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Yahoo
13-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
The Rudest Things You Can Do In Someone Else's House
The isolation of the pandemic gave many of us a newfound appreciation for simple forms of socialization, like getting together at a friend's home. Although we might be more freely attending house parties, potluck dinners and casual living room gatherings to watch sports on the couch, that doesn't give people free rein to behave however they'd like in someone else's space. We asked etiquette experts to share some common rude behaviors when visiting someone else's home ― and advice for avoiding them. 'When someone says 'Make yourself at home,' they usually do not mean this literally,' said Jodi R.R. Smith, president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. 'You should keep your feet off the furniture, and unless this is a close friend, you should not be opening the fridge without being asked to do so.' Wait for the host to give you the go-ahead to touch or interact with things you see. Until that happens, quickly ask for permission if something strikes your fancy. 'Ask before touching an object or removing a book from a shelf,' advised Nick Leighton, an etiquette expert, and co-host of the 'Were You Raised by Wolves?' podcast. 'Don't demand a tour of someone's home,' Leighton urged. 'Wait to be invited by your host.' Many people are happy to lead a little tour of their space when they invite people over, but that isn't true of everyone at all times. And if your host doesn't offer a tour, don't take it upon yourself to give yourself one, either. 'Don't take a tour of the house unless you are encouraged by the host to 'wander' around,' said Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert, author of 'Modern Etiquette for a Better Life' and founder of The Protocol School of Texas. 'Know when it's time to leave,' urged Leighton. 'The number one complaint we hear from hosts is about guests who overstay their welcome.' You might still be enjoying your nightcap or get the sense everyone is having a great time chatting. But pay attention to the hosts' body language and suggest that those who want to continue hanging out relocate elsewhere. 'If your hosts have changed into their pajamas, that's probably a good sign that it's time to go,' Leighton added. Unfortunately, things happen when you're in another person's home. You might accidentally spill red wine on the carpet or knock over a lamp. Don't ignore or try to hide it. 'If you break something, or even just finish the roll of toilet paper, it is best to let your host know as quickly and quietly as possible,' Smith said. 'Refrain from peeking in cabinets and cupboards,' Smith advised. Of course, it's natural to be a little curious, and we've seen this exact behavior in countless movies. But resist the urge to look inside the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. 'Beware that some hosts put glass marbles in their medicine cabinets to catch snoopers in the act,' Leighton said. 'The marbles will ping around the bathroom and make a lot of noise for your host and all other guests to hear.' 'Never show up with an unexpected plus one,' Gottsman said. Sure, you might know the host loves hanging out with your cousin, or you think everyone will enjoy meeting the new guy you're seeing. But that doesn't mean you can extend an invitation without getting the go-ahead. Unless you were explicitly told that you may bring a plus-one (or plus-five), always ask before bringing anyone else into someone's home. Even if it's a casual gathering, shoot the host a quick text to make sure. 'If you have been invited for a meal, any dietary restrictions should be shared well in advance, not when you sit down at the table,' Smith noted. Don't just expect the meal to be vegan-friendly or not contain any of your allergens. Tell the host as soon as possible about any limitations you may have (and stick to actual limitations, not preferences). Regarding dietary restrictions, it's important to remember that the host's pets may have some, so don't share your food. 'Don't feed the host's dog under the table unless you ask your host first,' Gottsman said. 'The dog may have an allergy or be on a special diet.' 'Shoes on or off tends to be very individual specific,' Smith noted. 'Listen to what your host prefers.' It's understandable why many people prefer not to track the dirt and germs of the outside world into their homes when possible. 'Be prepared to remove your shoes if asked,' Leighton said. 'Throw a pair of socks or slippers in your bag if you don't like being barefoot and think you might be heading to a no-shoe household.' Smith also believes hosts should be prepared for their ask. 'Hosts that want shoes left at the door should also have slippers or socks for the guests,' she said. 'Hosts will also need to understand if the guest declines. Fashionistas prefer to keep their shoes on as part of their ensemble.' 'Don't switch place cards at the dinner table,' Gottsman advised. People put time and effort into hosting events like dinner parties, so respect what they put together and don't try to interfere or make changes. 'As a guest, you should arrive with a small gift for the host,' Smith said. However, there's no need to be too extravagant or overthink the host's gift. Pick up a nice bottle of wine or a bouquet of flowers. It's the thought that counts. 10 Of The Rudest Things You Can Do At The Grocery Store The Rudest Things You Can Do On A Group Trip The Rudest Things You Can Do At The Beach
