Latest news with #Prudence
Yahoo
2 days ago
- Yahoo
Help! I Can Afford My Best Friend's Destination Wedding. But There's Another Reason I Really Don't Want to Be There.
Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years—so we're diving into the Dear Prudence archives to share classic letters with our readers. Submit your own questions to Prudie here. Dear Prudence, One of my best friends is getting married next year at an all-inclusive resort, because she doesn't want to spend the money on a wedding. I don't blame her, but I don't want to spend the money to go to the resort. It's not that I can't afford it; I just don't believe in spending $1,000-plus for a few days (yes, that's the cost for three nights; two isn't much cheaper) by a swimming pool eating mediocre food. That's just really not my idea of a good time at all, and while I would love to see her get married, I know I'll just be resentful the whole time that I spent all this money. Am I selfish for not going? —Am I Being Selfish? Dear Selfish, One of the upsides of a destination wedding is giving everyone in your life a guilt-free reason for not attending. Just because it might not ruin you to spend more than $1,000 (and that's not including travel and formal wear) on a single weekend doesn't mean you're obligated to spend the money. If she's one of your best friends and there's any sort of compromise that feels workable and like it wouldn't be too much of a strain on your budget, I think you should at least consider it, but it's not like you're saying 'No' to a wedding on the other side of town. Offer to take her out when she gets back so you can celebrate her nuptials locally, and sleep soundly. —Danny M. Lavery From: Help! The Son of an Acquaintance Died. Is It Rude to Ask How? (Aug. 21, 2018). Dear Prudence, I met my current boyfriend, 'Drew,' a few years ago, though we didn't start dating until recently, partly because when we met, he had a girlfriend. Wading into this new relationship is a bit easier than usual because I've known Drew for a while, but something happened not long ago that made me uncomfortable: He mentioned that it was nice to be sleeping with a thin woman again after three-and-a-half years with his ex. I found this attempted compliment uncommonly mean and weird. It was obvious I was upset, and Drew made an excuse to leave soon after. I'm not friends with Drew's ex, but I've met her and she's nice and even if she wasn't, what he said was a low blow. How should I talk to him about this? —Compared to an Ex Dear Compared, 'It really bothered me that you spoke so negatively about your ex's body the last time I saw you. I don't normally see you comparing women's bodies, so I'm having trouble understanding this side of you. Telling me something snide and unkind about the body of a woman you used to have sex with doesn't impress me, and it doesn't make me feel like I've been complimented. It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsure of your character, and it makes me wonder what you might say to other women about my body. What's going on here?' If he can acknowledge that what he did was unkind and unnecessary and offer a sincere apology, then that's one thing; if he gets evasive or says you must have misunderstood him or that he was 'just trying to be nice,' I think you've seen a side of him that might change how you see him as a boyfriend. —D. M. L. From: Help! I Forced My Husband to Have Kids. It Was a Terrible Mistake. (Oct. 10, 2018). Dear Prudence, I'm a fan of a sport that doesn't have many female fans, let alone gay ones like myself. My childhood BFF and I took a trip out of state together last year to see the big game, and that's where we met 'Becky' and 'Donna,' a couple who had also traveled for the event. We got along wonderfully, and the four of us have since gone to games together as often as distance will allow. Here's my dilemma. I'm thinking of taking a road trip next summer, just for fun, and I want to invite Becky and Donna with me. I love my BFF, I really do, but I think we're better as long-distance friends. I sleep in, she's an early riser; I plan, she's spontaneous. We're at each other's throats by Day 3 of cohabitation. Also, she can say thoughtless things sometimes, insulting how I look, etc. I know she doesn't mean it badly, but without the buffer of distance, our interactions get increasingly tense. With Becky and Donna, it's easy to be myself and we mesh perfectly; I would love to be stuck in a smelly van with them for weeks. I worry BFF would be incredibly hurt by this, since she sees us as a dynamic foursome. They live as far from me as