Latest news with #PeteWalker
Forbes
09-07-2025
- General
- Forbes
5 Signs ‘Fawning' Is Short-Circuiting Your Career And Relationships
You probably know about fight-or-flight and freeze as the three class trauma responses, but there's ... More a fourth, lesser-known response known as "fawning" which harms relationships. Most people know the classic trauma responses: fight, flight and freeze. But psychologists now recognize a fourth F— known as 'fawning'—and it may be the most common, socially rewarded and misunderstood of all four responses to stress. The majority of workers are unaware they are fawning or that it leads to self-erasure, short-changing them in careers, friendships and intimate relationships. How 'Fawning' Short-Changes You In Relationships Fawning explains why we stay in bad jobs, fall into unhealthy partnerships and tolerate dysfunctional environments--even when it seems obvious to others we should bail, according to clinical psychologist Dr. Ingrid Clayton. She describes the term, coined by psychotherapist Pete Walker, as the tendency to respond to a threat by 'becoming more appealing to the threat.' Clayton, author of the forthcoming book, FAWNING: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves—And How to Find Our Way Back, points out that many high-functioning, capable people can't seem to break the pattern of fawning. Fawners mirror or merge with a coworker, friend or intimate partner's desires and expectations. Just as we're wired to fight, flee or freeze when threatened, fawning is the instinct to appease, please and self-abandon at any cost in order to stay safe—a survival response often mistaken for being agreeable, easygoing or helpful, Clayton notes. She adds that research shows chronic fawning is a trauma response from the past--a form of self-erasure, linked to anxiety, burnout, poor boundaries, toxic relationships and even physical health issues. I spoke with Charlotte, NC psychotherapist, Karen DuBose, psychiatric nurse clinical specialist. She told me that fawning is a form of self-abandonment in which someone depends on the approval of others for psychological safety instead of finding safety within themselves. She states that fight, flee and freeze are observable behaviors, whereas fawning--which is also fear-based--is more subtle to the eye. DuBose quotes Sir Winston Churchill, who said, "An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last. She explains that, in an attempt to appease a threat--such as fear of disapproval, rejection or abandonment--fawning can manifest through 'love bombing,' people pleasing, over-giving, codependency, over-working and even careaholism. She also mentions that fawning can lead to what scientists call 'flocking'--the tendency to align your actions or decisions with a group in the face of adversity for safety and avoidance of ridicule if you disagree or speak your mind. Break-room chatter at work is an example when disgruntled coworkers collectively complain about management, but they might not feel safe to complain individually for fear of sticking out. Clayton points out that fawning depends on connection as a means of protection, asking us to abandon ourselves and our needs, values and opinions, which strengthens vulnerability in the long-term. She explains that fawning is a relational trauma response when fighting, fleeing or freezing are not options for safety or might make things worse. Often the result of long-term exposure to pervasive traumatic events, fawning can develop into a pervasive safe-guard against further harm, according to Clayton. She describes fawning as a useful survival tool for navigating life under distress, adding that it can leave us trapped in unhealthy relationships and situations. 5 Signs You Could Be 'Fawning' In Relationships Dubose suggests that the helping, medical and mental health professions are bulging at the seams with fawners. Some clinicians over give, over care and overwork to the point they develop 'careaholism' and suffer compassion burnout. But you don't have to be a medical or mental health practitioner to show the symptoms. Clayton gives five signs that could indicate you're a fawner. If you . . . 1. Apologize to people who have hurt you 2. Befriend your bullies 3. Ignore others' bad behavior 4. Obsess about saying the right thing, even when there's no 'right' thing to say 5. Make yourself into someone you're not while seeking approval that may never come The Rx For 'Fawning': 6 Tips For Radical Self-Care The remedy for fawning is self-care, and it's more than a bubble bath. Sometimes fawners must practice radical self-care. The goal is to take the necessary steps to go to unpopular extremes if necessary—to take care of yourself and protect your mental and physical well-being at all costs. 