Latest news with #RomanyGypsy
Daily Mail
25-06-2025
- Daily Mail
I'm a Romany gypsy great-grandfather of 19 - people look down on us...but here's why they are wrong
A 'proud' Romany gypsy great-grandfather of 19 has hit back at critics who believe his community is 'dirty', 'stinking' and 'troublesome'. Oldy Herring, 67, the elder of the family unit, said a number of stereotypes now existed because of shows like My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. His comments came just a few weeks after the group won a landmark case to stay at a car park in Kent despite the council forking out as much as £100,000 taxpayer money to fight it. The family of 15 adults and 14 children, who have established a permanent camp at the disused Wigmore Coach Park off the M2, have now shared their side of the story saying a lot of the so-called gypsy traditions are actually 'nonsense' and fake. Mr Herring, who spoke with his wife Tina, insisted that in reality their culture revolves around family, respect for elders, religion, storytelling, animals, cleanliness, charity and community. The couple added the only reason people didn't want to live alongside them was they did not know enough about them and their culture. Medway Council had initially granted the family permission to stay at the site for three months if they paid a monthly fee and stuck to a number of rules. However, in October last year, the local authority handed the Romany Gypsy family an eviction notice, stating they had planned to sell the land, previously a park and ride used for those commuting to London, in the near future. Last month a judge made the milestone judgement that the authority wrongly interfered with the group's human rights by attempting to turf them out, having heard no steps were taken to sell the site. Mr Herring said due to reports of travellers causing trouble across the country, his family was often 'tarred with the same brush'. He explained: 'I have kept my family together all of my life.' Reflecting on his 18 great-grandchildren - and around the same number of grandchildren - Mr Herring added: 'There's a birthday every week! 'We've got feelings and we've got respect for ourselves and decency for other people. We have been like that all our lives. 'But people look down on us like we have just come from Mars. 'We are rough and ready, but any one of you can have bread and cheese with us - we are human. 'People who put their noses up at us, all I say is: come and find out who we are. We just try and keep ourselves to ourselves. 'They give us a bad name until they get to know us, then they realise we are not like they think we are. 'People are frightened by the myth. We've just got a bad name.' Despite settling down at the Kent site, Mr Herring - who has admitted never having been to school in his life - said the family will continue their Romany Gypsy traditions that have been around for centuries. He explained marriages and funerals are the big calendar occasions, as well as Christmas. The jumping of the broomstick, where newly married couples go hand-in-hand over a brush, was also an example of one such tradition. Mr Herring also pointed out that despite mostly keeping it in the Romany Gypsy community, there were no rules against marrying outsiders. He said: 'We try to marry in the Roma community, but you don't have to. 'Once [outsiders] are in, they often don't want to leave. 'Once you are married, you are married for life. And the girls go and live with their husbands and their families. Mr Herring's wife, Tina, added: 'Girls have got to be kept pure until they are married. 'Everyone travels to be together for weddings and funerals. Everyone will come from miles around.' But Mr Herring claimed shows such as My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding had peddled offensive falsities about some supposed traditions. The controversial act of 'grabbing' seen on the show, where young men throw women over their shoulders to force a kiss, was apparently one such myth. Mr Herring said: 'We don't believe in that; that's just something the young boys started doing. 'That Big Gypsy Weddings show… It's a load of nonsense. That brought on the misconceptions - it's all put on. 'If you tried to grab a Gypsy girl at a wedding, you would get a punch: that's disrespecting that woman.' Tina agreed: 'Lots of things were wrong on that show. 'Religion is a big part of our culture. Everybody believes in the Lord and bringing kids up with Christian values.' She added charity was also a big part of the culture. Mr Herring said: 'Because we know what it's like to not have any bread in you, or not to have a roof over your head. 'If we see someone who needs help, we help them. We can't understand why people don't do the same for us.' Mr Herring's wife explained keeping a clean home was also essential to their way of life, crediting it for helping to stop the spread of diseases in their community. She said: 'We like a bottle of bleach and always have done. 'A lot of people only use bleach in their toilets, but we use it everywhere. 'We've got funny beliefs and strict rules.' She explained another of those beliefs as being that toilets and showers inside their caravans are never used, saying: 'Never in a million years do you use the toilet or shower in your caravan. 'It's too close to your sink.' Instead, travellers use publicly available shower blocks and toilets, or facilities in gyms and pubs. Mr Herring added he prayed their next site would be clean when he was a young boy, as it was always his job to clear it. 