6 days ago
- Entertainment
- New York Times
Escaping the Cycle of Perfectionism
Mollie Candib, a therapist in New York City, was seeing a client who was under enormous stress. He was an actor who went out for auditions, but the process made him more than a little anxious, she said; it paralyzed him with fear.
Even if he achieved perfection, he couldn't control how others viewed him, Ms. Candib said. So she gave him a book, 'How to Be an Imperfectionist,' by Stephen Guise, hoping it would give him some perspective. 'I wanted to help him release the stress,' she said, 'so he could put his best foot forward.'
Many of us 'think that perfectionism is here to help us,' Ms. Candib said. If we never make a mistake, we can save ourselves from scrutiny and ridicule. But striving to be perfect doesn't necessarily protect us; it can take a toll on our well-being. Researchers have linked it to chronic stress and insomnia.
Books can be a useful way to start examining our need to do everything right. We spoke to therapists and researchers to find the best books for identifying perfectionist patterns — and beginning to loosen their grip.
'When Perfect Isn't Good Enough' by Martin M. Anthony and Dr. Richard P. Swinson
This book, first published in 1998, is packed with strategies to help perfectionists cope with less-than-perfect circumstances. Ms. Candib says she appreciates the book's insightful questions that prompt the reader to visualize life beyond perfection. They're encouraged to explore what might change 'if fear were not in the driver's seat,' she said.
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