Latest news with #ShannonThomas
Yahoo
a day ago
- Health
- Yahoo
Vexev and U.S. Renal Care Complete Enrollment in Groundbreaking Trial Evaluating Use of Robotic Ultrasound Scanning for AV Fistula Mapping in Dialysis Clinics
CANSCAN study enrolled 120 patients with chronic kidney disease using the investigational, semi-autonomous VxWave™ Ultrasound Imaging System The VxWave Ultrasound Imaging System potentially provides important insights into vascular access, to possibly enable earlier creation and use of AV fistula Results to be presented at American Society of Nephrology (ASN) Annual Meeting in November SYDNEY and SAN ANTONIO, July 30, 2025 /PRNewswire/ -- Vexev, an Australian-based medical device company advancing next-generation vascular imaging, and U.S. Renal Care, a leading provider of in-center and home dialysis in the United States, today announced the successful completion of enrollment in the CANSCAN clinical trial (NCT06691672). The first-of-its-kind, multi-center feasibility study enrolled 120 patients with chronic kidney disease to evaluate the use of semi-autonomous ultrasound scanning utilizing the VxWave Ultrasound Imaging System for arteriovenous (AV) fistula mapping in dialysis clinics. "The VxWave ultrasound system may remove one of the biggest hurdles in the creation of vascular access. Patients could have vascular mapping conducted in their dialysis facility, enabling a more efficient way to obtain a permanent vascular access point," commented Varshi Broumand, MD, MHA, FACP, FASN, Interventional Nephrologist at South Texas Renal Care Group and CANSCAN Study Principal Investigator. "Performing the ultrasound scans during the clinic visit would make AV fistula mapping more convenient and timely and potentially avoid sending patients to additional imaging appointments." An AV fistula is a connection made between an artery and a vein, typically in the arm, to create an access point for patients requiring dialysis. This allows blood to flow quickly and easily during treatment, which helps the body remove toxins more effectively. The VxWave Ultrasound Imaging System is a robotic tomographic ultrasound system specifically designed for upper limb vascular imaging - integrating advanced robotics, machine learning and ultrasound signal processing to create a 3D vascular model and detailed report that potentially provides insights into vascular access points - all at the point of care. "Validating this concept is the first step toward a future where intelligent machines can perform high-precision medical imaging without a human hand on the probe. The potential for a robotic system guided by AI, delivering real clinical value - it's not science fiction anymore," said Shannon Thomas, MD, Chief Medical Officer, Vexev. "The real excitement begins when this can change lives, not just lab results. This is a huge step forward in our mission to improve the lives of millions of people worldwide living with end-stage kidney disease." "U.S. Renal Care is committed to delivering innovative treatments that address the most critical needs for people living with kidney disease," said Geoffrey A. Block, MD, FASN, Associate Chief Medical Officer & Senior Vice President, Clinical Research & Medical Affairs, U.S. Renal Care. "The CANSCAN trial of the VxWave Ultrasound Imaging System opens the possibility of integrating semi-autonomous ultrasound imaging into our workflow and improving patient outcomes, by allowing patients to receive life-saving permanent vascular access placed in the optimal location, as quickly as possible." About VexevVexev is an Australian med‑tech startup founded in 2018 by Drs. John Carroll and Eamonn Colley - University of New South Wales (UNSW) PhD graduates in vascular fluid dynamics and computational imaging. Vexev is on a mission to improve lives by developing the next generation of vascular imaging solutions. Visit to learn more. About U.S. Renal CareU.S. Renal Care, the fastest-growing dialysis provider in the nation, partners with nephrologists across 32 states in the U.S. to care for more than 36,000 people living with kidney disease. Since 2000, U.S. Renal Care has been a leader in clinical quality, innovation, and operational excellence - delivering the best experience and outcomes for our patients. Visit to learn more. Photo - - View original content: SOURCE Vexev Sign in to access your portfolio
Yahoo
2 days ago
- Yahoo
15 Cruel Tactics Sociopaths Use To Keep You Hooked
Sociopaths can be charming, but beneath the surface, they often engage in manipulative behaviors that can leave you feeling trapped and confused. If you've ever felt like you're in a relationship with someone who doesn't seem to have your best interests at heart, it might be worth considering whether these behaviors are at play. Understanding these tactics is the first step toward regaining control and making informed decisions about your relationships. From playing mind games to exploiting your vulnerabilities, sociopaths have a toolkit of tricks designed to keep you under their thumb. Here are 15 things they might do to keep you on the hook. 1. Love Bombing In the early stages of a relationship, sociopaths may shower you with affection, praise, and gifts. This tactic, known as love bombing, is designed to make you feel special and deeply connected to them right from the start. Dr. Craig Malkin, a clinical psychologist, explains in his book "Rethinking Narcissism" that love bombing creates an intense emotional bond that makes it difficult for you to see the sociopath's true colors. It's like being swept up in a whirlwind romance that feels almost too good to be true. This overwhelming attention can cloud your judgment, making you more vulnerable to their manipulative ways. Once you're hooked, the love bombing stops, leaving you confused and desperate to return to that initial high. By abruptly withdrawing their affection, the sociopath keeps you on edge, constantly seeking their approval. You may find yourself walking on eggshells, trying to earn back their love and attention. This creates a cycle of emotional highs and lows, making it difficult for you to break free. The inconsistency is deliberate, keeping you guessing and off balance. 