Yahoo
13-05-2025
- General
- Yahoo
15 Outdated Etiquette Rules We Can Let Go Of Today
These days, many aspects of traditional etiquette feel outdated. From rigid dress codes to time-consuming formalities, many old rules no longer fit with our modern lives and resources. 'In some of the antique etiquette books in my collection, there are some doozies that would be laughable in today's world,' Jodi R.R. Smith, the president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting, told HuffPost. 'I am very fond of saying, 'Etiquette evolves to reflect the time, space and culture of where it is being applied.' Yet the underlying concepts of kindness, grace, consideration, savvy and confidence still apply.' She believes etiquette is like British law in many ways ― finding its foundation in precedent while continually moving forward. 'When we consider the true meaning of etiquette at its core, which is awareness and consideration for others, that has not evolved,' said Mariah Grumet Humbert, the founder of Old Soul Etiquette. 'However, etiquette guidelines for various social and professional situations have kept up well with the evolution of our world and society.' Years ago, there was no such thing as social media or email etiquette, she added. But now, we have to consider many new norms and factors to ensure we're socially aware and emotionally intelligent online. Furthermore, many etiquette protocols are based in antiquated norms that most today recognize as sexist and heteronormative. As our society becomes more inclusive of cultural differences, we are also moving in a direction where highly specific rules have less of a place. 'Contrary to popular belief, etiquette is not an immovable, inviolable set of expectations forged in bronze but rather societal guidelines that are designed to evolve as the culture changes,' said Thomas Farley, aka Mister Manners. Of course, that doesn't mean we throw all traditional etiquette out the window, but there are certain formalities and practices that no longer serve a meaningful purpose. Below, experts break down 15 outdated etiquette rules they believe we can bid farewell to. 'In the past, it may have been considered polite to attend every event that you were invited to, and if you were not able to attend, many would feel an obligation to provide a 'reasonable' excuse,' Humbert said. 'It is not poor etiquette to turn down an invitation as long as you do so in a timely manner.' Ensure you decline politely, and well before the RSVP deadline if possible. 'There was a time when it was forbidden for elbows to be on the table before, after or while dining,' said Jackie Vernon-Thompson, the founder of From the Inside-Out School of Etiquette. 'Frankly, at no times were elbows permitted on the table.' These days, the rules have evolved to become a bit looser. 'Despite what you may have heard, you can actually put your elbows on the table between courses,' said Nick Leighton, an etiquette expert and co-host of the 'Were You Raised by Wolves?' podcast. 'But elbows on the table while you're actually eating is still frowned upon.' In fact, there are benefits to having your elbows on the table at the appropriate time. 'After the table has been cleared and everyone is enjoying conversation, it is acceptable to put your elbows on the table at that point,' Humbert said. 'It could actually help you communicate interest and engagement through your body language and help you maintain good posture.' As we are no longer in the era of horse-drawn carriages, and it is no longer the true mark of a gentleman to walk between the street and one's female companion. 'Having originated as a tradition when women's dresses grazed the ground and passing carriages commonly splattered everything from standing water to horse droppings up onto the sidewalk, this tradition has largely vanished,' Farley said. 'Further, if a woman is wearing heels, she may in fact prefer to walk on the street side of the sidewalk rather than the inside, as it removes the possibility of a heel getting stuck in a sidewalk grate, which tend to be closer to the middle of the sidewalk than the street side.' Basically, regardless of the gender makeup of two people walking, there's no strict rule on preferred placement. 'Feel free to wear white after Labor Day!' Leighton exclaimed. Indeed, this is another mandate from a bygone era when wealthy individuals who could take summer holidays away from the city apparently distinguished themselves from their working-class urban counterparts through their attire. 'This rule emerged from upper-class fashion norms, where white was associated with summer leisure,' said Tami Claytor, the etiquette coach behind Always Appropriate Image and Etiquette Consulting. 'Today, this restriction is outdated. White can be worn year-round, especially with heavier fabrics and winter styles.' 'While many people were raised with the mentality of 'if you are not early, you are late,' this does not apply to social events,' Humbert said. 