Latest news with #Redelinghuys
The Citizen
a day ago
- The Citizen
Why Gen Z fears phones
Dr Redelinghuys said telephobia presents as a form of social anxiety. The phone is no longer just the phone. It's becoming the damn phone. This, because the massive amount of spam that South Africans are being subjected to has created substantial anxiety, particularly amongst Gen Zs. But it doesn't exclude the rest of us. Telephobia, or the fear and concomitant anxiety associated with speaking on the phone, has become a recognised condition and a sign of modern times. While the condition was first discussed in psychological circles in the 1990s, it has gained momentum recently with global search spikes for the term, according to netnographer and cultural trends analyst Carmen Murray, recorded in June 2023, July 2024, and March 2025. Murray said that the pandemic played a major role in reshaping how people communicate. 'During lockdown, people became used to messaging platforms like WhatsApp, Teams and Slack. Direct phone calls started to feel disruptive and often unwanted,' she said. It's now embedded in popular culture. Phone call anxiety is real Phone call anxiety is not limited to inconvenience. According to Murray, increased robocalls, scam attempts using AI-generated voices and unlabelled call centre numbers add to this. In South Africa, the trend is compounded by what Murray called Hassle Culture, where frequent unsolicited calls and aggressive marketing have made consumers wary. 'There's reputational risk now when you call someone. Trust in the phone as a communication tool is eroding.' And all this has contributed to widespread distrust. 'Many companies now call from mobile numbers too, which are often the same format scammers use,' she said. ALSO READ: Why are we so negative? An expert answers Outside of personal preferences, South African consumers report high volumes of unsolicited calls. Murray said that there isn't a day that goes by when she isn't hassled several times by pretend-familiar salespeople trying to push their wares. 'They come in waves, and if you don't answer the first time, the robot just keeps calling you until you give in,' she said. 'This, despite POPIA, despite strict regulations, they just do whatever they want with no consideration to the consequences or impact on someone else's day.' Spam calls are shortsighted Psychologist and medical doctor Dr Jonathan Redelinghuys said that hammering consumers with calls is short-sighted. 'The aversion that an individual can develop towards a certain product or brand can become more damaging to a business than the actual call was worth,' he said. Murray said that the result is that people have stopped answering altogether. That is, unless they know the person on the other end of the line. Dr Redelinghuys said telephobia presents as a form of social anxiety. 'Not seeing someone's face or body language during a call creates uncertainty. People fear being misunderstood, judged by their tone, or freezing mid-conversation,' he said. He agreed that telephobia may be fuelled by past experiences. 'Some people associate phone calls with bad news. Others are self-conscious about their voice or feel they need a script to handle live interactions. Others just feel it spoils their day and gets their blood boiling when it is the umpteenth sales call in a day.' ALSO READ: Huawei unveils Pura 80 series smartphones with innovative camera system [VIDEO] Text is best This avoidance of Alexander Bell's invention is increasingly visible in younger workers, said Murray. A 2024 Uswitch survey found that 61% of 18 to 34-year-olds prefer texting or WhatsApps to phone calls, and 23% of them never answer unknown numbers. In the UK, coaching sessions have been introduced to help students overcome phone anxiety. 'They've grown up using asynchronous communication,' said Murray, 'where responses can be thought through and edited. A phone call does not allow that level of control,' she said. The impact is also being felt in the workplace. Dr Redelinghuys said that communication expectations are changing, but not everyone's on the same page. 'In some environments, avoiding calls can affect job interviews, client meetings, or collaborative work. It's important to recognise that these habits don't mean someone is unprofessional. It could just be that their communication style is different.' Murray added that in the absence of POPIA enforcement against harassment, consumers are beginning to automate their own defences. 'Apps that block spam or screen unknown numbers are now standard. Increasingly, people are setting their phones to silent by default and choosing to engage on their own terms. If at all.' She said that as businesses automate client interactions, consumers will follow suit. 'Agentic AI will allow users to deploy personal assistants to handle calls, negotiate services, and interact with companies directly.' Dr Redelinghuys said it is important for businesses and institutions to adapt. 'Phone calls are still useful in many cases, but the way people use them is changing. Understanding these behaviours is essential if we want to maintain clear communication across generations.' NOW READ: Never say these 7 things on a first date