2. Gaslighting Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where sociopaths make you question your own reality. They might deny conversations or events that you clearly remember, making you doubt your memory. By distorting the truth, they create confusion and insecurity within you. This mental fog can make you dependent on them for clarity and validation. It's a subtle, yet powerful way to maintain control over your thoughts and perceptions. Over time, gaslighting erodes your confidence and self-esteem. You might find yourself apologizing for things you didn't do, or second-guessing your decisions. The sociopath uses your self-doubt to further tighten their grip on you. This cycle of manipulation can make it difficult for you to trust your own instincts. Breaking free requires recognizing these tactics and trusting in your own experiences. 3. Triangulation Triangulation involves bringing a third party into the relationship to create tension and competition. The sociopath might mention an ex or another friend to provoke jealousy and insecurity. According to therapist Shannon Thomas, triangulation is a common tactic used to maintain control by creating drama and confusion. This keeps you on your toes, constantly comparing yourself to others. It's a strategic way to make you feel like you need to fight for their attention. By pitting people against each other, the sociopath maintains a sense of power and control. They thrive on the chaos, enjoying the feeling of being the center of attention. Meanwhile, you're left feeling inadequate and anxious, constantly seeking reassurance. This dynamic can be emotionally exhausting, making it hard to see the relationship clearly. Recognizing this tactic is crucial for regaining your sense of self-worth. 4. Playing The Victim Sociopaths often play the victim to manipulate your emotions and gain sympathy. They might tell sob stories about their past or how others have wronged them. This tactic is designed to make you feel protective and empathetic toward them. By casting themselves as the victim, they deflect accountability for their actions. It's a clever way to keep you focused on their needs rather than your own. When you feel sorry for them, you're more likely to forgive their mistakes or overlook red flags. The sociopath uses your compassion against you, knowing that you'll go out of your way to help them. This dynamic can make it difficult to see their true intentions. While you're busy trying to support them, they continue to manipulate and control you. Recognizing this ploy can help you set healthier boundaries. 5. Withholding Affection Withholding affection is a tactic sociopaths use to control and manipulate. They might suddenly become distant or cold, leaving you wondering what went wrong. This emotional withdrawal creates anxiety and insecurity, making you more eager to please them. Dr. Liane Leedom, a psychiatrist, notes that this tactic keeps you in a constant state of neediness. It's a calculated move to keep you striving for their approval. When affection is withheld, it's a form of punishment that leaves you craving their validation. The sociopath knows that by giving it sparingly, they maintain the upper hand. This tactic reinforces the power imbalance in the relationship, making you feel dependent on their whims. You might find yourself bending over backward to win back their favor. Recognizing this pattern is key to breaking free from their control. 6. Blame Shifting Sociopaths are experts at deflecting blame and making you feel responsible for their actions. If you confront them about their behavior, they might turn the tables and accuse you of being the problem. This tactic is designed to make you doubt yourself and question your perspective. By shifting the blame, they avoid accountability and keep you on the defensive. It's a manipulative way to maintain control and avoid facing the consequences of their actions. Over time, blame shifting can erode your confidence and self-esteem. You might start to believe that you're the one at fault, even when you've done nothing wrong. This constant self-doubt can make it difficult for you to trust your instincts. The sociopath uses this to their advantage, knowing that you'll work harder to please them. Recognizing this tactic can help you reclaim your sense of agency. 7. Isolation Isolation is a powerful tool sociopaths use to maintain control over you. By cutting you off from friends and family, they limit your support network and make you more dependent on them. According to a study published in the Journal of Personality Disorders, isolation is a common tactic used by sociopaths to increase emotional dependence. This separation can leave you feeling alone and disconnected from those who care about you. It's a strategic move to ensure that you have no one to turn to but them. As you become more isolated, the sociopath's influence over you grows stronger. Without outside perspectives, it's easier for them to manipulate your thoughts and emotions. You might find yourself agreeing to things you wouldn't normally tolerate. The lack of support can make it difficult to see the relationship clearly. Recognizing this tactic is crucial for reconnecting with your support network and regaining control. 