Latest news with #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder
Yahoo
a day ago
- General
- Yahoo
6 Signs You Were Raised By A Narcissist
To outsiders, your dad is a larger-than-life social magnet who attracts people from all walks of life. Or your mom is the perfect woman, always looking to please and juggling everything with ease. But behind closed doors, all pretense falls away. Only you, their child, knows what it's like to endure their cold shoulders for days on end over a minor infraction, or bear the brunt of constant, age-inappropriate demands for perfection and strength. You know what it's like to be parented by a narcissist. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is one of 10 personality disorders described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, an authoritative psychiatric guide. Narcissists tend to have an inflated sense of self-worth and base their identity on the praise and approval of others. Their intimate relationships are superficial and focused mostly on how other people reflect on them, with little to no empathy for the other person's experience. They genuinely believe that they're better than other people, but they are also prone to feeling intense shame over critiques they receive or mistakes they make. Researchers estimate that less than one percent of the general population has evidence of 'full-blown' NPD, but anywhere from two to 16 percent of people who seek therapy have the disorder. That's usually because the loved ones in their lives have demanded they seek help or risk losing their relationship, career or other life privileges, explains therapist Wendy Behary, founder of The Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and author of the book Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed. But children of narcissists are rarely in a position to demand that their parents seek help. In fact, they may not even realize that their parents were narcissists until they seek professional help for their own struggles, said Behary, who specializes in treating people with NPD and their 'survivors.' While narcissists come in all varieties and their symptoms vary across a spectrum, Behary notes that there are a few ways for adult children to tell they may have been raised by a narcissist. In the points below, both she and psychologist Craig Malkin, author of the book Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad — And Surprising Good — About Feeling Special, break down the signs of a narcissistic parent, and what adult children should do to break the cycle of destructive decisions. A narcissistic parent will trample all over their family to address their own desires without giving much thought to what anyone else needs. Because of this, some adult children of narcissists will actually overcorrect and bend over backwards to make sure no one could ever possibly perceive them this way. Alternately, they may have grown up all their lives being told that their needs don't matter. Either way, the result is the same: They let people walk all over them because they're not in touch with what they need and they don't know how to express it. 'They're not able to say, 'I matter,' and 'I have needs' because that feels narcissistic,' explained Behary. 'Someone who's fighting hard not to be a narcissistic parent ends up being trampled on.' 'I've seen clients whose parents made them feel sick, crazy, or selfish for expressing the most basic of needs,' agreed Malkin. 'One of my clients felt so worthless and frightened as an adult, he suffered from nightmares and cowered in the face of any authority figures because they reminded him of his abusive father.' What you can do: Learn as much about narcissism as you can, in order to be able to identify the dysfunctional messages you grew up with and start working against them. 'If I meet someone who has grown up with a narcissistic parent, or if I'm clued in that that might be the case, it's really important for me to make sure that they understand narcissism in all of its colors,' said Behary. 'We figure out together what type of narcissism their parent had, but even more importantly, we have to look for the part of them that got lost along the way.' Not everyone overcorrects in reaction to seeing narcissism. Some children see that the only way to avoid ridicule and abuse is to be like the narcissistic parent, and over the years, this survival tactic turns into the way they genuinely see the world. Adult children who adopted these coping mechanisms may find themselves putting others down out of a fear ― rooted in childhood ― that if they don't show strength first, they could be crushed, just like when they were young, explained Malkin. 'Extremely strong-willed children, more extraverted from birth, sometimes become narcissistic themselves in a game of 'If you can't beat 'em, join 'em,'' he said. What you can do: Seek the help of a professional to help you break out of abusive behavior patterns, especially if you already have a partner and/or children. 'Children of narcissists who find themselves name-calling and hurling insults aren't without hope, but they need to roll up their sleeves and work hard emotionally,' said Malkin. 