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Irish Times
3 days ago
- General
- Irish Times
Why does your heart feel so bad? It may be the midlife happiness slump
Lately I've been thinking a lot about the U-shaped happiness curve. You probably already know it – this theory posits a dip in happiness in midlife, one so universal that even primates are thought to experience it (though I have no idea how they measure that). According to the data, wellbeing peaks in our 20s and again in older age, but slumps somewhere in the middle – with 47 often cited as the most abject age. The slump can be more pronounced in men. For women, it's often accompanied by more emotional volatility and higher rates of anxiety and depression . There's lots of reasons put forward for declining happiness among women in their 40s, from increased responsibility, to unmet expectations to hormonal biology – oestrogen goes offline at about age 45, inducing an upheaval worse than puberty for some women. The graphs feel grim; they promise nothing good. But maybe, with unhappiness on the horizon, it's time to interrogate what happiness is, what it's for and ask whether choosing to be 'unhappy' might not be the worst thing. In The Promise of Happiness, the queer theorist Sara Ahmed claims that happiness is framed as a moral or social good, something we all should want and pursue. But who gets to define happiness? And how might those definitions serve power in a society where certain lives, choices or identities are often framed as unhappy, or as blocking the happiness of others? Happiness behaves like a promise, Ahmed writes. It's the reward that follows the 'right' life choices, like getting married, having children or building a successful career. But this happiness payout is endlessly deferred. People – women especially – can find themselves at the end of a road of all the right choices, wondering why they are (still) not happy. In fact, we might attribute much of the unhappiness of the U-shaped curve, not with goals unmet or roads not taken – not even with hormones that have fled the building – but with this gulf between what women are promised and what they actually get. READ MORE To be a happy woman, Ahmed argues, is to adapt yourself to a world that has already taken shape. We're told that if we live the right kind of life by the right social script, happiness can be ours. For women, these scripts arguably include acts such as abdicating your own desires, dedicating yourself to others, or even the impossible condition of 'having it all'. If you can do these things without feeling conflicted, you might just be happy. [ Health takes a back seat when working and raising young children. We just get on with it Opens in new window ] Other identities have scripts too – the good man, the male provider – but I wonder if this gulf isn't particularly keen for women, who may have more to lose by following the scripts society writes for us. Society still frames motherhood and marriage as essential tenets of the good life for women. And yet the reality of this path often includes not just compromises, but a bad deal – financially, emotionally, physically. According to the social script, single women in their 40s are lonely and sad. But the graphs tell a different story – childless, single women actually report the greatest life satisfaction, more than their married cohort. Could it be that happiness keeps us attached to things that are ultimately bad for us? It seems I'm not alone in asking these questions. Lately a whole range of stories, from Taffy Brodesser-Akner's hit TV Show Fleishman is in Trouble to Miranda July's novel All Fours explore women and middle-aged malaise. Miranda July: her All Fours has been hailed as the perimenopausal bildungsroman. To me, it felt like a distillation of every conversation we'd ever had over lukewarm prosecco. Photograph: Elizabeth Weinberg/The New York Times In July's All Fours, the protagonist (who reads like a version of July herself – a 40-something artist with a public profile, a loving partner and a young child) plans a solo vacation to New York with money she's earned from an ad campaign. Instead, she turns off the highway into a small town 30 minutes from her house, rents a room in a motel and begins a kind of affair. On finishing the novel I was straight on to my book club (like middle-class perimenopausal women the developed world over, I'd imagine). All Fours has been hailed as the perimenopausal bildungsroman. To me, it felt like a distillation of every conversation we'd ever had over lukewarm prosecco. All Fours is, at heart, a novel about the U-shaped happiness curve. It contemplates what happens to women in their mid-40s – when oestrogen falls off a cliff, when society suggests they're worth less and when life choices made solidify into what they now must live with. But it's not all gloom. July offers the possibility of midlife unhappiness as a space for personal growth and change – but only if we're brave enough to reject what's supposed to make us happy. Throughout, the character builds a getaway, outfitting a motel room in sumptuous fabrics and in a truly revolutionary scene (why?) has a rapturous sexual experience