The Citizen
08-07-2025
- General
- The Citizen
7 reasons Gen Zs choose friends with benefits
Between studying, side hustles and WhatsApp storms, most Gen Zs barely have time for their own thoughts, let alone high-maintenance relationships. Romance can be overrated, and so can hours of endless swiping left and right on dating apps, not to mention the cycle of drinks at bars, buying drinks for a cutie in the corner or, for that matter, eternal date night. At least that's according to a growing number of Gen Zers who are swapping candlelit dinners and romcoms and sexting for something far more simple. Friends with benefits or FWB, is intimacy served with simplicity. It's the bring it on without the string it along. Clinical psychologist Dr Jonathan Redelinghuys said that the change toward this type of intimate relationship is simply about putting your cards on the table and being straightforward about wants, desires and turn-offs. 'It is not that Gen Z fears commitment,' he said. 'They value authenticity and autonomy. Having friends with benefits allows them to explore connection without the societal script of traditional relationships.' Seven reasons for FWB It delivers sex without emotional pressure FWB removes performance anxiety of the emotional kind. Nobody has to flick-flak or tiptoe on a date or put their best foot forward to get some nookie. 'It's about sharing intimacy without the morning after 'awalkward',' said Dr Redelinghuys. 'It's a conscious decision to separate physical needs from emotional entanglement.' Friendship and trust When you trust a friend, it makes everything easier, say Gen Zs. There's no expectation beyond a good time. Afterwards, it's a slap on the back, and after her bra is fastened, you can still go out for a beer with mates. 'Being able to have regular great sex with someone I actually know, like, trust and respect? Hell yeah,' wrote a Reddit user. Dr Redelinghuys added, 'Trust is the key differentiator here. FWB isn't about random hook-ups. It's about familiarity, comfort, and honesty.' Also Read: Why are we so negative? An expert answers Diary-flexible Between studying, side hustles and WhatsApp storms, most Gen Zs barely have time for their own thoughts, let alone high-maintenance relationships. It's fast-paced, and having friends who can turn on the tap of a bit of naughty whenever cuts out date nights and emotionally draining check-ins or 'where are yous'. It's not about avoiding relationships, said Dr Redelinghuys. 'They are choosing what fits their lives right now. It's pragmatism, not detachment.' No-bungle booty Judgement-free exploration It's a space that friends create for one another where anything can go, measured against mutual consent and boundaries. A space where Gen Zs say they try new things like exploring fantasies or just getting in touch and comfy with your own naughtiness. It's judgment-free, and a subreddit user expressed it aptly: 'Allow me to finally meet, explore, control, and work on accepting my sexuality… I'm proud of myself.' According to Dr Redelinghuys, 'The Gen Z generation is highly self-aware. FWB gives them a playground for discovery without the weight of emotional expectations.' Post Breakup Comfort Who wants to get back in the dating game after a breakup, anyway? Nobody wants to go swimming with sharks right after being bitten. Instead, Gen Zs look for companionship on an emotional and physical level. It's companionship without pressure, a familiar body without the need to get into anything emotional. 'There's a psychological reassurance in reconnecting with someone familiar,' said Dr Redelinghuys. 'It allows for emotional healing while maintaining boundaries.' Forget soap operas Bye Bye Drama Gen Z does not seem into the drama of dating. It can be exhausting. The texting, ghosting, situationships, checking in, checking out. Wondering about I love yous. Friends with benefits skip the queue and go straight to fun, honesty and, well, comfort. 'The two most honest, pure, uncomplicated and beautiful relationships I ever experienced were FWB,' a Reddit user confessed in r/AskWomen. Dr Redelinghuys agreed, 'Sometimes simplicity is healthier. FWB can be a drama-free arrangement when both parties communicate openly and respect the rules.' Deeper connections without blunt force trauma Not every friends-with-benefits situation must be without strings, forever. It could start that way, but sometimes, it grows into something real, deep, and well beyond what either party may have expected. And the beauty of it would have been that there was no pressure upfront, no emotional blunt force trauma. Dr Redelinghuys said that friendship lays a strong foundation for any relationship. When intimacy is layered on top, deeper connections often emerge organically. And, according to Reddit users, it happens more often than people admit. 'It started as casual, but we grew closer because we were just so honest from the start,' one user shared.