my BFF does, so I couldn't pass it off as convenience. How do I ask them to join me but leave out my BFF? And how do I tell my BFF, who I rarely get to see in person, that I love her, but don't want to spend that time with her? —Cherry-Picking Vacation Buddies Dear Cherry-Picking, I know you're worried that your BFF will be hurt by your decision, but it sounds like right now your friendship is based on the premise that it's sort of OK for her to hurt you, because saying thoughtless things is apparently an unchangeable part of her personality. I think you should invite Becky and Donna on your road trip without a moment's hesitation. Just because you met them while on a trip with your BFF does not mean you signed a contract promising only to hang out together as a foursome in perpetuity. Have you ever talked to your BFF about the disparities in your travel preferences or the fact that she regularly says things that hurt you, including unkind remarks about your physical appearance? If not, I think you should consider it, even if it's uncoupled from telling her about taking a vacation with Becky and Donna. You are not doing something wrong by wanting to travel with other friends and so do not need to apologize for it. If your BFF is unable to listen to you talk about how her remarks hurt you, then it may be time to reconsider the friendship. —D. M. L. From: Help! My Niece and Nephew Took My Teenage Daughter Out of State to Get an Abortion. (Sept. 18, 2018). Yesterday was my son's birthday. On Saturday, I took him and two friends to a preseason pro football game, including a tailgate before the game and pizza afterward, as his birthday gift. When my ex-husband heard about the football game, he declared that I hadn't given our son 'a real gift,' as in something tangible to open…
Yahoo
23-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Help! Something Dangerous Happens When My Husband and I Share a Bed.
Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years—so we're diving into the Dear Prudence archives to share classic letters with our readers. Submit your own questions to Prudie here. Dear Prudence, My husband and I have separate bedrooms since I am an intolerably light sleeper and my husband thrashes like a beached whale when he sleeps. (I seriously got a black eye once from it!) Going back to his hometown means an expensive flight and not much money left over, so getting a hotel room is out of the question. How do we raise the fact that we need separate bedrooms? The last time we were here, I was only the girlfriend and spent the entire week exhausted and catnapping until people started asking if I was sick. I just do not want to raise any gossip, since separate bedrooms means marriage trouble to so many people. Can we just make up a medical reason and lie? —Need Silence Dear Silence, I think there's an easier solution to this temporary problem, which is to have your husband sleep on the floor. If it's only for a few days, you can make up a reasonably comfortable pallet next to the bed, you can sleep without fear of violence, and you can hide the evidence from prying eyes every morning. (I assume he's been to the doctor about his sleep-thrashing, but if anyone in the comments recognizes this as some sort of alarming medical condition, by all means, let us know!) —Danny M. Lavery From: Zero. (March 15, 2016). Dear Prudence, I just found out that my best friend has been cheating on her husband for the majority of her marriage of a few years. I've always known it wasn't a perfect marriage, but my friend has always painted herself as a victim of her husband's mistreatment and my support and advice have been based on that perspective. Now that she's dropped this bomb on me—she's cheated with multiple people, some emotional affairs, some just physical—I'm kind of at a loss for how to respond. I think I'm the only person she's told. What is my responsibility here? I still love her as a friend, but I can't respect her actions. If I come on as too judgmental, I know she will never want to talk about it with me again. —Cheating Friend Dear Cheating, You respond honestly but temper the outrage. You say that this gives you a totally different understanding of the dynamics of their marriage, you say surely she knows her inability to be physically or emotionally faithful makes a successful marriage impossible. You tell her you love her but find her actions deeply concerning. If she wants total support and will cut you off because you can't give it, then the basis of your friendship is as shaky as that of her marriage. —Emily Yoffe From: Dress-Up Dilemma. (Nov. 18, 