Latest news with #MEREDITH
Boston Globe
10-07-2025
- General
- Boston Globe
Is it an office romance if it started with a BCC email?
My friend pointed out that I was BCC'd. My heart sank as I realized the email must have gone out to multiple other women at the same time. It seems like they were hedging their bets for a date. Should I still go on the date and confront them? Would I ever be able to find out who else received the email? ANONYMOUS Related : A. It's possible the person BCC'd just you . (Not likely, I'd think, but maybe.) Advertisement It's also possible that 10 people got that email. Regardless, if you want to date this former co-worker, why not follow up? You can ask them the most basic question: 'Can you tell me why I was BCC'd?' Maybe there's a good (or interesting) reason. Instead of filling in the gaps of this story, see what's what. Maybe they won't even respond, which would give you some closure. The thing is, if I were leaving an office and wanted to see who wanted to date me, I'd send separate emails to all of my crushes, just to make each one seem personal. One big BCC email seems like it would lead to unnecessary mess — and questions like yours! What's the incentive to do it this way? Advertisement Maybe this person loves emotional chaos. But you've liked them for a reason, right? Does this match what you know about them? I'm all for getting answers, to the extent you can. Ask and confront (calmly). If something sounds fishy, you can drop the whole thing. And if you don't mind chaos, you could ask around to see if anyone else got this message. But I wouldn't recommend it. It's the office, after all. MEREDITH Related : READERS RESPOND: Since you already were interested, it might be worth a reply. See how things go without getting your hopes up too much. Are you sure there's really romantic interest? Or was it just 'I'd like to stay in touch so maybe we can hang out sometime?' That might explain why he might have sent it to multiple people. LEGALLYLIZ2017 There could be many weird reasons for a BCC. Perhaps they sent the message to a personal account to retain a list of contacts. PENSUSE Dude's got game. Not very good game, but game nonetheless. BLISTERED-TOE You'll never know what the reason was if you don't ask. And what better time to ask then during your first date? You may find out your co-worker isn't too bright and thinks 'bcc' means encrypted or something. Or he (because this would definitely be a guy move) decided to shoot his shot with a few people. All that being said, did he send it from his work email or personal email? Hopefully personal because otherwise, how are you going to respond? THE-BLOG-CONSIGLIERIE Hard to give advice without clarification on the email. Did it have YOUR name in the email … like, 'hey Sue, you want to go out'? OR, did it not have your name? Advertisement BKLYNMOM Occam's Razor here. Maybe this guy just isn't very tech smart. But if you like him, why not just go on a date? EMPRESSETHEL To Whom It May Concern: I've always found you to be smart, and attractive. Now that I am leaving the organization, I would love to get to know you more and see if we have a connection outside of work. If you feel the same way, I'd love to take you to dinner at your favorite restaurant. Please acknowledge upon receipt. Sincerely, Your soon to be former colleague, in admiration. cc: me bcc: all the hotties at this dump. MAKATTACK Send your own relationship and dating questions to or Catch new episodes of wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from .
Boston Globe
22-06-2025
- General
- Boston Globe
What can be done about a partner's bad moods?
If you have a naturally sunny and upbeat disposition and your partner seems naturally withdrawn and negative toward you, is it possible to change that, or must your partner want to change? Could you initiate a change in your partner's disposition on your own without deliberately discussing this with your partner? How can this be accomplished? SUNNY Related : Advertisement A. I am not a behavioral psychologist, but I have seen the movie 'Twilight,' which is about vampires with powers. I'm going to make a real point, I swear. The premise of the vampire lore in that book/movie is that vampires have special skills based on their personalities and human talents. In one case, a vampire can read minds. In another, they can cause pain just by thinking about it. One particular vampire can calm people down — change the mood of the room. What a Of course, it doesn't last long. People are people, and they'll get right back to being stressed or scared if that's how they feel. Advertisement This is my long way of saying: I don't think you can change someone else's mood. Maybe for a few minutes at a time, but it would require a lot of tap dancing — or a vampire superpower. The person in question needs to figure out why they're sad or upset. They need to know they're upsetting others and want to make a change. Worth mentioning, if I have a vampire superpower, it's that I can absorb moods. If someone is miserable, I am too, and sometimes I think whatever's happening is my fault. I've learned that in those moments, especially at home, I can give myself space. I can take a walk. I can let go of the idea of fixing the problem and do something nice on my own. If you experience this 'default mood' a lot, it's worth having a deliberate discussion about what's happening. You don't want to get to a place where you're afraid to talk about important things. You and your partner should be working on this together. If they refuse, please consider what keeps you around. MEREDITH Related : READERS RESPOND: Did Winnie the Pooh try to change Eeyore's personality into one similar to Tigger, LW? Or did he accept him as he was? AULDYIN No, you cannot change people's personalities. But more to the point, you should not be in a relationship with someone who is negative toward you all the time. ASH First, suggest they get screened for depression. If they refuse repeatedly, you may have to ask them if there is something particular that is bothering them about the relationship. If so, try hard to fix it if you can. But if they can't tell you anything fixable, or they respond with cruel or impossible suggestions, you may have to break up. If depression is ruled out or successfully treated, ask them to be honest if there is any way to fix the relationship … not them as a person, per say. Sometimes people are a temperamental mismatch. One person's 'negative personality' is another's 'clever, cynical snark,' which some people seem to like. Advertisement LITTLEPENGUIN456 I was married to someone whose default was being depressed. It was a medical condition and he was taking medication and going to counseling but it didn't seem that helpful. As someone who is generally positive, I felt like it dragged me down too. We eventually got divorced for many reasons. I don't think you can change another person just because you are more positive. You can do things that will make them happy for a while, but I think a discussion is necessary. Maybe they don't even think they are being negative. They also have to want to change. LEGALLYLIZ Send your own relationship and dating questions to or Catch new episodes of wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from .