8. Creating Dependency Sociopaths often create a sense of dependency by positioning themselves as your sole source of emotional fulfillment. They might encourage you to rely on them for advice, support, or validation. This dependency makes it difficult for you to imagine life without them, cementing their grip on you. The more you rely on them, the more control they have over your emotions and decisions. It's a calculated way to ensure that you remain under their influence. Over time, this dependency can erode your sense of independence and self-worth. You might start to doubt your ability to make decisions on your own. The sociopath uses this to maintain their power, knowing that you'll turn to them for guidance. This dynamic can be incredibly stifling, making it hard to see a way out. Recognizing this tactic is the first step toward reclaiming your autonomy. 9. Weaponizing Insecurities Sociopaths have a keen ability to identify and exploit your insecurities. They might subtly criticize or belittle you, making you feel self-conscious or inadequate. This tactic is designed to chip away at your confidence and keep you in a state of vulnerability. By playing on your insecurities, they maintain control over your emotions and actions. It's a cruel way to keep you feeling off balance and unsure of yourself. As your self-esteem erodes, you become more reliant on the sociopath for validation. They know exactly how to push your buttons, making you question your worth. This dynamic can be incredibly damaging, leaving you feeling trapped and powerless. Overcoming this manipulation requires recognizing your own strengths and rejecting their negative influence. Understanding this tactic can help you rebuild your confidence and regain control. 10. Hot And Cold Behavior Sociopaths often toggle between being charming and cold, keeping you confused and unsettled. One moment, they might shower you with attention and affection, only to turn distant and aloof the next. This emotional rollercoaster is designed to keep you on your toes, always striving to win back their favor. By alternating between warmth and coldness, they maintain control over your emotions. It's a calculated tactic to ensure that you remain focused on them. This inconsistency can be incredibly disorienting, making it hard to see the relationship clearly. You might find yourself clinging to the moments of charm, hoping they represent the sociopath's true self. Meanwhile, the periods of coldness leave you feeling anxious and insecure. This cycle can be emotionally exhausting, leaving you feeling trapped in a whirlwind of emotions. Recognizing this pattern can help you break free from their manipulative grasp. 11. Exploiting Empathy Sociopaths are experts at exploiting your empathy to get what they want. They might tell you about their struggles or hardships, knowing that you'll bend over backward to help them. This tactic is designed to keep you focused on their needs rather than your own. By appealing to your sense of compassion, they maintain control over your actions. It's a manipulative way to keep you invested in the relationship. Your empathy becomes a tool for the sociopath to use against you. They know that you'll go out of your way to support them, even at your own expense. This dynamic can be incredibly draining, leaving you feeling depleted and unappreciated. Recognizing this tactic is crucial for setting boundaries and prioritizing your own needs. Understanding the ways in which your empathy is being exploited can help you regain control over your life. 12. Micro-Management Micro-managing is another tactic sociopaths use to maintain control over you. They might involve themselves in every aspect of your life, from your friendships to your career choices. This constant oversight is designed to make you feel dependent on them for guidance. By micro-managing your life, they maintain a sense of power and control. It's a suffocating way to keep you under their thumb. Over time, this micro-management can erode your sense of independence and self-confidence. You might start to doubt your ability to make decisions on your own. The sociopath uses this to maintain their dominance, knowing that you'll turn to them for approval. This dynamic can be incredibly stifling, making it hard to break free. Recognizing this tactic is crucial for reclaiming your autonomy and making your own choices. 