'It is best to arrive on time or within 10-15 minutes of the start time out of respect for your host.' We have much more power over how long it takes to get from point A to point B these days, so be considerate of people's set-up time. 'While I certainly love a hand-written thank you note on paper and sent through the mail, it's not always strictly required,' Leighton said. 'A text or email can certainly do the trick sometimes, especially for more casual things or when speed is of the essence. The key is to just express gratitude, so given the choice between sending a voice memo or doing nothing at all, I'd certainly take the voice memo.' Of course, a handwritten thank-you note is still a lovely gesture for formal occasions like a wedding, but expectations have shifted around things like casual birthday parties. 'It is no longer required for every act of kindness,' Claytor said. 'Among younger generations, it is now socially acceptable to send a thank-you note via email or text, especially for informal gestures or among close acquaintances.' 'In the past, this may have been seen as polite towards your host or the person who prepared the meal to finish your entire plate,' Humbert said. 'Today, no one should feel obligated to eat more than they desire. They can compliment the host or chef without feeling the need to finish every bite.' Nobody wants you to overstuff yourself and go home feeling ill. Intuitive eating is much more the norm these days anyway. You may have noticed that the way to address the married recipients of wedding invitations and other more formal mail has shifted. Many spouses have different surnames, and even those who have chosen to take the same name don't expect to only see one of their first names on an envelope. 'Another outdated rule is addressing an envelope to a husband and wife by 'Mr. and Mrs. Husband's First Name + Couple's Last Name' ― for example, 'Mr. And Mrs. James Schuster,'' Farley said. 'Although this is still common practice and regularly used as a format for wedding invitations in particular, ghosting the woman's name entirely is increasingly giving way to 'First Name and First Name Last Name,' with no set preference on which name appears first ― so 'Jane and James Schuster' or 'James and Jane Schuster.'' 'There was a time when regardless of the building the gentleman entered, he removed his hat,' Vernon-Thompson said. 'However, modern etiquette calls for the man to remove his hat depending on where he is. Our culture seems to be a bit more lenient with that protocol.' Indeed, these days wearing a hat indoors is much more acceptable (regardless of gender), though etiquette still dictates removing one's hat in a religious setting or during the national anthem. 'You will notice as you interact with couples, the lady doesn't necessarily wait to be introduced,' Vernon-Thompson said. 'In these modern days, there is no rule [about] who introduces themselves first. With that said, tradition still plays a role.' Similarly, the rule that a man must wait for a woman to initiate a handshake is no longer relevant. 'Everyone should feel empowered to initiate a greeting and/or handshake regardless of gender,' Humbert said. Farley believes another outdated piece of etiquette is 'answering a phone by announcing one's name rather than acknowledging the identity of the person calling when the name of that individual is known thanks to caller ID and the individual is a known acquaintance of the call recipient.' You do not need to state your name whenever you pick up a call. Farley emphasized that you can just say 'Hi, Maggie. How are you?' rather than 'John Smith here.' In addition to being a heteronormative rule, the tradition of the man paying for both himself and his female date is just generally outdated. 'Today, the person who initiated the date is responsible for planning the date as well as covering the bill,' Humbert said. 'While dark colors are still standard at Western funerals, strict adherence to black-only attire is no longer expected,' Claytor said. 'Subdued tones like navy, gray, and muted hues are considered respectful and appropriate.' The rules around mourning attire vary across different cultures as well, so do your research before attending a funeral. For instance, Claytor noted that in Hindu cultures, white is the traditional color choice. Smith pointed to a time in the past when people were expected to submit certain letters around life events. 'We no longer need a letter of introduction when moving to a new city to be allowed to visit with others or join organizations, both religious or social,' she said, adding that we're also thankfully long past the era where women were expected to submit letters of resignation from their jobs in advance of marriage or the birth of a child. 'This rule evolved out of necessity. In the 17th and 18th centuries, women wore dresses with large hoop skirts, and because the skirts were so cumbersome, they needed assistance with chairs,' Claytor said. With today's fashion styles, that practice is no longer necessary in most cases. 'While a nice show of chivalry, it is not an unforgivable breach of etiquette to not help a lady with her chair,' Claytor added. 12 Ways You Might Be Rude At A Wedding And Not Realize It The Rudest Things You Can Do While Parking Who Is Supposed To Host A Baby Shower?
