05-07-2025
The Hard and Hopeful Realities of Dementia
To the Editor:
Re 'A Less Bleak Story About Dementia Is Emerging,' by Lynn Casteel Harper (Opinion guest essay, June 18):
I was raised in the shadow of dementia, with many in the family developing the disease. For years Mom warned us to 'walk away' when her time came. When I became her very unwilling caregiver, I saw only loss, not the person, heard only confusion, not the thought. My life as her care partner was a journey of discovery, from dread to acceptance to joy. It is the most rewarding thing I have ever done.
We are on the cusp of a changing narrative about Alzheimer's disease and related dementias, from despair to hope — a recognition that those who live with dementia are valuable people with gifts to give and lives to live. They and their families and care partners need and deserve our support to thrive and live with happiness.
Marilyn RaichleSeattleThe writer is the executive director of Maude's Awards for Innovation in Alzheimer's Care and the author of 'Don't Walk Away: A Care Partner's Journey.'
To the Editor:
This guest essay makes sense if you factor in that the author is a Baptist minister and a chaplain. However, apart from a select few, most people do not have the time or the energy to seek out the 'glorious' opportunities that one writer she quotes associates with dementia.
Yes, in an ideal world, it would be nice to find some 'magic and beauty' in a relative who is mostly angry, miserable and out of touch with reality, who is unable to make any decisions or to take care of himself or herself. But for those of us already in our own senior years, taking care of an elderly parent with dementia is simply one more responsibility.
Rather than hint at fault in people who are trying desperately to deal with the consequences of a loved one's decline, the author should acknowledge that this is not a beautiful moment for the majority of us. For her to focus on the exceptions is unfair.
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