'They need to become comfortable feeling ― and expressing ― vulnerable feelings like sadness, loneliness, fear, and overwhelm with those they love.' Narcissists have trouble with personal boundaries and view other people as extensions of themselves. In families with several children, one may be chosen to reflect the narcissist's best qualities. They get the most attention, praise and support, but are also under the most pressure to perform. Another child may be a target for the parent's blame and shame, and scapegoated as a burden that can never do anything right compared to the chosen child. They may also be blamed as the reason that a narcissistic parent is forced to act in an abusive way. Both projections are two different sides of a narcissist's personality, but the chosen child and the scapegoat will have two very different childhoods, and this pits them against each other, even into adulthood. What you can do: Reach out to your sibling with what you've learned. If you were the chosen child, you might resent your sibling for the fact that they were under a lot less pressure than you. But if you were the scapegoat, you might resent your sibling for soaking up all the praise and glory and leaving none for you. Understand that the narcissist pits people against each other on purpose, to serve their own needs, and that this dynamic wasn't your fault. 'Extremely narcissistic people love to put people on pedestals — almost as much as they enjoy knocking them off them,' said Malkin. 'Perfect people don't disappoint, so if you idolize people ― even your kids ― you needn't ever worry about being disappointed or hurt. Scapegoating accomplishes much the same thing. You never have to worry about expecting too much and being disappointed because none of us really expect anything from people we view as worthless.' There is hope for siblings who were put in this position as children, said Behary ― even if the only thing that unites them in the end is the shared experience of having a narcissistic parent. 'They can end up feeling extremely bonded to one another,' said Behary. 'Common hostages going through different phases of torture, based on how bad the narcissist might be in their life.' Not all narcissists command the spotlight with their bold, brash personalities. Some narcissists demand the attention of the room by playing the victim or describing their problems as greater than anyone else's problems. They may also try to control other people's actions by threatening to harm themselves unless a certain outcome goes their way. People with this kind of narcissistic parent may feel that they spend their entire childhood running to put one fire out after another, or trying to maintain the peace so that no one is hurt. Some of Behary's clients tell her that they felt more like their mother's husband than their mother's son, and this burden meant that they were doing more of the emotional supporting than the parent was. Or they felt their life was all about keeping their father from getting angry at the family. 'It's the sense of drama that the child feels they have to manage,' said Behary. 'In order to do that, they really have to forfeit a lot of their own innate childhood needs.' What you can do: Take time to acknowledge the young child that's still inside you, and ask what his or her needs were and still are. Behary advocates using the power of imagination ― aided, perhaps, by photos from childhood ― to acknowledge the emotional needs that weren't met and still aren't being fulfilled by your parents. 'She's still suffering in there and she needs someone to care about her,' said Behary. 'She needs to be able to feel that she's fine. She needs to know that she has rights too.' Some children of narcissists figure out that the only way to get along in this world is to do as their parent does and derive their self-worth from production, performance and achievement. While they may not be beset by the perilously low self-esteem and overwhelming sense of shame of a true narcissist, some adult children may take on behaviors like workaholism because their performance is the only way they've ever been taught to define themselves. 'The child of the narcissist learns that the only thing that matters is what I can produce in the world, not just my own little being,' said Behary. '[This] is very similar to the way the narcissist can be in the world, except children of narcissists may not have same brash overcoating ― they're more detached, more self-contained.' What you can do: Try to empathize with your parent, suggests Behary. You don't have to feel sorry for them, but it can be helpful to emotionally inhabit the feelings and choices of another person, to understand their thoughts and decisions, even if you don't agree with them. Because of Behary's work with narcissists, she understand that they are often intensely suffering because the survival tactics they learned in childhood are backfiring on them in adulthood. While some researchers think that there may be a biological basis that makes some people more vulnerable to narcissism than others, others agree that the personality disorder stems from a complex mix of factors that include exceptionally harsh criticism and/or praise in childhood, which causes the child to shield their low self-esteem with a strong, perfect persona. It also makes the child especially needy of praise, admiration and flattery in order to feel normal, while leaving them especially vulnerable to even the slightest criticism, notes the Mayo Clinic. 