NZ Herald
28-04-2025
- NZ Herald
Airline etiquette: Should you keep shoes on during flights?
Foot skirmishes are becoming a regular problem on planes. Most of them are low-level, resulting in a complaint to the airline. But sometimes, people go too far when they remove their footwear. Back in 2018, Spirit Airlines diverted a New York-Fort Lauderdale flight to Myrtle Beach after the odour of smelly feet developed in part of the aircraft. They even had to call a hazmat team, which failed to find the source of the smell. Should you leave your shoes on when you fly? Passengers have been debating whether it's acceptable to remove shoes on aeroplanes. Some argue it's a matter of personal comfort, while others cite hygiene and safety concerns. But there's some agreement on the question of whether to remove your shoes on shorter flights. 'It's a non-issue,' says Jodi R.R. Smith, an etiquette expert with Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. 'On short flights, you should keep your footwear on for the entire flight.' For longer flights – anything over four hours – it's okay to take off your shoes, especially if you're trying to sleep. 'But only if your feet have zero odour,' she says. But one group of passengers should never remove their shoes, says Rosalinda Oropeza Randall, an etiquette expert. 'If you are seated in the emergency exit row, your shoes should always be on,' she says. 'You have elected to take on the responsibility of calmly and expeditiously being ready to assist. There's no time for a shoe search, untying the shoelace knot, and putting them on.' Also, always, always keep your socks on. And if you need to use the bathroom, put your shoes back on. Because that's not necessarily water on the floor of the lavatory. But you already knew that. So, bottom line: keep your shoes on if you can. But if you can't, then keep your socks on. Absolutely no bare feet on the plane! What if you have foot odour? So let's say you're on a plane on a marathon flight. The guy next to you steps out of his sneakers, releasing noxious gases strong enough to choke you. How do you know if, you know, it's you? 'You know your feet and you know if they smell,' says etiquette expert Nick Leighton, who co-hosts the weekly podcast Were You Raised By Wolves? If you have a foot odour problem, or think you might have a foot odour problem, you'll want to keep your footwear on at all times or find a way of neutralising the smell, for the sake of other passengers. Advertisement Advertise with NZME. Susan Sherren, who runs the travel agency Couture Trips, says the recent confrontations are no surprise to her. Airlines just don't give passengers enough guidance on footwear etiquette. 'These days, people need more specific instructions on how to behave,' she says. 'We are guests aboard these flights. With specific rules of engagement spelled out, we all could have more enjoyable and civilised flights.' Or at least, a better-smelling one. What to do with a passenger whose feet smell Confrontations between passengers who violate the unspoken rules of footwear and those who are having trouble breathing are never, ever easy. I've been stuck sitting next to a passenger whose foot odour was strong enough to summon a hazmat team. It was an attractive young woman whose shoes smelled like rotten eggs. 'A brief, polite question, such as, 'Can you please move your shoes?' Or, 'Would you mind putting your shoes back on?', might be all you need,' says Clara Burke, who teaches business management communication at Carnegie Mellon University's Tepper School of Business 'Focus on the outcome you want: getting their shoes back on.' But I did what most polite airline passengers did; I quietly endured the trip. But I shouldn't have, according to etiquette experts. 'I would contact the flight attendant to handle it,' says Rachel Wagner, an etiquette trainer. What would a flight attendant do? Your cabin crew has been trained to handle situations like this. They can calmly request that the passenger put the offending footwear back on, putting a cork on the smell, at least until the plane lands. That usually works, although in Gautam's case, it did not. You'll recall that he was on a marathon flight to Japan when his seatmate dropped his shoes next to him and then moved seats. Gautam asked the flight attendant for help, but for some inexplicable reason, the airline employee refused, saying the customer was a 'regular' with the airline and that it was okay. Only, it wasn't okay. 'I avoid flying on the airline now,' he says. Good call. Look for more shoe confrontations this year With the northern hemisphere summer travel season coming up, and many Kiwis flying long-haul to Europe to escape the NZ winter, it wouldn't surprise me to see more fights over footwear breaking out in midair. I'll try to remember the advice of the etiquette professionals – keep my shoes on, especially when I'm using the bathroom. Take them off only if it's safe (and by safe, I mean it doesn't affect the cabin air quality). But maybe a solution is up to the airlines. Instead of blanket bans on bare feet, perhaps it's time to tell us what is – and isn't – allowed when we're flying. Isn't that what in-flight announcements are for? Christopher Elliott is an author, consumer advocate, and journalist. He founded Elliott Advocacy, a nonprofit organisation that helps solve consumer problems. He publishes Elliott Confidential, a travel newsletter, and the Elliott Report, a news site about customer service.