The Citizen
05-07-2025
- General
- The Citizen
Why are we so negative? An expert answers
Why do we forget the congratulations but remember the insult? Doomscrolling is one of the ways we fill up on negativity. Picture: Keasha Werner Why is it that, while we all want to see the glass as half full, we tend to see it as half empty? Why do we forget the congratulations but remember the insult? What is it about the human condition that makes us default to the negative? Even if all humans were chocolate cupcakes, the salted caramel icing may taste more snarky than delectable at times. It's called negativity bias, and it seems to be baked into the fibre of who we are as people. 'Our brains evolved to keep us alive, not to keep us happy,' said medical doctor and psychologist Dr Jonathan Redelinghuys. 'In ancient times, noticing a rustle in the bushes could have meant a predator was nearby, ready to eat us,' he said. 'That kind of vigilance helped our ancestors survive. But now the same reaction kicks in when someone ignores your message on WhatsApp or frowns in a meeting.' It's fight or flight, expressed differently. Natural switch to negativity In a study conducted at the University of Chicago, participants were shown a series of images. Some were positive, like pizza or luxury cars. Others were neutral, such as a light switch or a dish. The rest were clearly negative, including photos of injuries and dead animals. The brain's response was much more intense to the negative images, suggesting we are primed to react to unpleasantness more strongly and more quickly. ALSO READ: Doing Niksen; the art of nothingness This also plays out in news coverage. Political communication researchers Stuart Soroka, Patrick Fournier and Lilach Nir studied audiences across 17 countries and found that people consistently paid more attention to negative news than to positive stories. Their research measured physical and emotional reactions to video news content and revealed a global pattern that human beings are simply more aroused by negativity. 'This is why doomscrolling on devices exists,' said Dr Redelinghuys. 'It's not that the world has become more terrible. It's that we are more likely to notice and believe the terrible parts of it.' Right now, people have a myriad of options to scroll to, like the Israel, Iran, Gaza conflict, Ukraine and Russia, Cash in Transit Heists in Mzansi, and thieving politicians. 'It's a feast of negativity made accessible by the internet and its platforms,' said Dr Redelinghuys. We absorb negativity easier The problem, he said, is that we don't just see the stuff, we absorb it. 'It colours the way we think, the choices we make and the way we relate to other people,' he said. 'A boss berating you at work sticks with you longer than a kind word from the same person. A failed job interview might haunt you for weeks. One strange look or word from someone else can ruin a perfectly decent day.' 'After that, you can give someone all the validation in the world, but it's the one piece of criticism they remember. That one moment becomes the headline in their thoughts. Online forums are full of people feeling challenged with this exact experience. One user on Reddit wrote, 'I know when something is objectively fine, but my emotions just won't accept it. I live in this loop of expecting things to go wrong.' Another shared, 'I've turned my life around completely, but I still only see the failures. It's like I only know how to function through negativity.' It's not easy to shut your mind up or to learn how to avoid the potholes of negative bias. 'You don't silence it completely,' said Dr Redelinghuys. 'But you can learn to notice it for what it is and stop letting it control the narrative of your life.' Mindfulness can help Mindfulness can work. A study by researchers Kiken and Shook in 2011 found that people who practised mindful breathing became more aware of positive experiences and developed more optimistic attitudes. Other tools include journaling, reframing and making a conscious effort to notice the good things when they happen. 'It's not about pretending everything is perfect,' noted Dr Redelinghuys. 'It's about giving positive moments a fair chance to land. The brain is already keeping score of everything that went wrong. Balance that out.' Cognitive restructuring is a big term, but an easier implementation. This is where you actively challenge negative thoughts, consciously, and replace them with more balanced notions. Another simple idea, Dr Redelinghuys suggested, is to linger longer in the good moments of life. 'Take a moment to fully enjoy the meal, the compliment, the peaceful evening. Let it register,' he suggested. 'You do not have to be blindly optimistic. But you can stop treating the negative as the only truth worth knowing fully.' NOW READ: Never say these 7 things on a first date