2013). Dear Prudence, I have a co-worker with whom I had a fairly close office friendship. Over time, I developed a bit of a crush on him. (I am in a relationship, he is single.) In a spectacular mistake, I admitted this to him several months ago. After some awkwardness, our friendship seemed to resume as normal. Then in recent months he noticeably stopped speaking to me. I apologized for mentioning my crush and asked if I did something new to upset him or if my continued presence at work makes him uncomfortable. He dodged both questions, and now will only speak to me when absolutely necessary to get work done using the bare minimum number of words. I feel terrible and don't want to perpetuate an environment where we're both on edge around each other. At the same time, I understand his reluctance to talk about it. How can I address this, short of finding a new job? —Crushing Silence Dear Crushing, Follow your co-worker's lead. Stop asking him why he's uncomfortable, stop trying to renew your friendship with him, and speak to him only when it's necessary to get work done. You took the risk of telling someone you work with that you had a crush on him (and, by implication, that you were willing to either leave or cheat on your partner for him), and you have to accept that not only does he not return your feelings, their reveal has permanently altered the nature of your relationship. You realize this was a mistake, but one of the fundamental realities of mistakes is that sometimes you can feel terrible about what you've done and apologize, but that doesn't make anything better. There's no going back to an alternate timeline where you didn't say what you said, and one of the ways you can demonstrate to your co-worker (and to yourself) that you genuinely regret putting him in such an uncomfortable position is by granting him the space he clearly needs. He does not owe you any more explanations, and it won't help to further explain yourself in an attempt to feel less 'on edge' around him. Be professional and polite, stop asking him personal questions, accept that your friendship is over, and grieve in private for what you lost. (And, depending on why you made the confession in the first place, consider ending things with your partner, too.) —D. M. L. From: Risky Business. (Feb. 02, 2017). My cousin is a single mother who needs rides everywhere. She has to take two buses just to get to the grocery store (with a toddler in tow), and that's both time- and cost-prohibitive for her. In theory, I don't mind helping occasionally, and I'm not going to let her go without food or diapers. But I work full time and have a busy life of my own…
Yahoo
16-06-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
Help! My Husband Only Brushes His Teeth Once a Month. But That's Not Even the Worst Part.
Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years—so we're diving into the Dear Prudence archives to share classic letters with our readers. Submit your own questions to Prudie here. Dear Prudence, My husband and I have been together for over five years now. I love him with all my being, but there is just one huge issue I have with him: His breath smells horrible. I've tried both being nice and being blunt about it with him, but it just never really sinks in. He just pushes it off as me being mean to him. He grew up in a household where both of his parents have bad teeth and they never really made it a priority to keep good oral hygiene habits. I mean, he maybe brushes his teeth once a month. I realized what I was getting into when we were dating, but it's gotten to the point where I can barely stand it. We recently had a baby and her teeth are due soon to be popping out. How can I make him realize that she will be seeing his lack of oral hygiene and may think it's OK, when it's really not? Is there a way I can show him this is not only hurting his own health, but could possibly hurt his child's way of thinking when it comes to her teeth? —Hubby Halitosis Dear Halitosis, Tell me you used assisted technology to produce this baby. Because I'm wondering about a woman who would be intimate with a man with overwhelming halitosis whose oral hygiene consists of a monthly swipe with a toothbrush at his decaying mess. Unless his work requires him to wear a gas mask all day, his co-workers must want to. Now that you have a child, his ability to function in the world is of major importance, and being able to smell his breath from 20 feet is not a career-enhancer. I hear from so many people who despite glaring problems go ahead and marry, hoping somehow that yoking yourself to someone for life will