You're creating a safe container that holds the conversation in focus, with mutual respect and shared purpose.
O = Outcome Action
A conversation without next steps is just a vent session.
After both parties have shared their perspectives, the final piece is agreeing on a concrete outcome. What happens next? Who's doing what? And by when?
"So, we've agreed to update the process for weekly check-ins. Does it make sense to start next Monday?"
This final step transforms an emotionally taxing conversation into forward motion. It restores clarity, establishes accountability and prevents lingering resentment or confusion.
And yes, just as you started, close with gratitude. Let the other person know that you value the conversation and the effort it took to get through it.
Why Emotionally Intelligent Strategies Work
What makes the TACO method so effective is that it removes threat at every stage. It allows both people to regulate their nervous systems while staying focused on mutual outcomes.
• Timing reduces surprise and sets shared intention.
• Agenda reduces anxiety and ensures clarity.
• Clear communication fosters trust and calm.
• Outcome action builds alignment and accountability.
And perhaps most importantly, it reinforces the most emotionally intelligent truth of all: You cannot control how anyone else reacts. But you can control how you respond.
If you can stay grounded, respectful and action-oriented, you shape 50% of the tone, direction and outcome of any conversation. And more often than not, that 50% is enough to shift even the most difficult dynamic into resolution.
Conflict is inevitable and contains the potential for massive cultural growth. Using this as an emotionally intelligent strategy, resolution and growth become the norm. That's where emotionally intelligent strategies make all the difference.
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