The Citizen
03-07-2025
- General
- The Citizen
Never say these 7 things on a first date
Some turns of phrase are turn-offs before even the second glass of red wine lubricates what is already a stressful encounter. Whether you've swiped right or simply met someone at a bar, a first date can often be hell. Putting your best foot forward is important, and being blunt could get anyone booted from a seat at the relationship table from the start. Some turns of phrase are turn-offs before even the second glass of red wine lubricates what is already a stressful encounter. To help you avoid a disaster date, here are seven conversations not to have: 'I'm just looking for something fun… unless you change my mind.' This isn't flirty. It's mixed signalling and, as psychologist Dr Jonathan Redelinghuys explains, it sets the tone for a power imbalance where one person holds back while dangling vague promises. 'Mixed messages early on create anxiety and mistrust,' said Dr Redelinghuys. 'It implies emotional unavailability and a lack of respect for the other person's intentions.' 'My ex used to…' or 'You remind me of my ex.' A cold shoulder guarantee. Nobody wants to be compared to a former lover. Leave your ex-anecdotes at the parcel counter and forget to collect it when you go home. 'Mentioning an ex shows emotional residue that hasn't cleared,' said Dr Redelinghuys. 'It immediately positions your date as a comparison, not an individual.' A study found that ex-talk drastically reduces attraction and perceived emotional availability. Like a Reddit user said: 'He compared me to his ex-twice before the appetisers arrived. I excused myself.' ALSO READ: Will AI replace your psychologist? 'I looked you up.' Never, ever admit to CIA-ing the person you're spending time with on a date. Imagine telling your date that you saw their pics of an office party where they danced on the tables last year. 'Oversharing digital snooping shatters the illusion of organic discovery,' said Dr Redelinghuys. 'There's a fine line between curiosity and control.' 'I really do not like……' Keep your opinions on sensitive matters to yourself. This can be something as simple as supporting US President Donald Trump's Afrikaner refugee programme through to animal welfare, women's, or men's rights. Moreover, hate speech or prejudice that belongs to decades ago is not sexy. 'Expressions of intolerance signal emotional rigidity and poor empathy,' said Dr Redelinghuys. 'You will not get lucky spewing codswallop.' 'So, how much do you earn?' A Reddit user lamented that 'she asked about my salary right after asking what car I drove. Nope. No thanks.' Payslips are not love letters, and month-end is not Valentine's Day. Making a first date transactional, said Dr Redelinghuys, solicits judgment, and concomitantly, he added, 'you can make someone feel that the only value they have is what's in the bank.' A study by the Personal Relationships Journal found that asking questions about money too soon can lead to personal discomfort and may come across as overly materialistic. 'I've had more than 25 sexual partners.' So, here's my dirty laundry, you say. There are notches on my bedpost. There can be nothing worse than sharing a meal when your date pipes up and blurts out the contents of their little black book or, even worse, that they have some kind of unmentionable fetish. There's a time and place for everything, said Dr Redelinghuys. 'Early sexual disclosure without trust is often received as attention-seeking or emotionally reckless. It can make the other person feel like a statistic rather than a potential partner or just plain scared.' 'I'm just wanting to get married and have kids. Soon' Before you've had your first kiss or gafoofle, they tell you that there's a plan in motion and a checklist to boot. On this roadmap, there are kids at this time, a new house at that time, and grandkids further along the way. It's pressure that can make the oversharer seem desperate. 'There's a difference between being goal-driven and appearing desperate,' Dr Redelinghuys explained. 'It can overwhelm your date and create pressure before there's been any connection.' NOW READ: Quarter Life – your first existential crisis
The Citizen