fix a problem. But since you say his teeth were rotten and his breath stunk while you were dating, I really don't understand how you managed to exchange a kiss at 'I now pronounce you husband and wife.' Your husband must be terrified of dentists, so you should research some who specialize in scared patients and who might even put someone in a twilight state during cleaning and other procedures. You should also show him some information about how parents with dental caries can pass those germs onto their babies through kissing. You have an obligation not to create generation three of the mouth of hell. —Emily Yoffe From: Georgia on My Mind. (July 08, 2013). Dear Prudence, 'Laura' and I have been best friends since we were 10. Four years ago her husband, 'James,' needed my help on a work-related matter and came over without Laura, who was busy with something else. It involved a very difficult and tedious task, and we decided to make it more tolerable by bringing out some wine. That night James and I ended up sleeping together. I always had a small, harmless crush on James but never in my wildest dreams fantasized about acting on it until that night. We both felt very guilty afterward. I even tried to cut off contact with Laura for awhile, but she kept calling me in tears asking what she'd done wrong. I feel horrible, and I am not even attracted to James anymore. We avoid each other as best as we can. I'm struggling with whether I should confess to Laura or not. I can't get over what I did, but should I tell her? —Three's a Crowd Dear Crowd, If you were going to confess, the time for confession was at the time. Cast your mind back to the alternative reality that didn't take place: tears, pain, recrimination, possibly lawyers and divorce. I am not defending cheating or saying the best way to deal with it is to keep it a secret. But I have come to feel that a single episode of it, much regretted and never repeated, is often best forgotten by those concerned. (Certainly you realized that compounding your betrayal by trying to punish Laura was cruel.) It's been four years, so telling Laura now would not only be devastating, but leave her wondering what's the hidden message behind this sudden revelation. It would also likely make her feel the past four years of her life were some kind of farce in which you and James were mocking her and communicating through glances she will now obsessively reinterpret. You say you can't get over what you did, so living with that awful feeling is your penance. Don't also make Laura pay. —E.Y. From: Sleeping With the Frenemy. (Oct. 24, 2011). Dear Prudence, When I met my wife, she was a size 2. What I loved was her ability to 'tuck in' at a meal and never worry about her weight. Turns out that ability was due to an autoimmune disorder, and now her doctor has her on steroids. My wife's weight ballooned from a 2 to a 14, and I love it! She has 'all the right curves in all the right places.' Unfortunately, her doctor wants her to lose weight, so she joined Weight Watchers and now harps on 'points' and analyzes every meal. Last week I brought her chocolates for Valentine's Day, and she accused me of sabotaging her diet. I am. I don't want her to lose the weight. I think she looks better this way, and I miss my wife who would just eat what she wanted. Should I support her or keep trying to lure her to the dark side? (We have cookies.) —Wife's Weight Dear Weight, What a lovely gift. She's trying to lose weight under doctor's orders and instead of giving her flowers for Valentine's Day, you give her 10,000 calories. If someone is being treated with steroids, it is a real struggle to keep the weight off. Your wife has a significant medical condition, which doesn't matter to you. What matters is you like her new chest and hips. If the only thing that attracted you to your wife was her trencherman appetite, then you two need to consider the basis of this marriage. You're seriously asking me whether you should support her or undermine her efforts to stay healthy. I hope you can answer that yourself, and I hope she could list at least a couple of things that made her want to marry you. —E.Y. From: Surprise Package. (Feb. 17, 2015). At age 66, I believe I have met the person I have been looking for all of my life. I am twice divorced and 'Art's' first marriage also ended in divorce. His second wife of 15 years, Lucy, died a year before we met after a long illness. He is 75, and I consider myself unbelievably lucky to have met him—it was love at first sight and we are talking about marriage. But I can't get past my concern over burial arrangements.