1. Ditch concerns of disappointing or appeasing others and care as much about how you treat yourself or allow yourself to be treated. 2. Be realistic about what's humanly possible for you. Every time you say "yes" when you want to say "no," you do yourself an injustice. 3. Examine your motivation for helping. Do you believe sacrificing yourself for others will fulfill a greater need in you than in them? If the answer is yes, you could be taking more than you're giving. 4. Show the people you help how to fish instead of feeding them fish. If the help you give makes a colleague or friend dependent on you or you dependent on them, you could be holding them and you back. 5. Set emotional boundaries. Gauge your actions by your own standards, not by the approval of others. Work on becoming emotionally independent. Avoid over-identifying with the feelings of others. Chameleons lose touch with who they are. 6. Help yourself first. Get comfortable with disapproval and disagreements and learn to face instead of avoid conflict. Start to see your individualism and independent decision-making as healthy attributes. 7. Refrain from being 'overly nice.' If you get labeled as a 'yes employee,' it works against you, and you lose collegial respect. 8. Don't shrink around bullies or aggressive people. Stand up to anyone who bullies you, and call people out who are rude or behaving badly. At the end of the day, after all is said and done, no matter how much you fawn, DuBose points out that fawning is unsustainable. Someone will disapprove or disagree, and its only a matter of time before the crocodile feasts upon you. But when you send fawning packing and reclaim your self-respect and stand firm in your values and opinions, you won't have to fear the crocodile anymore.
Yahoo
29-06-2025
- Sport
- Yahoo
Chris Bassitt bombs as Blue Jays rocked in 15-1 Beantown blowout
The close-up camera shots in the dugout of Blue Jays pitching coach Pete Walker often tell the story of what's going on with the team and on Saturday they spoke volumes. In fact, the zoomed-in pictures came early at Fenway Park as Jays starting pitcher Chris Bassitt was getting hammered by the Red Sox, eventually leaving after two-plus miserable innings. Yes, the Fenway Follies that so often mark games at the Boston baseball cathedral can — and often do — go both ways. So, a day after blanking the Bosox 9-0, the home side turned the tables with a 15-1 blowout, handing the Jays their most lopsided defeat, not just of the season but since the New York Yankees beat them by the same margin on Sept. 20, 2020. It was pretty much as ugly as it sounded, too, especially early on for the veteran right-hander Bassitt. And the disastrous outing was the latest case study of the fact that there are times when almost anything goes at Fenway. Prior to Saturday, Bassitt owned a skimpy 1.89 ERA over five starts in Boston, his lowest at any big-league park. But a 35-pitch first inning in which the Red Sox jumped out to a 3-0 lead — and all nine hitters made a plate appearance — set a miserable tone for a confident Jays team that allowed the plummeting Sox to snap their six-game losing streak. How bad was the second-shortest start of Bassitt's career? Well, 13 of the 19 batters he faced reached base and it was just the third time in his career that he's allowed eight earned runs or more, this after tossing at least six innings in each of his previous four starts. All six of the Red Sox runs that were scored while Bassitt was still on the mound came with two outs as the usually crafty hurler showed a complete lack of finish. The eight runs Bassitt was on the hook for by the time of his premature exit — with none out and the bases loaded in the third — came as he allowed eight hits, four walks and one plunked batter. Bassitt's ERA ballooned from 3.61 to 4.29 as he recorded just six outs from the 70 pitches he threw, only 44 of them for strikes. The early ineptitude made the middle match of the three-game weekend series a dud from the outset. By the time the Red Sox had stopped thumping, their 15 runs surpassed the 13 the Jays surrendered in that ugly shutout loss to the Rays in Tampa on May 25. As well, the previous time they've allowed more than 15 runs in a game was a year ago when they were shellacked in a 16-8 loss to the New York Yankees at the Rogers Centre that launched the second half of the miserable last-place 2024 season. The Jays, who are 3-2 thus far on the six-game road trip and 44-38 overall, will attempt to claim the rubber match on Sunday when lefty Eric Lauer, one of the