Boston Globe
19-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Boston Globe
Maybe AI can help you date – with apps and in real life
SWIPED OUT Related : A. I've been thinking about artificial intelligence a lot, mainly because of some survey results I've been sitting with. Match and the Advertisement Many of us freak out and think, 'Oh no! People are getting robot boyfriends and won't be able to relate to humans anymore.' But a lot of what AI is used for is practice , it seems. They ask AI to help them with a response to a dating profile question. They ask how some might interpret tone. They dabble in conversation. As we know, AI is not always on the mark, but it's a way to test a thought. It also comes up with some fairly good ideas for date activities. I have no problem with the ethics of using AI for this, within reason. It's great for people who might want to try a few one-liners after matching with someone online. Advertisement I suspect it also helps prepare you for in-person interaction. If you're more confident in your responses in writing, it starts to cross over. The other thing to know about in-person charm: Most people are a mess at it. I suspect that those who seem smooth are actually spinning in circles on the inside. Please take a deep breath and know you're not alone. Or say what you feel. We hosted a 'Materialists' movie screening the other night, and at some point before the event I felt socially weird and stood outside. A person with a ticket came up to me and said hello, and I think I said, 'Sorry I'm standing outside; I am socially overwhelmed because I worked from home all day, and now I'm little weirdo.' They were like, 'Same.' So there you go. Most people are second-guessing themselves and thinking 'same.' Except for the AI. The AI is quite confident. Related : MEREDITH READERS RESPOND: Realize that most people are socially uncertain and also just making it up as they go along. The notion that everyone is a social star except for us is a common misperception. Then practice. Conversational skills can be learned. Read, see movies, chat with strangers, make comments to people, seem friendly, and soon it will become much more comfortable. WIZEN Shy or not, you still have to make decisions. Maybe dating apps aren't for you. But if you want to meet people, you'll have to get out there somehow. It seems obvious, but what are your hobbies/interests? Explore those in a low-pressure environment where the emphasis isn't on dating or hooking up. Advertisement EMPRESSETHEL Not to oversimplify, but if you need time to get to know someone then you will be best served in environments that support that. Volunteer, join groups; anything else that allows you to have time with someone will better serve you. SUNALSORISES No one is 'impossibly shy.' Just shy. Get it in your mind that you don't need to blow someone away with the initial 30 seconds. Eye contact, a gentle smile, and 'hello' is all that's required. JIM501 If you don't like what's going on online, don't use it. Some sites offer more of a matching/screening process thru, e.g., questionnaires or are smaller communities built around a mutual interest. They may charge a fee. But dating sites are just one of the many ways to meet people. Consider: Do you even want to date? The reality is it is challenging at times. Maybe just making friends first is better for you. JIVADIVA Send your own relationship and dating questions to or Catch new episodes of wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from .