Buzz Feed
06-04-2025
- Buzz Feed
Etiquette Experts Are Literally Begging You To Avoid These Super Rude Habits When Boarding A Plane
Air travel can be stressful, but that doesn't give you license to be rude and disrespectful at the airport or on the plane. One particular area where manners seem to go out the window is the boarding process. 'When preparing to board the plane, being mindful of your fellow passengers is crucial,' Jackie Vernon-Thompson, the founder of From the Inside-Out School of Etiquette, told HuffPost. 'It always helps boarding to run smoothly.' To help make the process more pleasant and efficient, HuffPost asked Vernon-Thompson and other etiquette experts to share the most common faux pas at this stage in the travel journey ― as well as their advice for avoiding these missteps. Crowding The Boarding Gate 'Don't be gate lice!' said Jodi R.R. Smith, the president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. 'These are the people who crowd around the gate at the first pre-boarding announcement. Please look at your boarding documentation, see if you have a boarding group, then wait until your group is called.' Patience goes a long way amid the stress of air travel. Just breathe, step back from the boarding line, and wait patiently for your turn. 'It is most annoying when you are to board the plane and passengers congregate at the entrance, and you must tiptoe through and consistently say, 'Excuse me, excuse me,'' Vernon-Thompson said. 'Give way. It is not your turn. Respect those who were called to board. That is only proper etiquette.' 'Airlines have established a situation where boarding airplanes is increasingly stressful,' Smith said. 'Charging for checked luggage and then telling full-flight passengers there will not be enough overhead space creates scarcity and increases anxiety.' Many people opt to fly with just a carry-on suitcase that goes in the overhead bin to avoid needing to arrive at the airport earlier and lug around a massive, heavy bag. Plus, traveling light is better for the environment as heavier luggage necessitates more fuel and thus increases your carbon footprint. But that can lead to greater competition for bin space, too. 'Now you have a situation where passengers feel they must be on the plane ASAP, otherwise there will not be enough space for their belongings,' Smith said. 'Let's face it, no one wants to spend longer on the plane, but people want to board first to make sure there is still room in the overheads.' That doesn't mean it's OK to skip ahead and get on board before your designated time, however. 'It should go without saying, but don't try to sneak on the plane before your group is called,' said Nick Leighton, an etiquette expert and host of the Were You Raised by Wolves? podcast. Being Unprepared To Board 'When boarding the plane, have your boarding pass out and ready to scan once you reach the entrance,' Vernon-Thompson said. 'Be prepared for every checkpoint in an airport.' Ensuring your documents are ready and familiarizing yourself with your seat on the plane helps make the boarding process more efficient for everyone. 'Be ready to store your carry-on and step out of the aisle where your seat is located,' said Diane Gottsman, the author of Modern Etiquette for a Better Life and founder of The Protocol School of Texas. 'Allow people to continue to pass quickly.' Pushing Past People 'Don't push on the jetway,' Smith said. 'There will be waiting as those who are on the plane find their seats and settle.' Avoid trying to push past people in the narrow plane aisle, too. Accept that waiting is inevitable, and just do your part to stow your belongings and take your seat as efficiently as you can when your turn comes. 'Don't pass someone putting their bag in the overhead,' Smith advised. 'It may be tempting to scooch by, but those aisles are very tight; just wait a moment.' Blocking Walkways 'Once you board the plane, as quickly as possible, get to your seat. If you must place your carry-on in the overhead space, do so efficiently, then sit,' Vernon-Thompson said. 'Do not block the aisle longer than necessary. Be mindful of the line behind you.' In addition to quickly stepping out of the aisle on the plane, you should remember to give clearance to passengers deplaning as you wait to board. 'Don't block the walkways. Having a solid wall of standing people, wheelchairs, carriages, and roller bags makes it difficult for those who landed and are trying to leave the gate,' Smith said. 