biggest success stories of the Jays this season, is scheduled to face Boston righty Walker Buehler. The Sox scored three runs in each of the first three innings and turned it into a game for Jays manager John Schneider to preserve bullpen arms as best he could. To that end, the skipper put in backup catcher Tyler Heineman to pitch the ninth. Never a pleasant experience, Heineman plunked the Sox's first hitter Jarren Duran with a 'fastball.' At least the backstop limited the Sox to one run … So much for entering the world of a positive run differential, where the Jays found themselves (plus-1) prior to Saturday's contest … With the Yankees losing 7-0 to the Athletics on Saturday, the Jays remain three games behind the Bronx Bombers for the division lead … The Red Sox have now won seven of their past nine at Fenway, hoping to regain momentum after their disastrous West Coast road trip … The 18 hits for the Red Sox topped the 16 the Jays put up in Sunday's well-rounded shutout and equalled a season high surrendered against the Philadelphia Phillies on June 15. The Jays made a roster shuffled prior to Saturday's game, sending outfielder Alan Roden back down to triple-A Buffalo while recalling infielder Will Wagner to take his place on the roster … As well, the Jays announced that right-handed starter Spencer Turnbull, who had been designated for assignment earlier in the week, cleared waivers and was released … Prior to the now vanquished six-game losing streak, the Red Sox had won eight of their previous nine games … The Jays still have a 6-3 record against the Sox this season, including a 4-2 mark at Fenway … There's a reason the Red Sox like wearing those rather loud yellow alternate jerseys, which honour the spirit of Patriots Day weekend and the Boston Marathon. They're now 39-17 in the bright duds after Saturday's breakout. rlongley@
National Post
29-06-2025
- Sport
- National Post
Chris Bassitt bombs as Blue Jays rocked in 15-1 Beantown blowout
The close-up camera shots in the dugout of Blue Jays pitching coach Pete Walker often tell the story of what's going on with the team and on Saturday they spoke volumes. Article content In fact, the zoomed-in pictures came early at Fenway Park as Jays starting pitcher Chris Bassitt was getting hammered by the Red Sox, eventually leaving after two-plus miserable innings. Article content Article content Yes, the Fenway Follies that so often mark games at the Boston baseball cathedral can — and often do — go both ways. Article content So, a day after blanking the Bosox 9-0, the home side turned the tables with a 15-1 blowout, handing the Jays their most lopsided defeat, not just of the season but since the New York Yankees beat them by the same margin on Sept. 20, 2020. It was pretty much as ugly as it sounded, too, especially early on for the veteran right-hander Bassitt. Article content And the disastrous outing was the latest case study of the fact that there are times when almost anything goes at Fenway. Prior to Saturday, Bassitt owned a skimpy 1.89 ERA over five starts in Boston, his lowest at any big-league park. Article content But a 35-pitch first inning in which the Red Sox jumped out to a 3-0 lead — and all nine hitters made a plate appearance — set a miserable tone for a confident Jays team that allowed the plummeting Sox to snap their six-game losing streak. Article content How bad was the second-shortest start of Bassitt's career? Well, 13 of the 19 batters he faced reached base and it was just the third time in his career that he's allowed eight earned runs or more, this after tossing at least six innings in each of his previous four starts. Article content All six of the Red Sox runs that were scored while Bassitt was still on the mound came with two outs as the usually crafty hurler showed a complete lack of finish. The eight runs Bassitt was on the hook for by the time of his premature exit — with none out and the bases loaded in the third — came as he allowed eight hits, four walks and one plunked batter. Bassitt's ERA ballooned from 3.61 to 4.29 as he recorded just six outs from the 70 pitches he threw, only 44 of them for strikes. Article content The early ineptitude made the middle match of the three-game weekend series a dud from the outset. By the time the Red Sox had stopped thumping, their 15 runs surpassed the 13 the Jays surrendered in that ugly shutout loss to the Rays in Tampa on May 25. Article content As well, the previous time they've allowed more than 15 runs in a game was a year ago when they were shellacked in a 16-8 loss to the New York Yankees at the Rogers Centre that launched the second half of the miserable last-place 2024 season.