Boston Globe
15-06-2025
- General
- Boston Globe
‘I have thousands of likes, but I do not like them'
I'm close to 50. I was married half my life and now it's been almost six years since I've heard 'I love you.' It's so easy to find men these days — it's so easy to find women these days — but where are the right people? I consider myself beautiful, sexy, intelligent, and very fit. I have a wonderful job. But the question is: What do I do as a single person to find love? Advertisement I have asked this question for many years, and many people answer that the best love that you have is love for yourself. I agree — because I find myself calm, at peace — but I want more than that. I have gotten into all the apps. I have thousands of likes, but I do not like them, nor do I believe that I can find love through this medium, in which people can look at me — and 200 others. It's not only me, but all my friends who are beautiful and successful and can't find love. A ROMANTIC WOMAN A. Find a new way to understand the apps. If you rule them out, you're ruining your odds, a bit. Advertisement I know apps might feel cold and unromantic — all of the faces passing by, all of the swiping. But isn't the process just a virtual version of walking down the street and noticing who stops you in your tracks? When you're at a party, you might see 50 people, decide you think one of them is cute, and talk to them. Isn't an app the same thing? Sure, the other person on the app might have swiped right on 25 people in a row, but that's life. You can't decide how you feel about someone until you get past that first contact, into conversation. That's when it gets interesting. That's when the romance takes over (or doesn't). It seems you want some magic soul mate to fall into your lap in a way that feels serendipitous. But that's not how it works. If quantity is your issue, sign up for an app that only offers a few choices a day. I think that's the philosophy of Coffee Meets Bagel — that it's better to have a small list of options because it gives you more time to consider the people you see. Also try widening the geography of your dating searches. Sometimes the right person is 15 miles outside of your current boundaries, but very much worth a drive. MEREDITH READERS RESPOND: I think this woman is struggling because she can't get personality from a picture or chemistry from a profile. I have had boyfriends that I had no interest in at all when I first met them. It's the personality that draws you in and you need to be around a person to discover that. Sometimes it takes longer than two dates. Advertisement SAYSWHO You may not have meant this, but your letter gives the impression that you think you're better than the people you see on the apps. Making yourself vulnerable is hard because you can be hurt, but there's no workaround that doesn't involve remaining single. TERMINATER5 Dear Meredith, I am trying to build a bookcase. I have all the wood and nails, but I just can't find the right tool to put it all together. Everyone tells me I need to use a hammer, but I don't believe that will work for me. What else can I try? WIZEN The apps suck until they don't; I was about to swear them off and then found the man who ended up being my husband. It's a way to sift through guys in your area and you hope you can make a connection with one that can go into the real world. Go into the apps with a different attitude about it then you have now, and, yes, there probably will be a lot of duds, but someone may surprise you. Otherwise, whatever activities you like to do, look for people there, because you already may have something in common with them to start, because I assume for you the 'right' people may have similar interests to you. THEGOODPLACE20 Send your own relationship and dating questions to or Catch new episodes of wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from . Advertisement
Boston Globe
12-06-2025
- General
- Boston Globe
My friend is dating someone twice her age
What's worse is that I've started having unkind, even judgmental thoughts when she shares their relationship problems. I feel guilty because I love her and genuinely want what's best for her — but it's hard to separate my protective instincts from my personal bias. I'm struggling to support her while managing my own discomfort and opinions. How can I be a good friend in this situation, without compromising my values or damaging our bond? Advertisement WORRIED A. I wonder if it might help to try honesty. You could say, 'I need to disclose that when I learned of the age difference, I got worried. I didn't know how to handle that. But I trust that you know yourself, and I'm thrilled when you're happy. I just wanted to make that clear because I might ask a few extra questions sometimes. My motives are good, I swear. It's your happiness I care about.' Advertisement That's a bit of a soupy word mess, but you get my point. It's the tone that matters. Please don't tell her you want 'what's best for her.' That makes you sound like a parent who knows her predetermined path. What's best for her might be dating a guy in his mid-40s until she gets sick of listening to Pearl Jam in the car and decides to be single again. Related : You say she talks about her relationship problems. That's a good time to ask very open-ended questions, even about the happy stuff. 'What have you been enjoying about the relationship?' 'What has changed since you've started dating?' Try those to kick things off. Most of the time, just listen. That's what friends do. Hopefully she's asking you about your life, too. If not, that might be part of the problem here. MEREDITH Related : READERS RESPOND: Your protective instincts are great — they're just misplaced. Not only is it not possible for you to protect her, it's not your responsibility. She's an adult and will make her own decisions. Concentrate your efforts on protecting your friendship and respecting each other's boundaries. EACB A thing that really bugs me about the 'discourse' these days is treating full grown women like children when it comes to dating someone older or with more money or whatever. They are two adults. Mind your own business. STRIPEY-CAT If your friend is happy, leave her be and support her. Try to leave the age difference out of the equation if she comes to you with problems and just listen. Only she knows what is best for her at this point in her life. Advertisement PENSEUSE So, my ex is dating someone half his age. While I will admit that there is a cliche, ick element to his girlfriend being the same age as our child, it's none of my business. I don't think your reaction is totally abnormal — note the TOMATO21 Send your own relationship and dating questions to or Catch new episodes of wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from .