'I deplaned last night, and those waiting to board were all standing and crowding the gate, slowing the exit and leaving only a small space for those leaving the plane to squeeze through.' 'The overhead bin above your seat does not belong to you,' Leighton said. 'Sharing is caring.' As airline policies note, you are entitled to place a small carry-on bag that fits within size limits in the overhead bin. However, your smaller purse or other bag must go under the seat in front of you. Don't take up more than your fair share of bin space. If you prefer having more leg space, opt to check a bag instead. Stopping To Chat 'Don't stop and talk to your friends or people you might recognize. It holds up the line,' Gottsman noted. Of course, it's exciting when you run into someone you haven't seen in a long time while traveling. But don't block people from boarding with your catch-up. And be mindful of noise with any conversations you have during the boarding process. 'Do not shout to the back or front to get the attention of a friend or relative,' Vernon-Thompson said. 'When the time allows, simply walk to them to briefly converse and return to your seat.' Sitting In The Wrong Seat 'Familiarize yourself with your seat number,' Gottsman advised. 'If you accidentally sit in someone else's seat, of course, apologize, but have your boarding pass ready to confirm whether it is your seat or someone else's.' Mistakes happen, but try to take a moment to double-check you have the right seat before sitting. And don't intentionally plop down in another seat, either. 'Never take someone else's assigned seat without permission,' Leighton said. If there's a reason you might want to swap with a fellow passenger, wait until they've boarded and then politely ask if they might be open to switching. Respect their answer, whatever it is. Hitting People With Your Bag 'Watch your roller bags!' Smith warned. 'Wheeled luggage can have a mind of its own on the declined surface.' In addition to holding on to your bag's handle as you board, you always want to be careful as you lift it up into the overhead bin. You don't want to accidentally hit someone's head. And if you see someone struggling to lift their bag and potentially posing a danger to those around them, offer to help. Being On Your Phone 'Trying to juggle your carry-on, a tote, and hold your phone can be distracting and cause a delay when you are not ready to store your carry-on in the bin above your seat and scoot in quickly,' Gottsman said. 'Get off your phone.' Once you're seated, feel free to text and scroll away. You can even have a quiet phone call ― emphasis on the quiet. But if it's going to slow down the boarding process, put your screens away until you reach your spot. Don't lean your seat back the minute you sit down. This makes it harder for the people in the row behind you to board and get settled. 'Once you are seated, do not immediately recline your seat for comfort,' Vernon-Thompson said. 'Proper protocol is to refrain from reclining your seat until the pilot has given permission. Refrain from standing and leaning forward into the seat in front of you as well. Focus on your responsibility to sit down and fasten your seatbelt. You can get more comfortable in the air. 'Give the passenger in front of you their personal space,' Vernon-Thompson said. 'Trust me, the plane will not take off with you standing. Respect personal space.' Don't bother a flight attendant during this time unless you need assistance with some aspect of boarding. Their job in this moment is to keep the process smooth and safe. Even if you're in business class, let them follow their procedure. 'Wait until everyone has been seated before asking for a cocktail,' Gottsman said. Being Unkind To Others Flying can be stressful, and snags do arise. But try to navigate these situations with calmness and understanding as much as possible. 'Be mindful of the words you use and your tone,' Vernon-Thompson said. 'Do not express frustration in an obnoxious manner. Be patient, and do not express your concerns with profanity. Seek to use appropriate words to express your thoughts in a respectful manner.' Recognize the difference your positive attitude can make as well. 'Smile and say hello to the flight attendant. Start your trip off on the right foot with a pleasant demeanor,' Gottsman said. 'Be patient with families with young children and babies. It's a stressful situation, and a smile and an understanding look goes a long way in making a nervous parent feel comfortable and understood.' HuffPost.