13. Holding Grudges Sociopaths often hold grudges as a way to manipulate and control you. They might bring up past mistakes or wrongdoings, using them as ammunition in arguments. This tactic is designed to make you feel guilty and indebted to them. By holding grudges, they maintain a sense of power over you, keeping you on the defensive. It's a manipulative way to keep past issues alive and unresolved. This constant reminder of past mistakes can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem. You might find yourself apologizing repeatedly or trying to make amends for things that were never truly your fault. The sociopath uses this leverage to maintain control over your emotions and actions. Recognizing this tactic can help you set boundaries and refuse to be manipulated by past grievances. Understanding the ways in which grudges are used against you is key to regaining control over your life. 14. Minimizing You Sociopaths often minimize your achievements as a way to keep you feeling small and insignificant. They might downplay your successes or compare them to others, making you feel like you're never good enough. This tactic is designed to chip away at your confidence and keep you in a state of insecurity. By minimizing your achievements, they maintain control over your self-worth. It's a cruel way to keep you feeling off balance and unsure of yourself. As your confidence erodes, you become more reliant on the sociopath for validation. They know exactly how to push your buttons, making you question your worth. This dynamic can be incredibly damaging, leaving you feeling trapped and powerless. Overcoming this manipulation requires recognizing your own strengths and rejecting their negative influence. Understanding this tactic can help you rebuild your confidence and regain control. 15. Creating Chaos Sociopaths thrive on chaos and often create it to maintain control over you. They might start arguments, provoke drama, or create conflict out of thin air. This constant state of turmoil keeps you on edge, always trying to restore balance and peace. By creating chaos, they maintain control over your emotions and actions. It's a calculated way to keep you focused on them. This dynamic can be incredibly exhausting, leaving you feeling trapped in a whirlwind of emotions. You might find yourself constantly putting out fires, trying to navigate the chaos they create. Meanwhile, the sociopath enjoys the power they hold over you, knowing that you'll remain focused on them. Recognizing this pattern is crucial for breaking free from their manipulative grasp. Understanding the ways in which chaos is used to control you can help you regain control over your life. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
22-05-2025
- Yahoo
6 Gaslighting Phrases People Say To Manipulate You
Gaslighting, a manipulation tactic often wielded by emotional abusers, gradually makes you question your own judgment, feelings, memories and reality. Because of its insidious nature, it can be hard for victims to recognize it as it's happening. Abusers use gaslighting as a way to gain and maintain power and control in the relationship. They break down your confidence over time by making you think your interpretation of events is incorrect. The more you second-guess yourself, the more you start to believe their version must be the accurate one. 'People who cannot authentically argue their point of view or stand behind their words turn to gaslighting as a tool,' therapist Shannon Thomas, author of 'Healing From Hidden Abuse,' told HuffPost. 'They resort to confusion-creating tactics, and that is a sign of character weakness.' The term comes from the 1938 play 'Gaslight' by Patrick Hamilton (later adapted into two films in the 1940s), in which a husband tries to convince his wife she's losing her mind to distract her from his criminal behavior. Gaslighting is also a way for the abusive partner to avoid taking responsibility for their bad behavior, said psychotherapist Beverly Engel, author of 'The Emotionally Abusive Relationship.' 'For example, accusing you of flirting or being unfaithful may be a smoke-screen for the fact that he is doing those things,' she said. Your partner might say, 'I can't stand the way you flirt with other men whenever we go to a party,' when really, they're the one being disloyal. Below, therapists reveal some of the common phrases gaslighters use so you can be more adept at recognizing this behavior. Gaslighters will do or say something abusive and then deny it ever happened to sow seeds of self-doubt in the victim, said licensed clinical social worker Lisa Ferentz, who specializes in treating trauma. 'The victim starts questioning her instincts and relies more and more on the 'reality' that gets created and manipulated by the abuser,' she said. 'It also heightens a sense of dependency on the abuser.' If you try to express your hurt or disappointment over something the abusive person said — perhaps a cruel remark they made about your appearance in front of your friends that they insist everyone knew was just a funny 'joke' — they'll minimize your feelings by telling you you're overly sensitive or making a big deal out of nothing. The intent is to make you feel stupid for even trying to stand up for yourself. 'Once an abusive partner has broken down the victim's ability to trust their own perceptions, the victim is more likely to put up with the abusive behavior and stay in the relationship,' Engel said. Over time, a gaslighter's lies and distortions of reality make the victim legitimately question their own sanity. The abusive person uses this to their advantage. 'Once their confidence has been shaken, the gaslighter 'confirms' the victim's worst fear: They really must be crazy,' Ferentz said. An abuser may also try to convince your friends and family that you're mentally unstable in order to discredit you and create distance between you and your loved ones. 'Gaslighters also deliberately spread that propaganda to the victim's friends and family in an attempt to further isolate them and get others to align with the abuser,' Ferentz said. 'This decreases the likelihood that the victim's stories will be believed and disconnects them from the resources that would make it possible for them to leave.' 