'And people have the cheek to say, "Dirty, stinking gypsies",' he said. Tina also revealed a lesser-known tradition after the passing of loved ones in the Romany Gypsy community, saying: 'When you die, if there's no one to live in your caravan, the caravan gets burned.' Animals and storytelling were also said to play big roles in Romany Gypsy life. Mr Herring explained: 'Because we couldn't read or write, we told stories. 'Animals are a big part of our lives; the country is our lives, and we love the country.' Food, as in most cultures, was also said to be instrumental in bringing together the family for evening meals. The family explained how 'old-fashioned' dishes, like meat puddings and rice puddings, were cooked in centuries-old cast-iron pots that had brought to life thousands of meals over the years. They made the comments in the backdrop of ancient pots that hung in an open shed on the family's site, under which a young Jack Russell puppy barked below a framed photo of the Kray twins, who were of Romany descent. Tina explained the pots - always heated over dead wood, which 'doesn't smoke' - locked the taste and smell of the food cooked in them. She said: 'Meat's a big part of our diet. I have never met a vegetarian gypsy in my life.' Despite a reputation for violence and bare-knuckle boxing, Mr Herring claimed the majority of the time, disputes were settled with words rather than fists. He said their Christian values also encouraged them to help out others in need, such as motorists who'd broken down near their site. And Tina recalled stepping in during the beating of a young girl, who she took in and cleaned up after intervening. This is the first time the family have been granted permission to stay permanently at a site, meaning their children can continue studying at local schools. Mr Herring said: 'All we want is somewhere to stop. 'We keep it clean and tidy and nobody has complained about us. 'We went to the courts and won our case. We are a quiet family and we are willing to pay our way. We pay to stay here, for the bins and the toilets. 'Our children love the school here. I have never been to school in my life. It's not because we're stupid, it's because we've not had a place to call home. 'The kids ask with their homework, "Is this right?" and I say, "You tell me!". 'I am trying to bring my children up the best way I can. 'There's a lot of people who think travelling is a good way of life. 'You've got to be born with this and it goes through generations. 'I am so proud of being a gypsy. There's good and bad, but they all paint us with the same brush.' Having spent their lives up until now constantly on the move, only looking for a new site 'once we got bored', the family has stated they are now content to stay at the Wigmore Coach Park site, saying it's become more and more difficult to keep moving. Mr Herring said the children are said to be 'over the moon' at being able to have birthday parties, which they were reluctant to have whilst moving around for fear of being moved on - with Tina saying they were once moved on three times one Christmas Eve. The family recalled horrific instances of racism against their people in decades gone by, with Mr Herring claiming a police officer once told him: 'Hitler had the right idea with you; they should've shot you all.' Other horror stories included burning tyres being rolled under caravans in which children slept and having pesticide purposefully sprayed on them and their belongings. Tina also recounted children's nursery rhymes warning against 'playing with Gypsies', saying this added fuel to the fire of people's perception of them. Cllr Satinder Shokar, of Medway Council, who has supported the families at the Wigmore Coach Park site 'from day one', said he had personally seen evidence of racism against the families from the authorities. He explained: 'What I realised as a councillor was that the racism within organisations is institutionalised racism. 'There's not anywhere we didn't encounter it. We felt it important that their voices were heard. '[Being granted permanent residence at the Wigmore site] is another key victory for these families, offering further hope after years of repeated planning refusals. 'With over 90 per cent of applications refused nationwide, until these figures change, the long-term trend of cultural apartheid against the Gypsy, Roma and Traveller community will persist.' It was revealed recently that cash-strapped Medway Council spent as much as £100,000 in taxpayer money on court fees fighting against the family's right to remain at the site. Mr Herring said he didn't blame outsiders for their 'misinformed', 'stereotypical' perception of his people. He said those who gave his people a bad name, were leaving trails of rubbish behind them after festivals and gatherings, often aren't even Gypsies but just 'like the way of life' and are 'lost'. Mr Herring said the same could also be said of many of those outside the Gypsy community, adding: 'There's no respect. 'I think they've just lost their way, but there's nothing wrong with them. 'Respect for the elders is a big thing for us: respect your parents and grandparents. 'We don't believe in letting our children go. That's our job, from the moment I got my eldest son. 'Our way of life is coming to an end. But we don't want our tradition and culture to end. 'We are holding our hands up and saying, "We want to stay here". 'This is paradise for us. Just stopping here... It's like winning the lottery. 'They are realising we are human beings.' 'We are comfortable here,' Tina agreed. 'We are starting to be accepted.'
