2 days ago
- Entertainment
- The Herald Scotland
Hmmm… eat your heart out, Milky Bar Kid
Reader Grace Moore was enjoying tea in a café near Glasgow Central Station.
Being on her own at the time, she was doing a bit of people-watching to entertain herself.
At one point she was surprised to notice an elderly lady lift her feet from the floor and scrunch herself into a vibrating ball on her chair.
'Anything wrong?' asked Grace.
'A rat!' quavered the old lady. 'I saw it run in through the front door.'
Was the rat feeling a bit parched, and desperate for a coffee? Or perhaps it was hungry for a blueberry muffin?
Maybe it felt lonely, was filled with existential despair, and hankered after good conversation about the meaning of life.
None of the above, it transpired.
One of the baristas managed to chase the rodent back outside, then explained to our correspondent that he had previously spied it being bullied by a couple of seagulls, which forced the icky critter to retreat to the safety of the coffee shop.
'So you could say it was rat-tled,' noted the barista with a grim smile.
Wheely successful
Proud Diary correspondent Simon Whitworth boasted to a pal in the pub: 'My dad was an accomplished guy. He had a corner office with views of the entire city, drove an expensive vehicle, and was paid to travel.'
'Impressive,' said the pal.
'Yup,' nodded Simon. 'Forty years as a bus driver.'
A sweet deal
Inspirational advice from reader Jean Osborne, who says: 'Remember. No matter how much chocolate you eat, your shoes will still fit.'
Doggone it
When reader Steven Weir was a teen he spent a lot of time with his mates in Rouken Glen Park, where they noticed a chap who always walked his six pet dogs in the afternoons.
'We started to refer to him as Dog-dude Dave,' says Steven. 'Then one day our fun was spoiled when the pooch-loving bloke bumped into a friend, and we overheard the pal refer to Dog-Dude Dave by his actual name… Alistair.'
Says Steven: 'My friends and I were scunnered because we couldn't think of anything dogily alliterative to call Alistair.'
Sound decision
Chiropractors are those alternative medics who manipulate the body until the joints emit a loud noise.
An Irish pal of reader Bruce Rawles visited a chiropractor, and genuinely said: 'I just go for the crack.'
Sleep of reason
Outraged Heather Rose noticed someone dumped a double mattress in her street.
'How do these people sleep at night?' she fumes.