'I care about the [narcissists] I work with because I know they're suffering underneath,' said Behary. 'People will say, 'You're such a softie on them,' and I say I hold them responsible for their bad behaviors, but I don't blame them for how they were formed.' Behary emphasizes that while narcissists may have turned out this way through no fault of their own, it is solely their responsibility — not their children's — to do something about it. A telling trait of narcissism is grandiosity: thoughts or feelings that one is superior to others, even if one doesn't have the achievements to justify it. Narcissistic parents may see themselves as elite, but because they never achieved a certain level of success, they may find meaning in living vicariously through their children, explained Behary. 'Many children of narcissists will say, 'I'm not sure how I ended up in this career because I never really knew what I wanted,'' said Behary. Or, 'I always felt like I was poised to be more of a reflection of my mother rather than be my own person.' What you can do: Consider going low or no-contact with abusive or manipulative parents. Not all narcissistic parents are abusive, explains Malkin. But parents with extreme forms of narcissism can leave their adult children feeling like shells of themselves, and sometimes the safest thing for adult children to do is to limit their exposure to these toxic relationships, especially if the parents don't think they have anything to apologize for. Malkin says there are three signs an adult child should consider going low or no-contact with parents: Abuse, Denial and Psychopathy. No one should ever have to put up with emotional or physical abuse, and if parents can't acknowledge the fact that there's a problem in the first place, there's little chance that anything will change. Psychopathy, which in this case will look like a pattern of easy lies and remorseless manipulation, indicates that the parents aren't just bad at putting themselves in others' shoes — they may actually lack the ability to empathize with others, and may even lack a conscience. 'Abusers are 100 percent responsible for their abuse, and only they can stop it,' Malkin concluded. 'Until they do, interactions won't be safe.' This Is The Most Dangerous Type Of Narcissism I'm A Psychologist Who Specializes In Narcissists. Here's What We Need To Do To Stop Trump. Dealing With A Narcissist? You Need To Use This Genius 'Gray Rock Method'
Metro
21-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Metro
This woman thinks celebrating your own birthday is narcissistic — is she right?
Be it a birthday, an anniversary or simply surviving a tough week, I've always loved finding an excuse to celebrate. But according to the internet, this makes me a 'narcissist'. Taking to the Am I Being Unreasonable forum on Mumsnet, one woman sparked a heated debate this week when she proclaimed: 'I think celebrating one's birthday is a very narcissistic thing to do.' She confessed she'd never understood the need to celebrate a birthday as an adult, as she thought it was just 'attention seeking' behaviour. 'Look at me…it's my day, make me feel so special blah blah blah,' she continued. 'I find it all so narcissistic. People getting extremely offended if their birthday is forgotten. Do you really care if someone has just got a year older?' For the most part, the comments read like variations of the iconic Come Dine with Me line: 'Dear Lord, what a sad little life, Jane.' Some branded the woman's view 'miserable' and and argued that birthdays were just meant to be 'a bit of fun'. A few also pointed out that getting older is a 'privilege' not everyone is afforded. However, there were some who agreed with the original post, saying adults who celebrate their birthdays were 'childish' and 'cringe'. While others said they didn't want to 'make a fuss' and felt 'awkward' about celebrating themselves. 'I like birthdays but some people do go over the top,' a fellow Mumsnet user posted in response. 'I have a mate who got her whole garden decked out in a certain theme and booked a DJ for her last birthday, which was her 34th, so not even a big birthday. She organised it all herself. A bit self-indulgent, but if it makes her happy that's up to her.' Someone else shared: 'It is one thing, if others decide to celebrate your birthday. Lovely! But to insist on it and winge on if others forget? Get over yourself. I've always thought throwing your own birthday party is very cringe too.' Metro asked registered members of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) for their thoughts. And the good news is celebrating your birthday doesn't make you a narcissist – at least, not in the diagnosable sense of the word. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is estimated to affect around 1% of the population and is characterised by a grandiose sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, an intense need for admiration, a deep envy of others, the belief they're unique and deserving of special treatment, and a preoccupation with brilliance and unlimited power. While many of us display some of these traits from time to time, it's considered pathological when it's a pattern of behaviours which impair a person's daily functioning – with others often caught in the crossfire. According to the NHS, a person with a personality disorder 'thinks, feels, behaves or relates to others very differently from the average person.' Therapist, LJ Jones believes most people who throw around the term 'narcissism' have little understanding of what the disorder actually is. But she's clear that celebrating your own birthday isn't an example of this. 