'We all have moments with a lapse of recalling details of a particular conversation,' Thomas said. 'That's normal. However, a gaslighter will focus on making the victim doubt their memory about a multitude of situations. They do this because getting a victim to question themselves is at the core of gaslighting. When a victim no longer trusts their assessments, the abuser is in complete control.' On its face, this might appear to be an apology, but it's not. Rather, it's a way for the abuser to deflect responsibility for any pain they've caused and instead blame you for misinterpreting the situation, said clinical psychologist B. Nilaja Green. 'This can result in one partner distrusting their own judgment and their own reactions,' she said. 'They may really begin to believe that they are 'too sensitive,' or 'irrational,' which can lead to them relying on the other person's interpretation of events as more accurate or reasonable.' This is another case of the gaslighter trying to shift responsibility off of themselves and onto the victim. Instead of being accountable for their own behavior, they'll pin it on you. 'Gaslighting involves twisting facts so they can avoid personal ownership of their behaviors,' Thomas said. 'By telling the victim they should have known better, the gaslighter places the blame on the victim for not only speaking up but also the abuser's response.' Depending how long you've been trapped in this toxic dynamic, it may be 'excruciatingly difficult' to pull yourself out, psychoanalyst Robin Stern previously wrote for Vice. That said, it is possible. 'The antidote to gaslighting is becoming more self-aware,' Engel said. 'The better you know yourself, the better you will be at fending off inaccurate statements about yourself.' Keep paying attention to your gut. Gaslighting erodes your confidence to the point that you no longer trust your instincts about a situation. But try to stay in touch with whatever you're feeling; those emotional signals offer important clues that you don't want to ignore. 'When you feel that tension in the pit of your stomach, or a sense of unease with a situation, don't immediately dismiss that feeling because someone else thinks you should,' Green said. 'Investigate what this sensation could be telling you and get more information before making your next move.' Hold on to texts and emails. That way you have a tangible record of their behavior, which 'is helpful when combating the confusion created by a gaslighter,' Thomas said. You can also write down notes from your conversations to help you separate fact from fiction. 'Where is the conversation veering off from reality into the other person's view?' Stern wrote. 'Then after you look at the dialogue, write down how you felt. Look for signs of repeated denial of your experience.' Consider calling out their behavior. 'Let the other person know you see the manipulation game,' Thomas said. For example, if your partner accuses you of being overly sensitive,you can say, 'No, I'm not too sensitive. I'm reacting the way anyone would to the way you treat me or the way you act,' Engel suggested. Or, 'No, I'm not too sensitive, the problem is you are not sensitive enough.' But know that even in doing so, their behavior isn't likely to change. Just because you call them out doesn't mean they're going to validate your point of view or suddenly see the error in their ways. For this reason, Ferentz said she doesn't recommend trying to reason with a gaslighter. '[They] typically have no intention of changing, so waiting for them to take ownership, genuinely apologize and change their ways will probably only lead to more abuse and make it less likely that the victim will be able to leave,' she said. Check in with a trusted friend, family member or a therapist. Ask a close friend or relative how they would feel if their partner treated or spoke to them the way yours does. See if they've noticed you behaving differently since you've been with this person. 'Do you seem to shrink around them, agree with everything that they say, even things that are not in line with your values?' Green said. 'Do you really not seem like yourself?' Many victims are apprehensive to tell their loved ones about problems in the relationship because they worry it would be disloyal to their partner, Engel said. But it's important — imperative, even — to speak up. 'In this situation, it may be the only way you can maintain your sanity,' she said. Also, consider reaching out to a mental health professional who specializes in emotional abuse (or ask a loved one to help you find one) for additional support and to help you forge a path forward. Need help? In the U.S., call 1-866-331-9474 or text 'loveis' to 22522 for the National Dating Abuse Helpline. 5 Behaviors That Seem 'Normal' But Could Be Signs Of Emotional Abuse If You Say This During An Apology, You're Doing It Wrong 8 Signs A Loved One Might Be In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship
Yahoo
14-04-2025
- Yahoo
Experts Revealed 6 Common But Terrifying Manipulative Phrases That Gaslighters Love To Use