Yahoo
20-04-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Akron at 200: Polygamy, a purse snatcher and singing dogs
As Akron celebrates its bicentennial in 2025, we're looking back at two centuries of headlines. Visit every Sunday morning throughout the bicentennial year for a look back at the week in Akron history. Here's what happened April 20-26 in local history: 1825: Locally produced goods traveled far. The schooner Prudence left Cleveland for Buffalo with a Northeast Ohio cargo of flour, ashes, whiskey, pork, butter and cheese. Meanwhile, the schooner Lake Serpent also arrived in Buffalo from Cleveland, carrying ashes, hams and ginseng. The construction of a canal would soon allow such products to be shipped south to the Ohio River. 1875: Ann Eliza Young, the 19th wife of Brigham Young, spoke at the Academy of Music at Main and Market streets in downtown Akron. The Illinois native had recently separated from the Mormon church leader and was on a national tour to tell her story and lecture against polygamy in the United States. The Utah-centered church had excommunicated her in 1874. 1925: Hundreds of citizens joined Akron police in chasing a man who had allegedly stolen money from a purse. The crowd circled the Masonic Temple at High and Mill streets to thwart the suspect's escape. Officer Frank J. Bucher found Edgar Gargar, 19, hiding behind a car and holding a crumpled $10 bill. 'Here it is: Take it,' he told the arresting officer. 1975: Fifteen dogs took part in a howling contest at Chapel Hill Mall. Northeastern Ohio Dog Services sponsored the 'singing dog show' to raise money for a shelter. Pooh, a German shepherd sponsored by Summit County Children's Home, won first prize for his rendition of 'oorf, oorf, oorf.' Runner-up Henry, a miniature schnauzer, wailed at a high pitch as owners Sue and Beth Kartarius sang 'How Much Is That Doggie in the Window?' 2000: Akron health inspectors entered a North Hill home and found 333 rats, 146 mice, 16 gerbils, eight birds, six cats, four rabbits, three dogs, one hamster, one turtle, one boa constrictor and one iguana. Thayer Street neighbors had complained of odors. The animals were sent to the Humane Society of Greater Akron, which hoped to find new homes for them. Mark J. Price can be reached at mprice@ Quaker Square revisited: Vintage photos of Akron shops and hotel This article originally appeared on Akron Beacon Journal: This week in Akron history for April 20, 2025
New York Times
11-02-2025
- Entertainment
- New York Times
Book Review: ‘Casualties of Truth,' by Lauren Francis-Sharma
CASUALTIES OF TRUTH, by Lauren Francis-Sharma Each of Lauren Francis-Sharma's three novels begins with a calculated killing. In her 2014 debut, ''Til the Well Runs Dry,' a desperate Trinidadian girl catches and slaughters a wild opossum to feed her family. In 2020's 'Book of the Little Axe,' a band of Crow boys stalks and takes down a bighorn sheep on a hunting expedition. Now, in 'Casualties of Truth,' Francis-Sharma's tense, timely new novel about the monstrous legacy of South African apartheid, the killing in the opening pages is of a man. Like the opossum and the sheep, he is also being hunted for sustenance, albeit sustenance of a different, darker, figurative kind. The deceased is a white policeman in 1996 Johannesburg. At the book's outset, he is lamenting Mandela's presidency and his own perceived loss of power under it, limping from injuries sustained during an unexplained altercation with an American girl. In the early hours of the following morning, his throat is slit by an unseen assailant. We later learn that the policeman's execution was an act of revenge: an attempt to claim justice for other stolen lives, for stolen dignity, for the stolen agency of an entire traumatized country. But at what cost? This is the uneasy question at the center of the story: Can we ever really atone for violence without more violence? And can we survive what has been done to us without sacrificing our own humanity in the process? From 1996 Johannesburg, the novel flashes forward to 2018 Washington, D.C., where Prudence Wright and her husband, Davis, are by all outward appearances very happily married. The Wrights are wealthy, successful and attractive, and they own an enormous home in Bethesda, Md. While Prudence contends that they are not a real Black Washington power couple, 'at least not in the way Black Washingtonians knew Black Washington power couples to be,' she and Davis still turn heads when they enter a room together. The Prudence we meet in 2018 is guarded, carefully composed, the kind of woman who has sharpened herself to a point out of self-preservation. After a tragedy-scarred childhood in Baltimore, she went on to earn three Ivy League degrees and a partnership at McKinsey before stepping back from her career to stay at home with her autistic son. On the stormy D.C. night when Prudence's story begins, she is accompanying Davis to meet his new colleague at what she assumes will be a tedious work dinner. But when the colleague arrives at the restaurant he turns out to be Matshediso, a South African man whose life collided with Prudence's two decades earlier, when she spent a few months in Johannesburg for a law school internship. Matshediso knows secrets from Prudence's past that still haunt her, and it is no coincidence that he has suddenly re-materialized as an I.T. guy at her husband's law firm. Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times. Thank you for your patience while we verify access. Already a subscriber? Log in. Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