'We all know that certain someone who is elaborate, extravagant or simply stretches their birth date to span the whole month; however, this does not warrant a diagnosis of narcissism.' She adds that celebrating your birthday only becomes cause for concern in 'extreme cases of self-obsession'. 'It only becomes over-indulgent when it's rooted in entitlement or a need for admiration at the expense of others,' she explains. 'For example, expecting everyone to bend over backwards, purchase expensive gifts, or reacting with anger when attention isn't given, or gifts aren't bought. Using your birthday to feel superior in such ways are possible red flags, but still not necessarily an indicator that a person is narcissistic. There are many other considerations, including people's unconscious need to stand out on social media.' Debbie Keenan, a senior accredited psychotherapist, agrees that celebrating your birthday isn't narcissistic. However, she claims there is a line where a person's behaviour could veer towards it. She explains: 'Celebrating your birthday isn't narcissistic, unless it stops being about joy and connection and starts being about attention and entitlement. Clinical narcissism is a deeper pattern of behaviour, constant validation-seeking, lack of empathy, and a sense that the world revolves around you. How you chose to celebrate another trip around the sun could reveal something else about yourself though. For counsellor Georgina Sturmer, it can be an indicator of your attachment style. There are four main attachment styles according to attachment theory, which are Secure, Anxious-Preoccupied, Dismissive-Avoidant and Fearful-Avoidant). These are thought to influence how we form and maintain relationships throughout our lives. Georgina says: 'A securely attached individual is likely be flexible and enjoy the festivities without needing to go over the top. By contrast, someone who has a preoccupied, or anxious, attachment style, might seem quite needy in how they approach celebrations. 'Festivities and attention might be an important part of how they seek reassurance and attention from others. ' At the other end of the spectrum, someone who has a dismissive, or avoidant, attachment style, might shy away from festivities all together. 'The spotlight might feel intrusive or awkward if we feel more comfortable on the outside, looking in,' says Georgina. She continues: 'This isn't black and white, it's about understanding the reasons behind the behaviour.' Experts actually told us it's 'healthy' to celebrate yourself. More Trending LJ Jones adds: It is totally normal and healthy to want to acknowledge your own existence, joy, and milestones,' she tells us. 'Some people might appear to go more 'over the top' but perhaps they weren't made much of a fuss of from caregivers during their childhood or adolescence.' So, as Debbie Keenan says: 'Throw that party, enjoy your birthday week and mark the moment however you like. It's not narcissistic, it's just being human.' Do you have a story to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@ MORE: I bought the online poison that killed my son – it was easy MORE: People are sharing their favourite 'mega walks' — these are the best routes in London MORE: The one phrase that will make your doctor realise there's something seriously wrong
Scoop
17-05-2025
- General
- Scoop
Understanding And Escaping Those With NPD
The term 'narcissist' is often casually used to describe anyone who seems vain or self-centered, but true narcissism runs much deeper and darker. At its worst, narcissism can manifest as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a diagnosable personality disorder. Those with NPD portray manipulative, dominating, and destructive qualities that can have a significant impact on those closest to the narcissist. It is not simply about being selfish. While only 1% of people have actually been diagnosed with NPD, experts estimate that it might be higher, with estimates as high as 15% to 20% of the population. This means that one in every two households has a narcissist in their midst. Narcissists think their wants, needs, and opinions are more important than other people's. Relationships with them are challenging because of their arrogance, entitlement, and lack of empathy are all fueled by this belief. They may see others as instruments to further their own agendas and speak down to them. Most people can be selfish once in a while and then feel guilt afterwards, but narcissists act like this by default. Their relationships are often difficult to sustain because they aren't able to have genuinely reciprocal relationships where both parties' needs are valued equally. There are several subtypes of narcissism, with each having unique traits of its own. Grandiose, or overt, narcissists are often charismatic and ambitious, so they are often objectively successful. Vulnerable narcissists believe they are perpetual victims, and often feel a sense of entitlement for all