Scottish Sun
20-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Scottish Sun
The exact moment I realised I was a gay gypsy terrified me – but it was family's reaction that really shocked me
COMING OUT The exact moment I realised I was a gay gypsy terrified me – but it was family's reaction that really shocked me Born and bred within the Romany Gypsy community Jessie Jeff, 33, knew exactly what was expected of him but here he explains why he bucked the norm entirely
The Irish Sun
20-06-2025
- General
- The Irish Sun
The exact moment I realised I was a gay gypsy terrified me – but it was family's reaction that really shocked me
MARRYING a woman and having lots of children is how those in the traveller community expected my life to play out. So when I finally found the courage to break from the Romany Gypsy 'normal' and face the fact that I wanted to be with a man instead I was terrified about how they would react - and I was right to be concerned. 10 Born within the Romany Gypsy community, Jessie Jeff reveals how coming out as gay was terrifying Credit: Gareth Iwan Jones Photographer 10 Jessie, aged two, sitting on his mum's lap on the traveller site where he grew up, pictured alongside his dad and brother 10 Career driven Jessie became a paramedic after helping to care for his grandfather in his later years 10 Jessie tried to convince himself he'd one day like girls until he finally kissed a man when he was 18 I come from a family of travellers and men who confess they're gay face the wrath of the community. I've known some take their own lives because the struggle to admit the truth is too difficult. It's so rare to come out as gay I felt frightened. Now, I am married to a man - we have four kids together with two more on the way. From an early age I knew I was different but when I was 18 and kissed a man for the first time I knew there was no turning back. During my childhood the other boys loved nothing more than mucking about on the Piddlehinton traveller site, near I wasn't like them - they'd climb trees, make dens and mess about mending cars. I joined in because I was expected to but at the slightest excuse I'd creep back to my mum's caravan, and help her with the cooking. I loved the warmth and the delicious smells - I even liked helping her clean by doing the mopping. I'd watch my older relatives who were so capable and comfortable cutting down trees or working in gardens unable to imagine ever being like them. They'd say I'd soon be working with them - they'd teach me the skills - but I felt suffocated. I'm a gypsy & there's strict rules about how me and my man behave in public As I grew up other traveller boys left school at 11 or 12 and started helping out round the site and going out washing cars. I was so grateful my mum was determined I'd get an education – even though teachers told her I'd never be academic and the most they could expect was that I'd leave being able to read and write. It was a double-edged sword though because I didn't fit in at school and was mercilessly bullied. I was called 'gypo' or 'the gypsy boy'- I never felt like I belonged. I desperately tried to be like the other traveller boys. I started dating a traveller girl when I was 12 which was arranged and I had to talk to her father before we could date. When she moved on a year later I pretended to be upset, but in reality I was glad. Though back then I really didn't know why. Until I was about 14, I admitted to myself I might be gay - but even then I hoped it was a matter of finding the right girlfriend and my feelings would go away. I forced myself to date girls from school and when I was 16 I even slept with a few of them. I've always loved women but I'm not attracted to them and I remember my brain telling me 'you will like it', but going through the motions during sex felt like torture. I was filled with were no gay gypsy role models I could look up to, no one I could confide in. Jessie Jeff I'm one of the only men I know who was pleased to discover that one of my teenage girlfriends was cheating on me – it felt as though her secret boyfriend was doing me a favour. It was when I was 18 that I started tentatively exploring being with men. By then I was studying an access course to get into university and become a paramedic – something I'd longed to do after helping to care for my grandfather in his later years. The course was based in Weymouth but other students lived in Bournemouth so I'd socialise there, away from the eyes of the traveller community. I