Edmonton Journal
29-06-2025
- Sport
- Edmonton Journal
Chris Bassitt bombs as Blue Jays rocked in 15-1 Beantown blowout
Article content The close-up camera shots in the dugout of Blue Jays pitching coach Pete Walker often tell the story of what's going on with the team and on Saturday they spoke volumes. In fact, the zoomed-in pictures came early at Fenway Park as Jays starting pitcher Chris Bassitt was getting hammered by the Red Sox, eventually leaving after two-plus miserable innings. Article content Yes, the Fenway Follies that so often mark games at the Boston baseball cathedral can — and often do — go both ways. Article content So, a day after blanking the Bosox 9-0, the home side turned the tables with a 15-1 blowout, handing the Jays their most lopsided defeat, not just of the season but since the New York Yankees beat them by the same margin on Sept. 20, 2020. It was pretty much as ugly as it sounded, too, especially early on for the veteran right-hander Bassitt. And the disastrous outing was the latest case study of the fact that there are times when almost anything goes at Fenway. Prior to Saturday, Bassitt owned a skimpy 1.89 ERA over five starts in Boston, his lowest at any big-league park. But a 35-pitch first inning in which the Red Sox jumped out to a 3-0 lead — and all nine hitters made a plate appearance — set a miserable tone for a confident Jays team that allowed the plummeting Sox to snap their six-game losing streak. How bad was the second-shortest start of Bassitt's career? Well, 13 of the 19 batters he faced reached base and it was just the third time in his career that he's allowed eight earned runs or more, this after tossing at least six innings in each of his previous four starts. Article content All six of the Red Sox runs that were scored while Bassitt was still on the mound came with two outs as the usually crafty hurler showed a complete lack of finish. The eight runs Bassitt was on the hook for by the time of his premature exit — with none out and the bases loaded in the third — came as he allowed eight hits, four walks and one plunked batter. Bassitt's ERA ballooned from 3.61 to 4.29 as he recorded just six outs from the 70 pitches he threw, only 44 of them for strikes. The early ineptitude made the middle match of the three-game weekend series a dud from the outset. By the time the Red Sox had stopped thumping, their 15 runs surpassed the 13 the Jays surrendered in that ugly shutout loss to the Rays in Tampa on May 25. As well, the previous time they've allowed more than 15 runs in a game was a year ago when they were shellacked in a 16-8 loss to the New York Yankees at the Rogers Centre that launched the second half of the miserable last-place 2024 season. Article content The Jays, who are 3-2 thus far on the six-game road trip and 44-38 overall, will attempt to claim the rubber match on Sunday when lefty Eric Lauer, one of the biggest success stories of the Jays this season, is scheduled to face Boston righty Walker Buehler. GAME ON The Sox scored three runs in each of the first three innings and turned it into a game for Jays manager John Schneider to preserve bullpen arms as best he could. To that end, the skipper put in backup catcher Tyler Heineman to pitch the ninth. Never a pleasant experience, Heineman plunked the Sox's first hitter Jarren Duran with a 'fastball.' At least the backstop limited the Sox to one run … So much for entering the world of a positive run differential, where the Jays found themselves (plus-1) prior to Saturday's contest … With the Yankees losing 7-0 to the Athletics on Saturday, the Jays remain three games behind the Bronx Bombers for the division lead … The Red Sox have now won seven of their past nine at Fenway, hoping to regain momentum after their disastrous West Coast road trip … The 18 hits for the Red Sox topped the 16 the Jays put up in Sunday's well-rounded shutout and equalled a season high surrendered against the Philadelphia Phillies on June 15. Article content AROUND THE BASES The Jays made a roster shuffled prior to Saturday's game, sending outfielder Alan Roden back down to triple-A Buffalo while recalling infielder Will Wagner to take his place on the roster … As well, the Jays announced that right-handed starter Spencer Turnbull, who had been designated for assignment earlier in the week, cleared waivers and was released … Prior to the now vanquished six-game losing streak, the Red Sox had won eight of their previous nine games … The Jays still have a 6-3 record against the Sox this season, including a 4-2 mark at Fenway … There's a reason the Red Sox like wearing those rather loud yellow alternate jerseys, which honour the spirit of Patriots Day weekend and the Boston Marathon. They're now 39-17 in the bright duds after Saturday's breakout. Latest National Stories