of the 'injustices' they face. Communal narcissists do good deeds to feel a sense of praise from others for being a good person, rather than coming from a genuine effort to do good deeds. Malignant narcissists are especially damaging to relationships due to their manipulative and vengeful tendencies. Finally, dark empaths are those with strong narcissist qualities, but they have a higher degree of emotional intelligence and are able to blend into society more easily. It can be emotionally draining and terrible for one's mental health to live with a narcissist. Their lack of empathy frequently results in poor communication, overstepping of one's boundaries, and secret keeping. They typically vie with family members for approval or attention, usually as a symptom of repressed feelings of shame or low self-worth. Narcissists frequently use gaslighting, victimization, the inflating of accomplishments, and love bombing to dominate and manipulate others. All of these qualities can have serious consequences for family members, especially spouses and kids. Exposure to narcissistic behavior on a regular basis can lead to emotional trauma, substance abuse, trust issues, and intense feelings of guilt. Many eventually hit a breaking point when the only way to protect their mental or physical well-being is to separate themselves from the narcissist. But severing a relationship with a narcissist is rarely easy, particularly if you are emotionally or legally bound by marriage or children. Careful preparation is necessary when leaving a narcissistic relationship. The first stage should involve methodical planning for life after separation and taking action to safeguard one's financial and legal interests. This can involve transferring money to a separate account, revising a will, removing oneself from shared bills, and creating new contact information. To avoid sabotage from the narcissist, this planning stage should ideally be carried out without alerting the narcissist. It's crucial to be cautious throughout this process since narcissists frequently attempt to regain control when they feel like they're losing it. Strong support networks, such as family members or friends, can offer both protection and moral support. It is hard and challenging to escape a narcissist, but it is possible. People can take back their life and find peace away from the chaos caused by narcissists if they create a clear and structured plan. Using Scoop for work? Scoop is free for personal use, but you'll need a licence for work use. This is part of our Ethical Paywall and how we fund Scoop. Join today with plans starting from less than $3 per week, plus gain access to exclusive Pro features. Join Pro Individual Find out more
Daily Record
07-05-2025
- Health
- Daily Record
Five signs you're a narcissist with even children at risk of showing harmful traits
Narcissism can also be a part of a larger personality disorder that goes beyond just bragging We are all guilty of being a little self-indulgent or needy at times. We may seek validation from others during a period of low confidence or not feel up to comforting friends and family if we are going through our own issues. However, there is a difference between temporarily retreating from being an uber-positive force for others, and permanently show signs of being a complete narcissist - a quality that many will agree is just not appealing. Narcissistic Personality Disorder, while it can just be a trait in some people, especially those who are flashy or just a bit in love with themselves, it is actually a mental health condition and not just a personality flaw. The condition is characterised by five key traits you may recognise in others - or in yourself. Melinda Ratini, Medical Reviewer at WebMD, says people who show signs of narcissism "can be charming and charismatic and often don't show negative behaviour right away, especially in relationships." "People with narcissism often surround themselves with people who feed their ego," Ratini shared. "They build relationships to reinforce their ideas about themselves, even if the relationships are shallow." Alarmingly, NPD can even show up in youngsters. Children as young as two years old able to show signs of narcissism, says the American Psychiatric Association. "Children who are encouraged to believe they're extraordinary and always deserve the best, even at the expense of others, may develop NPD," Ratini explained. "Traits such as confidence are rewarded as they grow up, but qualities such as empathy aren't," she went on. "Childhood trauma or neglect can also lead to narcissism. So, what are the most common signs of narcissism? Most common signs of narcissism Sense of self-importance "A common sign of people with narcissism is the belief they're superior to others and deserve special treatment. "They believe others should obey their wishes and that rules don't apply to them," Ratini said. Manipulative behaviour or exploitive behaviour "A narcissist will at first try to please you and impress you, but finally their own needs come first," Ratini warned. "They may try to keep people at a distance in order to keep control. "They often exploit others to gain something for themselves." Need for admiration "This is one of the most common signs of a narcissist," Ratini revealed. "People with this behaviour need validation