with a woman old enough to be her mother. These explorations aren't framed as a crisis or a woman throwing away all she has built to chase a thrill, but as a U-turn into new territory. [ Róisín Ingle: Middle aged? Embrace it, there's plenty to enjoy and appreciate about it Opens in new window ] 'You had to withstand a profound sense of wrongness if you ever wanted to get somewhere new,' July writes. As I approach the supposed happiness dip, I want to ask what unhappiness can do. What if women embraced 'unhappiness', not as a personal failing or even a fact of our biology, but as a chance to live more authentically – to reject the roads that promise women so much but sometimes (often) fail to deliver? What if we rewrote the script? Bring it on. Do you think mid-40s is tricky time for women? What can be done to help? Tell us your thoughts using the form below
Observer
23-03-2025
- Health
- Observer
BALANCING HOME, WORK AND WELL-BEING
For many working women, Ramadhan brings added responsibilities, requiring efficient time management to balance work, home and social commitments while maintaining personal well-being. Experts emphasise that while women often prioritise their families, self-care is equally essential. Dr Saleha al Jadidi, Consultant Psychiatrist, highlights that the demands of fasting, household chores and spiritual obligations can lead to fatigue, mood swings and stress. She advises women to delegate tasks, hydrate properly and maintain a balanced diet to sustain their physical and emotional health. Dr Sara Ahmed, an English lecturer, underscores the importance of time management in ensuring 'me time'. She suggests planning Iftar meals in advance, organising household tasks and setting aside moments for self-care. Psychologist Sabah al Azri recommends deep breathing exercises, sufficient rest and seeking emotional support to alleviate stress. Hawra, a working mother, shares her personal approach, ensuring evening walks and weekend rest to recharge. Social worker Naashiah al Kharusi emphasises that spiritual strength derived from worship can help women cope with the challenges of Ramadhan. Leena Francis, Principal, Indian School Al Seeb, advocates for a self-sustainable plan that includes 'me time' to maintain well-being. Experts also stress the importance of simplifying daily routines, delegating household chores, reducing screen time and getting adequate sleep. Dr Faryal, Senior Consultant at Royal Hospital, advises women to focus on nutrient-rich foods, mindful reflection and self-compassion to foster both physical and emotional resilience. By implementing these strategies, women can successfully balance home, work and self-care, ensuring a fulfilling and spiritually enriching Ramadhan.
BBC News
05-02-2025
- General
- BBC News
Sheffield: Zebra protest held by parents for school crossing campaign
Parents dressed as zebras have taken to Sheffield's streets to campaign for a safer road crossing outside a school. The black-and-white striped group gathered near Nether Edge Primary School on Wednesday at the junction of Sheldon Road and Sandford Grove parent said she was "scared every day" while on the school run, with campaigners calling for an official crossing to be installed at the City Council said the location was one of its school crossing patrol sites, but the post was currently vacant. The event in Nether Edge was part of the Living Streets campaign, which aims to promote pedestrian safety. Eve Holdsworth, a local parent, said the dangers included drivers passing at high speeds and traffic backing up into the box junction."Children cannot gauge at all when it's safe, and even as an adult I struggle," she said."We're so worried an accident may happen we decided to take some action."Sara Ahmed, the nearby school's assistant headteacher, said a crossing at the junction would be a significant help. "It's dangerous in the fact that it's a crossroads, cars coming from all different angles," she told the Local Democracy Reporting Service. "We teach our children about road safety, but there are cars driving fast around here, it's a busy area with lots of traffic - particularly around school time." Jenny Clark, a volunteer for Living Streets, said road safety for children was a problem across South Yorkshire."I was able to walk to school when I was eight, but now my children can't because it's too dangerous," she routes across the region would help further children take up walking to school and be "safe, autonomous, and healthy", she added. Councillor Ben Miskell, chair of the transport regeneration and climate policy committee on Sheffield City Council, said: "We are in the process of targeting the most dangerous locations across the city and installing measures to make them as safe as possible for people to be able to walk or cycle. "We have had a request for a pedestrian crossing at Sandford Grove Road and Sheldon Road."Miskell added: "Whilst the school crossing patrol post is currently vacant, we are making positive progress in the recruitment to this post."Listen to highlights from South Yorkshire on BBC Sounds, catch up with the latest episode of Look North or tell us a story you think we should be covering here.