Gaslighting, while now a buzzword, is a long-known-about manipulation tactic often wielded by emotional abusers; it can gradually make you question your own judgment, feelings, memories, and reality. Because of its insidious nature, it can be hard for victims to recognize it as it's happening. Abusers use gaslighting as a way to gain and maintain power and control in the relationship. They break down your confidence over time by making you think your interpretation of events is incorrect. The more you second-guess yourself, the more you start to believe their version must be the accurate one. 'People who cannot authentically argue their point of view or stand behind their words turn to gaslighting as a tool,' therapist Shannon Thomas, author of Healing From Hidden Abuse, told HuffPost. 'They resort to confusion-creating tactics, and that is a sign of character weakness.' The term comes from the 1938 play Gaslight by Patrick Hamilton (later adapted into two films in the 1940s), in which a husband tries to convince his wife she's losing her mind to distract her from his criminal behavior. Gaslighting is also a way for the abusive partner to avoid taking responsibility for their bad behavior, said psychotherapist Beverly Engel, author of The Emotionally Abusive Relationship. 'For example, accusing you of flirting or being unfaithful may be a smoke-screen for the fact that he is doing those things,' she said. Your partner might say, 'I can't stand the way you flirt with other men whenever we go to a party,' when really, they're the one being disloyal. Below, therapists reveal some of the common phrases gaslighters use so you can be more adept at recognizing this behavior. 1. 'That never happened.' Gaslighters will do or say something abusive and then deny it ever happened to sow seeds of self-doubt in the victim, said licensed clinical social worker Lisa Ferentz, who specializes in treating trauma. 'The victim starts questioning her instincts and relies more and more on the 'reality' that gets created and manipulated by the abuser,' she said. 'It also heightens a sense of dependency on the abuser.' 2. 'You're too sensitive.' If you try to express your hurt or disappointment over something the abusive person said — perhaps a cruel remark they made about your appearance in front of your friends that they insist everyone knew was just a funny 'joke' — they'll minimize your feelings by telling you you're overly sensitive or making a big deal out of nothing. The intent is to make you feel stupid for even trying to stand up for yourself. 'Once an abusive partner has broken down the victim's ability to trust their own perceptions, the victim is more likely to put up with the abusive behavior and stay in the relationship,' Engel said. 3. 'You're crazy — and other people think so, too.' Over time, a gaslighter's lies and distortions of reality make the victim legitimately question their own sanity. The abusive person uses this to their advantage. 'Once their confidence has been shaken, the gaslighter 'confirms' the victim's worst fear: They really must be crazy,' Ferentz said. An abuser may also try to convince your friends and family that you're mentally unstable in order to discredit you and create distance between you and your loved ones. 'Gaslighters also deliberately spread that propaganda to the victim's friends and family in an attempt to further isolate them and get others to align with the abuser,' Ferentz said. 'This decreases the likelihood that the victim's stories will be believed and disconnects them from the resources that would make it possible for them to leave.' 4. 'You have a terrible memory.' 'We all have moments with a lapse of recalling details of a particular conversation,' Thomas said. 'That's normal. However, a gaslighter will focus on making the victim doubt their memory about a multitude of situations. They do this because getting a victim to question themselves is at the core of gaslighting. When a victim no longer trusts their assessments, the abuser is in complete control.' 5. 'I'm sorry you think that I hurt you.' On its face, this might appear to be an apology, but it's not. Rather, it's a way for the abuser to deflect responsibility for any pain they've caused and instead blame you for misinterpreting the situation, said clinical psychologist B. Nilaja Green. 'This can result in one partner distrusting their own judgment and their own reactions,' she said. 'They may really begin to believe that they are 'too sensitive,' or 'irrational,' which can lead to them relying on the other person's interpretation of events as more accurate or reasonable.' 6. 'You should have known how I would react.' This is another case of the gaslighter trying to shift responsibility off of themselves and onto the victim. Instead of being accountable for their own behavior, they'll pin it on you. 'Gaslighting involves twisting facts so they can avoid personal ownership of their behaviors,' Thomas said. 'By telling the victim they should have known better, the gaslighter places the blame on the victim for not only speaking up but also the abuser's response.' What To Do If Someone Is Gaslighting You: Depending how long you've been trapped in this toxic dynamic, it may be 'excruciatingly difficult' to pull yourself out, psychoanalyst Robin Stern previously wrote for Vice. That said, it is possible. 'The antidote to gaslighting is becoming more self-aware,' Engel said. 'The better you know yourself, the better you will be at fending off inaccurate statements about yourself.' Keep paying attention to your gut. Gaslighting erodes your confidence to the point that you no longer trust your instincts about a situation. But try to stay in touch with whatever you're feeling; those emotional signals offer important clues that you don't want to ignore. 'When you feel that tension in the pit of your stomach, or a sense of unease with a situation, don't immediately dismiss that feeling because someone else thinks you should,' Green said. 