from others. "They often brag or exaggerate their accomplishments for recognition. "They like to feel appreciated to boost their ego." Lack of empathy Perhaps one of the most unnerving signs, narcissists are unable to empathise with the needs, wants, or feelings of other people. Ratini makes clear this makes it difficult for them to take responsibility for their own behaviour. Arrogance "People with narcissistic behaviour see themselves as superior to others," Ratini stated. "They may become rude or abusive when they don't receive the treatment they think they deserve. "They may speak or act rudely toward those they consider inferior." Common signs of NPD are often called by the acronym SPECIAL ME: S ense of self-importance P reoccupation with power, beauty, or success E ntitled C an only be around people who are important or special I nterpersonally exploitive for their own gain A rrogant L ack empathy M ust be admired E nvious of others or believe that others are envious of them "Not every narcissist has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), as narcissism is a spectrum," Ratini concluded. "You can have narcissistic tendencies, such as bragging, that are OK sometimes. "But NPD is different, as your behaviors and symptoms are more severe, and they happen in all kinds of situations. "NPD isn't a character flaw or defect, it's a mental health disorder. With NPD, your symptoms make it hard or impossible to have satisfying relationships," before adding: "There's no gene for NPD. You aren't born with it." Join the Daily Record WhatsApp community! Get the latest news sent straight to your messages by joining our WhatsApp community today. You'll receive daily updates on breaking news as well as the top headlines across Scotland. No one will be able to see who is signed up and no one can send messages except the Daily Record team. All you have to do is click here if you're on mobile, select 'Join Community' and you're in! If you're on a desktop, simply scan the QR code above with your phone and click 'Join Community'. We also treat our community members to special offers, promotions, and adverts from us and our partners. If you don't like our community, you can check out any time you like. To leave our community click on the name at the top of your screen and choose 'exit group'.
Yahoo
28-03-2025
- Yahoo
Feds sentence 'White-Collar Socipath' to four years for financial crimes
TULSA, Okla. – A former Grand Lake man who used his family members' stolen identities to swindle over $3 million from banks and other financial institutions saw his probation suspended and was sentenced to four years in federal prison Michael Chase Morris, also known as Michael Jeffrey Morris, 63, appeared in U.S. Federal Court in Tulsa on Wednesday for a sentencing hearing to revoke his supervised release from prison for a 2016 conviction. It's his second revocation for financial crimes since 2023. Morris has five fraud-related convictions and seven prior revocations for fraudulent behavior since 1988. Federal prosecutors asked Eagan to sentence Morris to 56 months. Mr. Morris's criminal history and characteristics warrant the stiffest permissible sentence under the law to afford adequate deterrence to criminal conduct and protect the public from further crimes. Michael Morris, Sentencing Memorandum Earlier this month, Morris stipulated to concealing a checking account and a PayPal account. Federal prosecutors dropped the three other violations. According to court documents, Morris violated his probation 'by lying, providing false information, and concealing truthful information from his probation officer in his efforts to thwart her efforts to provide meaningful supervision.' Morris 'wasted no time engaging in additional transactions prohibited by his terms of release, and then willfully tried to hide his tracks when confronted by his supervising probation officer,' the documents state. In June 2016, Morris was sentenced to six and a half years for financial wrongdoing and five years of supervised release and ordered to pay $1,641,915.71 in restitution. It was during this sentencing hearing that Morris was called a 'white collar sociopath' by a federal prosecutor. Testimony during his 2016 federal sentencing suggested Morris was not upfront about a charity he set up in his deceased 16-year-old son's name to raise money for sudden cardiac arrest. Click here to read a timeline of Morris' financial convictions. On Wednesday, Judge Claire V. Eagan followed up with a four-year prison sentence with five years of supervised release. Eagan also ordered Morris to adhere to computer restrictions and obtain a mental health evaluation, according to court records filed on Wednesday. Court records filed by Morris show he has previously been diagnosed with several mental health issues, including Impulse Control Disorder, Atypical Anxiety Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and depression. 'The Court would be hard-pressed to find a similarly situated defendant who has demonstrated a more recidivistic pattern and lifestyle of fraudulent behavior coupled with a clear unwillingness to comply with the Court's orders,' court documents show. Sources close to the investigation said Morris may face new indictments. Copyright 2025 Nexstar Media, Inc. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