felt safe that I wouldn't be found out. 10 Jessie Jeff tried to dampen down his sexuality and it was only in adulthood that he found the courage to reveal the truth Credit: Gareth Iwan Jones 10 Jessie pictured with husband Andy on their wedding day Credit: Jessie Jeff 10 Jessie in his role as a paramedic and pictured with Joanna Lumley at the Chelsea Flower Show Credit: Jessie Jeff 10 Jessie with Amanda Holden at the Chelsea Flower Show Credit: Jessie Jeff Kissing a man for the first time at 18 was the defining moment that put me on the path to where I am now. Filled with terror But I was filled with terror. There were no gay gypsy role models I could look up to, no one I could confide in. It was meeting Andy, now 30, through friends that gave me the impetus to 'come out'. I was 21 and he was 18 and I fell in love and trusted him and knew he'd support me through the inevitable turmoil. It was exhausting hiding him from my family and in 2013, six months after we started seeing each other, I confided in my aunt. She was like a second mum so when she asked me why I was so miserable I blurted out the truth. Her response was incredible and beyond unexpected – she told me that as long as Andy made me happy that was what mattered. But she also said it was a secret too big to keep and she offered to break the news to my mum - her sister - for me. While they were talking I packed my bags, shaking with Mum returned from my aunt's house shocked and crying which made me feel both guilty and sad. She told me she loved me but needed space. I went to live with Andy in Bournemouth and I never went back to the traveller site. I didn't fear physical attacks, but I didn't want to be shunned either Jessie Jeff There was gossip, and one person even refused to share my drink in case he 'caught' being gay. That comment made me more determined than ever to succeed. I avoided traveller gatherings for two years because I didn't want to cope with any other comments. Mum didn't really talk to me for three months – I understood, she had to wrap her head around it and she was so worried for me and how my life would play out. I knew only too well how hard it was for her to grasp – in some travelling communities men are forced into marriage rather than coming out and I was worried that the whole community would turn not only on me, but on my mum too. I didn't fear physical attacks, but I didn't want to be shunned either. During the months that followed I concentrated on my relationship with Andy. He was so supportive and reassuring and I focused on my studies and ambition to become a paramedic. It's terrifying breaking out from what's normal in your family. Though I was happy with Andy, our happiness was tainted because I felt I was letting everyone down. However as with so many things, time was a great healer. 'They watch me' Gradually, mum and I started talking again and while it took a couple of years for her to accept Andrew into her heart, she now refers to him as her 'second son'. I always say being a traveller is like being a member of the Royal Family - both are steeped in tradition and rules. It's more acceptable to get a girl pregnant at 15 in my community than come out as gay. I knew mum really accepted who I am seven years ago. Andy, an electrician, and I bought a four-bedroom house in Bournemouth and she moved in with us. Though she now accepts us fully and the three of us still share the same house we are careful when we mix with the community at weddings and funerals. I wouldn't dream of kissing or holding hands with Andy because I know it would make people feel uncomfortable and in turn I would feel the same. And I accept that – I don't blame them, it's hard to let go of your 'normal' and adjust. Fellow guests sometimes look at me with curiosity as if I've sprung two heads and a tail - they watch me all the time. After Andy proposed on a beach in Gran Canaria in 2013 we finally married in September 2022. We decided to go abroad to Cyprus to combine a wedding and a holiday. We invited over a hundred guests but only 60 came - 15 from the travelling community. I think some genuinely couldn't afford it but I'm sure others didn't feel comfortable - but that's OK. I wonder if subconsciously I went abroad as I was worried people wouldn't join us. Being a dad is something I've always wanted. Two years ago we adopted four children and we're in the process of adopting two more – so at least I'm going to conform with the gypsy community that way, because they too love a big family. Life is chaotic, but wonderful. I look back on that scared, confused young boy who was terrified he'd never fit in and I wish I could tell him how amazing his life would turn out to be. 10 After he came out, Jessie avoided traveller gatherings for two years Credit: Supplied 10 Jessie, pictured, bought a house in Bournemouth with his partner Andy Credit: Gareth Iwan Jones