'Investigate what this sensation could be telling you and get more information before making your next move.' Hold on to texts and emails. That way you have a tangible record of their behavior, which 'is helpful when combating the confusion created by a gaslighter,' Thomas said. You can also write down notes from your conversations to help you separate fact from fiction. 'Where is the conversation veering off from reality into the other person's view?' Stern wrote. 'Then after you look at the dialogue, write down how you felt. Look for signs of repeated denial of your experience.' Consider calling out their behavior. 'Let the other person know you see the manipulation game,' Thomas said. For example, if your partner accuses you of being overly sensitive, you can say, 'No, I'm not too sensitive. I'm reacting the way anyone would to the way you treat me or the way you act,' Engel suggested. Or, 'No, I'm not too sensitive, the problem is you are not sensitive enough.' But know that even in doing so, their behavior isn't likely to change. Just because you call them out doesn't mean they're going to validate your point of view or suddenly see the error in their ways. For this reason, Ferentz said she doesn't recommend trying to reason with a gaslighter. '[They] typically have no intention of changing, so waiting for them to take ownership, genuinely apologize and change their ways will probably only lead to more abuse and make it less likely that the victim will be able to leave,' she said. Check in with a trusted friend, family member or a therapist. Ask a close friend or relative how they would feel if their partner treated or spoke to them the way yours does. See if they've noticed you behaving differently since you've been with this person. 'Do you seem to shrink around them, agree with everything that they say, even things that are not in line with your values?' Green said. 'Do you really not seem like yourself?' Many victims are apprehensive to tell their loved ones about problems in the relationship because they worry it would be disloyal to their partner, Engel said. But it's important — imperative, even — to speak up. 'In this situation, it may be the only way you can maintain your sanity,' she said. Also, consider reaching out to a mental health professional who specializes in emotional abuse (or ask a loved one to help you find one) for additional support and to help you forge a path forward. Need help? In the U.S., call 1-866-331-9474 or text 'loveis' to 22522 for the National Dating Abuse article originally appeared on HuffPost.
Buzz Feed
13-04-2025
- Buzz Feed
Experts Are Sharing The Most Commonly Used Manipulative Phrases That Will Make You Question Your Own Sanity
Gaslighting, while now a buzzword, is a long-known-about manipulation tactic often wielded by emotional abusers; it can gradually make you question your own judgment, feelings, memories, and reality. Because of its insidious nature, it can be hard for victims to recognize it as it's happening. Abusers use gaslighting as a way to gain and maintain power and control in the relationship. They break down your confidence over time by making you think your interpretation of events is incorrect. The more you second-guess yourself, the more you start to believe their version must be the accurate one. 'People who cannot authentically argue their point of view or stand behind their words turn to gaslighting as a tool,' therapist Shannon Thomas, author of Healing From Hidden Abuse, told HuffPost. 'They resort to confusion-creating tactics, and that is a sign of character weakness.' The term comes from the 1938 play Gasligh t by Patrick Hamilton (later adapted into two films in the 1940s), in which a husband tries to convince his wife she's losing her mind to distract her from his criminal behavior. Gaslighting is also a way for the abusive partner to avoid taking responsibility for their bad behavior, said psychotherapist Beverly Engel, author of The Emotionally Abusive Relationship. 'For example, accusing you of flirting or being unfaithful may be a smoke-screen for the fact that he is doing those things,' she said. Your partner might say, 'I can't stand the way you flirt with other men whenever we go to a party,' when really, they're the one being disloyal. Below, therapists reveal some of the common phrases gaslighters use so you can be more adept at recognizing this behavior. 1. 'That never happened.' Gaslighters will do or say something abusive and then deny it ever happened to sow seeds of self-doubt in the victim, said licensed clinical social worker Lisa Ferentz, who specializes in treating trauma. 'The victim starts questioning her instincts and relies more and more on the 'reality' that gets created and manipulated by the abuser,' she said. 'It also heightens a sense of dependency on the abuser.' 2. 'You're too sensitive.' If you try to express your hurt or disappointment over something the abusive person said — perhaps a cruel remark they made about your appearance in front of your friends that they insist everyone knew was just a funny 'joke' — they'll minimize your feelings by telling you you're overly sensitive or making a big deal out of nothing. The intent is to make you feel stupid for even trying to stand up for yourself. 'Once an abusive partner has broken down the victim's ability to trust their own perceptions, the victim is more likely to put up with the abusive behavior and stay in the relationship,' Engel said. 3. 