03-07-2025
- Lifestyle
- The Citizen
7 things people say to sound deep on Instagram
These lines can also drown your credibility because of what they imply. Coming up with deep posts seems to be quite a pastime. Picture: Keasha Werner Social media has become the go-to platform for confessions, advice, and pocket-sized philosophical musings. Instagram is often the worst of it. In between the make-up tutorials, selfies and FOMO moments everyone loves posting, it's the phrases and deep-seekers who can annoy the most. You don't have to spew shallow depth to be heard, because in the real world, you can just be yourself. Yet we all fall for it at some point. The temptation to confess to or randomly address the masses on the internet, or to mute a chat group just because someone challenges our relationship status. These are seven phrases often used online to sound deeper than the shallow end of life's pool. But the lines can also drown your credibility because of what they imply. Everything happens for a reason The big one. It's life's general placating excuse that's wheeled out whenever something goes wrong. Someone gets dumped, fired or set back somehow and this phrase, the retreat on Instagram. 'It's comforting to believe there's a grand design at work,' said psychologist Dr Jonathan Redelinghuys. 'People use it to soften the blow of disappointment. It gives a sense of order when life feels random.' One Reddit comment summed it up by posting this comment: 'Yeah, Karen, you got fired because you were always late, not because the universe has a secret plan.' I've outgrown people, and that's okay So ya, this is a post and a turn of phrase that can be compared to bubblegum spiritual growth that's lost its flavour after a few chews. It's the ultimate turn-off for anyone, despite the author trying to sound philosophical and mature 'This kind of post may mask unresolved guilt,' said Dr Redelinghuys. 'It lets people dodge accountability for ghosting friends by calling it 'personal evolution.'' ALSO READ: Quiet quitting in relationships: Are you at risk? If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. What a yawn. This is not hell hath no fury, but rather, stupidity has a theory. This, according to Dr Redelinghuys, is a phrase used by people who treat mood swings or other aspects of toxic behaviour like personality traits. 'It romanticises un-okay behaviour and a warning disguised as wisdom. This is basically telling others to brace for collision when they engage with the poster.' Your vibe attracts your tribe. You mistakenly believe that you are an influencer and erroneously affirm to yourself that group chats or comments on a post create soul connections. That is, of course, until your tribe starts asking you for favours or something goes wrong. This is not depth, it's a cliché from the pocketbook or useless phrases. It's symptomatic, said Dr Redelinghuys, of the human need for connection. 'It creates the illusion of selective belonging, even if it's just a circle of people forwarding the same motivational memes.' Don't chase, attract Posted on Instagram by the same kind of person that dispenses relationship advice despite their own love lives sucking or, for that matter, the kind of person that sits and waits for good things to come to them. Yet, the only thing that excites this kind of person is likely refreshing their socials and looking for new likes. Day made. 'This phrase makes inaction seem glamorous,' Dr Redelinghuys said. 'It's wishful thinking, dressed up as emotional maturity. Life rarely works this passively unless you played the lotto, and won'. I'm not for everyone, and that's my power. In plain English, this is a tactical translation of getting booted for being somewhat uncool or abrasive. The person who posts this turned their own emotions into an affirming manifesto that justifies why they don't need to change. An 'It's not me, it's you' kind of person, in short. Dr Redelinguys said that this is pie-in-the-sky self-empowerment. 'It's easier to claim uniqueness than confront your flaws.' Silence is the loudest response. This is the Instagram ghosting excuse of ghosters and the silent treatment after an argument. It's ignorance and pop-psychology dressed up as wisdom. ' This is about avoidance,' said Dr Redelinghuys. 'People dress up their lack of communication as wise maturity or self-awareness. In reality, it's emotional dodging.' As one Redditor cracked: 'More like, 'I ghosted them and now I'm pretending it's Zen.'' NOW READ: Reading books is the new sexy