The Sun
20-06-2025
- General
- The Sun
The exact moment I realised I was a gay gypsy terrified me – but it was family's reaction that really shocked me
MARRYING a woman and having lots of children is how those in the traveller community expected my life to play out. So when I finally found the courage to break from the Romany Gypsy 'normal' and face the fact that I wanted to be with a man instead I was terrified about how they would react - and I was right to be concerned. 10 10 10 I come from a family of travellers and men who confess they're gay face the wrath of the community. I've known some take their own lives because the struggle to admit the truth is too difficult. It's so rare to come out as gay I felt frightened. Now, I am married to a man - we have four kids together with two more on the way. From an early age I knew I was different but when I was 18 and kissed a man for the first time I knew there was no turning back. During my childhood the other boys loved nothing more than mucking about on the Piddlehinton traveller site, near Dorchester in Dorset, where I spent most of my youth. I wasn't like them - they'd climb trees, make dens and mess about mending cars. I joined in because I was expected to but at the slightest excuse I'd creep back to my mum's caravan, and help her with the cooking. I loved the warmth and the delicious smells - I even liked helping her clean by doing the mopping. I'd watch my older relatives who were so capable and comfortable cutting down trees or working in gardens unable to imagine ever being like them. They'd say I'd soon be working with them - they'd teach me the skills - but I felt suffocated. I'm a gypsy & there's strict rules about how me and my man behave in public As I grew up other traveller boys left school at 11 or 12 and started helping out round the site and going out washing cars. I was so grateful my mum was determined I'd get an education – even though teachers told her I'd never be academic and the most they could expect was that I'd leave being able to read and write. It was a double-edged sword though because I didn't fit in at school and was mercilessly bullied. I was called 'gypo' or 'the gypsy boy'- I never felt like I belonged. I desperately tried to be like the other traveller boys. I started dating a traveller girl when I was 12 which was arranged and I had to talk to her father before we could date. When she moved on a year later I pretended to be upset, but in reality I was glad. Though back then I really didn't know why. Until I was about 14, I admitted to myself I might be gay - but even then I hoped it was a matter of finding the right girlfriend and my feelings would go away. I forced myself to date girls from school and when I was 16 I even slept with a few of them. I've always loved women but I'm not attracted to them and I remember my brain telling me 'you will like it', but going through the motions during sex felt like torture. I'm one of the only men I know who was pleased to discover that one of my teenage girlfriends was cheating on me – it felt as though her secret boyfriend was doing me a favour. It was when I was 18 that I started tentatively exploring being with men. By then I was studying an access course to get into university and become a paramedic – something I'd longed to do after helping to care for my grandfather in his later years. The course was based in Weymouth but other students lived in Bournemouth so I'd socialise there, away from the eyes of the traveller community. I felt safe that I wouldn't be found out. 10 10 Kissing a man for the first time at 18 was the defining moment that put me on the path to where I am now. Filled with terror But I was filled with terror. There were no gay gypsy role models I could look up to, no one I could confide in. It was meeting Andy, now 30, through friends that gave me the impetus to 'come out'. I was 21 and he was 18 and I fell in love and trusted him and knew he'd support me through the inevitable turmoil. It was exhausting hiding him from my family and in 2013, six months after we started seeing each other, I confided in my