'You're crazy — and other people think so, too.' Over time, a gaslighter's lies and distortions of reality make the victim legitimately question their own sanity. The abusive person uses this to their advantage. 'Once their confidence has been shaken, the gaslighter 'confirms' the victim's worst fear: They really must be crazy,' Ferentz said. An abuser may also try to convince your friends and family that you're mentally unstable in order to discredit you and create distance between you and your loved ones. 'Gaslighters also deliberately spread that propaganda to the victim's friends and family in an attempt to further isolate them and get others to align with the abuser,' Ferentz said. 'This decreases the likelihood that the victim's stories will be believed and disconnects them from the resources that would make it possible for them to leave.' 4. 'You have a terrible memory.' 'We all have moments with a lapse of recalling details of a particular conversation,' Thomas said. 'That's normal. However, a gaslighter will focus on making the victim doubt their memory about a multitude of situations. They do this because getting a victim to question themselves is at the core of gaslighting. When a victim no longer trusts their assessments, the abuser is in complete control.' 5. 'I'm sorry you think that I hurt you.' On its face, this might appear to be an apology, but it's not. Rather, it's a way for the abuser to deflect responsibility for any pain they've caused and instead blame you for misinterpreting the situation, said clinical psychologist B. Nilaja Green. 'This can result in one partner distrusting their own judgment and their own reactions,' she said. 'They may really begin to believe that they are 'too sensitive,' or 'irrational,' which can lead to them relying on the other person's interpretation of events as more accurate or reasonable.' 6. 'You should have known how I would react.' This is another case of the gaslighter trying to shift responsibility off of themselves and onto the victim. Instead of being accountable for their own behavior, they'll pin it on you. 'Gaslighting involves twisting facts so they can avoid personal ownership of their behaviors,' Thomas said. 'By telling the victim they should have known better, the gaslighter places the blame on the victim for not only speaking up but also the abuser's response.' Depending how long you've been trapped in this toxic dynamic, it may be 'excruciatingly difficult' to pull yourself out, psychoanalyst Robin Stern previously wrote for Vice. That said, it is possible. 'The antidote to gaslighting is becoming more self-aware,' Engel said. 'The better you know yourself, the better you will be at fending off inaccurate statements about yourself.' Keep paying attention to your gut. Gaslighting erodes your confidence to the point that you no longer trust your instincts about a situation. But try to stay in touch with whatever you're feeling; those emotional signals offer important clues that you don't want to ignore. 'When you feel that tension in the pit of your stomach, or a sense of unease with a situation, don't immediately dismiss that feeling because someone else thinks you should,' Green said. 'Investigate what this sensation could be telling you and get more information before making your next move.' Hold on to texts and emails. That way you have a tangible record of their behavior, which 'is helpful when combating the confusion created by a gaslighter,' Thomas said. You can also write down notes from your conversations to help you separate fact from fiction. 'Where is the conversation veering off from reality into the other person's view?' Stern wrote. 'Then after you look at the dialogue, write down how you felt. Look for signs of repeated denial of your experience.' Consider calling out their behavior. 'Let the other person know you see the manipulation game,' Thomas said. For example, if your partner accuses you of being overly sensitive, you can say, 'No, I'm not too sensitive. I'm reacting the way anyone would to the way you treat me or the way you act,' Engel suggested. Or, 'No, I'm not too sensitive, the problem is you are not sensitive enough.' But know that even in doing so, their behavior isn't likely to change. Just because you call them out doesn't mean they're going to validate your point of view or suddenly see the error in their ways. For this reason, Ferentz said she doesn't recommend trying to reason with a gaslighter. '[They] typically have no intention of changing, so waiting for them to take ownership, genuinely apologize and change their ways will probably only lead to more abuse and make it less likely that the victim will be able to leave,' she said. Ask a close friend or relative how they would feel if their partner treated or spoke to them the way yours does. See if they've noticed you behaving differently since you've been with this person. 'Do you seem to shrink around them, agree with everything that they say, even things that are not in line with your values?' Green said. 'Do you really not seem like yourself?' Many victims are apprehensive to tell their loved ones about problems in the relationship because they worry it would be disloyal to their partner, Engel said. But it's important — imperative, even — to speak up. 'In this situation, it may be the only way you can maintain your sanity,' she said. Also, consider reaching out to a mental health professional who specializes in emotional abuse (or ask a loved one to help you find one) for additional support and to help you forge a path forward.