aunt. She was like a second mum so when she asked me why I was so miserable I blurted out the truth. Her response was incredible and beyond unexpected – she told me that as long as Andy made me happy that was what mattered. But she also said it was a secret too big to keep and she offered to break the news to my mum - her sister - for me. While they were talking I packed my bags, shaking with anxiety as I stuffed my clothes into four bin bags, so convinced I couldn't stay. Mum returned from my aunt's house shocked and crying which made me feel both guilty and sad. She told me she loved me but needed space. I went to live with Andy in Bournemouth and I never went back to the traveller site. There was gossip, and one person even refused to share my drink in case he 'caught' being gay. That comment made me more determined than ever to succeed. I avoided traveller gatherings for two years because I didn't want to cope with any other comments. Mum didn't really talk to me for three months – I understood, she had to wrap her head around it and she was so worried for me and how my life would play out. I knew only too well how hard it was for her to grasp – in some travelling communities men are forced into marriage rather than coming out and I was worried that the whole community would turn not only on me, but on my mum too. I didn't fear physical attacks, but I didn't want to be shunned either. During the months that followed I concentrated on my relationship with Andy. He was so supportive and reassuring and I focused on my studies and ambition to become a paramedic. It's terrifying breaking out from what's normal in your family. Though I was happy with Andy, our happiness was tainted because I felt I was letting everyone down. However as with so many things, time was a great healer. 'They watch me' Gradually, mum and I started talking again and while it took a couple of years for her to accept Andrew into her heart, she now refers to him as her 'second son'. I always say being a traveller is like being a member of the Royal Family - both are steeped in tradition and rules. It's more acceptable to get a girl pregnant at 15 in my community than come out as gay. I knew mum really accepted who I am seven years ago. Andy, an electrician, and I bought a four-bedroom house in Bournemouth and she moved in with us. Though she now accepts us fully and the three of us still share the same house we are careful when we mix with the community at weddings and funerals. I wouldn't dream of kissing or holding hands with Andy because I know it would make people feel uncomfortable and in turn I would feel the same. And I accept that – I don't blame them, it's hard to let go of your 'normal' and adjust. Fellow guests sometimes look at me with curiosity as if I've sprung two heads and a tail - they watch me all the time. After Andy proposed on a beach in Gran Canaria in 2013 we finally married in September 2022. We decided to go abroad to Cyprus to combine a wedding and a holiday. We invited over a hundred guests but only 60 came - 15 from the travelling community. I think some genuinely couldn't afford it but I'm sure others didn't feel comfortable - but that's OK. I wonder if subconsciously I went abroad as I was worried people wouldn't join us. Being a dad is something I've always wanted. Two years ago we adopted four children and we're in the process of adopting two more – so at least I'm going to conform with the gypsy community that way, because they too love a big family. Life is chaotic, but wonderful. I look back on that scared, confused young boy who was terrified he'd never fit in and I wish I could tell him how amazing his life would turn out to be. 10 10
Scottish Sun
01-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Scottish Sun
I'm a proud gay gypsy – I was shunned for breaking traveller ‘rules' but here's why I'll never turn my back on community
LEAVING school young and putting on a huge, no-expense spared extravagant wedding usually go hand in hand in a traveller's life. Except for Jessie Jeff, 33, who has totally bucked the trend and is the exact opposite of what you'd expect of a man born and raised within the Romany Gypsy community. 5 Romany Gypsy Jessie Jeff's life is a far cry from what those around him expected it to be Credit: Supplied 5 Jessie, pictured with his parents and brother, is gay Credit: Supplied He's openly gay, marrying electrician husband Andy Wilson, 30, in 2022, and the couple even adopted four children under the age of ten...
